So though it's not formally permanent chastity, it's certainly indefinite. It's certainly given me an insight into my fantasy.
A month ago, over on the Reddit Permanent Chastity Forum, I responded to a "what's attractive about permanent chastity thread" and "dfwdf" commented:
70 days, wow.
If you still remember at this point, around what day did you start leaking? Did your libido ever reach a level where your willpower broke, but the device held? When did it "peak" for you, and can you describe your mental state now that you've had time to "level back out" again?
At this stage it just feels like my life.
It started as something I did as a lead-in to a period of Femdom. Seventeen days in, I reported:
It's been easier than I thought.This hasn't really changed. After an initial couple of weeks of twitchiness I just settled into the existence.
Mental adjustment helped me to enjoy the sensual benefits.
Consciously, I let the feelings of lust come and go, acknowledge the hungry tingle in my groin, but don't engage with it (though it seems to give me energy).
Unconsciously... well, after a while - so I've read - your unconscious gets with the program and backs up any specific and practical conscious decisions you've made. Timelocks and anti-pullout systems are pretty decisive, and my unconscious has just given in.
However, what really made it easy was that more than ever before chastity and denial is a real act of submission on my part.
Xena long ago she admitted that she prefers me chaste in bed. Recently, she's also confessed to finding my longer term "plight" amusing and pleasing.
Since she sort of took control over my orgasms, I also detect a certain relish in her intimate power over me. (Not being kinky, I think she expected Sadism to feel different from other emotions, but of course it's not.)
Even without the sensual pleasures and submissive satisfaction, the denial and subsequent chastity has been worthwhile because it provides a foundation for our dynamic. It demonstrates to Xena that I really am serious about this and capable of making myself "suffer" and also ensures that however vanilla our interactions are - since I am time-locked into a chastity cage - I'm always at a disadvantage.
- I'm rewired. If I'm horny I crave going doing on Xena or receiving a beating, both of which make me leak enough to get some release.
- There's no peak. However I'm now as responsive as I was as a teenager. Just touching Xena's feet when I massage her gets me hard and drippy.
- I have no desire to be released (which is a bit scary when I think about it hard, but absolutely true. If it was practical I would find it very hard to refuse to have a device fixed on permanently.)
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