Become Her Slave!

My once-vanilla wife now loves keeping me as her chaste slave. Learn how to get some Femdom in your life too!

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Three ways to find a dominatrix when dating in the vanilla world

...wishful thinking (and hot BDSM sex)
may make you stick around.
It's probably irresolvable.

If you date in the kinky world, then the kink is like an elephant in the room making it hard to see the other aspects of the relationship.

Worse, wishful thinking (and hot BDSM sex) may make you stick around in a relationship that has no future.

Finally, by going for kink first you may be missing out on soul mates with whom you could later develop a kinky relationship.

You're putting the cart before the horse.

However, if you date in the vanilla world, you might get deeply involved in a relationship only to find you're never going to get the kink you need.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

...soul mates with whom
you could later develop
a kinky relationship.
There's no easy answer.

However, I can tell you that vanilla dating can work. I found my wife in the vanilla world after a series of relationships, all of which involved a kink element.

What I learned is:

- Since our kinks reflect who we are, there is a good chance that if you are compatible in other ways, you will also be kinkily compatible. However this will be a compatibility of dynamic rather than specific fantasies.

- People will do almost anything during the sexploration phase, but quickly grow bored unless there's something in it for them.

With this in mind, here's my advice on how to find a dominatrix through vanilla dating:

1. Date strong women

...strong women
Look for adventurous self-confident women who are broadminded, comfortable in their own bodies, like to get their own way, and who you respect.

If you don't know women like this, work out how to be where they are.

If your prevailing culture is culturally conservative, either move away from it or focus on women who are physically adventurous: the sportswomen, the climbers, the runners, the dancers... the ones who don't mind moving around and getting sweaty.

(Meanwhile, work on making yourself a worthy partner. Shed any sense of being a loser.)

2. Introduce Femdom during the sexploration phase

...the sexploration phase
Introduce the Femdom early, during the sexploration phase when you're having lots of crazy sex anyway.

I know it's tempting to hide your "secret" until you feel secure in the relationship. However this is fundamentally dishonest (bait and switch!), misses the vital sexploration phase where almost anything goes, and potentially leaves you deeply in love with somebody with whom you can never have a satisfactory erotic relationship.

3. Focus the Femdom on her

Don't be fooled.

People will do all sorts of kink during the sexploration phase. However the main thrill is "doing hot transgressive stuff with new lover". Once the love isn't new, the kink becomes a chore.

...mindblowingly good things that she couldn't -- shouldn't! --
get from a vanilla relationship.
For this reason, you need to shed your specific fantasies and make the Femdom about her.

Make it a way for her to get mindblowingly good things that she couldn't -- shouldn't! -- get from a vanilla relationship.

Take things she already likes and use Femdom to enhance them.

My book Getting Her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix can help with this!




Why not introduce some Female Centered Femdom to your relationship?

No comments:

Post a Comment

Tell me what you think!