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Sunday, 15 May 2016

Why the Femdom dating scene is often so crap - the numbers

I've observed this for a few years now. A Canadian study suggests that the real ratio is potentially 1:1, but (male) subs report really crappy ratios in the BDSM dating scene, and dommes have difficulty getting dates with men they actually like.

Several things are going on, I think:
  1. Not all the kinky people are around on the scene.
  2. For (probably cultural reasons) men tend to be greater sexual risk takers than women, so more men than women are "active" about their kink, and thus more subs end up on the Scene.
  3. Since there are plenty of subs around, "active" dommes may pair off without ever coming near the Scene.
The end result looks roughly like this:
  • 25% of potential dommes remain inactive (for cultural or confidence reasons). 
  • 50% pair off permanently with a sub without appearing in the Scene. 
  • 25% of dommes end up in the Scene
Meanwhile:
  • A tiny percentage of male subs remain inactive. 
  • 50% pair off without reaching the Scene. 
  • 50% end up looking for a domme in the Scene. 
So that gives you a 2:1 ratio "in favour" of dommes.

It gets worse.

If half the dommes are monogamous (or in poly arrangements that cancel out dommes and subs equally), then that rises to 3:1.

My impression is that this is actually bloody awful for both parties.
  • The male subs are so collectively desperate that they lose sight of other compatibility needs, become entitled, and resort to "numbers game" tactics - all self defeating.
  • The end result is that scene dommes find the signal to noise ratio overwhelming.
Conclusion: I'm very glad to be married to my mistress!
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1 comment:

  1. My wife and I actually met through Alt.com, way back in the Y2K days. We both went through years (and years) of disappointment, though, partly because of that signal-to-noise ratio and partly because we were still figuring out what we actually wanted. Vanilla dating is hard enough, but through in kink? We never want to be out there dating again!

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