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| ....the Vanilla Dominatrix isn't interested in consent. |
I've read previous articles from you but I find it hard to distinguish the consent in some of your writings.I promised a follow up article, and this is it.
(The tldr is; (a) All my consent is by necessity up front. (b) I don't mind putting up with bad things to get to the good things. (c) I'm a submissive, so the fact of putting up with bad things turns me on. (d) I have hard limits, but we never go anywhere near them.)
I don't talk a lot about consent because the Vanilla Dominatrix* isn't interested in consent.
*Generalizing here, your mileage may vary.
I mean, yes, she needs your consent. She's doesn't want to be evil for real, and the fact you consent is what gives her permission to explore being selfish and in charge.
However, she's vanilla -- doesn't identify as kinky -- and therefore has no motivation to make any mental effort in the erotic sphere where she would usually expect to relax.
Put her in charge? Fine.
Ask her to have long discussions about specifics, get affirmative consent for each and every action, or check in with you throughout whatever it is you get up to? Why should she bother?
She's not interested in the BDSM subculture, and therefore not interested in engaging with the complexities of Consent with a capital "C". This was all your idea after all!
This is less of a problem than it sounds. Let's back up a little bit. Why is consent so important in BDSM?
