Monday, 19 March 2012

Nice post demonstrating the joy of being yourself...

Ferns has a nice post on her inner brat, which she lets out in some Femdom situations:
She is the one who will do mean things just because she can, who will pout and be completely unreasonable, demand impossible things and get cranky when they can’t be done. She is the one who will laugh with delight at his confusion, at the unfairness, she will make him do silly things for her amusement, she will be incredibly annoying just to see what he will do, she will poke at him because it makes her laugh. She is both playful and petulant. 
 The interesting thing is that though the results are wonderfully kinky, the underlying brattiness is not.

Friday, 9 March 2012

Useful technical male chastity blog

Just found a blog where the writer takes an analytical approach to making it work. Here's a great article on how to buy the correct male chastity device.

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Four steps to hell - how to mentally submit to your wife or girlfriend

The central idea of my Femdom how-to book is that...
Having a part-time slave should offer a Vanilla partner something she shouldn't and couldn't get through  a normal relationship.
That something depends on who she is, and it will be an extension of what she already enjoys. If she's a natural flirt, for example, it will be Teasing and Denial. If she likes being pampered, it's Service.

Once she's used to being in charge and getting what she wants, then she'll may be more comfortable throwing in your favourite kinks at the start of a session, and you're certainly in  a better negotiating position than before!

All this only works if, when you do submit, you really submit. Here's how:
  1. Visualise what real slavery would be like
    Use a historical example, like Roman Slavery, or a fantasy (but only as long as it's actual slavery, not an excuse for Fetish).
  2. Embrace Slavery
    You are an object. You have no power, no control. There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. You are totally at your owner's mercy. Forget what she might or might not do - she will do as she pleases. 
  3. Feel the delicious fear
    You are as lost as if you were 2 miles underground wandering darkened caverns.
  4. Let go
    You can't do anything about this. Accept it and just be.
Authentic slavery is the key to getting your Vanilla partner to dominate you. Read my book and find out how.

Monday, 5 March 2012

The perils of paying for Femdom

There's a good post on the problem with paying for Femdom over at Romance and Bondage, the blog of a well-grounded Canadian Domme. The upshot is, by paying a professional, submissive males may only get their fantasies mirrored back to them, and then get an odd idea of what dommes would really do for fun.

Saturday, 3 March 2012

Making his chastity fantasy work for you - PART 3: Emotional benefits

So, there are three broad flavours of male chastity fantasy.

They're his fantasies, not yours, so what's in it for you?

The first benefit is EMOTIONAL. Yes, I know men in any kind of extended chastity can become more affectionate etc, but I don't mean that - that's as suspect as affection that comes out of a bottle or a happy pill.

No I mean two very simple emotional byproducts of any similar adventure:

First, helping a person live out a fantasy is to give them a wonderful intimate gift, which is an emotional thing.

Second, no matter how he pitches the fantasy, it is a rather embarrassing one, so he's making himself vulnerable to you. Intimacy is built partly on mutual vulnerability, which has to be an emotional benefit.

Fortunately, you can give this intimate gift and enjoy and reward his openness without going to much effort...

Whatever the flavour of chastity, you don't actually have to anything extra sexually! Yes, he may want you to teased and torment him, but once he's locked into a chastity belt, almost anything you do will have that effect. Think of it as passive teasing.

Imagine making love as normal, perhaps using a strap on dildo to substitute for his penis... you don't even have to act differently. You get the intimacy, the orgasm, and the afterglow, and he gets wild frustration. Everybody's happy. (If you do feel like taking advantage of him... well we'll come to that later.)

So much for sex. There remains what to do about the key. It depends on his flavour of chastity...
CHASTIZED MALE (wants out, wants you to use the key as leverage.)

This one is the most effort. You have the key and are supposed to use it as leverage. He may want to pester and plead, which you may or may not enjoy - you can always tell him not to plead or the adventure is over.

The trick is to put the key out of easy reach so you are never tempted to just free him.

For extended games, make him earn his release over days, not hours and decide ahead of time before freeing him. Consider using time lock encryption software - make him set this up so you can keep upping his sentence without being able to change your mind.

For just bedroom chastity, decide whether or not he's earned his release as a finale. If the answer is "no", then either make him jerk off in another room, or let him out in the morning. The threat of "no" has to be credible, so do this at least one in three times.

CHATHLETE (regards chastity as an endurance test)

He sets a target. Key goes in a sealed envelope where he can get at it.

Extended games are easy with this one. If he reaches his target, consider making a special evening of it.

Bedroom games are harder. The best option is just to agree that chastity will be overnight.

CHAYSTE (doesn't really want out of the belt once he's in)

Key goes out of reach, preferably using time lock encryption software or the postal service.

Handle extended and bedroom games exactly the same way. It's important to set a clear time limit, otherwise the end of the lockup becomes awkward and anticlimactic. There's no reward to treat at the end - release is just coming home after and adventure.
Do just this, and you'll be granting him a wild and special experience.

(For male-orientated advice like this, take a look at my Femdom manual.)