Thursday, 3 August 2017

"Actually I prefer you this way!": Permanent Chastity and the Other Keyholder Dynamic

"Actually, I prefer you this way."
"Actually, I prefer you this way."

About four years ago, I had just serviced Xena and was about to remove my chastity device to and get myself off in the other room. I had a sudden attack of insecurity: was she still OK to play this "game"(longer log post here).

"Actually, I prefer you this way."

God just thinking about her answer gets me hard in my chastity device!

 Being locked into a chastity device
somehow releases my sensuality.
A lot of keyholder relationships seem to be about the chaste male and his ravenous genitals.

We are told that the chastity device and orgasm denial are the keyholder's main leverage with her caged male. We're asked to believe that without that leverage he'd go back to being his boorish, domestically lazy, semen-daubing self. Permanent chastity would destroy this dynamic by removing the leverage.

Perhaps that's true for some couples.

For us, male chastity is transformative.

With fetishes, it's hard to disentangle turn-ons from things that give permission to be turned on. Being locked into a chastity device somehow releases my sensuality. I am far hornier locked than unlocked, and, on balance, more comfortable as well.

Xena feels the same. For some reason, me being locked up seems to allow her to be sexy, and knowing I'm locked makes her also feel comfortable.

The dynamic that tends towards permanent chastity.
Neither of us are really interested in my orgasm. Xena hasn't been there when it happened for years. Though I have the urge to get off, and try to avoid penalty days,  masturbation is lonely. It always leaves me a little depressed and deflated.

Conversely, I find it immensely... comfortable when she denies me an orgasm. It's more than masochism, it's to do with identity and being owned.

Earlier this year, my orgasm was months away and kept receding. An extra penalty day here or there felt like a drop in the ocean! I simply stopped being scared of the red clicker. What did keep me in line was my submissive nature confirmed by my chastity, and Xena's ability to beat me and make me kneel in the corner.

So Xena doesn't need penalty days to control me, and we are both more comfortable with me locked in a chastity device. 

That means that we are living the other keyholder dynamic, the one where the chastity is more important than the keyholding... the one that tends towards permanent chastity, even if it never attains it.

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  1. To start with, the primary "leverage" dynamic is surely just a fantasy, I can't imagine any normal, never mind dominant, woman putting up with "boorish, domestically lazy, semen-daubing" man that really needs to be denied orgasm to be livable with...

    But the interesting thing for me was the point you made about Xena not being interested in your orgasm. It really made me fully realise why the notion of long term chastity doesn't appeal to me. Because I am absolutely interested in male orgasm. I love seeing my rl partner come and with remote submissive playmates I request written reports and/or recordings, I love the feeling of... ownership? perhaps of their pleasure.

    1. Possibly I was exaggerating for literary effect. However, FLR does seem to have a civilising or at least domesticating effect, so I wouldn't entirely discount the leverage.

      Male orgasm as tribute/vulnerability puts you in the Goddess quadrant of my Vanilla Dominatrix book! However, chastity could also be a tribute, with all the squirming and whimpering that implies...

    2. Oh, it surely is delightful, but - for me - only as part of a double sided coin of orgasm control.

      Though I do understand the benefits of sublimation/heightened sensuality or bliss that the anon commenter mentions below. I think sublimated chastity being put to creative use is an interesting idea... I can imagine giving up male orgasm if what came out instead was works of art, but not for a pile of fresh ironing done ;)

  2. Your posts are fascinating and really well written Giles, thank you.

    For years I felt perplexed irritation when I heard of monks, ascetics and the like taking vows of chastity. I just thought this was screwed up. Now I see there are other dimensions to the subject. Chastity for the deity may well create, for them, a state of bliss that they would call spiritual, much akin to what you describe.

    - Mr. Bump


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