Saturday 20 June 2020

Ask Giles: What do you do if you have a row or spat while in chastity?

There are two aspects to this:

First, dynamic:

Worship isn't the same as "idealise". Nobody is perfect. Worship involves loving a whole person, and doing it from a submissive posture.

And, if you are (mostly) submissive to her in your relationship, it's still an actual relationship. Even the archetypal 50s housewife would put her foot down, push back against manly hubby. It doesn't change the underlying dynamic. FLR type dynamics - we're on the 6th year of ours - aren't day-to-day the same as 24/7 High Protocol relationships.

My experience is that when you're submitting in the bedroom, i.e. doing actual BDSM, in the context of a relationship, it stops being a game. You're submitting to the person, imperfections and all, and that's both hot and spiritually fulfilling: you're cross with her but you still have to do as you're told as if she really owned you... (This is probably dangerous heresy to some people, but it's where the undertow takes me, and it feels great.)

Second, chastity:

I think there's really two styles of chastity: keyholding and "neutering lite", in other words one is about dynamic, the other is about something akin gender identity. If you're drawn to long term chastity, then there's probably a bit of the second kind going on.

By way of illustration (not saying they are equivalent), you wouldn't stop being gay or trans or whatever just because you had a row with your partner; in the same way you need not stop being chaste.