Adventures in Chastity: What keeps us locked and chaste against our will and why?

Tom Allen has this blog post about how male chastity is all a fantasy game, and we stay looked and chaste only because we want to. He's right, but he's also wrong. Here's why.

The first time Xena imposed extended denial on me, it ran to 152 days! I kept asking her whether I could get off, and she kept delaying it. Toward the end I was feeling more irritated than accepting. However I stuck to it because it was what she told me to do. As I sit here locked into my chastity device, I'm very glad I did.

People have always voluntarily signed up for experiences they know that they'll be locked into, and won't entirely enjoy. We generally called these experiences "adventures".

Adventures can be short (say, a roller coaster ride) through long (say, an arctic expedition) to a lifetime (say, getting married).

We see benefits to having the adventure, but we are also locked in for a variety or reasons ranging from practical (can't actually step off a roller coaster in mid ride!) through cost of quitting (losing a deposit, damaging friendships with companions, and feeling cowardly) to emotions  (love can make us stay and fix a marriage).

What's odd about adventures is that we know what we're getting into, we know there will be low points, and that there's no going back. Even so, we still do it.

This is because feelings like wanting, liking, enjoying, and satisfaction are really just labels we give to a quilt of drives and urges, all operating in parallel rather than in summation. You can take a roller-coaster ride and experience: fear; excitement; pride; horror; visceral pleasure; and nausea. You can have a strong wish to get off the ride ("Argh! Let me off! Let me off!") and yet in the aftermath enjoy the most amazing buzz ("Whee! Let's do it again!").

In the case of long term chastity and orgasm denial, it's common to experience an amazing time, and to wish it would end - and to do so simultaneously! You can love the heightened sensations, but be desperate to come.

Thus, though chaste men on forums often over egg it and humble brag, it's entirely reasonable for them to express mixed feelings. You can revel in the power your mistress exercises, even though you also resent it - the very fact she can make you do things you resent is itself a turn on... that's how masochism works.

So much for the why? The what? is intriguing. What locks us into chastity adventures? What keeps us going when we aren't having fun and we just feel pissed off and horny?

Obviously pride, as for any other kind of adventure. Some chastity belt users sound like sportsmen or explorers: "I'm going to make six months if it kills me!"

There are seven motivations that are specific to male chastity.

The first four are psychological:

1. Masturbation after chastity is lonely and anticlimactic. This is especially true if you're self locked because it means leaving behind your taste of a fantasy and being reminded you have nobody to play with.

2. Withdrawing consent might make the Femdom go away.  Even nowadays, we're usually the ones who introduce the idea of Femdom. If we start making things difficult, then our mistresses may just give up on the whole idea. Better  to suffer six months of no orgasm than sixteen years of no Femdom!

3. It's hard to step out of a submission feedback loop.  For primates, having an erection is not just sexual, it's a display of dominance. So not being able to have an erection makes us even more submissive than we already are. Even if self-locked, it becomes surprisingly psychologically hard to pull out or defeat a device. We simply don't feel like doing it. Nor do we feel like deceiving our keyholder, or disobeying her. We are are already submissive and chastity makes us more submissive. Disobedience stops being in our lexicon.

4. You can get used to almost anything.  For many of us, this is just how we live and how our relationships work. It's like moving to an inner city area and liking the convenience and the restaurants, but moaning about the noise and trash.

The last three are practical and relate to damaging or drilling out the device when we don't have the key, e.g. because it's in a time safe, or we're sealed in "permanently".

5. Staying locked is more convenient than breaking out. For those of us without drill benches in well-equipped garages, defeating a device using tools is often less convenient than waiting out our "sentence". This is true even if the sentence is open ended. Things have to a certain level of unbearableness before we start tackling the problem of what tools to use and how, and finding the privacy to do it.

6. Destroying a device is a waste. If we're sealed into a device, we have a strong urge to justify the money we spent on it. (This raises the interesting question of what a month in chastity is worth).

7. Replacement is a problem. Our device may be expensive, our discretionary spend may be limited, and, as in 2., our partners may become cross about us wasting money on "sex toys" which we then break.

Reasons 5-6  suggest that the best possible "permanent" chastity device would be difficult to destroy, expensive, and not readily available... However that's for another blog post.

---

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My Chastity Hell: Teasing, denial, discipline and protocol on a one-sided National Orgasm Day

Xena on the phone
(as I picture her)

 "Did you get much writing done?" asks Xena. She's on the phone walking back from work.

"I write erotica faster when there's no option to stop to masturbate," I say. I like to remind her of my chaste state when I can. "Ironically, it's National Orgasm Day."

"Really?" she says sweetly. "Tell me what you wrote."

My Holy Trainer 2 tightens around my cock. "That's really unfair. I'm trying to cook dinner."

She giggles. "Go on."

It's a double turn on. The story floats my boat -- I wrote it after all -- but Xena doesn't normally tease me like this. Standing in the kitchen locked into a chastity device, I tell her my opening chapter. I have to keep stopping. My the end of it I'm slumped against the kitchen table, groin throbbing like a second heart.

"...chats sporadically over the meal
I've cooked"
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Xena arrives home, goes over my domestic tasks in a matter of fact way, and chats sporadically over the meal I've cooked.

I tidy up, rub her feet while she watches TV, all the while feeling horribly turned on. I'm too weeks into chastity, I've been wearing a device almost 24/7 since Sunday. I need some intimacy.

Unfortunately, it's mid week. Nothing intense normally happens on a work night. Worse, I'm not allowed to try to initiate erotic activity. However...

"Would you like to do demerits tonight," I say.

"horny and frustrated"
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"Oh," says Xena. "I'm not really in the mood."

"It's just that you're were planning to go out on Friday and this weekend is busy..." I trail off. "Now I feel awful. I'm just horny and frustrated. You can do what you like. I'm sorry."

"Go prepare yourself."
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"Give yourself a demerit," says Xena. After a pause. "Actually, go shower and I'll decide."

When I present myself back in the lounge, she says, "Go prepare yourself while I finish watching this."

"May I use a slave point to get you to wear your sexy shoes?" (Slave points are rewards for excellent service. I now have one left.)

"OK." She returns to her program.

Triumphant, I hurry to the bedroom.

But as I get out the whips, twenty two demerits starts to seem like a lot.

Whipping has become so routine I can't remember the separate instances. Even so, it's like jumping into icy water -- I don't think it'll ever get easy -- and right now I'd rather make love to my beautiful wife, with or without the device.

A cuddle would be nice too...

"sexy shoes"
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So by the time I've secured myself over the foot of the bed, I'm in a sweat and remembering how vicious she was last time.

Finally, the door opens and she strides into the room. There's a pause then her feet appear before me. She has sexy feet anyway, but right now she's wearing leopard-pattern high-heel mules. "Hmm. Twenty two demerits," says my wife sounding amused.

The fear is an aphrodisiac. My penis inflates inside its tube and I whimper out of frustration and anticipation of pain.

"Plus you left the bathroom in a mess," says Xena.

And she whips me.

Four for the bathroom, then twenty two for various failings.

In the past, I've worn a butt plug for whippings. However, rather than make it more erotic, it actually made it difficult for me to have an erection. This time I'm unplugged and hard as a rock inside my tube. The effect is... extreme.

Xena isn't into "funishment". She strikes each blow to hurt me, and my god it does hurt. (I flinch and whimper so much she tells me to be silent and starts again.) At the same time, each stroke seems to drive the blood into my caged cock so that I become more and more turned on. That actually becomes a new kind of suffering; I haven't come in two weeks, and have no idea when next I'll be allowed to masturbate.

Xena isn't into "funishment"
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Finally Xena orders me to release myself and clear up.

I move around unsteadily, cock pounding inside its prison, half an eye on her feet in those sexy shoes. My back feels -- You know when you get glue on your skin and it dries? Or a big scab forms over a graze? -- tight with welts. Realizing what just happened drives yet more pressure into my chastity device. "Beautiful wife," I gasp.

"Mistress," corrects Xena.

A twitch in my cock. This is the first time we've discussed protocol. I always thought she'd find that term too melodramatic, too cliched. "So you like mistress, not ma'am or madam?" I ask. "And you want me to use mistress when I speak?"

"Yes, slave," says Xena.

My head whirls. I just want to roll onto the floor and... I don't know. I can't do anything to my cock. "So wife and compliant husband by day, mistress, and slave and mistress at night..., mistress?"

"Got it in one, slave," says Xena. "Oh," she says. "You brought out the erotica."

Odeco multi-speed vibrator
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I did. I left a couple of sexy graphic novels on a handy side table. I tense, expecting another beating for my temerity.

She picks them up and thumbing through them kicks off her shoes and slips into bed. "What devices have we got, slave?" she asks.

I present her with two vibrators, a nice small Odeco multi-speed, and a massive vibrating Tantus John Doe.

"Into the corner, slave," she orders.

I whimper in frustration. I want intense intimacy, not this.

...massive vibrating Tantus John Doe
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"Give yourself another demerit, slave, I can do anything I want," says my wife, picking up the multi-speed.

So I kneel in the corner to watch her masturbate.

Watch is almost the wrong word. She's sitting up in bed with the duvet pulled up to her middle. All I can see is her hand teasing her nipple through her top.

She's done this before. It's not pornographic masturbation. It's not for me. She takes my slavery so much for granted now, I'm not even sure my presence adds anything to her experience.

(Seriously! The other day she got lost in a book and fell asleep leaving me kneeling in the corner like a forgotten appliance until her glasses fell off and woke her and she ordered me to bed.)

However being truly ignored means I'm invisible as long as I stay kneeling in the corner. I'm watching her in a truly private moment.

"...a better view"
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So I stare at her fingers orbiting her nipple as if it's the most important thing in the world. Each turn of her fingers churns my groin. I don't have as penis anymore, just an uncomfortable tightness that I can see rolling off into the future.

Without warning, she puts the book aside and throws the covers back. "Come over here and get a better view."

She never does this!

I stumble over and land kneeling at the foot of the bed. Now I can watch the black vibrator nuzzle the apex of her pussy. The blood drains from my brain and my head slumps onto the mattress. This is actually too much.

Xena laughs. "You're not allowed to look away, slave."

"Yes mistress," I stammer.

"Now the bigger dildo," she says, "and some lubricant."

Moving drunkenly, back still smarting from the harsh whipping, I lube up the dildo, turn it on, and slowly ease it into her vagina. It's big, much bigger than my real cock, but she takes it with a purr, "That's good."

So now I'm kneeling on the bed between her legs. I haven't had sex for over a year. I haven't had an orgasm for two weeks. I can't even get an erection thanks to the chastity device, I'm sliding a massive dildo in and out of Xena's pussy and all I can feel is a love as intense as the pressure inside my Holy Trainer.

And then she comes and orders me back into the corner.

"Try not to think of that big dildo
going in and out of my pussy."
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She reads for ten minutes then orders me to clear everything away then rub her feet. She's relaxed, sated. Even so she's ready with the demerits; one for being slow at tidying up the other for squeezing her toes too hard. It's not an erotic thing, just the way it works.

When I finally make it to bed she says, "Try not to think of that big dildo going in and out of my pussy." Then she rolls over and goes to sleep.

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I don't sleep quite so well. Every time I start drifting off, I think "Oh good I managed to stop thinking about that dildo..."

In the morning we discover I missed buying an item on sale and cost our household budget something like £50; a significant sum of money at the moment.

I'm embarrassed and guilty.

Xena's angry.

And she gives me five demerits.

Because all this is real.

(What happened next...)

---

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Holy Trainer 2 Review: 42nd night in the Swiss bioresin chastity device

The chastity, the denial (the beating tonight)
-- all Xena's idea. I guess she's not very
vanilla anymore...

Tonight will be my 42nd night in the Holy Trainer 2 chastity device!

That's two stints of 21 nights each with a three day gap in the middle.

During this time, I haven't been wearing 24/7 - I'm just not comfortable with taking part in sport or hanging out with friends while wearing. However, I have worn the Holy Trainer during the day unless socializing or attending meetings and interviews.

Psychologically, it's be interesting. Since this is pretty much Xena's idea, instead of feeling like a guilty pleasure, locking up morning and night has become routine, and wearing a pleasant duty.

Physically, I have a constant background tingling in my penis and a certain weight in my balls. That's also from over 90 days of denial, again Xena's idea.

Beyond that, there's nothing to report. No discomfort, no chafing, no sore spots, no burning sensations. The Holy Trainer 2 remains diabolically comfortable.

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Xena whimsically puts off my release yet another day!

"49 days!" I gasped.

Last night I was rubbing Xena's feet and the clock passed midnight. "49 days!" I gasped.

Xena didn't even look up from her book.

Suddenly the enormity of it hit me. I got suddenly very, very hard inside my new Holy Trainer. (An odd sensation, different from the cage, but the plastic held, thank god!) I groaned, writhed as best I could kneeling.

"Keep rubbing my feet," said Xena.

I had a sensation like a bead forcing its way out of my head and the pressure eased. I went back to her feet. Later doing my ablutions, I found I had leaked a little precum.

Happy and contented, I slept well and woke triumphant; the Holy Trainer is the first device I've had that is no problem at night.

Triumph quickly turned to disaster.

I unlocked and dashed off to a sporting activity leaving the kitchen a mess, and no milk in the fridge. Worse some of the lads and their wives were due to come by for lunch, meaning Xena had to tidy up before we arrived.

I learned all this when she rang me to complain. However, she did not hand out any demerits.

I hate that! Without demerits, I'm just a henpecked husband who doesn't get any sex.

Tonight, before I did the kitchen I apologized... not in a theatrical way, just said sorry for leaving everything like that. Xena said that the worst of it was having to drink her tea black.

Finally I cracked. "You didn't give me any demerits."

Xena's eyes blazed, half amused, half triumphant. "Well you can have five - one for milk, four for the kitchen."

"Ouch!" I click the counter, bringing it up to 39. I'm not looking forward to the whipping, but her power over me makes my cock rear.

"Will we do demerits tonight?" I ask.

"I'm not really in a demerit mood," says Xena.

"But if I don't get whipped, then I don't get to come," I say, sounding rather plaintive. This is all getting too real.

Xena smiles sweetly. "Too bad," she says.

As I tidy the kitchen, I realize for the hundredth time that this is how it works. Xena is no sort of service top. It's only satisfying for her if it is real, meaning she's always going to push things just beyond what I would consent to and, because of my kink, there is nothing I can do about it.

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Chastity Rules! Communication and erotic nudgenomics

Xena on the other end of the phone
 due to a business trip

"32 days, by the way," I say. A few weeks back, Xena unexpectedly took charge of my orgasms and this was day 32 of a 40 day period of denial.

Xena on the other end of the phone due to a business trip, chuckles.  I love the way it's given us something to flirt about, but this time my wife isn't playing ball. "Well perhaps you should stop and relieve yourself," she says.

My heart sinks and I feel cross. I can't think of anything more miserable. "Don't say that! That would spoil everything."

"Oh. OK."

Later, when she gets home, I choose my moment. First I finish tidying the kitchen and putting away laundry. Then, for its own sake, but also to put her in the right frame of mind, I remind her to give me my demerits.

Six clicks later, I'm rubbing her feet. She's not reading, so it's OK to to chat.

I want to growl, "You should damn well know the last thing a sub wants to hear is anything like 'oh well, let's stop and have a cup of tea instead of doing this'!"

However, that's the wrong approach. (No shit!)

Instead, I focus on what she gets from the arrangement. "About this orgasm fast... you can do anything you like of course, but if you then backslide it loses its power. Also, I think I'm only allowed to come after we've been intimate."

"But 40 days is next Thursday," she says. "That's not very convenient."

Doing my best not to sound like a lawyer, I answer, "Once my time has expired I get an orgasm at the next opportunity - if you think I deserve it - say Saturday or Sunday."

"OK. It's still 40 days, then," says Xena.

I relax. Xena doesn't like complicated arrangements. That discussion could have gone badly.

I decide to push my luck and make a slightly insane suggestion based a little on my Chastity Belt novel:

Her pleasure - midweek at least - becomes a direct cause
 of my suffering.  

"You know we're always talking about midweek quickies but never quite manage them?" I say. "Well suppose any orgasm you have during the week adds an extra day?"

"How would that work?" asks Xena sleepily.

"Suppose you come back from yoga on Tuesday and get me to go down on you," I say. "That would mean I had to wait until Day 41. It would make it more... amusing for you."

"OK," says Xena, not really giving anything away. Later she falls asleep on me as I stroke her hair.

I lie there half-aroused, wondering whether this will work as expected.  When Xena was younger, I suspect she enjoyed the power of her sexuality and the way it made young men feel threatened and disconcerted. This new arrangement makes her dangerous again. Her pleasure - midweek at least - becomes a direct cause of my suffering.

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Second Sabbatical in Slave Land: Chastity, Denial and Leakage...

It turns out that my slightly smug blog entry of more than a week ago was wrong. I wasn't coming to the end of my chastity marathon.

It's as if, now she knows she has complete control,
she has just let go and started to enjoy it.

We switched back to normal on the Saturday morning, but then the whirl of friends, relatives and sporting commitments took over. Saturday night we both crashed out without "playing". Sunday Xena had work to do and we hit the sack early and slept.

"Ah-ha!" I though. "She's probably forgotten she controls my orgasms." I rather wickedly decided to make her complicit in a longer period of denial. We already had a romantic weekend break planned, which was always going to be a Femdom one. All I had to do was hang on.

So, on Thursday was we drive off to the secluded seaside cottage, I mentioned that I have not had an orgasm for nearly twenty six days.

Xena said, "I know. But you had your chance on Saturday night." Saturday night, she had laughed at me while I squirmed around trying to peg myself.

I added that twenty eight days would be a record for me--I expected to unlock on the Sunday morning and perhaps get off then or in the evening.

Xena laughed. "But that's so near thirty days. Thirty is a nice round number."

My penis went off like an airbag. I squirmed in the passenger seat a vague panic merely fueling my arousal.

Later in the weekend, Xena commented, "How about forty? That's nearer your age." And laughed when I groaned and humped the air.

It's as if, now she knows she has complete control, she has just let go and started to enjoy it. The end result is that I am slightly beyond my comfort zone, trapped by my fetish, and wondering whether tonight I will actually get to come.

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Second Sabbatical in Slave Land: Nearing the end of a chastity marathon - 6 tips for a chastity marathon

I am approaching the end of seven days of chastity.

It's tame by some comparisons, but I am approaching the end of seven days of chastity. To me that's a marathon, especially because it was preceded by fourteen days of device-free chastity, aka "denial".

Denial and Chastity, last time versus this time

Here's how it went last time, when we took our Femdom sabbatical over 2 weeks with an interruption in the middle:

• 9 days of denial 
• 9 nights total in chastity 
• max 5 consecutive nights in chastity
• approx 170 total hours of chastity 
• Maximum 115 consecutive hours of chastity

This time we've had only a one week window, however I prepped by denying myself (or was she denying me?) for two weeks.

As of Saturday unlocking, the score will be:

• 21 days of denial 
• 6 nights total in chastity 
• 6 consecutive nights in chastity
• Approx 132 hours of chastity 
• Maximum 132 consecutive hours of chastity

Which was better?

Rubbing Xena's feet last
night actually made me leak!

As a chaste sub, I would have preferred a two week stint. However, the sensations this time are actually better than last time.

I'm floating on waves of lust! Rubbing Xena's feet last night actually made me leak! (Bear in mind we've been married two decades - there's nothing mysterious about her feet, though they are very sexy.)

What's made the difference is the denial, roughly two and a third longer than I've gone without an orgasm since.... adolescence? It was absolutely well worth the suffering in order to enjoy the... er suffering.

Sleeping in chastity when denied for a long period

Last time, frankly, I didn't deny myself in the lead in because I wasn't sure I could handle nine days of denial with the chastity belt! It wasn't wimpishness on my part. I was worried I wouldn't be able to sleep!

However, the denial didn't make much difference. I think you either have the trick for going to sleep when horny, or you don't. Perhaps a long period of device free chastity teaches you the knack. It's also possible that after a certain point, you become more "leaky" so that actually you get a little relief.

Chastity Cage Security

Unless you are pierced, no cage is 100% secure. You can always pull out the back. Somehow, however, this isn't in the lexicon for chaste males.

In my case, the pubic hair anti-pullout fix adds an extra layer of mental security and seems to work fine; I'll know when I unlock

Comfort and chafing in my Chinese chastity device

I started getting chafing round about
the five-day mark.

Looking back, I started getting chafing round about the five-day mark. I also had bruising around my pubis from the A-ring.

The bruising didn't happen this time - I'd been wearing the device most days daytime, so my body got used to it.

The chafing happened again this time and at the same day. However, I was quicker of the mark with the Sudocreme which seems to have fixed the problem... though I guess I'll find out when I inspect next time.

What's interesting is that last time, I did a three day stint, had a two day break, then did another five days. That three day stint seems to have made no difference to chafing.

...the Mature Metal device I would
like to own.

Though mostly my device is fine - I even threw away my old DIY chastity belt - there are one or two flaws compared with the Mature Metal device I would like to own.

Cage Design: MM has extra bars that make it harder to stimulate the underside of the head. (It wasn't just self control that stopped me doing this, though. I don't fancy the resulting bruising if I do get off.)

A-ring (the first ring next to the body): MM has an oval A-ring with a rounded cross section. Much less chafing, more comfort.

Locking post: MM's locking post sticks forward so doesn't interfere with the body. The Chinese device's post sticks in every time I bend over. (The workaround is to lace the bolt through a strip of neoprene.)

Workmanship/Finish: I was lucky with my Chinese device. Even so, it has great piles of solder around the joints. MM's one is simply better.

Mental Experience of Chastity

she is certainly amused at my
plight. 

Last time, the chastity was a kind of crazy thing I was doing and Xena got most from the slavery.

This time, she seems to be enjoying her control over me, and she is certainly amused at my plight.

That makes a huge difference, since any suffering on my part now feels like submission, rather than just erotic adventure.

Conclusions: Tips for a chastity marathon

These are in addition to my general tips on chastity marathons.

1. As before, iron out all issues with your chastity device well ahead of time. Consider buying a Mature Metal device, or equivalent.
2. Deny yourself in the lead up. This will make the chastity marathon itself more a intense experience, and also get you into the habit of sleeping when horny.
3. Wear the device frequently during the lead up. Snag any if the issues, get your body used to it.
4. Consider taking a break in the middle. A short break will  give your body time to recover. (No need to break the denial, though!)
5. Sudocreme. Really.
6. Find the real benefit to your partner.  It doesn't have to be kinky, it could just be they enjoy a break from penetration, or think the whole thing is a giggle. 

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Wristbands

"Perhaps I need three wristbands..." I say.

I'm kneeling at the end of the bed giving Xena her Sunday night foot rub. There's no chance of any erotic action, but I'm locked into my chastity device anyway. It's the end of a weekend sabbatical, in preparation for which I avoided orgasming for a week. Just touching her turns me on and makes me remember the previous night when my services were very much required...

Xena doesn't look up from her tablet. "Guess what?" She reads out some gossip from Facebook and we share a laugh. Then, "What was that about wristbands?"

"Oh," I say. "I was thinking this one doesn't give me much range." I'm wearing  a grey wristband to remind us both of my status, which we jokingly call Compliant Husband. "And that I could do with two more. But now I realize that's silly."

"How so?" asks Xena. "Do the heel.. that's nice."

"Well," I say. "I was thinking I might have a red wristband for when I was chaste but otherwise equal..." I trail off as she laughs. "But I guess we'd never use it."

 "..the previous night when my services
were very much required..."

"Too right," says my wife. It's not  a kinky thing. She genuinely finds the idea amusing. When it comes to kink, it's her way or the highway.

"And perhaps a black wristband for when I was a mute slave," I continue. "But we don't need that either because you can shut me up anytime you want."

Xena nods and goes back to her tablet.

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Sabbatical in Slave Land Debrief 2 - Making a chastity marathon work

During our Femdom sabbatical I  "enjoyed" continuous chastity from Wednesday to Saturday, and Sunday to Friday. Not really a marathon by the standards of heroic chastity veterans like Richy or "Locked and Denied" (who has riveted his on!). Even so, this is much much more than my usual locked on Friday after work, free on Sunday morning before going for a run with friends.

Here's how it breaks down:

• 9 days of denial
• 9 nights in chastity (maximum 5 consecutive)
• approx 170 hours of chastity (maximum 115 consecutive)

So, denial, nights and hours... Here's what I learned.

Prepare realistically for your male chastity experience

Locking up in a chastity device is like going on a Mars mission - you need to 100% know that the technology will work during the journey. Read reviews and forums; it's not guaranteed. 

Ensure you have a device you can trust: All the little irritations and chafing - they add up.

The second device is the perfect fit. 

The first device I bought was... (blush)... too long - my penis head would get painfully lodged in the bend. God knows what days of this would have done to my sensitive tip! The second device is the perfect fit. I tested it with increasingly long lockups and even found a way to make make the chastity device 100% pullout-proof.

However I missed how the locking post would chafe my pubis - something I had to fix "in flight" using craft materials left over from my DIY CB days.

Know how to sleep in your device:  Not only can't you function without sleep, broken nights will put your partner off the whole adventure.!

A few sleepovers, and some forum searching, taught me to wear tight briefs to support my steel-cased gonads.

However, I forgot to avoid spicy food and coffee, and my first night in chastity entailed endless toilet trips. Later I made contingency plans to sleep in another room.

Be able to go out.

Set a sensible period: Each new record you set is virgin territory. Push yourself too far and you may find your device has become some kind of alien, intent on clawing your skin  to shreds.

I almost I did this. However, by the end of the final five day stretch, I had bad chafing. (A product called Sudocreme helped, but was hardly erotic!)

Be able to go out: During a long lockup, there's still shopping to do, cultural trips to make, a social life to maintain, and possibly work to go to.

This is why I shifted over to ball-gripping devices. I also thought through what I was prepared to do, and what would feel creepy.

Make your chastity marathon real

Use a non-human keyholder.

It's no fun being stuck in the halfway house between doing and not doing. The dominatrix becomes insecure or irritated, and starts second-guessing the sub. He, meanwhile focuses on the unlock/stay-in decision and becomes irritatingly restless. Better to make the chastity marathon as real as possible.

Use a non-human keyholder: Using Time lock self bondage software or the postal service takes the decision out of both your hands; there's no pressure on her, no temptation for the sub to wheedle. This certainly worked for us :)

Use the longest possible lock-in: The further away the next possible release date (as long as it is sensible!), the easier it is for both parties to accept the situation.
I discovered this when I hit the button to lock myself in for four days. Suddenly, I could sleep soundly.

Have realistic expectations of extended chastity

A male chastity device isn't "fire and forget", nor is it magic. Wearing it requires some adaption of behavior, and it won't magically change your relationship.

Keep yourself clean: If you chafe, the adventure will become an ordeal. If you start to stink, she may bring the adventure to an abrupt end.

I showered regularly, and used a hairdryer to remove all moisture, in both operations carefully tugging the skin through the base ring. (I was pleased this didn't defeat my security fix.)

You may be a walking horn, but most
of the time she is not going to be in
an erotic head space

Don't expect an erotic marathon: Though you may be aroused half the time, your device probably won't much change your partner's level of desire from what it would be in similar non-kinky circumstances. If you're enjoying an erotic week away, then that's what you'll get. If she's in her normal working routine, then expect sexual activity with the normal frequency, or slightly better.

Xena was working hard during our two weeks. Two erotic episodes was actually a slight improvement on what I would normally have expected. However, at first I felt cross and cheated.

Don't expect her to be interested in your experience very often: Again, asymmetry rears its head. You may be a walking horn, but most of the time she is not going to be in an erotic head space.

I did my best to shut up about my experience, but it was hard.

Don't plan a finale of wild sex once you are unlocked:  Sure, it seems like a great end to the experience - fuck like rabbits and use up all that trapped man-seed. There's two reasons why this might not work: first, though you've had a frustrating few days or weeks, she's probably had quite a satisfying one - she hasn't built up the same head of steam; second, an extended period of chastity may have left you chafed, sore, and bruised - your erection may not be impressive, and sex may be painful for you.

I timed my release for the afternoon after the last night of our Femdom sabbatical. I can't claim any special wisdom - I just wanted to extend the experience as long as possible. However, when I did unlock it was clear I was in no fit state for sex.

* * *

So lots of prep work, minimal partner engagement and no sex at the end - put like that extended chastity sounds pointless!

Actually, it was mind blowing.

The preparation  meant I could relax and enjoy the experience, Xena's matter of fact acceptance of my chastity was - frankly - deliciously terrifying, and being helplessly tossed on waves of desire, mind blowing.

All the days of denial amplified the effect if the last night, when Xena gave me a very thorough beating...

To enjoy a slice of this in your love life, try my Femdom self help books available in a variety of electronic-formats.