Sunday, 4 August 2013

Sabbatical in Slave Land Debrief 2 - Making a chastity marathon work

During our Femdom sabbatical I  "enjoyed" continuous chastity from Wednesday to Saturday, and Sunday to Friday. Not really a marathon by the standards of heroic chastity veterans like Richy or "Locked and Denied" (who has riveted his on!). Even so, this is much much more than my usual locked on Friday after work, free on Sunday morning before going for a run with friends.

Here's how it breaks down:
  • 9 days of denial
  • 9 nights in chastity (maximum 5 consecutive)
  • approx 170 hours of chastity (maximum 115 consecutive)
So, denial, nights and hours... Here's what I learned.

Prepare realistically for your male chastity experience

Locking up in a chastity device is like going on a Mars mission - you need to 100% know that the technology will work during the journey. Read reviews and forums; it's not guaranteed. 

Ensure you have a device you can trust: All the little irritations and chafing - they add up.

The second device is the perfect fit. 
The first device I bought was... (blush)... too long - my penis head would get painfully lodged in the bend. God knows what days of this would have done to my sensitive tip! The second device is the perfect fit. I tested it with increasingly long lockups and even found a way to make make the chastity device 100% pullout-proof.

However I missed how the locking post would chafe my pubis - something I had to fix "in flight" using craft materials left over from my DIY CB days.

Know how to sleep in your device:  Not only can't you function without sleep, broken nights will put your partner off the whole adventure.!

A few sleepovers, and some forum searching, taught me to wear tight briefs to support my steel-cased gonads.

However, I forgot to avoid spicy food and coffee, and my first night in chastity entailed endless toilet trips. Later I made contingency plans to sleep in another room.

Be able to go out.
Set a sensible period: Each new record you set is virgin territory. Push yourself too far and you may find your device has become some kind of alien, intent on clawing your skin  to shreds.

I almost I did this. However, by the end of the final five day stretch, I had bad chafing. (A product called Sudocreme helped, but was hardly erotic!)

Be able to go out: During a long lockup, there's still shopping to do, cultural trips to make, a social life to maintain, and possibly work to go to.

This is why I shifted over to ball-gripping devices. I also thought through what I was prepared to do, and what would feel creepy.

Make your chastity marathon real

Use a non-human keyholder.
It's no fun being stuck in the halfway house between doing and not doing. The dominatrix becomes insecure or irritated, and starts second-guessing the sub. He, meanwhile focuses on the unlock/stay-in decision and becomes irritatingly restless. Better to make the chastity marathon as real as possible.

Use a non-human keyholder: Using Time lock self bondage software or the postal service takes the decision out of both your hands; there's no pressure on her, no temptation for the sub to wheedle. This certainly worked for us :)

Use the longest possible lock-in: The further away the next possible release date (as long as it is sensible!), the easier it is for both parties to accept the situation.
I discovered this when I hit the button to lock myself in for four days. Suddenly, I could sleep soundly.

Have realistic expectations of extended chastity

A male chastity device isn't "fire and forget", nor is it magic. Wearing it requires some adaption of behavior, and it won't magically change your relationship.

Keep yourself clean: If you chafe, the adventure will become an ordeal. If you start to stink, she may bring the adventure to an abrupt end.

I showered regularly, and used a hairdryer to remove all moisture, in both operations carefully tugging the skin through the base ring. (I was pleased this didn't defeat my security fix.)

You may be a walking horn, but most
of the time she is not going to be in
an erotic head space
Don't expect an erotic marathon: Though you may be aroused half the time, your device probably won't much change your partner's level of desire from what it would be in similar non-kinky circumstances. If you're enjoying an erotic week away, then that's what you'll get. If she's in her normal working routine, then expect sexual activity with the normal frequency, or slightly better.

Xena was working hard during our two weeks. Two erotic episodes was actually a slight improvement on what I would normally have expected. However, at first I felt cross and cheated.

Don't expect her to be interested in your experience very often: Again, asymmetry rears its head. You may be a walking horn, but most of the time she is not going to be in an erotic head space.

I did my best to shut up about my experience, but it was hard.

Don't plan a finale of wild sex once you are unlocked:  Sure, it seems like a great end to the experience - fuck like rabbits and use up all that trapped man-seed. There's two reasons why this might not work: first, though you've had a frustrating few days or weeks, she's probably had quite a satisfying one - she hasn't built up the same head of steam; second, an extended period of chastity may have left you chafed, sore, and bruised - your erection may not be impressive, and sex may be painful for you.

I timed my release for the afternoon after the last night of our Femdom sabbatical. I can't claim any special wisdom - I just wanted to extend the experience as long as possible. However, when I did unlock it was clear I was in no fit state for sex.

* * *

So lots of prep work, minimal partner engagement and no sex at the end - put like that extended chastity sounds pointless!

Actually, it was mind blowing.

The preparation  meant I could relax and enjoy the experience, Xena's matter of fact acceptance of my chastity was - frankly - deliciously terrifying, and being helplessly tossed on waves of desire, mind blowing.

All the days of denial amplified the effect if the last night, when Xena gave me a very thorough beating...


  1. I'm super curious: What's in this for her? Or for you both as a couple?

    Or is that irrelevant for what you are exploring here (i.e. is this about 'the mechanics of chastity with a device')?

    1. Hi Ferns! Your question has lots of levels.

      As a couple, the Femdom Sabbatical this is like any other shared adventure, not much different from spending a few months backpacking around South East Asia. A particular benefit of this at home adventure is learning things about ourselves, our vanilla relationship and domesticity.

      For her, the sabbatical offered her all the benefits of being in charge with non of the responsibility. She got everything done her way, when and how she wanted it, with no disagreement from me.

      As for the chastity. It's obviously my kink, so fits the usual give and take/generosity/indulgence thing between healthy couples.

      Beyond that, as far as I can gather from her point of view:

      1. Having me in chastity is the (very low) price of having a compliant husband. It probably also makes her more comfortable with Femdom since it acts as a kind of on off switch.

      2. It emphasizes and guarantees that at everything is primarily for her. I'm not going to suddenly demand or plead for satisfaction, and there's no implicit pressure on her.

      3. One aspect of her sexuality is quite self contained and not focused on penetration. My chastity lets her get her kicks without an aftermath of having to be penetrated or otherwise engage with me.

      4. I suspect she secretly quite likes my predicament - however I have not pressed her on this.

    2. My gf smile and giggles as she clicks the lock shut is a pretty good indication she enjoys me wearing it. When we first got this metal one she could not wait to get me in and would not let me get dressed all that day or the next.

      When she does unlock me either for her to play with, or for penatrative sex or both, She sometimes screams at me don't you dare cum, whilst she is. What woul dhappen if I did I have no idea.

      Whilst watching tv and sometimes whilst she asleep she likes to wrap her fingers around either the tube or my balls. She often tells me don't think you are cuming any time soon I like you all horny.

      So I think you can safely say she enjoys keeping me locked.

      If you really want to know why so many intelligent guys enjoy being denied read this

    3. Sorry I missed this! Thanks for the comment. Interesting article.


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