Thought Experiment: What would it take for Chaste to be treated as a gender?

Our fetish looks awfully
like an expression of gender.

When you look at it carefully, the male chastity "fetish" looks awfully like an expression of gender, so much so that it looks more like a movement than a kink.

Even if we ignore the crossover into feminising and sometimes trans, there are enough solo practitioners egging each other on, enough straight couples with penetration off the menu, to indicate that male chastity is at root, not about "leverage through keyholding", but about his penis being "disarmed": he can get orgasms, perhaps, but never an erection, and she - if there's a she about - often prefers him that way.

This shouldn't be a surprise! Eunuchs were always objects of desire for both sexes, and there is still a sub culture around castration. We can see male chastity as "neutering lite".

What if we run with that and imagine how "Chaste" might be treated as a gender in the way that, for example, non-binary is? (And yes, I'm talking about male chastity here. I've "seen" female permanent chastity on the Internet, but I'm not sure whether the roots are the same or not.)

For a start, what would that mean?

I think Chastes are defined by being...

Masculine and subject to desire, but artificially impotent, and thus necessarily tending toward sensuality and erotic service. 

Our paradoxical niche would be somewhere around concepts like:

• Non-binary
• Gender-flipped shemale ("hefermale"?)
• Gay Best Friend Who's Straight 
• Male Lesbian 
• Safe Flirtation "Victim" 
• Admirer You Can Safely Take Advantage Of. (The controversial "Friend Zone" would become the uncontroversial "Chaste Zone".)

...being a Chaste would give us access
to spaces and intimacies forbidden
to our unchaste
fellow men.

In this imaginary perfect world, being a Chaste would give us access to spaces and intimacies forbidden to our unchaste fellow men. We'd fit in with the LGTB+ scene (just to be clear: this is not going to happen!), we'd be sought after by women who liked men but were unkeen on penetration, we'd be regarded as ardent lovers offering the safest possible sex, but also the safest possible male companionship, sometimes to be taken advantage of. Perhaps we might become trophy partners to be flaunted as proof of sexual magnetism.

For all that to come to pass, we'd need three things: security, verification, and visibility.

Any mainstreaming of Chaste men relies on security. Without real security, our chastity is only ever provisional. We still have penises that could come out at the wrong moment, in non-consensual or merely unlooked for ways. We can still potentially pull out to commit infidelity - the only barrier is embarrassment.

Perhaps as damaging to potential Chaste identity, it makes our our chastity seem like an ongoing conversation rather than a done deal. From the outside, we become about "will he?/won't he?", and our identity could be read as a challenge to turn us back.

Ball-gripper devices aren't enough, it has to be a piercing (unless the something like my Happy Happy Chaste Boi Purity Device comes along). This is a serious issue, because PA piercings are not easily reversible.

Security also means you don't have the , which leads us to verification.

There has to be some way for the rest of the world to know for sure that the device is on, that the key is elsewhere. That means having a trusted keyholder to vouch for you. However, having some kind of certification isn't enough; we're only a gender if we are visible.

Visibility means having some kind of hard-to-appropriate visual marker of Chaste.

I suppose we could wear kilts and be prepared to flash, but it would be too easy for frauds to wear a kilt. So that leaves a collar that's hard to get hold of, that only gets removed by the keyholder (otherwise, being cowards all, we'd only be visible when dating).

So we have piercings, keyholders, and collars. How would this work?

Realistically, there could be a peer-to-peer community, based around an app... a kind of Uber Eats for people who like chaste men - it would probably start in the more adventurous gay community. Verification would involve some sort of peer network, or perhaps piercing parlours could act as keyholders and collar custodians. The system wouldn't be perfect, and would rely on reviews. (This is where one of my erotica series will go, by the way.)

However, there's nothing about that system that would necessitate the wearing of a collar, and it would remain under the radar socially.

More effective, but less realistically, would be... imagine an official government programme. Here's how it would go:

On reaching 18, the Chaste goes for mandatory counselling. He has to wear a device without a piercing for 6 months. There's nothing stopping him from getting off during this time, but typically, he'll take a gap year before hitting college.

After 6 months, he visits a hospital Chastising Unit. He has his PA piercing done by Carbon Dioxide Laser, which is painful but makes for rapid healing. He is immediately fitted with a surgical chastity device and his first collar.

For security, the collars and chastity devices are made of a glass composite. There's no lock on either, but you need a special licensed machine to safely bend them open. They have barcodes and prominent numbers embossed on them, and hard-to-fake holographic inserts.

So here's the rub.

There's still nothing stopping him from having an orgasm, either by rubbing the head of his dick or using a vibrator. It follows that there's no reason for him to remove the device while he's part of the program.

Every year or so, much like random drugs testing for athletes, there's an inspection. The collar and device remain government property, so there are heavy fines for anybody who "vandalises" them.

It also makes sense for him to make monthly visits to a licensed verifier - probably a piercing parlour, but could be a Post Office(!) - to have his device checked and his barcode scanned. This updates an official database accessible via an app, itself feeding into dating sites.

If he wants a break, he can go back to the Unit and get everything removed. He can do this no more than once a year.

After one year of continuous wear, he's eligible for three upgrades.

• He can go "spiked". A "spike", a device like an IUD, is inserted in his urethra. It sits against his prostate, rendering orgasm impossible. His collar acquires gold flecks. The spike can normally be removed at 6 months notice, depending on waiting times.
• He can go "permanent". He gets a new black tinted collar, but the device stays on. It can be removed at a year's notice, but he can only make that appointment once, and whether or not he actually attends.
• The ultimate upgrade is to be both "immaculate" and "permanent", meaning you get to sport a black tinted collar with gold flecks. 

No, none of that is going to happen.

However, what would you do if it did?

I'd take the basic collar at the drop of a hat, and I think I might end up spiked as well. However, I would not have the courage to go permanent, though I would be sorely tempted.

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How many men are locked in chastity? More statistics (Still permanently locked, by the way)

Earlier I guesstimated 1 in 400 men in the developed world have male chastity as part of their lifestyle.

Somebody over on Chastity Mansion quoted a rumour that AL Enterprises had passed 1 million sales a while back.

Grinding the statistics:

• Male population of developed world 500 million
• AL Enterprise devices sold 1 million
• Men owning AL Enterprise device, 1 in 500.

Also, if 10% of men are active malesubs:

• Male subs owning an AL Enterprise device, 1 in 50.

I think anybody buying a device costing more than USD 100 wants it as part of their lifestyle, so this 1 in 500 seems very close to my original guesstimate of 1 in 400 men are locked.

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The Truth About "Pathetic Small Dicks that Last Seconds" and Male Chastity?

She likes his small dick because it is non-intrusive

The chastity Internet is full of men with locked micro-dicks: "My wife said my man-clit was useless and might as well be locked away..."

And so on.

Up until this morning, I wrote all that off as wive's feeding their husbands' small penis humiliation fetish, or fantasists doing it for themselves while typing one-handed.

Then I read a thread on Chastity Mansion.

The original poster has a small dick and no staying power. He assumed his wife was using chastity as a kind of workaround: the other stuff was good enough that penis-in-vagina wasn't important.

However, it turned out that she likes his small dick because it is non-intrusive. Also, she likes him coming quickly because she enjoys the erotic power, but doesn't enjoy being pounded for too long - He suspects that his wife used to fake orgasm to get it over with. His wife does enjoys penetration from time to time, but mostly from fingers or small dildos, or a quick go with something much bigger.

And this made me think of our sex life, because that pretty much describes Xena.

 If you have a small penis,
perhaps that means she
might prefer no penis at all...

I don't have a particularly large penis. I do have - did use to have - good staying power, but Xena would generally want me to hurry up and come.

So what if the truth of hair-trigger micro penises in chastity were the other way around?

What if women who don't much like cock tend to pair off with men with small ones? Better yet, ones that don't last too long inside the vagina?

Wouldn't those same women be natural adopters of male chastity, not because his penis is small, because a locked cock is even better than a small penis, which is still an improvement on a large one.

So, if she chooses to be with you knowing that you have a small penis, perhaps that means she might prefer no penis at all...

---

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How many men are locked in chastity? What's the chaste population?

You can bet on at least 20% developed
world couples with a man in them
do kink at least some of the time.

There are lots of surveys on BDSM. You can bet on at least 20% developed world couples with a man in them do kink at least some of the time.

(I take the 20% from a stunning survey of Irish couples.)

Say 50% of kinky relationships involve male submission (it's M/m, F/m or they switch).

(Quebec sexual fantasy survey has roughly half of all people fantasising about dominating their partner or being dominated by them.)

The chastity device is now a pretty standard malesub accessory, and cheap, so let's say 50% of malesub couples have one.

So, 20% x 50% x 50% = 5% of men have a male chastity device, perhaps (and we're still in the developed world here).

How many men are locked in an ongoing way (rather than just for an evening)?

Perhaps 5% of men own a chastity device

On the one hand, lifestyle relationships have to be outliers.

On the other ahd, chastity and D/s has its own gravity. The slope is slippery.

So let's say 5% of men who have a chastity device are actually locked.

5% of 5% is 0.25%

So I'd say that 1 in  400 men are "locked".

Which is still pretty stunning. I would guess these are clustered in certain demographics, meaning that if you are locked, then you're probably already in the demographic where most people are kinky.

So, perhaps 1 in 80 of the men around you are locked in chastity...

Ask Giles: What do I do once I've locked my husband in chastity?

You need to know what the chastity is about first! It can be one or all of the following:

About you controlling his orgasm. If so, then you can - and he's probably hoping you will - use that power to get things you want. Have him earn his orgasm through chores and pampering, and bedroom service.

About him being locked. If so, then fun is to be had from the fact he can't get off, or even get his dick out. You don't actually have to unlock him to tease him. Just put on sexy clothing and let him pleasure you. For added points, have him wear a strapon to simulate normal sex - there's nothing quite so exquisitely frustrating. And of course there's sexting, little sexy tasks for him during the day, and - if it's his bag - tormenting him by making him wear panties and so on.

About you being penis-free. If so, enjoy getting what you want in bed without any effort on your part, and without the messy finish. Don't even let him mention his dick or his frustration. The effect on him will probably be the same as the previous option, but with less work for you.

And of course you can move between all three of these...

---

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Can a male chastity device change a relationship? How my wife accepted the key to keeping me in 24/7 chastity

"Just shut up and rub my feet."
(Find out how to get to this point...)

Can a chastity device change a relationship?

"I'd like a foot rub," says my wife.

It's Tuesday night and I'm kneeling in the corner in my new Custom Chastity magic locker device.

"As you wish, mistress." I say. "This new chastity device is so practical I can wear it by default. Can I talk you through the way the keys could work?"

"What?"

My timing is bad, she's had a long day at work. However, I push on. "You still have the old Holy Trainer key on your key ring. We can swap them over..."

Xena cuts me off. "I've got too many bloody keys on my ring anyway. I don't need extra."

"But..."

"Just shut up and rub my feet."

"Yes mistress," I say.

I really don't want to shut up. I do want to argue with her. It annoys me when I end up carrying the BDSM side of our Female Led Relationship, given that she enjoys it so much when she's in the mood.

When we first started with FLR and chastity using the Holy Trainer 2, I would report on my wearing and Xena would decide whether and when I could unlock the next day.

It didn't really work.

On me, the Holy Trainer was in the almost practical category. The locking superstructure subtly affected my movement, the bulge affected my choice of clothing and made it just a little harder, e.g., to slip between tables in a pub or cafe. Also, though I had managed to shower and dry in it, it was better to remove it for exercise and certainly bathing.

So there were no obvious thresholds and a lot of balancing of risk and comfort against her (real but rarely stated) desire to keep me locked.

All this was more nuanced and implied too much responsibility than she could cope with at the end of a long day when the focus was supposed to be on her. We'd have cringy "No, what do you think?" conversations, and she'd always let me unlock if I asked.

24/7 chastity is the premise of all
my Femdom erotica... 

After a while, we shifted to me being locked by default, but again, she'd always let me unlock if I asked.

The end result was a vague rule that I would be mostly locked, but with me in control of it and starting to feel like a sad perv being indulged by his long suffering wife.... even though I know from her various unguarded remarks that she likes me locked.

The Custom Chastity device I received 18 months ago changed the practicality equation. There was no need to remove it for showering or for most activities. I managed to wear it for over a month! However, though it was much more practical than the Holy Trainer, there was still a sliding scale and I didn't feel like going back to those awkward conversations. Instead, I concentrated on proving I could do marathons so that Xena would feel more comfortable with the responsibility.

This new Custom Chastity device seems to be a game changer. It conforms almost exactly to my man parts, so has minimal bulge, and it doesn't have a superstructure to jab into my pubis. (Click through for pics.)

There's also an actual physical key. Previously, I stuck with the cable ties so as to minimise the profile and cut down on the weight - a padlock would have reduced some of the practicality.

So now I have this plan to give Xena to make 24/7 chastity work for us... something she seems to want, and something that's the premise of all my Femdom erotica.

And she won't discuss it right now, even though I am desperate to.

However, we are in an FLR and so I obey her.

That night she leaves me kneeling in the corner for 15 mins after light out.

Thursday night and she's got work to do.

"Give me your keys," I say, "And I'll get rid of the extras."

Actually, there aren't any extras. There used to be a couple of spare fetter keys, but they're long gone. I remove the Holy Trainer 2 key and replace her key ring on the hook.

When I return to the bedroom, she's writing a report for the next day. I spend an hour and a half kneeling in the corner. When I curl up on my side, she looks up and says, "No, you have to kneel." I spend the next half an hour very turned on indeed as I do whenever she states a kinky preference that's clearly for her.

"No, you have to kneel."

When it's time to report, I remind her about my transgression.

"I won't demerit you this time," she says, "because we only just discovered the rule."

This, by the way, is why she doesn't generally talk about kink. Her kinky Femdom comes from her whimsical playful side that isn't really amenable to reflection or introspection. Instead, it pops out ideas and rules that she subsequently embraces.

At last, she lets me come to bed. As we lie in the dark, I blurt, "I wish you'd take my key!"

"What?" she says, "I thought that's what you were doing earlier."

I give a mental sigh. Talk about communication by smoke signals. "So you want my key?" I ask.

"Yes, now shut up and go to sleep."

And I do.

It's generally easier to talk about
objects than erotic activities

In the morning, while her coffee is brewing, I add my key to her ring. When I serve the coffee, I present her with my emergency key: a second key that's security sealed into bit of tubing. "You need to initial this."

She cheerfully initials the seal then heads off to work.

That night - last night - when it's report time, I present her with both clickers - silver for demerits, red for penalty days - plus the emergency key. "You'll notice the seal's unbroken, mistress," I say.

"So I see," she says.

And this is why the new system is going to work.

Featuring the inescapable Happy
Happy Chaste Boi Purity Device(tm)

Outside an erotic headspace, it's generally easier to talk about objects than erotic activities. Now I can in effect say, "Still locked up" and she can acknowledge it and take - or at least share -  responsibility, all without actually speaking about it directly.

Better still, she has to take an actual action - give me her keys, or at least tell me where they are - in order to permit me to unlock.  It's enough of a fuss to tip the balance in favour of saying no.

And the new device is about as good a male chastity cage as is possible (though not as good as the inescapable Happy Happy Chaste Boi Purity Device(tm) that features in most of my erotica.)

Finally, the emergency key salves her conscience and soothes her legitimate worries: I can always unlock if I really need to. The thing is to get her to take responsibility for making that a very undesirably course of action.

Ahem.

"Mistress," I say, "I think the rule is that I can break the seal for genuine emergencies only. Otherwise there needs to be a penalty so draconian it's almost unthinkable. And if I do need to unlock, but should have forseen it, then that's too bad."

"OK," she says, smirking. "Five days and five lashes."

"That's a bit pathetic." I grimace. "That doesn't really cut it."

She laughs. "How about twenty days and five lashes?"

"What? I meant that it didn't sound like enough lashes. It's the wrong way around."

"Oh," she says. "Twenty five days and twenty five lashes."

"That's not what I meant..." I trail off, feeling my cock pulse wetly in its cage. "Yes mistress," I say.

"Come to bed," she says, "I want to sit and read together.

She looks at me quizzically. "Are you going to wear it all the time now?"

"That's up to you. What are you worried about?"

"I don't want you to get caught."

"Don't worry, it's really unlikely in this device."

"Come to bed," she says, "I want to sit and read together."

And we do.

---

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When is it OK to wear my male chastity device? (The Ethics of 24/7 Wear Part 1)

When it is OK to wear your 

chastity device?(source)

Male chastity is in the mainstream media, but not in the way we'd want...

"Surgeon sent naked pictures of himself to dominatrix from work and boasted of wearing chastity belt as he operated on patients"
Daily MailD

I take the story with a pinch of salt.

He seems to have taken chastity selfies at work, but not necessarily in the operating theatre. He was obviously enjoying the services of an internet dominatrix, but just because he seems to have said the device was distracting to her, doesn't mean it was in reality. We simply don't know the truth.

However, I do often wear my chastity device 24/7 and this case has set me thinking about the ethics of it.

When it is OK to wear your chastity device?

What people know doesn't hurt them... unless it actually hurts them. So can I suggest three cast iron rules:

Iron Rule #1: Do not wear your chastity device when it has a high chance of upseting the innocent.

No our fetish - or is it an orientation? - isn't radioactive, but it is like an erection: personal and sexual, and people have the right not to have their faces rubbed in it. Don't wear your device to a family nude beach. Don't flaunt it in the gym locker rooms - unless it's that kind of gym. Don't... And so on.

(Yes, there is an argument that chastity is an orientation and that we have a right to be ourselves, but in the absence of a Male Chastity Liberation movement to educate the public, it seems needless and counter-productive to flaunt the tackle around our tackle.)

Iron Rule #2: Do not wear your chastity device if it will distract you in ways that are dangerous for you and others.

If wearing a chastity device is like wearing a vibrator would, then the rules are similar. You wouldn't drive with a vibrator attached to your dick, would you? So don't drive while chaste if the device is stimulating you in some way. And if you are a surgeon, please don't operate on anybody in that state.

(Yes, OK, vanilla folk get distracted too - by a nice pair of legs, for example. However they don't set out to be distracted right out of the box, and nor should you. And yes, quite often wearing a chastity device is more like having a secret piercing, in which case this rule does not apply.)

Iron Rule #3: Do not wear your chastity device it it stops you being yourself.

If you can't routinely do something you should be doing while wearing the device, routinely remove the device for that activity.

I won't give the obvious examples of social and family obligations incompatible with chastity wear because I don't want to invite the wrong sort of search engine traffic. However, if - say - wrestling is part of your life, and you can't wrestle in your device, then remove the device for wrestling.

(Sure, it's OK to avoid an activity while enjoying an occasional chastity marathon, but we should hold onto the fact that chastity isn't the only or most important aspect of our authentic self.)

I think there's more to it than that because there's also the knotty problem of how we feel about how we treat other people, even when they don't know what we are doing. That's for another article... 

---

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Xena crosses another FLR line and sentences me to five additional days without orgasm

"And you can add five penalty days." 

"And you can add five penalty days," says Xena as she gets ready for work.

"What?" I blurt. "But I already have ten."

A penalty day defers my orgasm by a working day, so now I suddenly have three whole weeks to survive without coming -- this after a spectacularly sexy romantic weekend (which I promise to blog about) preceded by a couple of orgasm free weeks.

All that whirls through my head and my cock inflates in its cage... the cage I haven't removed for five days.

"That seems to be the only way to get you to take me seriously," says Xena.

She's not... abusing her power. I blew up over domestic stuff... lost my temper Basil Faulty style, and she hates it when I do that and we have this contract so...

And right then, it didn't feel like a game to either of us.

Fifteen days is far far longer than I would volunteer for. I mean it turns me on that she can do that to me, but -- bloody hell -- I don't want to live through it.

And my wife not only knows it, she knows I will obey her -- maybe it's because of the cage.

"Oh," says Xena. "It goes up by 50% each time. So next time it will be 7.5 penalty days." As she leaves for work, she adds, "And I want a clean kitchen when I get home."

This happened before with demerits - something clicked and she started using them when she was genuinely angry. Now it's happening with penalty days.

It is both terrifying and a turn on and...

Most of all it's validation. I think most submissives are afraid of finding out they are really doing it on their own and that their partner is merely going through the motions to humour them.

But not this morning. There was no humour this morning.

---

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How I lost 1 kg every month thanks to Femdom and Male Chastity!

Femdom works miracles if you treat
it as real.

Femdom works miracles if you treat it as real.

(Well actually, I think it is real as soon as it becomes about what she wants. BDSM has a culture of pretending it's a game, forgetting that some games, like soccer, are real.)

Xena rations and controls my orgasms. She also gives me demerits resulting in strokes of the whip - it's all in our Female Led Relationship Contract.

All this excites me, but the frustration is sometimes unbearable and the whipping is always painful enough to make me want to avoid it. So the discipline may be kinky, but it's real.

Also in our FLR contract is the following clause:

He will report any measurable professional or personal targets Xena might want to manage.

I'm overweight (much less overweight now than I was, but we'll get to that). I've tried various diet and exercise regimes, but the one that works is really simple:

Of course, Xena can lower my weight 

ceiling at any time... 

• I weigh myself daily and record the result. Missing a weigh-in or increasing weight earns me a demerit.
• Going over a ceiling set by Xena costs me a penalty day, meaning my weekly orgasm is put back.
• Missing a monthly target also set by Xena results in dire punishment.

(EDIT: This is pretty much an enhanced version of the weight-loss system spelled out in this NHS article. See the first comment (below) for some sensible dietary advice from "HH".)

Doing this, I steadily lost one kilogramme a month through most of last year. Over Christmas, I managed to put on a kilogramme and a half. 

Needless to say, I haven't had an orgasm since before Christmas and I've been very very motivated to lose the weight again. 

I've succeeded, but not fast enough to stop the the penalty days from mounting up (the twist is that only weekdays count, so five penalty days earn me a week of chastity). 

So now I can't have an orgasm until early next month. This has concentrated my mind like nothing else and I'm back on track. 

Of course, Xena can lower my weight ceiling at any time... 

---

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Ask Giles: Why male chastity?

Why male chastity?

A friend asked:

What is the attraction for males to be chaste? I understand edging, not being allowed to come. I also understand having someone control when. But are you ever allowed to come? Or is the holding off the most exciting part? More than the release?

I've already written about the vanilla benefits of male chastity. In a nutshell:

• It gives us an extended plateau phase. Let's face, it a few seconds of squirting is a bit anticlimactic after all that build up, so this seems a fair trade - orgasm for sensuality.
• A lot of us feel a bit ambivalent over penetrative sex. This is partly cultural baggage, but also perhaps inherent in heterosexuality since 75% of women can't reach orgasm by penis alone; for most of us, penis in vagina comes as a reward, a gift or an afterthought. This can make us feel exposed and guilty. 
• Finally, female sexuality can be scary. The chastity device is a shark cage.

Now let's talk about submission, masochism and orientation.

...female sexuality can be scary.
 The chastity device is a shark cage.

Submission: Wearing a chastity device, surrendering control of your orgasm is about as submissive as you can get. The more submissive we are, the more we enjoy this surrender. It's an existential thing more than a sexual thing. I just feel right chaste.

Masochism: Masochism makes no sense until you realize that different modules in the brain work independently. I can be turned on by something I don't like, desire what I don't want and so on. Chastity where I don't get to come during erotic sessions is a pretty masochistic experience!  I'm trading orgasm for mind-blowing levels of turn on. The knowledge that I'm in extended chastity gives me a masochistic buzz every time I think about it.

Orientation: The brain is notoriously flexible and it seems that the male brain gets rewired by chastity until it becomes a sexual orientation. I feel sexiest in my device. All my fantasies revolve around being chaste, including my masturbation ones. When I feel horny, I just want to pleasure Xena. Of course the knowledge that my brain has been rewired, that I have been perverted, itself gives me a masochistic thrill...

So, am I allowed to come?Is the holding off the most exciting part? More than the release?

I generally come weekly. Our contract is set up so that Xena's orgasms delay mine. The more intense our erotic relationship, the less I get to masturbate. I would be very happy if Xena had several orgasm a week leaving me effectively permanently chaste. However, since we live in the real world with work and stress and so on, this doesn't happen very often.

I should add that different men like different aspects of chastity. For some it's extended foreplay and it usually, or always, comes off for sex.

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Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her. 

Sunday Night Whipping: #3 Xena tries on a Feeldoe, then drives me wild entirely differently

So, I've been beaten, Xena's masturbated while resting her feet on me. Now she's interested in the Feeldoe. (See Part 2)

"Which end goes in me?"

I bring the Feeldoe over to the bed.

"I don't understand," says Xena. "Which end goes in me?"

I explain and, in her matter-of-fact way, she inserts it and turns on the vibrator. Amusement bubbles through her voice. "What do you think Giles?"

I sink to my knees at the foot of the bed. She's still wearing the retro stockings, still all Feminine curves, but now she has this bright blue penis.

She's still wearing the retro stockings, 

still all Feminine curves...

And she's jerking off with it. Well, pulling at it so that the vibrator stimulates her clit.

I watch wrapped, my whole chastity device rippling. You'd expect to be aware of the tube of the Holy Trainer 2, of the way it wraps the shaft and constrains the end. Instead it's as if my genitals have turned into this blur of plastic and flesh.

Xena sighs happily. "Well I came. How about you?"

I whimper. I was going to get my orgasm on Tuesday. "Thursday. Not until Thursday." I brighten. She still has the prosthetic inserted. "Of course," I say, "you could try penetrating me."

"OK," she says. As simple as that. My biggest fantasy.

I'll spare you our fumblings. It was the wrong circumstances to try -- late at night, both tired. I end up on the floor instead, trying to peg myself while she holds the chain to my dungeon iron collar.

That's a bit of a fail too. It always is. By the time she permits such things, I'm always tired, my captive erection is flagging, and something about putting a dildo in my ass makes my cock shrink.

However it does amuse her when I admit defeat.

She orders clean up and I stash all the bondage gear and the whips. Soon we're a normal middle aged couple tucked up in bed in our pajamas - except I still have a Holy Trainer 2 locked around my genitals, and I still haven't come.

This is what I've wanted all evening. What I've wanted 

for weeks. What I always want.

I can't help it, I squirm.

"What's the matter?" she asks. Even in the dark I can picture her smile.

"Thursday," I mutter, embarrassed to have disturbed her. "I can't even touch my cock."

"Oh dear," says Xena. "But I can touch myself." There's that distinctive moist scratching.

"Oh god no," I blurt, even as my chastity device tightens.

It seems I am stuck in one corner of my 

fantasies. What a shame...

"I have a better idea," says Xena, "You can go down on me instead."

I burrow under the covers. She already has her pajama trousers off. I push up between her smooth thighs and at last find her pussy.

This is what I've wanted all evening. What I've wanted for weeks. What I always want. And yet as I lap away at her musky pussy, I'm horribly aware that under our contract, this is going to push back my orgasm another three days.

Worse, that doesn't include the weekend.

"Mmmm," says my wife. "That was nice."

And now I have to wait until the Monday after next before I have an orgasm.

I blunder out to the bathroom to wash my face. I'm still hard when I climb back under the covers, but my wife is already asleep, sated.

It seems I am stuck in one corner of my fantasies. What a shame...

(For more of my fantasies, see my erotica blog...)

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Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her. 

My year of chastity and orgasm control

Mostly, that means the Holy Trainer 2...
It's easier than you think to ask for chastity.

I've now worn a chastity device regularly for over a year! Mostly, that means the Holy Trainer 2 and wearing every night and most days. At present, Xena permits me a weekly orgasm, though her orgasms defer mine. However, it all started with a marathon 152 days of no orgasm! (Here's my report after 113 days of chastity).

Physically, the main effect is that my balls ache when I'm not wearing my chastity device.

I'm told this is quite common. It can't be to do with unspent semen, because this happens even after I've had an orgasm. And it can't be to do with bruising, because it goes away as soon as the device goes on.

The chastity marathon was surprisingly easy after the first few weeks.
Find out how your life could be like this!

My best guess is that the base ring slightly restricts the blood flow to the testes. Your body either gets used to it, or compensates by increasing the pressure. Without the base ring you then get more pressure than you are used to, and it feels like bruising.

The easiest response is to remove the device less often, meaning that male chastity devices are physically addictive -- quite a turn on!

The chastity marathon was surprisingly easy after the first few weeks. The weekly orgasm routine, however, has me feeling horny and on edge on Sunday night. If my orgasm is deferred -- like this week -- then my body really feels the need.

 ...some of our adventures have been
 positively pornographic
Find out how to add some Femdom to your relationship!

Mentally... well I've gotten used to this thing as a fixture.

I don't have much desire to unlock, and pullout is just not in my lexicon of behavior. I rather like the waves of pent up lust, and -- since my satisfaction is out of the picture -- any sensual interaction with Xena is an immense turn on. Just massaging her feet and legs every night is compensation for not being able to masturbate or have sex.

Sex is still off the cards. However, we were pretty much in a dead bedroom, with penis in vagina action being more of a gift from her than anything else, leaving me feeling slightly disappointed each time. I don't miss that disappointment, and missing the feel of my wife's vagina is -- in a masochistic way -- a turn on. Meanwhile, some of our adventures have been positively pornographic -- a fair trade, I think.

Emotionally, I am happier. I'm sure this is partly because orgasm rationing does odd things to the hormones and brain chemistry! Wearing the device also makes me feel like myself, but I want to talk about a year of being in a Female Led Relationship in another blog entry.

Relationship-wise, as I said, the device underpins our FLR. However there's an interesting vanilla effect. I used to use my intense BDSM masturbation fantasies to escape the issues in my life, and in imagining other relationships and other lives, I was perhaps slowly disengaging emotionally both from Xena and the real world. The odd healing thing, then, about wearing a chastity device is that it's shifted my focus back to my marriage. This is one of those experiences which makes me suspect that male chastity will go mainstream one day.

Would I recommend this to somebody else? I don't know. It's something you have to not just want, fantasize over, but need. It has to feel right, more right than the alternative.

---

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her. 

A year of wearing the Holy Trainer 2 Male Chastity Device

I have... worn it almost
every night for a year.
Find out how to be chaste like me!

No, I haven't worn it for a year solid, though I think that would be possible. It's easy to shower in the device and a hairdryer on cool seems to dry the parts you can't reach with a towel.

I have, however, worn it almost every night for a year, most working days, and some weekend days, except for a short break to explore a 3D printed chastity device.

There were teething troubles.

I feel sexy in my Holy Trainer 2.
Xena likes the look.
Get your wife to be dominatrix like Xena!

The first few batches of the Holy Trainer 2 softened too easily when warm. I had two identical breaks, but they replaced them without question and my third device has lasted a good five months or so, so I suspect they have the problem nailed.

The replacement devices both had imperfect finishes. I had to spend quality time with "wet and dry" paper smoothing them off. This wasn't too bad a task, but not quite what you'd expect from a proper commercial organisation.

Overall, however, the device is amazing.

First and foremost, the Holy Trainer 2 is really comfortable and practical. Worn without lotion and with the underside of the ring not too flush with the body, it's even actually rather pleasant with "morning wood". It fits my body, I can jog in it, bend down to to my shoelaces, I can sit and type this... It's also easy to pee in. Showering isn't a problem. Drying seems to just require a hairdryer and perseverance.

The "magic locker" means
you have an integral lock.This could be your caged genitals!

Honestly, if Xena wanted me permanently chaste, I'd simply replace the lock with plastic and apply glue with no anxieties other than the obvious ones.

Next, it's really unobtrusive. The "magic locker" means you have an integral lock. No noisy, irritating padlock to deal with. I often forget I'm wearing it and it's invisible under all but the tightest clothes. I have worn the chastity device 24/7 for 72 hours and had no problems.

Finally, it looks good. I feel sexy in it. Xena likes the look -- and she's usually not particularly impressed with the aesthetics of bondage toys.

So a year's regular wear and... no chafing, no odd callouses, no bruises on my pubis, no odd swellings on or around my genitals.

The Holy Trainer 2 is so comfortable and low impact that it is sinister!

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Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her. 

How to wear the Holy Trainer 2 without lotion (and beat morning wood)

I've been wearing a Holy Trainer 2 male chastity device
most days for about a year.

I've been wearing a Holy Trainer 2 male chastity device most days for about a year. It's not technically secure -- of course -- but it's psychologically secure (longer blog entry on chastity device security here).

Here's what I've learned.

Buying a Holy Trainer 2

Make sure you get a tube that neatly fits your flaccid penis. Too long is disastrous. Much too short is reveals too much shaft when aroused, and also makes you feel your dick is being ripped off.

Similarly, get a small enough ring which is more secure and prevents stray flaps of skin pinching.

The customs people are increasingly wise to small packages coming from Switzerland, so to avoid duty you're best purchasing your chastity device from a local supplier, e.g. in the UK Uberkinky.

When the thing arrives, check it for seams and sand down any you find using fine grade wet and dry paper.

Installing the Holy Trainer 2

You will need your chastity device, a Q-tip and a few moments privacy. (Do your first installation in private so you don't get flustered!)

Don't be tempted to use lotion. Long term this is unhygienic and probably weakens your skin. Short term, it lets the base ring slide making morning wood an unbearable balls-yanking experience.
Without the lotion, the ring grips your scrotum nicely, and doesn't slip much when you get hard.

1. Install the base ring. Make sure the top is snug with your pubis. At the bottom, leave a couple of fingers width of scrotum free. (This lets you move around.)
2. Pull your penis through.
3. Install the tube by pushing your penis down out of the way and starting to slot the tube into place. At the last moment, push your penis up into the tube, then finish installing the tube. (This prevents pinching and gets the penis deeper into the tube.)
4. Pull the top of the scrotum through the ring so that it's snug and lock the device. Don't be tempted to pull at the front of the scrotum -- that tends to pull your penis back out of the end of the device making peeing harder.
5. Carefully -- CAREFULLY --insert the Q-tip into the front of the tube and between your penis and the walls. (Avoid pushing the thing into your urethra!!!). Roll the Q-tip around, easing your penis forward until the head is aligned properly against the inside of the pee-hole.
6. If you're not hard, now push your finger into the back of the tube and ensure all the lose skin is pushed forward into the tube. (This helps prevent the head of your penis rolling back from the end, then getting stuck when you get aroused.)
7. Now bend over or squat so that your tackle hangs loose. You'll find your penis head has pulled back from the tube end. Repeat steps 5 and 6 then stand up. Your penis should now be securely pressed against the end.

A note on morning wood: Morning Wood is normal and pretty much physiologically unavoidable. It's the bane of chastity device wearers. Typically we wake up in pain, the base ring stretching our balls, the head of our penis swollen and jammed 25% short of the end, and a great length of shaft exposed in a way that feels ugly and vulnerable. 

As you'll have gathered, my trick for beating it is: Use a small enough ring with no lotion so that it grips the scrotum not the balls. Seat the penis properly in the tube, making sure any loose skin is pushed up into it. Avoid pulling on the front of the scrotum so that the skin feeds in when the penis erects.

EDIT: Or you could use the stocking method, which now I have working is pretty amazing. Blog entry to follow once I've worked out how to explain it.

How to urinate in a Holy Trainer 2

The important thing is to get your pee hold lined up hard against the slit. I keep a Q-tip handy to do this, however if I'm out and about my penis is usually shrunken enough that I can merely shake and push on the device to align it.

When peeing, be careful not to lift the device and thus kink your shaft. This makes a mess!

I find I need only expose the tube in order to pee. However, what with the need for a Q-tip, I don't think I'd ever use a public urinal while wearing my chastity device.

---

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her. 

Cheap 3D printed chastity device now in production

Pedro can't depict the device
correctly assembled on the 3D
print site!

Last month, I was lucky enough to beta test Pedro's 3D printed chastity device.

It was pretty amazing.

It has an "eggshell finish".

You'd think the roughness would be an issue. However what it really meant was that the skin was happy to slide over the surface without creating air pockets - there wasn't much need for lubricant to get into the thing - and at the same time, once installed, it gripped the scrotum as firmly as if glued, meaning morning wood was a non-issue.

...but here's what it looks like!

There's also some chatter that the material isn't certified "food safe". However, though the surface is not smooth, it seems to be non-porous. I soaked it overnight, shook it off and weighed it. No change. No absorption. (It's certainly body safe, judging from the jewelry and toys people make using the same service.)

Well now, Pedro has rolled out the production models of the Key Holder Dream X3 "espresso" and it's available for a price that compares well with nasty chrome-plated knockoffs from the Far East. It's also looking like a good replacement for the Holy Trainer 2.

He's made a couple of changes based on feedback from testers like me:

• No rear flange on the ring.
• Base ring perforated for better air circulation and longer wear.
• Variety of pegs to fit the locking mechanism, including a sheath that fits the Holy Trainer 2 magic locker. (You can also order a trailer hitch lock for a "magic locker" from Amazon easily.)

I'm hoping I can get a review copy of this device sometime soon. Otherwise it's on my wish list.

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Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her. 

Keyholder Dream X3 Espresso Short: Testing a prototype 3D Printed Male Chastity Device

EDIT: Production model of this chastity device is now available. 

I was thrilled when my friend Pedro offered me a prototype of his new 3D printed chastity device -- the last time anybody sent me a kinky gift, was when Fred Norman gave me one of his famous floggers.

The device uses a trailer hitch lock for a "magic locker" so I ordered one up ahead of time. It also has an interesting anti-pullout detector requiring neoprene cord, so I got some of that as well. Then I waited...

The device arrived three days early! The packaging was discrete -- it came from Shapeways in the Netherlands so there was no problem with customs duties etc.

I took out the pamphlets, and there it was all sealed up looking like something out of Star Wars!

The device arrives in a sealed bag:

It arrived assembled, so it was clear the parts fitted together. Here it is with the locker I bought separately:

The locker slid in easily,  though the angle threw me at first:  

Here it is with my other devices. Note that the Espresso has a much bigger bulb than the HT2:

And finally, nestling up to my Holy Trainer 2 and its magic locker (perspective makes the Espresso look larger, but they are a similar size):

So I washed it with soap and water then dunked it in sterilizing solution, rinsed it then tried it on!

First Impressions: Keyholder Dream X2 Espresso Short

• Though this is a prototype, it still looked very hi-tech and cool. The parts fit together perfectly, though the locker gives the tube a couple of millimeters forward/back play.
• Being 3D printed, there are no blemishes, no seams, no sense that the thing might split. All the edges are smooth.
• The design is very solid. You can tell it's the work of an engineer. The slider is deep so there's no chance of the tube levering out and then breaking part of the locking mechanism.
• The eggshell finish -- a result of the 3D printing -- is truly wonderful. It's not abrasive. However, being not smooth, it lets the skin slide across it fine -- no need for lubrication on the bass ring! In a minor miracle, the same texture grips very firmly indeed when there is pressure.

Installing the Espresso device

It took a couple of tries to work out how to get into the device. The challenge is getting all the way into the tube. Here's what worked for me: 

1. Without lotion, install the base ring as snugly against the body as possible. Make sure it's aligned right, it's almost impossible to twist the thing once it's on.
2. Apply lotion to the penis and the upper inside surface of the tube. 
3. Install the tube. The penis should slide right to the end.
4. Lock the device. :)

Thanks to the espresso perforations, the lotion quickly disperses, leaving your penis dry.

Wearing the Espresso device

I've worn this device for an afternoon and overnight, and I'm wearing it as I type. 

I couldn't get the pullout detector working properly so I won't discuss this in detail, except to say that the concept is a good one and that it just needs a different position.

I'm not used to having such a wide base ring, so a couple of times I bumped my balls when sitting down. It's certainly a far more intrusive device than the Holy Trainer 2, though I may well get used to it. As long as the ring is snug against the groin, it's OK under close-fitting jeans. Kneeling and bending is no problem. If it's not snug, it pinches and scrunches!

Once on, it's almost impossible to adjust and this makes it feel very secure ideed. With the Holy Trainer 2, you can pull your scrotum this way and that, position the device just right. Try that with the Espresso and it just hurts (which is why it's important to install it correctly in the first place.) This tightness and the wide bass ring means you can't wear it 24/7. There's simply no way of adequately cleaning all your parts - though perforating the bass ring might fix this. However, it also means that it would hurt to pull out of.

If installed properly, the Espresso is generally comfortable to wear, perhaps slightly less than the HT2 (though, as I said, I may grow used to it). The big head bulb seems to make it harder to align slit to slot for peeing compared to the HT2, but the design is very forgiving; the pee never pools or spatters. At worst, you get two streams, both headed outwards. You can certainly sit and pee with confidence. (It's possible I need a device that's 1 cm shorter, or that there's some trick I need to learn.)

It's actually really comfortable to sleep in. I didn't remotely expect that. It's light, so it doesn't weigh down on your genitals and the wider base ring seems to stop it becoming misaligned.  This morning's "morning wood"was no problem. I may have simply slept through it, however I suspect that the grip is so firm that the device catches and restrains the usually unstoppable erection. There was no sense that  it pushed the device away from my body thus stretching my balls, an experience that even happens with the Holy Trainer 2.

Finally, being turned on while wearing the Espresso is a pretty wonderful sensation. Not only does it trap your penis as required, it also stays close to the body. There's no comedy half-stiffy with the device clutching the end of your dick like an overambitious snake trying to consume another snake.

Conclusions: Writing on the wall for established CB makers (and for China)

Pedro's chastity device isn't perfect -- it's a prototype. However, it's nearly perfect and already much better than the cheap Chinese device I have. A few tweaks and we'll have a cheap robust male chastity device with a magic locker and a pull-out detector, available in a huge range of styles and sizes, 3D-printed on demand. 

Pedro must be one of the first to nail this, but he can't be the only one and he certainly won't be the last.

This has implications: 

Hobbyists will push down the price of chastity devices. Pedro's betas come in at between EUR80 and EUR100 plus postage, but I doubt he could push the price any higher even if he wanted because some other hobbyist would undercut him. And 3D printing is only going to get cheaper.

The quality of male chastity devices will improve. 3D printing lets amateurs and moonlighting engineers like Pedro tinker with designs and then update their product almost immediately. Contrast that with how long it's taking Holy Trainer to fix their design and material issues thanks to having to change their manufacturing process, deal with contractors etc etc. The market will soon no longer support chastity devices that pinch, crack or snap.

People will soon prefer to buy 3D printed chastity devices. Not only will they be cheap and made to measure, they'll also have the major advantage of being manufactured locally, getting around the whole import duty hazard.

So I think that unless they drop their prices and improve their quality, or shift to 3D printing, we'll soon be saying goodbye to the CB range and to Holy Trainer, with only the silicon devices as holdouts. 

You heard it here first!

EDIT: Production model of this chastity device is now available. 

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Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her.