Two Years in Permanent Chastity (with pictures)

"What anniversary?"

"Do you know what day this is?"

It's Thursday morning, the 29th of December and I'm bringing Xena her coffee in bed.

"No?" she says.

"It's my second anniversary," I say.

"What anniversary?"

 "My... my Neutering Day?"

"Oh," she says. "Not sure about Neutering."

I sigh. Xena just likes things her way, isn't interested in the skin we put on it. But sometimes I need a little certainty.  "What else am I supposed to call this?"

"But it sounds like you can't reverse it."

"Well, I can't can I?"

 "Not really." My wife sips her coffee. "So today I'm going to declutter my wardrobe and I want you to..."

That evening, as I rub Xena's feet, I say, "Can we finish this morning's conversation?"

Xena sighs. "You're being locked another year. We already know that."

"You normally say forever or 'until things change'."

"Yes, that," she says. "Are we done?"

"No," say. "I want to know your expectations."

"You do as I tell you."

"No, not that. I mean..." 

"Go on..."

Now I'm feeling flustered. Neither of us enjoy meta conversations. Quickly, I sum up what the ground rules seem to be: she doesn't want to know about my penis, when it's hard or dripping or whatever... she sometimes likes it when I suffer but doesn't want me to plead or yearn loudly for an orgasm because they are off the table... it's a done deal and I'm supposed to just deal with it... "So, I'm supposed to behave as if..."

"Yes," she says, firmly. "Neutered is the right term, though I probably won't use any term. Anything else?"

"You wondered what was special about two years? Two years is the honeymoon stage, and it doesn't look like we're reverting to 'normal'. Also, the longer something has lasted--"  

"--the longer it's likely to last. Good. Now shut up and put your collar on."

I massage her legs and feet for an hour. Around midnight, she has me kneel at the foot of the bed while she reads. 

Near one o'clock, when I'm just about ready to nod off, she orders me to face the wall. She spends an age using her vibrator while my arousal ebbs and flows in waves of exquisite frustration.

At last, she has me clean the sex toy and orders me to de-collar and come to bed.

As I lie beside her, turned on, wide awake while she breathes softly beside me, I realise I won't ever again make a fuss over how long I've been neutered. Xena's not interested in the passage of time, just the certainty of me remaining sealed in permanent chastity until "something changes".

Which it won't.

So, as promised here, behind the cut are some NSFW images of my chastity device, with evidence of date...

Locked and Collared for Lockdown - 100+ Days of 24/7 Chastity

"The beatings are fierce enough that I am afraid of them."

There's a brutal logic. 

I don't get to orgasm while Xena is in the house, and Xena is working from home, therefore I've been locked since last time she took the keys, and I know not to pester.

Also, we're living on top of each other, and Xena being an aloof introvert needs her space, so every evening has seen me collared and more or less mute. I've also found myself overnight in my cell more than once.

She's too stressed out by running an organisation over Zoom for there to be much actual sexy time, but the discipline is harsh.

So lockdown has turned out to be an adventure for me, a trip into the heart of my own darkness. It's genuinely a little scary. I'm very at home in the shadow of my slavery and can't always see the way out. The beatings are fierce enough that I am afraid of them. My cell is a bleak place compared to my own bed. 

However, I've also never felt more fulfilled in my entire life.  

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The World Needs More Female Focused Femdom

The World Needs More Female
Focused Femdom

When people post one of those "Survey Shows Straight Men Crap In Bed" articles on twitter, I often respond with  "The World Needs More #FemaleFocusedFemdom" as cure for things like men coming to bed unwashed, skimping on oral, skipping other stuff...

Let's be clear, "more" is not the same as "everybody". However, an Irish sex survey has 20% of modern couples doing some BDSM. There's probably more couples who would if either partner introduced it, or if they had the confidence. A Quebec survey has roughly half people with dominant fantasies and half with submissive ones, though it's not clear how these overlap.

So there's potential for, say, 30-40% of couples to enjoy some bedroom Femdom. As long as it's female focused - she's really in charge - they can learn her needs and how to satisfy them. However...

The cultural expectation of Femdom makes
Female Focused Femdom difficult. 

The cultural expectation of Femdom makes this difficult.

The dominatrix - whether pro and/or enthusiastic kink fairy, statistically rare - is the gold standard.

So Femdom is performed around his fantasies, tailoring his experience. All work and no play for her.

That same gold standard probably makes malesubs amongst the worst lovers, and bad at submitting. They're not interested in vanilla sex, so don't put the effort in. Since no woman can live up to the fantasy, they obsess with simulating Femdom rather than doing what she wants.

I think malesubs are also often scared of the submissive undertow, and cling to unattainable fantasies in order to keep their heads above water. Their orientation threatens not just their masculinity, but their autonomy. So they go into denial and play Alpha (badly).

Female-focused Femdom is the fix for all this. It's still kinky, but hands her license to be selfish. The sub trades fantasy for the thrill of raw submission. Both partners find satisfaction.

Not for everybody, but the world would be better if there was more of this.

---

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

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"Actually I prefer you this way!": Permanent Chastity and the Other Keyholder Dynamic

"Actually, I prefer you this way."

"Actually, I prefer you this way."

About four years ago, I had just serviced Xena and was about to remove my chastity device to and get myself off in the other room. I had a sudden attack of insecurity: was she still OK to play this "game"(longer log post here).

"Actually, I prefer you this way."

God just thinking about her answer gets me hard in my chastity device!

 Being locked into a chastity device
somehow releases my sensuality.

A lot of keyholder relationships seem to be about the chaste male and his ravenous genitals.

We are told that the chastity device and orgasm denial are the keyholder's main leverage with her caged male. We're asked to believe that without that leverage he'd go back to being his boorish, domestically lazy, semen-daubing self. Permanent chastity would destroy this dynamic by removing the leverage.

Perhaps that's true for some couples.

For us, male chastity is transformative.

With fetishes, it's hard to disentangle turn-ons from things that give permission to be turned on. Being locked into a chastity device somehow releases my sensuality. I am far hornier locked than unlocked, and, on balance, more comfortable as well.

Xena feels the same. For some reason, me being locked up seems to allow her to be sexy, and knowing I'm locked makes her also feel comfortable.

The dynamic that tends towards permanent chastity.

Neither of us are really interested in my orgasm. Xena hasn't been there when it happened for years. Though I have the urge to get off, and try to avoid penalty days,  masturbation is lonely. It always leaves me a little depressed and deflated.

Conversely, I find it immensely... comfortable when she denies me an orgasm. It's more than masochism, it's to do with identity and being owned.

Earlier this year, my orgasm was months away and kept receding. An extra penalty day here or there felt like a drop in the ocean! I simply stopped being scared of the red clicker. What did keep me in line was my submissive nature confirmed by my chastity, and Xena's ability to beat me and make me kneel in the corner.

So Xena doesn't need penalty days to control me, and we are both more comfortable with me locked in a chastity device. 

That means that we are living the other keyholder dynamic, the one where the chastity is more important than the keyholding... the one that tends towards permanent chastity, even if it never attains it.

---

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

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Safe Words and Consent in our Female Focused Femdom

Our Femdom only really started working
for both of us when it stopped being play.

You know, I have never ever used my safeword with Xena.

Nor have I used "traffic lights" or, since we stopped thinking of our Femdom as "play", tried to direct the action.

In fact, our Femdom only really started working for both of us when it stopped being play.

I do from time-to-time give her feedback, but it's of the technical variety, as in "I can't stay still for this, mistress, you need to tie me up." Occasionally, "Sorry mistress, cramp! Let me go."

There's no break in the dynamic, not stepping out of character because we are the characters.

Of late, I haven't really negotiated either. I'm still the one who provides the new ideas, but as a facilitator. It's up to me to suggest and her to pick and choose, and she only goes with innovations she likes.

We don't have the layer of fantasy or roleplay, nothing is simulated. If Xena acts angry, it's because she is angry. If I'm serving her, I'm really serving. Punishment is real punishment (yes the hazard turns me on, but that's different).

So we don't really fit into the BDSM mainstream.

What triggered this entry was blogger "A Strange Desire" talking about a similar approach to Femdom.

I don't share his scathing feelings about the BDSM scene; horses for courses, I think. However, I do think the emphasis on negotiated "play" is not useful for established couples like us where one partner is deeply submissive, and the other likes uncomplicated control.

However, I do diverge from him when he writes...

....I reject the use of safe words. If I can stop an activity with a single word, then I am in control, and I don't want to be in control. A safe word discourages progress in the activities, and reinforces the sense of unreality, because we can stop and step out of the activity at my whim.

Punishment is real punishment.

As I said, we do have a safeword, but have never needed it. However, our safeword is really a safety word.  I would only use it if there was an actual safety concern that couldn't be, or wasn't being, handled within the dynamic.

This emphatically does not give me power of veto, or the ability to skip tracks.

As a submissive in established Female Led Relationship, I find it hard to think outside our dynamic. I'm also terrified of breaking the Femdom. I'd rather put up with something unpleasant than have that happen, and the more I've suffered, the less willing I am to throw away my "investment". Finally, the knowledge that I'm trapped by my own kink is itself a kinky turn on.

My consent is therefore, for most purposes, irrevocable. And we both like it that way.

---

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

GET THE "FOR HIM" MANUAL RIGHT NOW!
GET THE "FOR HER" MANUAL RIGHT NOW!

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)

(For ebook format, 

Lulu or iTunes.)