Missed FLR opportunities and second chances... Part 2

Xena isn't kinky... an odd thing to say about a
woman who can only relate sexually to her
husband when he's being her chaste slave...

(Part one here)
"I get to decide when you have an orgasm and how," says Xena as I rub her back. "If you've been OK, you can do it in another room. If you've been very good, then you can get off with me in the same room but I'll ignore you. And if I'm not satisfied, then no orgasm."

My penis rears against its cage. I thumb her spine in silence. "That sounds great in theory," I say. "But not very practical."

"Oh," says Xena hastily. "I meant when you're in this persona."

"Ah," I say. "But when I'm locked up, I have no interest in being unlocked..."

Yes, my mostly vanilla wife suggested something kinky and....

...I talked it to death.

I missed another FLR opportunity.

The reason I keep missing these FLR opportunities is that Xena isn't really kinky.

Yeah, I know that sounds like an odd thing to say about a woman who can only relate sexually to her husband when he's being her chaste slave, but hear me out!

...she doesn't see boundaries between kink
and non kink...

She's not particularly excited by the fact of BDSM, nor its paraphernalia, nor its culture. She is, however, comfortable being utterly ruthless about using the power I give up to her to get what she wants. Xena really is a Vanilla Dominatrix.

This is a problem because she doesn't see boundaries between kink and non kink--which is why I am using the term FLR (Female Led Relationship) rather than Femdom. Meanwhile, I've always tried to keep some kind of firewall between me-cringing-slave and me-vanilla-me.

For example, years and years ago when we started dating, I persuaded her to have me as a slave for the day. This suited her because she wanted to sort out her apartment. Well and good, but I insisted on dressing as a Roman slave(!) and was very very uncomfortable when she addressed me by name and asked my advice on hanging pictures etc. The end result was a row and no Femdom for a while.

What she really wanted was a Female Led Relationship for the day, with a strong possibility of wild Femdom BDSM in the evening. If only I had turned up in practical clothing and been myself except obedient, we could have had decades of quality Femdom between then and now!

I did eventually learn to accept my submissive side, and what we have now is essentially what we could have had back then: episodes of FLR wrapped around Femdom. The current project is to connect them up, which is why we've started using a clicker during and between sessions to count demerits. How embarrassing then that I didn't just say, "Let's give it a try" and trust her to let me get off at reasonable intervals.

I realized my mistake almost immediately, but it was too late backtrack; she'd gone to sleep. I didn't just need to say sorry, I needed to show I could make this happen for her.

The following week, I wore my chastity device whenever I was alone in the house and managed to the weekend without masturbating. Nothing happened that weekend--it was a busy one--so I hung on all last week.

This weekend we visited relatives. On the way back we were discussing this week's Sabbatical in Slave Land. When the moment was right I said, "Oh and one more thing. Remember you said you wanted to control my orgasms I waffled? Well I decided I should try it out. I haven't had an orgasm for two weeks."

Xena laughs--she finds denying me amusing rather than arousing, which is fine by me. "What a pity! I bet your eyesight has improved."

...she wants "alone time"...

So last night she has me deep clean the kitchen while she watches TV in bed. Then she has me rub her feet--an amazing experience, chastity makes me feel like a teenager again. Finally, she sends me from the room because she wants "alone time", her code for masturbation.

Sometimes when she's tired or out of sorts, she doesn't want my ministrations. I realize this is one of those moments. "The irony is not lost on me," I say as I leave.

Xena smiles. "Perhaps that's why I'm doing this."

Perhaps, I realize as my captive penis starts beating like a caged heart, it is.

Dare you introduce Female Centered Femdom to your relationship?

Missed FLR opportunities and second chances... Part 1

"It's a work night so you'd better go into the en suite and do yourself," says Xena, reaching for her book.

She glances up. "Actually
I prefer you this way."

It's about a year ago.

I'm locked into a chastity cage. I've just pleasured her.

She's being so matter-of-fact that I'm terrified she's bored by the whole arrangement. "Are you still OK with all this?" I ask.

She glances up. "Actually I prefer you this way."

I realize she not only takes my chaste submission for granted, she also prefers it to normal sex!

My penis lurches against its bars. I can't find the right words so retreat to the bathroom.

It's not exactly a bombshell.

Xena is not a prude, but is fastidious. Penis-in-vagina sex is messy and like most women she comes best with oral stimulation. My wife needs to be very turned on to forget this, and we've been together something like twenty years, and she has a demanding job, so those high-energy romantic moments are few and far between. Meanwhile, erotic service has pretty much replaced all the mediocre sex.

A week or so later we have an over-nighter.

After a long massage and oral sex, she curls up next to me and says sleepily, "I don't suppose you'd consider always doing it like this?"

"I don't suppose you'd consider always doing it like this?"

"The idea's a turn on," I say. "But only because I like normal sex."

She mumbles something and drifts off.

A few weeks later and and we haven't had any vanilla sex, just me servicing Xena on a roughly weekly basis. I come to a horrible realization that not only don't I mind, I also prefer it this way too!

Sure, mutual, passionate lovemaking is awesome. However, it's very hard to return to the abandon of our youth. Meanwhile, meat-and-two-veg marital sex--get her off through foreplay then an orgasm for me PIV--feels increasingly shoddy. And there's this other thing; a sense of rightness about male chastity and submission.

So, why not just walk this path for a while? We're having more erotic interaction than most married couples.

And I realize that Xena gave me the things I most wanted--acceptance, permission and approval--and I hemmed and hawed.

I was offered more intense Femdom and I blew it. Could I get a second chance?

The snag is that Xena doesn't naturally do in-depth discussions about relationships and sex. Following BDSM culture's "communication communication communication" mantra will just irritate her.

"default mode"

I pick my moment very carefully. I wait until she's enjoying a massage and feeling chatty.

As I roll my thumbs down her spine, I open with, "I was thinking about what you said."

"What did I say say?"

"That you preferred me this way," I say, now working on her waist.

"Oh?" says Xena. "Did I?"

I laugh. "Yes you did. I'd like to go back to normal sex, but I'm in no rush. How about we assume this is the 'default mode' from now on."

"That suits me," says Xena.

"I like this..." I say.

"I know." She rolls over. "Pass me my pajama top."

A few minutes later, I'm under the covers doing what I do best. She falls asleep just after she comes and I'm left to slope off to the bathroom, unlock and "do" myself.

A good recovery on my part, but--as you'll see in the next entry--not a lesson learned

Why not introduce some Female Centered Femdom to your relationship?