Four steps to hell - how to mentally submit to your wife or girlfriend

The central idea of my Femdom how-to book is that...

Having a part-time slave should offer a Vanilla partner something she shouldn't and couldn't get through  a normal relationship.

That something depends on who she is, and it will be an extension of what she already enjoys. If she's a natural flirt, for example, it will be Teasing and Denial. If she likes being pampered, it's Service.

Once she's used to being in charge and getting what she wants, then she'll may be more comfortable throwing in your favourite kinks at the start of a session, and you're certainly in  a better negotiating position than before!

All this only works if, when you do submit, you really submit. Here's how:

1. Visualise what real slavery would be like
   Use a historical example, like Roman Slavery, or a fantasy (but only as long as it's actual slavery, not an excuse for Fetish).
2. Embrace Slavery
   You are an object. You have no power, no control. There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. You are totally at your owner's mercy. Forget what she might or might not do - she will do as she pleases. 
3. Feel the delicious fear
   You are as lost as if you were 2 miles underground wandering darkened caverns.
4. Let go
   You can't do anything about this. Accept it and just be.

Authentic slavery is the key to getting your Vanilla partner to dominate you. Read my book and find out how.

Background music for the Vanilla Dominatrix

My visits into slavery are warm but dark, like being outside on a Winter's night when you can see the firelight flickering from other people's windows. This music - Moonoght Sonata - hits the nail on the head for me:

Would we ever have it on during a session?

No.

While I'm wallowing in darkness, she's enjoying chilled out "me time".

This  - Mary Black - is more likely to be on the iPod:

That asynchronicity is at the heart of Vanilla Femdom: her mostly "vanilla" choices generate kink for him. If the theme music contrasts, then it's working as it's supposed to.

Better yet, he's on the outside looking in at the warmth. How deliciously dark is that?