Wednesday, 20 June 2018

Kinky Actual Bucket List: Femdom Adventures I Won't Have

Just in case you thought I was living in Femdom paradise, there are plausibly doable kinky things I'd do - or I'm fairly certain I'd do - that I won't ever get to.

Temporary Chattel Slave with No Emotional Relationship

She would have to be my type..
There was a malesub on Reddit who claimed to have spent some of college as the slave to the Lesbian couple who happened to be his roommates. I'd be so up for this. There wouldn't have to be any erotic engagement from them as long as they disciplined me and kept me chaste.  I can't think of a deeper expression of my submissive love for women than to just serve such a couple.

However, I'd also be happy being the chaste slave of just one woman who didn't really know me or care about me, but did enjoy my erotic services. She wouldn't have to be my type, or even attractive. In fact the further from my type the better. Yes, it would be titillating and exciting, and there would be a measure of participative voyeurism. However, it would also be as humble an erotic situation as I can imagine.

For added points, I'd like to be casually passed around between temporary owners. "Your flat looks like it needs a clean. Shall I lend you Giles?"

This is primarily not ever going to happen because I missed the boat. I needed to have moved in BDSM circles at college or before I got married! However, even if I had done clubs and munches, I would have had to have been extremely fortunate.

Serving More Than One Woman as House Slave

I like women.
I like women. It would be awesome to spend - say - a weekend looking after a party of women as a house slave. It wouldn't have to be sexy. It would be enough to be acknowledged as a slave and otherwise ignored, except when Xena gave orders or handed out demerits.

For added points, the punishment could take place in a shared space. (Anything beyond that starts to look like erotic fantasy, and stops being "doable".)

This won't ever happen because Xena is too private, and because we aren't part of a kinky RL circle, and because even if we were it would be hard to find interested parties.

Watching While Cuckolded by a Lesbian 

Unbelievably hot.
There's an older guy on Chastity Mansion who claims, with internal consistency, to have spent the last two decades of his married life being cuckolded by a Lesbian dominatrix while being kept chaste! (It's not an entirely happy story. His wife was probably always a lesbian, but didn't know it because it was the 1970s or whatever. So what they ended up with was a good working compromise. Unfortunately his wife's kinky partner has had to move away, leaving him high and very dry.)

I find this unbelievably hot. Watching and being denied would push my buttons, as would being superseded by a woman.

For added points, this could be in the context of one of the first two scenarios.

It's not going to happen because Xena is 100% straight, or else is unwilling to explore her bi side. Even if she was, she'd have to find a female partner willing to have a slave in attendance. Too bad.pierced and sealed into a permanent titanium cage

PA Piercing with Permanent Chastity

Pierced and sealed into a permanent titanium cage (source)
Mina's Bitch over on tumblr is (or was?) pierced and sealed into a permanent titanium cage.

I can't get the pictures out of my head!

I used to think getting  a pierced dick was extreme at best, and probably unwise. Now, since we haven't had sex for four or so years, the idea doesn't seem quite so silly and the benefits - inescapable chastity - have become attractive.

Make that chastity permanent - as in this stays on until we tire of being these people - and you've got me;  a perfect storm.

It's not going to happen because... well, I don't think I want a hole in my dick. There's also the random factor - will the thing migrate? - and the need to wait nearly two months before installing a device. And Xena would have to want it, which seems unlikely. However if she did, my objections would work against me... but that's for another post.

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Sunday, 10 June 2018

What pushes my wife's buttons about male chastity...

"I prefer you that way, slave. All locked up."

I'm kneeling at the foot of the bed, naked except for my chastity device and nipple clamps.

Xena, my wife of two decades, is having a marathon vibrator session.

This is Femdom in the raw.

It's neither a negotiated scene nor optimum for me - she has the covers drawn up so there's nothing for me to see.

There's no safeword or traffic light colours. I have no control over the action whatsoever.

All I can do is kneel there horribly horribly turned on, aware that I won't be allowed to remove my Custom Chastity Saint for weeks, and only then for quick breaks, not for any kind of orgasm, not until I've lost another 2.1 kg.

I groan.

She looks up over the mound of her knees under the covers. "Having trouble, slave?"

She knows "slave" sets me off. Knowing she knows makes it even more powerful.

My captive cock strains against its cage and I gasp, "Tell me you prefer me this way, mistress!"

 I won't be allowed to remove
my Custom Chastity Saint for weeks
"I prefer you that way, slave. All locked up."

My hips twitch and I groan again.

She giggles.

And suddenly it clicks.

Tomorrow morning, Xena will head off for a few days for work. Just before lights out, I insisted she take responsibility for the key. (Call it topping from the bottom if you like. However, from where I'm standing... kneeling... it's more a case of me not giving it away for free. If she wants a slave - she emphatically does - then she has to actually manage him.)

The totally non-kinky honest it's
to help your diet
ksafe timelock safe!  
Xena opted for the ksafe. She wasn't really interested in the process but she pressed the button and I got my moment of fear as the lugs whirred into their slots and I was irrevocably locked up for three days.

I made a point of telling her this was for real: yes, I can pull out the back, but if I masturbate I end up too puffy and bruised to get back in for an hour or so, so I'm then stuck with a partially installed chastity device locked to my balls and can't, e.g., go out to meetings or sit at my desk and work.

Xena has worked late to polish off a report, so lights out arrives with no kinky pyrotechnics. However... in the dark, she suddenly becomes frisky - prodding my balls with her feet and getting me turned on while I whimper.

"Better not have a wet dream," she purs. "That'll be another two weeks." More prodding.

More groaning from me.

"Night night slave."


"Oh, I know what I want to do."

The light comes on and suddenly I'm kneeling on the floor at the foot of the bed while her vibrator buzzes under the covers.

She enjoyed male as prey.
Back when we were dating, she was very sexually... aggressive? Adventurous? Wild?

At the time, I took that as a meeting of erotic minds. However, looking back, I think she enjoyed male as prey. She dominated by being super sexual, overwhelming her more inhibited partners.

The snag was that, even back then, I didn't have many inhibitions. So our baseline vanilla sexual styles were ultimately incompatible.

That left vanilla and kinky teasing styles: stringing out my orgasm, making me work for it. That amused her for a while. However, for her, deep down, tuning into me and playing me artfully always felt irritatingly like service, and she's very dominant.

We were left with what we mostly have now: a warm marriage, but a coldly instrumental erotic relationship in which I serve and she takes, and she sometimes beats me for various infractions.

I like being used
I'm not complaining, I like being used. (To be honest, if I weren't married I would be fine in that kind of part-time relationship with somebody where there was no emotional bond whatsoever.)

However, it's also a turn on for me when she's turned on by kink, and of course I want her to be happy and have her peak moments. And it makes the Femdom both more sustainable and more deliciously unpredictable.

How do my wife's peak erotic moments arrive?

Mostly in what I think of as Diva Mode. Here's her Mode Table as per my Vanilla Dominatrix book:

The red arrow indicates her diminishing energy levels. It's never about me, and only ever about her when she's feeling energised. My reactions are important as proof of her power. She's neither playing me nor really engaging with my feelings.

Her peak moments arrive mostly
when she beats me
Mostly, Diva Mode only happens when she beats me. If it's not too late at night and she has the energy, more often than not giving me a thorough beating gets her turned on enough to masturbate, or even involve me.

The beatings are never something I can duck out of. She's made it quite clear that safe words are for actual safety only. She can hurt me as much as she likes, even if it leaves me weeping.

It sounds as brutal as hell - it is, deliciously so. However, turn it on its head and see it from her point of view.

Any sense that her power is provisional, that I can turn the tables and pull the rug out from under her leaving her looking silly, is a passion killer. She'd end up second guessing herself, trying to judge things right so I didn't pull the plug.

Unconditional power may be a turn on, but for her it's also a disinhibitor. If she feels secure, then she can settle back and enjoy the Femdom.

Her other peak Femdom moments arise when she starts teasing me about being locked. It's always after lights out, and always when it's really clear I'm staying locked for a while, especially when the ksafe comes into action.

I did try to reflect this with our original FLR chastity system: her orgasms put back mine by days or even weeks. This stopped working after a couple of years. The mistake was that it made her orgasms about me rather than a celebration of her power. Essentially I was trying to nudge her into the wrong column.

I suggested something different at the start of this year: we agreed she would try a month of her having the arbitrary power to tell me to unlock on a Monday (i.e. to get off) and that otherwise I would stay chaste. She simply denied me an orgasm for four weeks.

Which takes us back to me kneeling on the floor, quivering while the vibrator buzzes around my wife's unseen pussy.

Security lets her relax into her dominance.
It's never about how long I've been locked, or the act of locking. That's all about making a fuss over me and my emotions.

I had thought it was about how long I will be locked, but really that was just her need to set sensible limits so her conscience didn't kick in. The more practical the chastity device, the longer I've shown  I can cope with chastity, the more casual she is about leaving me locked in it.

So my wife has three kinky passion killers and two matching kinky dis-inhibitors:
  • An insecure power relationship makes her hold back for fear of breaking it. Security lets her relax into her dominance.
  • Responsibility makes her second guess herself, and feels like service. Freedom from responsibility unleashes her whimsical sadistic side.
  • Focus on me feels like service. Focus on her makes her horny. 
What am I going to do about this? (Because it's my job to come up with ways to make the Female Led Relationship work for both of us.)

I'll certainly continue to treat the rules and the power as real! Also, the Saint 2.0 I'm expecting to get to field test later in the year will be even more practical than the one I am currently locked into. I have a horrible sexy feeling that that will take the brakes off her dominance.

That leaves how to deal with lockup.

  • She clearly doesn't enjoy managing my lock up - that forces her to be responsible and puts the focus on me, a double whammy.
  • She clearly does want me to be in as close to permanent chastity as is practical, even if she doesn't quite want to take responsibility for it.
  • She's most enthusiastic when it's not about my heroic feats of self discipline (and hence me), e.g. since I've been able to wear 24/7 my periods of chastity have increased.
  • When lockup is the default, then she doesn't tend to order me to unlock.

....does want me to be in
as close to permanent chastity
as is practical... 
So we should definitely use the ksafe more, and set it for much longer time periods. Or try sealing the device in some semi permanent way. And I should not expect too much drama around the actual locking.

However, it does seem to be a good thing to call attention to how much time ahead I have to endure.

This leads me to an interesting idea.

Suppose I set the ksafe for two weeks, locked the key in, then took the batteries out?

Each night when I present her with my demerit counter, I could also offer a little plastic wallet with the batteries in it. She has the option to tell me install them so I can be freed in two weeks. If she doesn't feel like making a decision, I stay locked by default. However, she's also reminded that I'm locked for at least those two weeks...

We'll see.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
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Monday, 4 June 2018

How many men are locked in chastity? What's the chaste population?

You can bet on at least 20% developed
world couples with a man in them
do kink at least some of the time.
There are lots of surveys on BDSM. You can bet on at least 20% developed world couples with a man in them do kink at least some of the time.

(I take the 20% from a stunning survey of Irish couples.)

Say 50% of kinky relationships involve male submission (it's M/m, F/m or they switch).

(Quebec sexual fantasy survey has roughly half of all people fantasising about dominating their partner or being dominated by them.)

The chastity device is now a pretty standard malesub accessory, and cheap, so let's say 50% of malesub couples have one.

So, 20% x 50% x 50% = 5% of men have a male chastity device, perhaps (and we're still in the developed world here).

How many men are locked in an ongoing way (rather than just for an evening)?

Perhaps 5% of men own a chastity device
On the one hand, lifestyle relationships have to be outliers.

On the other ahd, chastity and D/s has its own gravity. The slope is slippery.

So let's say 5% of men who have a chastity device are actually locked.

5% of 5% is 0.25%

So I'd say that 1 in  400 men are "locked".

Which is still pretty stunning. I would guess these are clustered in certain demographics, meaning that if you are locked, then you're probably already in the demographic where most people are kinky.

So, perhaps 1 in 80 of the men around you are locked in chastity...