Thursday, 23 January 2014

4 predictions for kink in the next 5 years

 "Electronically Enhanced Chastity
and BDSM devices"
Just came across a nice post about the future of kink. Here are my predictions in order of likelihood...

1. Escape proof male chastity cage

This is a no-brainer. There's already one easy short-term security solution using pubic hair. We're seeing new materials emerging all the time. All that's needed is a glue pad that sticks safely to skin. It doesn't have to act as an anchor--the skin too easily shears away--just a tether.

Alternatively, it would be fairly straightforward to equip a chastity device with an electronic detection system that went off when the wearer pulled out. Even a simple pressure sensor would act as a deterrent because even if you could fool it getting out, getting back in would be complicated.

2. Electronically Enhanced Chastity and BDSM devices

We're already seeing this with the somewhat clunky Dreamlover device (which I would buy if i could afford!). As electronics get smaller and easier, we'll see more remote shockers, more semi-automated sub management devices based on things like heart rate monitors and skin sensors.

Specific things I expect in male chastity devices are:

2. Chastity devices accepted as marital tools

People will probably never accept drooling kink in the open, but I bet there will be a tacit acceptance of male chastity devices as a way of ensuring fidelity or breaking internet porn habits, or just as a spice. I think this is already happening. This, of course, will mask a whole load of real drooling kink.

(The reason I put this second is that it really does require escape proof devices in order to happen.)

3. Female and Male led marriages will become acceptable

Bedroom details embarrasses people. However, emotional arrangements are easily rationalized or filed away as a fact and then more or less lose their significance. We've seen gay relationships becoming mainstream, we're seeing the slow emergence of polyamory as an acceptable choice.

There's also a new pragmatism about relationships. People understand that long term monogamy is difficult and that there are all sorts of evolutionary psychological undertows. People are also more aware that couples fall into FLR and MLR by default anyway -- we see this happening in the series Suburgatory.

So, though I don't see lifestyle Femdom or Maledom ever becoming mainstream--bedroom details!--I think we will see politically correct and alt circles gradually accept first FLR then, grudgingly. MLR.

4. Chaste accepted as an orientation

Again, in PC circles, we see an obsession with a taxonomy of orientations--not just gay or straight, but a-sexual, poly-sexual and on on. I think there's room for chaste in this lot...

Why not embrace the future and use my books to introduce some Femdom to your relationship..?

Wednesday, 22 January 2014

Threw out my old DIY chastity belt

I stare at the black plastic cup with its webbing spider legs. "I'm not ever going to wear this again, am I?"

Xena looks up from the box of old postcards she's sorting. "Well, throw it out."

"A cool solution to the locking problem. Eventually
I had a fully adjustable locking chastity belt,
like a hi-tech version 
of the Victorian ones."
"But it took five years to develop." Five years of small improvements. Polymer clay for the tube, polypropylene webbing for the harness. A cool solution to the locking problem. Eventually I had a fully adjustable locking chastity belt, like a hi-tech version of the Victorian ones.

I was pretty proud of myself. However, any sort of belt is unforgiving on  a middle aged back, and it took too long to get on. My new Chinese chastity cage is takes seconds to lock in place, is much easier to go out and about in. And, if I want secure, then there's my pubic hair chastity security fix.

Earlier I binned my home made fetters. Nice leather things but much much more trouble than the Velcro webbing kit I got from Amazon--which is why the leather acquired mildew.

 She's busy with her task and does not see me
staring at her elegant neck or tracing her figure 
We BDSMers are almost mainstream now. It's almost always cheaper and easier to hit Google for a particular sex toy or piece of bondage equipment than to spend the time gathering craft materials, and more time tinkering.

I glance over a Xena. She's busy with her task and does not see me staring at her elegant neck or tracing her figure through her yoga pants. My cock swells in its cage which I won't be removing for another twelve hours.

I toss the old chastity belt in the rubbish bag, along with the cheap but plugs that fell apart in the dishwasher.

Monday, 20 January 2014


"Perhaps I need three wristbands..." I say.

I'm kneeling at the end of the bed giving Xena her Sunday night foot rub. There's no chance of any erotic action, but I'm locked into my chastity device anyway. It's the end of a weekend sabbatical, in preparation for which I avoided orgasming for a week. Just touching her turns me on and makes me remember the previous night when my services were very much required...

Xena doesn't look up from her tablet. "Guess what?" She reads out some gossip from Facebook and we share a laugh. Then, "What was that about wristbands?"

"Oh," I say. "I was thinking this one doesn't give me much range." I'm wearing  a grey wristband to remind us both of my status, which we jokingly call Compliant Husband. "And that I could do with two more. But now I realize that's silly."

"How so?" asks Xena. "Do the heel.. that's nice."

"Well," I say. "I was thinking I might have a red wristband for when I was chaste but otherwise equal..." I trail off as she laughs. "But I guess we'd never use it."

 "..the previous night when my services
very much required..."
"Too right," says my wife. It's not  a kinky thing. She genuinely finds the idea amusing. When it comes to kink, it's her way or the highway.

"And perhaps a black wristband for when I was a mute slave," I continue. "But we don't need that either because you can shut me up anytime you want."

Xena nods and goes back to her tablet.

For adding some Femdom to your relationship, try my BDSM self-help guides....

Thursday, 16 January 2014

BDSM Culture is not the same as BDSM.

"BDSM Culture ...predicated on 
the assumption that... 
the top or dominant is as 
kinky as the bottom or sub."
Posted on reddit earlier:

BDSM Culture is not the same as BDSM.

BDSM Culture has evolved to make BDSM safe, sane and consensual especially (but not exclusively) between players that are new to each other, e.g. through the BDSM dating scene or at clubs.

"If I am whipped, it is 
because she is cross..." 
It's also predicated on the assumptions that the interactions are essentially benign, and that the top or dominant is as kinky as the bottom or sub. This explains all the jargon and emphasis on communication and aftercare. It especially explains the use of half-way house safe words to indicate things like "too intense".

Outside BDSM culture, subs and bottoms often have vanilla - non kinky - partners. Such partners are usually not interested in embracing the subculture and impatient with anything demanding time or effort with no obvious benefit for them.

The sub has a very poor negotiating position and mostly can only take what he or she is given, and take responsibility for all the practicalities. This can still work on a part-time basis because having a slave is nice even if you aren't kinky, and it is in the nature of power to corrupt.

However, the result is nastier and looks abusive and exploitative. Safewords are reserved for safety, there's minimal communication and negotiation, and good luck with aftercare (unless the dom enjoys giving it).
"If I'm serving, I really 
am serving." 

We, of course, are in the latter category. Though sometimes I get a "treat" like an end of week whipping, the action is always genuine. If I'm serving, I really am serving. If I am denied it's because she isn't interested in making me come. If I am whipped, it is because she is cross, or else she becomes cross during the whipping. In one sense it's bleak as hell. In another it is an amazing privilege to do this mostly 'for real', albeit part time.

For adding some Femdom to your relationship, try my BDSM self-help guides....

Tuesday, 14 January 2014

How to feel good about being a sexual submissive

"...not much in the vanilla world can
crush and humiliate us any more;
being a submissive 
you stronger. "
Being a submissive takes getting used to. Not the experience itself, though that takes practice. I mean the fact of being a submissive.

"It's only a game" doesn't get you very far. The role feels way too comfortable to be dismissed so easily. The inescapable truth is that part of you is a submissive, and that doesn't gel with our ideas about adult dignity and self determination. Worse, if you are a man, you may secretly fear that it means that you are a wimp and a loser and if you are woman submitting to a man... well, it goes against the Feminist grain.

The good news is that there are better ways to look at your sexual preference:

1. Submission is a delicious secret identity

Accept that you are a submissive, but refuse to identify with it. Instead it's a separate, secret part of your life. Enjoy that secret; the people around you have no idea what you've done or what you're capable of!

2. Submissives are strong

We submissives do things that would emotionally destroy other people, and we come out the other side flushed and happy. You have to be strong to do that! Better yet, after a while, not much in the vanilla world can crush and humiliate us any more; being a submissive makes you stronger.

3. Submission is a subversive extreme gender sport

"As a male submissive,
you get high rejecting
traditional masculinity."
Submission is about more than just getting off; there's the adrenalin and the endorphins, the excitement and the glow. So it's reasonable to think of it as a kind of extreme sport.

Rather than jumping off bridges with elastic ropes tied around our ankles, we are make patriarchy our plaything.

As a male submissive, you get high rejecting traditional masculinity. As a female submissive you turn traditional femininity into a kink.

That's subversive, isn't it?

For adding some Femdom to your relationship, try my BDSM self-help guides....