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| "BDSM Culture ...predicated on the assumption that... the top or dominant is as kinky as the bottom or sub." |
BDSM Culture is not the same as BDSM.
BDSM Culture has evolved to make BDSM safe, sane and consensual especially (but not exclusively) between players that are new to each other, e.g. through the BDSM dating scene or at clubs.
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| "If I am whipped, it is because she is cross..." |
It's also predicated on the assumptions that the interactions are essentially benign, and that the top or dominant is as kinky as the bottom or sub. This explains all the jargon and emphasis on communication and aftercare. It especially explains the use of half-way house safe words to indicate things like "too intense".
Outside BDSM culture, subs and bottoms often have vanilla - non kinky - partners. Such partners are usually not interested in embracing the subculture and impatient with anything demanding time or effort with no obvious benefit for them.
The sub has a very poor negotiating position and mostly can only take what he or she is given, and take responsibility for all the practicalities. This can still work on a part-time basis because having a slave is nice even if you aren't kinky, and it is in the nature of power to corrupt.
However, the result is nastier and looks abusive and exploitative. Safewords are reserved for safety, there's minimal communication and negotiation, and good luck with aftercare (unless the dom enjoys giving it).
We, of course, are in the latter category. Though sometimes I get a "treat" like an end of week whipping, the action is always genuine. If I'm serving, I really am serving. If I am denied it's because she isn't interested in making me come. If I am whipped, it is because she is cross, or else she becomes cross during the whipping. In one sense it's bleak as hell. In another it is an amazing privilege to do this mostly 'for real', albeit part time.
For adding some Femdom to your relationship, try my BDSM self-help guides....
Outside BDSM culture, subs and bottoms often have vanilla - non kinky - partners. Such partners are usually not interested in embracing the subculture and impatient with anything demanding time or effort with no obvious benefit for them.
The sub has a very poor negotiating position and mostly can only take what he or she is given, and take responsibility for all the practicalities. This can still work on a part-time basis because having a slave is nice even if you aren't kinky, and it is in the nature of power to corrupt.
However, the result is nastier and looks abusive and exploitative. Safewords are reserved for safety, there's minimal communication and negotiation, and good luck with aftercare (unless the dom enjoys giving it).
 |
| "If I'm serving, I really am serving." |
We, of course, are in the latter category. Though sometimes I get a "treat" like an end of week whipping, the action is always genuine. If I'm serving, I really am serving. If I am denied it's because she isn't interested in making me come. If I am whipped, it is because she is cross, or else she becomes cross during the whipping. In one sense it's bleak as hell. In another it is an amazing privilege to do this mostly 'for real', albeit part time.
For adding some Femdom to your relationship, try my BDSM self-help guides....
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