Thursday, 28 June 2012

How to be a Roman Dominatrix published!

My new femdom how-to guide is now available on Kindle! It's for adventurous female readers who want to dominate their man, but are "vanilla", meaning not naturally kinky.

As you might imagine from the title, it's based on the (very hot) idea that Ancient Roman ladies routinely owned male slaves for pleasure!

What Roman slavery can teach  us about enjoying modern Femdom

Why the obsession with Ancient Roman slave owners?

This -
Yes,  a Roman lady... enjoying her slave. 

Authentic slavery means kink for him, vanilla for her

From her point of view, nothing kinky is going on. She's just enjoying  a quick licking the way a modern woman might take out her vibrator. 

From his point of view... well, it ticks many of the Femdom boxes: Oral Service, Male Nude Female Clothed, Humiliation, Objectification, Denial, Teasing (accidental) and, if he's wearing a theca, Male Chastity! If she's feeling playful, then there will be other kinks as well.

Roman-style slavery just works!

This asymmetry is a revelation! What if, instead of trying to tune in to her submissive husband or boyfriend's fantasies, the modern vanilla dominatrix simply treated him as an authentic slave?

Sure, it wouldn't deliver everything he'd spent years imagining, but it would give him a dose of 100% authentic slavery - no guilt, no second guessing, just service and suffering. 

Better yet, she'd know exactly what to do with her slave, because she'd be entirely suiting herself and relying on the situation to generate the kink for him.

And that's what my book "How to be a Roman Dominatrix" is about.

Thursday, 7 June 2012

Teasing and Denial or just Denial?

A recent discussion on Fetlife got me thinking about the dangers of confusing the Femdom menu with the set meal.

In this case, the topic was Teasing and Denial - she takes you to the edge and enjoys not letting you have an orgasm.

T&D is standard fetish-fare, and if you wander around blogger, you'll find plenty of blogs in which middle aged husbands recount their attempts to pester their wives into it.

It's not Femdom if you manipulate her into doing it!

The truth is that this is a particular sort of pastime enjoyed by particular kinds of women. It requires skill, energy and most of all the will to do it. 

Some women just don't "get" teasing and denial, so on what planet is it Femdom to pester them into it?

Be honest and call it "service topping", or just a sex game. The classic Joy of Sex has a whole section on "slow masturbation". Try that.

What does Teasing have to offer her anyway?

Taken on its own, Teasing just an extension of flirting and offers women the same pleasures in more extreme form (whatever those are). Not all women enjoy flirting, so not all women enjoy teasing.

Moreover, she doesn’t have to tease in order to get the benefits of denying you.

What does Denial have to offer her?

Denial is more complex. 

It can simply be a default – she gets to enjoy your services without any obligation; what penis? 

It can also be a sadistic act on her part, especially if coupled with Teasing.

Of course, if you are trapped in a state of denial, then much of what she does will feel like teasing.
The snag is that it can be quite psychologically hard for her to go through with denial, especially when her brain is awash with post-orgasm happy chemicals.

 * * *

As always, go with whatever she feels drawn to and ditch the rest. If you particularly “enjoy” denial then get a chastity device and put the key out of reach during sessions.
For more advice like this, see my Femdom manual.