Thursday, 7 June 2012

Teasing and Denial or just Denial?

A recent discussion on Fetlife got me thinking about the dangers of confusing the Femdom menu with the set meal.

In this case, the topic was Teasing and Denial - she takes you to the edge and enjoys not letting you have an orgasm.

T&D is standard fetish-fare, and if you wander around blogger, you'll find plenty of blogs in which middle aged husbands recount their attempts to pester their wives into it.

It's not Femdom if you manipulate her into doing it!

The truth is that this is a particular sort of pastime enjoyed by particular kinds of women. It requires skill, energy and most of all the will to do it. 

Some women just don't "get" teasing and denial, so on what planet is it Femdom to pester them into it?

Be honest and call it "service topping", or just a sex game. The classic Joy of Sex has a whole section on "slow masturbation". Try that.

What does Teasing have to offer her anyway?

Taken on its own, Teasing just an extension of flirting and offers women the same pleasures in more extreme form (whatever those are). Not all women enjoy flirting, so not all women enjoy teasing.

Moreover, she doesn’t have to tease in order to get the benefits of denying you.

What does Denial have to offer her?

Denial is more complex. 

It can simply be a default – she gets to enjoy your services without any obligation; what penis? 

It can also be a sadistic act on her part, especially if coupled with Teasing.

Of course, if you are trapped in a state of denial, then much of what she does will feel like teasing.
The snag is that it can be quite psychologically hard for her to go through with denial, especially when her brain is awash with post-orgasm happy chemicals.

 * * *

As always, go with whatever she feels drawn to and ditch the rest. If you particularly “enjoy” denial then get a chastity device and put the key out of reach during sessions.
For more advice like this, see my Femdom manual.

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