Reviews of Vanilla Dominatrix and Roman Dominatrix (via emails and comments)

I just had a series of emails from a reader (who wishes to remain anonymous). They pretty much made my day, so -- with his permission -- I'll replicate parts of them here:

"...an easy leap to realize
that femdom is a core kink,"Don't just read this, read my
Femdom self help guides and live the life! 

I just wanted to say thanks for writing the Vanilla Dominatrix. 

Been into crossdressing for a while — and when I realized I was really into femdom, I wasn't sure how to explain it to my fiancée. Your book gave me the confidence and language I needed to do it, and it couldn't have gone better...

Knowing how to pitch it to her has meant that she's gotten really into it as well, and has fully embraced it. While we're not totally sure exactly what we're into, but we're excited to try it together, and none of it would have been possible without your book!
Thank you — so much.

To which I asked...

So did you progress from cross dressing to Femdom with her, or discover what you actually liked was Femdom and therefore the cross dressing was less important?

And he responded...

Always knew I was into crossdressing, especially forced feminization. But lately it didn't have the same spark, and after some introspection I realized it was because while I deeply enjoy the act itself, what I really find arousing is femdom mixed with it. From there it was an easy leap to realize that femdom is a core kink, and that crossdressing can add some delightful spark to it.

That's what my Getting her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix is all about. Not how to do specific kinks, but how to think about them and then see their potential benefits from your partner's point of view. I'm so happy that these two lovebirds found my book useful!

Meanwhile in the comments to another article, an anonymous commentator said:

Terrific and enlightening book.... I bought both books. Getting Her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix was good, pointed out a lot of things I did wrong early in our relationship. However, The Roman Dominatrix is amazing. Creating that firewall and the psychological aspects of getting her to feel comfortable in the role were especially helpful.

I've had some odd, slightly suspect reviews over on Amazon. One reviewer accused me of disrespecting BDSM culture, which is odd because the books aren't about BDSM culture. So reviews like this make it all worthwhile. Thanks guys!

---

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her. 

New Amazon Review of Getting Her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix

I missed a new review on my Vanilla Dominatrix book:

"Getting Her To Be A Vanilla Dominatrix" by Giles English instructs submissive men how to make their femdom fantasies come true with a significant other.
Many have tried and failed to woo a vanilla partner into dominance. Lifestyle players urge us to seek out partners in the BDSM community and establish sexual compatibility beyond a shadow of a doubt. To try and convert a vanilla lover or spouse to the dark side is folly that will only lead to frustration and heartache they maintain. Flying in the face of such accepted wisdom Giles English proposes that our best chance of finding happiness is to explore femdom with someone we love.
Giles points out that many components go into building a successful relationship. If we base our choice of a life partner entirely on kink compatibility other issues may arise that will derail us later on. He freely admits that his methods may not work for everyone. Giles documents specific steps based on his own experience but makes no money back guarantee of success. There are some women who will simply never be open to exploring kink. For some of us it will be "no soup for you" regardless of how hard we stir the pot.
"Vanilla Dominatrix" encourages us to sell our inner slave to the woman we love. For the man who hopes to woo his lady into dominance Giles has the following advice: "Stop regarding dominant females as a means to an end; a high maintenance sex toy that could be replaced by an android. Give up all sense of entitlement and focus on what's in it for her." This is excellent advice.
Giles uses PRI mapping and profiles to methodically describe his strategy for seducing a partner into dominance. Such systems of classification (some might say manipulation) have always seemed somewhat hokey to me. Nevertheless someone just starting out may find valuable advice therein. At it's core the idea is to base your femdom explorations on qualities your lover already possesses rather than trying to build on something that isn't there.
If you are a submissive man hoping to woo his partner into dominance you may find some of the suggestions in "Vanilla Dominatrix" very helpful indeed. (link)

 I'm glad people are finding this book useful. It started off as a response to the embarrassing mistakes of wannabe subs including myself. There is a big downside to learning by doing!

For adding Femdom to your relationship, see my His and Hers  Femdom self help books available in a variety of electronic-formats.

Her Majesty's Plaything reviews "Getting Her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix"

I've been following Her Majesty's Plaything for ages. He's much harder core  - more Fet scene - than I am, or would want to be:

I have explored kink in the context of my personal relationships and have been known to frequent the occasional dungeon in my travels. My goal is to deeply explore my submissive sexuality and continue to nurture a D/s relationship with the love of my life; my wife of twenty two years.

But that's just down to personal taste and kink/rest-of-life balance. His philosophy is essentially the same as mine; his submission is about his partner, not him. He also doesn't pull his punches.

For this reason I was both thrilled and a little scared when he accepted a review copy of Getting Her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix, and then wrote a review! (If you've just tuned in, this book is all about how to get your vanilla partner to dominate you, and to enjoy doing it.)

He just posed his review of my Femdom manual:

[iTunes][Epub][Kindle][Nook]

He kicked off by discussing the perils of being a sub and went on to remark:

Flying in the face of... accepted wisdom Giles English proposes that our best chance of finding happiness is to explore Femdom with someone we love.

He goes on to give a very good summary of my book, and finally sums up:

...the idea is to base your Femdom explorations on qualities your lover already possesses rather than trying to build on something that isn't there. I agree with that approach and have [long ago] applied similar principles in my own relationship with Her Majesty to positive effect.

Given how very experienced and how widely-read this Femdom blogger is, I am both thrilled and relieved he approved of my manual!

If this piques your interest in my Femdom manual, take a look at the Amazon preview!

Getting her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix got a 5 star review

A femdom how-to manual for subs to read

Hurrah!

This is the best book on how to introduce your wife/girlfriend into femdom.Most books on this subject contain "odd" ways to introduce women into femdom. This is a realistic, down to earth and practical guide to understand what to do (and what to avoid, very important in this matter) and how to get her into femdom without making a fool of yourself. And make both of you enjoy it.I think this guide provides you with a better approach so you can succeed in both making your desires true and making your partner part of it.

FIVE STAR REVIEW!!!!

An actual Vanilla Dominatrix reviews of "The Vanilla Dominatrix"

"Kisanji" says:

I am constantly on the look out for info/books that could help would be Vanilla-ish Dommes and/or guys who are hoping to introduce the idea of F/m interactions into their relationships. I've come across a couple of recommendable books, and recently I had the chance to read another recommendable ebook. "The Vanilla Dominatrix" by Giles English. (found at http://www.lulu.com/product/ebook/the-vanilla-domin… )
Giles guides the (male) reader through

• observing his girlfriend/wife,
• figuring out her communication and energy modes,
• using that information to figure out windows of opportunities for FemDom activities,
• how to introduce ideas specific to those windows of opportunities,
• and basically, how to maximize the benefits and minimize the costs for her.

While Giles gave plenty of examples and exercises, I would have liked to have seen a more detailed process of what was actually observed in the female's actions that led him to the conclusion of her modes. I would also have liked to see a method for checking that the observations and conclusions actually applied to that particular female, as a way of reducing fantasy and desires influencing the male's observations. Reducing these influences might reduce possible fuck-ups during the observation and figuring out processes. As for myself, having the greater detail in these two first, most important, steps might make it easier for me to figure out my own modes. As is, I feel a bit like I'm floundering in this part.
The steps and processes after that seem easy enough to work out. I love the idea he gives of using those windows of opportunities as a way of getting one's foot in the door. A side-effect of this part is that the female might feel as if her guy has honestly paid attention to her needs, or read her mind. This stems from the guy having actually spent time getting to know her modes, before even bringing up kink. And what kink he does bring up, is specific to her modes and needs. A great cycle.
It's a smallish sized ebook, but it lacks much of the filler content I find in other books, making the 89 pages a decent size. It's written specifically for the guys, though an interested female might make some use of the info. It's price point is a bit high for an impulse buy, but considering what many submissive/kinky males will pay for less useful information, it's an understandable price. However, it might reduce vanilla-ish female dominants from purchasing it in their own searches..but then...again, she's not really the primary target. His blog site has mentioned the idea of writing an ebook for Her, so perhaps she will benefit from what he's learned from making and selling this first book.
There are a few minor grammar errors, mostly those that occur during an editing process where part of one idea or sentence was partially deleted, but a couple of words like 'in' or 'be' got left out. But...since I'm not a grammar nazi, those errors didn't really bother me.

  Yep, it is short. It took a lot of effort to compress all the thoughts into so few words :)

I'd love to add more specific tips on "window spotting", especially the testing and verification process. I'll, hoping eventually I'll be able to gather some examples from readers.

Robert Anthony reviews "The Vanilla Dominatrix"

I sent Robert Anthony a copy of my femdom manual and he was kind enough to post a review. It's quite a balanced piece, which means that I'm all the more pleased that he was able to say:

This book is written from an almost academic standpoint, with references to ancient Greece in the early parts of the book and a scientific approach to the task at hand. Rest assured this book has a purpose and anyone purchasing in the hope of being titillated will be disappointed. This is written like a text book, which does make it a little dry for the casual reader, but if you are considering purchasing this book then you are probably not a casual reader.
Giles gets you to analyse your own circumstances and uses examples to show how you can 'manipulate' situations to get the things you want without crossing your wife/lover's boundaries. The word manipulate always carries negative connotations, but in this instance I don't see that it should. Manipulation is exactly what is being suggested, but if that has the positive outcome that is the aim of the book, and everyone is happy in the end, then I don't see the harm.
The truth is most women would probably baulk at the idea of male submission and chastity, until they try it, but how do you convince them if they flatly refuse to try it? What this book sets out to do is to suggest ways you can steer your relationship gradually the way you would like it to go. I still think there are a few jumps in assumption here and there, and the fact is all you can do is try and show your wife/lover the benefits to her of accepting your proposal, and seeing how it goes.

I'd rather he hadn't used the word "manipulate", though I can see why he does. I prefer "extend", in that I never say lie to your partner, or cynically exploit them. Instead, try to extend their vanilla pleasures into kink, while being honest (but without spilling your guts).

Judge for yourself - you can read the preview of the Vanilla Dominatrix by clicking this link...

Reader reviews of "The Vanilla Dominatrix"

Focus on the end result...

Some of the people to whom I gave review copies are finally producing Feedback.

"A breath of fresh air"
"baggyone72" of the Fetlife community provided some useful suggestions for the second edition and was kind enough to say:

Overall I liked the book very much. It certainly opened up possible avenues for me to explore, and potentially is something that my wife can also accept. I love the idea of a "part-time slave" and the fact that the biggest hurdle is in selling the product. Your book was a breath of fresh air - I am sick of books/websites on "female led relationships" and the like where the only way is to become a doormat/houseboy...which in my case is never going to happen;
a) my wife wouldn't let it happen, she is quite traditional in her view of marital roles.
b) I'm not interested in fawning and doing all the domestic chores 100% of the time.

Old dog new tricks!

Meanwhile,  Fred Norman, veteran kinkster and maker of amazing whips told me:

Really excellent, Giles.  An A+  I see where and why I've made mistakes in the past.

However, he did point out that not everybody would get my Briticisms! Something to fix in the 2nd edition.