Monday, 25 March 2019

A Hard Chastity Manifesto?

The problem with permanent chastity is that though we are justified it to mean "sealed in long term chastity" it sounds more like a claim to perpetual chastity, which is both unrealistic, and not usually what people intend.

I think "Hard Chastity" is a better term.

"Hard" has meanings like firm, unyielding, unsentimental, unsympathetic/lacking compassion, harsh/rigid, and  we use the terms like "hard vacuum", "hard agreement" and "hard time".

So I propose that we use "Hard Chastity" to describe the starkest device-based chastity practices, with the scope limited to the genitals - no pedantic nitpicking around "it's not hard chastity unless you sleep in separate rooms and only think pure thoughts:

  • Chastity Device is sealed such that release requires a positive decision. This means that a combination of time, expense and care deter casual release or escape.  A cable-tie or a cheap padlock don't count. Nor does the device come off for cleaning, teasing or whatever.
  • The Chastity Device is a done deal or body modification. The Dominant (if they exist) is not a "keyholder".  There's no dialogue around locking and unlocking, nor is hard chastity used as leverage or currency. The dominant can - and probably will - order release at some point, but this will not be a casual decision. In general, in Hard Chastity, no aspect of the relationship is about your genitals.
  • No orgasms other than wet dreams and spontaneous ejaculations. It's not hard chastity if you or your partner are getting you off with pegging or milking. 
  • Expected to last at least 3 months, open ended at least to 9 months. In hard chastity, you accept to your state rather than endure until release. Three months is the average time to adjust to a new condition. Nine months is the same time again twice, to ensure that time adjusted is more significant than time adjusting. (This point implies that the device has to be fit for long term wear.)

So, "sealed", "done deal", "no orgasms" and "open ended".

The last point is the one I'm not quite sure about. When Xena had me seal myself in, I expected to be stuck for a month or so, not seven months and counting. What's should the time stipulation be?

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

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Friday, 22 March 2019

What counts as permanent chastity?

Nothing lasts forever! Permanent chastity can't, logically, be perpetual because something is bound to crop up between now and the end of life requiring removal. So what do we really mean? What should we really mean?

First, we shouldn't lose sight of the technical definition of a permanent joint:
A permanent joint usually cannot be disassembled without destroying the parts or damaging their surfaces. The. main types of permanent joints are riveted, welded, soldered, pressed, cemented, rolled, and combined (such as cemented and welded).
So, if your device is sealed such that you can't escape without tools, then on that count you are plausibly in permanent chastity. Not, however, if you are merely locked (since locks can be picked).

Even so, permanent has a sense of the open-ended.  Take a look at the definition of permanent employment:
Permanent employees.... do not have a predetermined end date to employment... Even when employment is "at will", permanent employees... are generally protected from abrupt job termination... [However] rarely does "permanent employment" mean employment of an individual that is guaranteed throughout the employee's working life. 
So, you might take a "permanent" job knowing you will be moving country in two years, for example. And you can be unexpectedly fired from a permanent job. So, if your chastity is supposed to be open-ended but not necessarily indefinite, and if the promise of release isn't an incentive, then it still counts as permanent.

However, there's one more definition, regarding time:
lasting for a long time or for ever
That acts as a baseline for everything else. If you quit a "permanent" job after three days, you wouldn't normally think of it as permanent! So what counts as "a significant time period for chastity"?

I think, at least long enough for it to become business as usual.

That means at least 1 month, because it takes 2-4 weeks for peak horniness to fade into a kind of background itch. So I think if your adventure was terminated for you at that point, it wasn't permanent.

If you google, the period of adjustment for forming new habits is about 3 months, which is also roughly  a season. So if you pass three months before things go wrong - or your partner orders your release - you experienced permanent chastity.

However, I think for any of this to count, you have to enter the adventure with the realistic expectation to go longer than that such that the period after adjustment will be much more significant than the period before: another 6 months, taking the minimum expected period to 9 months.

So, for me, it's permanent chastity if the device is sealed and expected to stay on for at least 9 months.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
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Friday, 15 March 2019

A Therapist On How To Love An Angry Woman (And Why Not To)

A therapists talks about loving angry women, and why it's a bad idea. Go read!

He doesn't really touch on why:
My conscious mind said, “Get away from this woman. She’s dangerous.” My subconscious mind, the mind that was attracted to danger and excitement said, “Hmm. This could be interesting.”
We dated for a few months and the time together left me exhilarated and exhausted. I wanted to leave, but I also wanted more. Anyone who has been in a relationship like this knows the addictive draw that some of us have to danger and excitement.
We got married despite most of my friend’s warnings. I thought they just couldn’t see her wonderful side. And there was a wonderful side. She was intelligent, adventurous, inventive, and very, very sexy. I had my own anger issues and there was a quality of a moth attracted to the flame. Many of us who grew up in dysfunctional families confuse love with addiction and excitement with risk-taking.
Yeah, right. Thing is, I recognise this. My first relationship (mid teens) was abusive.

Looking back, I can see I was in the grip of my underlying submissive/masochistic "orientation". If I'd known that was a thing, I would have avoided a lot of toxic relationships.

I also have this sense that some angry women would be less angry and maybe happy if it was OK to be dominant (not necessarily erotically). Normative roles are constricting.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)