Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Vanilla Dominatrix 3rd Edition now on Kindle!

I'm going to bed now. The company is better than in my study.
Why not introduce some Female Centered Femdom to your relationship?

Vanilla Dominatrix PDF version!

As an experiment, I've added a PDF version of "The Vanilla Dominatrix". It will be very interesting if people still want to use that format!

Why not introduce some Female Centered Femdom to your relationship?

Epub 3rd Edition of Vanilla Dominatrix is here!

The 3rd edition is now up on Lulu! It should propagate to all the other e-pub format outlets over the next week.

(If you have an earlier edition, you should be able to delete it from your device and then re-download to get a free update. Please let me know how this goes!)

Still to come: the PDF and Kindle versions...

Why not introduce some Female Centered Femdom to your relationship?

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Odd awakening in chastity

This morning, I woke to an odd sensation in my groin.

Why is there no sensation in my penis? 

What's that gripping feeling around my balls?

Of course I was still locked into my Holy Trainer 2. It's very easy to forget it's there.

Why not introduce some Female Centered Femdom to your relationship?

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

More from the 3rd edition of Vanilla DominatrixGodde

I'm trying to simplify my ideas, make them more focused. I think I've managed to get rid of the PIRI tables without losing the thinking behind them...


Identifying her selves

So, which is your partner?
Companion (all about you and her together)?
Diva (all about her)?
Goddess (all about you)?
Hermit (me time)?
Actually, she probably has at least three selves depending on her energy levels.
These are useful to know even in vanilla circumstances…. especially in vanilla circumstances. A lot of the griping and sniping in relationships comes from when she’s being one thing and you’re trying to nudge her into another. For example, if she’s being Hermit and watching TV and you’re trying to chat about the show, forcing her into being Companion.
It’s not so hard to map out her selves. Get a scrap of paper or turn on your computer and open a word processor.
First, let’s get her natural self, who she is most of the time. How is she with her closest friends, the ones she hangs out with? How does she act at parties and social gatherings? Write that down and put a star next to it.
For example, my wife Xena is very much a listener who likes things to be nice for other people, and gets a quiet enjoyment when people appreciate her efforts:


Now, we need her selves at different energy levels. Think through each type. When she’s being that person, is she more or less energetic than when in her natural type? List them in descending order.
For example, Xena is at her most sociable when very wide awake, or full of coffee, or stimulated by an idea. That puts Companion at the top. As she tires, she becomes impatient and just wants things her way, adding Diva to the list. Once she’s relaxed, she slots into Goddess, her natural self. Finally, when she relaxes, she switches off into cosy “me-time”. This gives me a list like this:


The self at the bottom of the list is her lazy self, you tend to see a lot of that on a Friday night or after a hard day at work. The one on the top is her energetic self, which tends to be rarer as people get older.

This drop through the selves is one explanation for why most couples run into bedroom difficulties after the first couple of years. When you’re courting, you’re feeding off each other’s energy like an electric guitar placed up close to the amplifier. You’re both your energetic selves, where the sheer buzz of love is enough to blow away taboos and inhibitions. Later, when things calm down, or when life and work starts to sap your energy, you may find your lower energy selves are less sexually compatible. Worse, nothing will compare to those high energy days of your early marriage. Femdom can’t give you back your youth, but it can make those low energy selves work together in bed.


So, you now have Self Chart, a list of your partner’s selves (Companion, Diva, Goddess, Hermit) in descending order of energy, with her natural self marked, and her lazy self at the bottom. How does this help with Femdom?
Remember, the aim is to offer her kinky activities that she’ll actually enjoy. Considering her selfs is a great way of predicting this. For example, a Diva isn’t really interested in engaging with you so won’t be particularly up for “teasing and denial”, though might be interested in “denial” itself because that involves forcing her will on you. (If you don’t know these terms, then you’re probably not interested in that particular kink.)
We’ll call a place where Femdom might fit one of her selves a Femdom Window. It’s just a window, mind. (There’s no guarantee it’s open and you have no entitlement to go through.)
There are two types of Femdom Window:
Extensions merely take something she already likes and run with it. For example, if her Companion enjoys physically teasing and stringing out your orgasm, then “Tie me up” is a potential extension. Extensions are the easy ones.
Workaroundsuse kink to remove a barrier to sexual activity. For example, if her Diva doesn’t like penetration, then a potential workaround might be “Add a male chastity device”.
Sometimes, the same barrier exists in all her selves, for example a woman with a conservative upbringing might have a strong inhibition against taking the physical initiative in bed. However, the potential workaround might be very different for each of her selves and the easiest Femdom Window could well be when she’s being a Goddess.
To get through a Femdom Window, you need a "Key", that is a justification for what you are proposing.
Often this can mean “spinning” or “pitching” an activity involving one self in terms of another. Suppose, for another example, she feels sex is something she does when she’s a Companion, when she’s tired goes all Hermit, but this is forbidden because she doesn't think people should use people? Fine. Seen from the right angle, "sexual roleplay" is companionable. Being her slave is pleasurable for you, so it must be OK for her to that when she’s being a Hermit.
It can also mean using her reference points, kinky ideas with which she is familiar. Some women might enjoy being a Vampire Queen, others already have some idea of BDSM culture through reading erotica. It all depends on what books and screen she enjoys.

All this makes more sense if we work through some examples...

If you buy the current edition of Getting her to be your Vanilla Dominatrix, you can later re-download it to get the 3rd edition...

Thursday, 3 April 2014

6 things I'd like to see in the Holy Trainer 3

So far my experience of the Holy Trainer 2 has been fantastic! It's a lockable second skin that doesn't let you get an erection.

However, there is technology I'd love to see in the Holy Trainer 3. Here it is in reverse order of plausibility.

  1. More sizes!
    Especially smaller. 
  2. More colors!
    Especially realistic skin tones.
  3. Regular plastic if that's tougher!
    Though it's nice, there's no need to bother with the bio-resin. Plastic is fine as long as its tough.
  4. Built-in time lock! 
    Nice if this were clockwork, but digital would do. This would get around the whole self bondage shenanigans, and also be great fun for the key-holder since a sentence would be irrevocable.
  5. Pull-out detector!
    No ball trap device can be 100% secure without piercings. However, it must be possible to devise something that detects pullout. This could be as simple as a spring-loaded button that blocks the tube if you pull your dick out, or as complicated as an electronic gizmo that beeps and flashes randomly and doesn't stop until the device is unlocked.
  6. Blue-tooth bio monitor telemetry thingy!
    Let's have a magic button that provides telemetry to the keyholders, especially detecting tumescence and emission.

However, while I'm waiting for the future to come along, I'll "enjoy" my Holy Trainer 2.

Why not introduce some Female Centered Femdom to your relationship?

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Installing your Holy Trainer 2 chastity device

All pictures borrowed from
the Holy Trainer website
UPDATED 29 May. Skip to Step 6 to see the new Easy Method.

To say that the Holy Trainer 2 is snug is probably an understatement. It's as close to what you'd get if you dipped your dick in molten plastic and let it set in place (but without the trip to the ER!).

One it's on, you'll easily forget you're wearing it. Sleeping is no problem, nor does it get in the way of work or (most) exercise.

However that snugness makes it just  a little bit hard to "install" properly the first few times. Once you have the hang of it, it goes on as easily as a tight pair of jeans.

The instructions on the site are well illustrated  (I'm going to borrow them here), but not quite detailed enough, so I've written some new ones.

Before you begin

You need a Holy Trainer 2 that fits snugly. This means that the tube should be the same length or slightly shorter than your flaccid penis, thus ensuring your peehole lines up with the slot. (If you fit the DHGATE A080, then the smaller Holy Trainer 2 is for you.) The base ring needs to be tight but not insanely tight. Measure and experiment before ordering.

When you get your device, check for any sharp edges and corners. I don't mean sharp as in "slice your dick sharp"! However the downside of the precise molding is that some of the corners can feel spiky. You can fix this with a fine file or sandpaper. Don't go crazy, just take the edge down a tiny amount and test with your tongue.

To get the device on you need a few minutes of privacy somewhere warm and either body-friendly lotion or a nice shower. (Showering and then drying is surprisingly easy in the Holy Trainer 2.)

Step 1: Lube the device or shower it and yourself

Lightly moisturize you genitals, or else shower yourself and the device then rinse off thoroughly.

Step 2: Get your balls through the base ring

Yes, this is likely to happen the first time
you put on your Holy Trainer
Pull some scrotum (your sack) through the ring, then push one ball at a time through from behind.

The ring should feel tight but not torture.

Step 3: Get your cock through the base ring

If you got hard, wait until you've calmed down a bit (the body seems to get used to this, so after a while your erection will go away on contact with the ring).

Hook the fingers of one hand back through the ring so as to protect the cock from the corners of the locking assembly.

With the other hand, if you can, push the head of the penis into the shaft as if turning your cock inside out (ewww), then push it down into the ring.

Finally pull your penis through and push the ring back so it is seated properly.

Step 4: Install the penis tube

Either lube up the tube or give it as quirt from the shower. Angle it down to avoid nipping and carefully slide it into place .

You will notice that your dick isn't anywhere near the end of the tube. Don't worry, we'll come to that.

Step 5: Lock the device

This can be hard unless you know how, after which it becomes easy.

The trick is to firmly pinch the device between your fingers (on the tube ring) and the thumb (on the tube) so that the two parts are pusher together in the correct alignment.

The magic locking thingy should slide in easily. If it doesn't slide in easily, change your grip! Don't force the locker in.

Step 6: Position your penis inside the chastity tube

When I first tried this using a Q-tip, I ended up stabbing myself in the urethra! However, after a while I came up with a better system. Here it is:

Chastity is more fun when you have
somebody to serve
If you are in the shower, turn the output to cold and squirt the water up the inside of the tube, thus shrinking your dick. Tug the scrotum to make sure the ring is positioned against the body. Tilt the tube up as if you were having an erection and shake to unstick your dick. At the same time push the tube gently down the shaft. 

Repeat until the head of your dick is firmly lodged against the inside of the tip of the device. 

EASY METHOD: If you are not showering (or after showering), get a rounded-headed Q-tip and insert it through the front slot down the side of your penis. (Do not push it into your urethra/pee-hole!).

Now roll the Q-tip between finger and thump, walking the head all the way around your penis between skin and tube. Do this a couple of times and the shaft becomes unstuck and the head pops into place.


Chastity is more fun when you have somevody to serve! Find out how to introduce some Female Centered Femdom to your relationship!