Don't be that couple
 |
| She's vanilla - not kinky - but adventurous in bed. He's kinky and submissive. |
It was fun at the start but now she's bored and confused by his demands, he's sick of hearing himself whine for more Femdom... together they're spiralling towards a dead bedroom and eventual breakup.
If you're heading the same direction, or determined to avoid the taking the wrong path, then my books can help you establish a Femdom dynamic that truly works for both of you.
I'm not touting some grand theory of Female Supremacy. He doesn't have to talk funny ("...this slave obeys Her orders..." etc). She doesn't have to learn tricks with ropes and whips. Nor do you have to go along to your local BDSM club or find a mentor.
You just have to do Femdom "for real".
Let me explain.
You see we were that couple until I saw a certain Ancient Roman fresco and realized what was going wrong.
Feast your eyes on the Roman Femdom fresco that changed our sex life forever!
This fresco is from Pompeii, nearly 2000 years old and it's real: |
| Roman Femdom fresco |
I checked, and, yes, once upon a time rich Roman women kept male slaves for pleasure. A male slave could be disciplined, objectified, kept in chastity (they did that) and denied even though his mistress was utterly vanilla.
How come Femdom routinely worked for Ancient Romans and not for us? What was I doing wrong?
The answer, of course, was that I was not being a "real" slave. Once I realized that, everything else followed. Nowadays I have all the kink I can handle and my wife is developing a playful sadistic streak.
Why does doing Femdom "for real" work so well?
 |
| It's much easier to be selfish than to be kinky. |
Actually, yes, he will be bored and disappointed quite often, especially at first.
This is a long game. It's about establishing a sustainable Femdom space in your relationship, not getting a quick fix on a Saturday night. (Also, some boredom isn't always a bad thing for submissives because it blurs into delicious frustration...)
However, let's stop worrying about him for the moment. Up until this point the kink has been all about him, which is why it isn't working!
Doing Femdom for real works for the same reason that Roman women purchased male slaves: a slave can give her things she couldn't or shouldn't get from a normal relationship.
What's in it for her?
 |
| Everybody likes to be served and pampered. |
- Everybody likes being served and pampered.
- It's much easier to be selfish than to be kinky.
- Discipline makes sense when it has a real purpose.
- She can be kinkily playful with no expectations from him.
What's in it for him?
Why would he want to be her "real" slave? How is this better than playing out scripted BDSM scenes?
That last point is important.
A happy service dynamic is a good starting point compared to what went before. However, as the power relationship becomes real, the dynamic can slide over into something mind blowing. Here's why...
You don't have to go that far.
However, wouldn't you like to go a little way down the path we've taken?
- If she's having fun, he can feel secure and relax into his role.
- Since the service is real, so is the submission.
- Her selfishness generates Femdom as a byproduct: accidental teasing, denial through neglect, objectification through the logic of service, for example.
- Since the discipline gets her something she wants, she's more likely to use it.
- Power corrupts.
That last point is important.
A happy service dynamic is a good starting point compared to what went before. However, as the power relationship becomes real, the dynamic can slide over into something mind blowing. Here's why...
Power corrupts!
There are two scientifically proven glitches in human nature:- Pretend power relationships quickly become real.
- Routinely hurting people gradually becomes fun.
Careful what you wish for!
We ended up in a Female Led Relationship, with me racking up hundreds of days of chastity, and serving as a humble slave every evening before sleeping in chastity, and all because of that Roman picture!You don't have to go that far.
However, wouldn't you like to go a little way down the path we've taken?
My Femdom manuals can help both of you!
Everybody's different, but the principles and pitfalls are the same. My books draw from our experience and that of others plus modern psychology to help you skip the mistakes we made and get to the part where you both enjoy a part-time Femdom relationship.- If you are a male submissive who needs to tailor his kinks to his partner and then ask for them in the right way, then buy Getting her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix. [iTunes][Epub][Nook] [PDF] Find out more...
- If you are an adventurous vanilla woman with a submissive partner and want to enjoy getting whatever you want through Femdom, then buy How to be a Roman Dominatrix. [iTunes][Epub][PDF] Find out more...
Getting her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix (for him)
Buy now! [iTunes][Epub][Nook] [PDF]
"Hermit Mode"
Wouldn't it be nice to get the vanilla woman you love to enjoy sexually dominating you? Sorry, all the persuasion and pleading in the world won’t turn her into an all-strutting, all-teasing and denying latex super-bitch!
|
| "Hermit Mode" |
 |
"How to ask for kink"
|
The good news is, you don’t have to turn her into anything. You just have to sell her a part-time slave – you!
This book takes you through offering her what she can’t and shouldn't get in your real-life relationship, and how to manage the results – yes, you’re the one who has to do all the work.
- The Law of Ten, and why so few women feel they need kink, let alone Femdom.
- What slave-owning Ancient Roman ladies can teach us about Femdom.
- How to create a Mode Chart for your partner.
- How to fit your fantasies to her vanilla (i.e. non-kinky) needs.
- Advice on experiencing different fantasies.
- How to ask for kink!
- How to gradually sell yourself to her as a part-time slave, without driving her crazy (or making her think you’re crazy).
- How to keep things going in the long term.
How to be a Roman Dominatrix (for her)
Ancient Roman ladies enjoyed having male slaves, and - yes - they did put them to erotic use. Why does modern bedroom Femdom have to be so much effort? What’s in it for you?
|
| "Ancient Roman ladies enjoyed having male slaves... why does modern Femdom have to be so much effort?" |
Written from experience by an otherwise normal (!) submissive male, this book is for women who are sexually adventurous but have neither the time nor inclination to embrace BDSM culture just in order to satisfy their partner’s fantasies.
It WON’T teach you to be a “good” dominatrix, nor guide you through clubs and munches, nor drill you in bondage, topping or protocols, nor help you negotiate scripted scenes, nor expect you to manipulate your man, nor urge you into a Female Led Relationship.
 |
| "...sexually adventurous but have neither the time nor inclination to embrace BDSM culture..." |
It WILL use techniques drawn from modern psychology to help you build a strictly part-time Roman version of your relationship… and to make that mistress-slave relationship feel 100% real. (But no need to pretend to be Romans!)
You need never feel silly or awkward or at a loss. You’ll always know what to do because you’ll be following your natural inclinations, albeit unrestrained by consequences or reciprocity.
Relax and be… self-indulgent, introvert, extrovert, mean, affectionate, playful, practical, flirtatious, sensual, clinical… you. There’s a good chance that, as a byproduct, enough of his fantasies will be satisfied to make it worth his while.
You get to be yourself. He gets to be your slave. You get to have a hot secret couple adventure. Everybody gets to be happy.
I want to start a blog of applying your book to our marriage. There is a favor I'd like to ask. How do I reach you?
ReplyDeleteAwesome!
Deletegilesenglishcb@gmail.com
PDF is my preferred format, but link is not working :-(
ReplyDeleteWhoops missed this! I screwed up the files and had to pull the PDF. I'll have another go in the next couple of days.
DeleteHello, can I get e-book version at amazon? I do not want to leave my card on lulu.com
ReplyDeleteLulu is fine! I'll be formatting them for Smashwords in the next few months. However, if you email me I'll send you the ebooks gratis. gilesenglishCB@gmail.com
DeleteThank you! Already get it from Lulu. And read in one night.
DeleteMaybe some one will be interested in comments.
Really interesting thoughts, after first part you will get main idea. And think that it is so simple and true, you already knew that. In reality I don't think about femdom from this point until this book.
The second part sims too complicated for me (maybe because of my bad English). For example I stuck with detecting wife models, when I finally make a choice I can find only one window) And so on.
But the main idea that you will get from book covers all difficulties.
Thanks, I think that's fair. I'm glad you found the book helpful.
DeleteI have enjoyed your site very much. We live on separate continents and I am trying to find advice similar to yours to make my Lady more dominant and assertive with me. She knows she has full control but doesn't really use it. Have you are anyone you are acquainted with written anything to help promote the Mistress/slave relationship for those in a Long Distance FLR that you could direct me towards please?
ReplyDeleteI think long distance is hard because there are no practical or vanilla benefits to the dominant. Without those, you don't get a slippery slope.
ReplyDeleteThis was the best thing I could find while doing my research and making new discoveries about myself. I thought that it wasn’t possible to be vanilla and lead in Femdom. Now what I always felt is so carefully described and I can’t wait to read all the books!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you have found this useful. You'll find more of my writing at my new substack: https://femdom.substack.com/
Delete