Making his chastity fantasy work for you - PART 3: Emotional benefits

So, there are three broad flavours of male chastity fantasy.

They're his fantasies, not yours, so what's in it for you?

The first benefit is EMOTIONAL. Yes, I know men in any kind of extended chastity can become more affectionate etc, but I don't mean that - that's as suspect as affection that comes out of a bottle or a happy pill.

No I mean two very simple emotional byproducts of any similar adventure:

First, helping a person live out a fantasy is to give them a wonderful intimate gift, which is an emotional thing.

Second, no matter how he pitches the fantasy, it is a rather embarrassing one, so he's making himself vulnerable to you. Intimacy is built partly on mutual vulnerability, which has to be an emotional benefit.

Fortunately, you can give this intimate gift and enjoy and reward his openness without going to much effort...

Whatever the flavour of chastity, you don't actually have to anything extra sexually! Yes, he may want you to teased and torment him, but once he's locked into a chastity belt, almost anything you do will have that effect. Think of it as passive teasing.

Imagine making love as normal, perhaps using a strap on dildo to substitute for his penis... you don't even have to act differently. You get the intimacy, the orgasm, and the afterglow, and he gets wild frustration. Everybody's happy. (If you do feel like taking advantage of him... well we'll come to that later.)

So much for sex. There remains what to do about the key. It depends on his flavour of chastity...

CHASTIZED MALE (wants out, wants you to use the key as leverage.)

This one is the most effort. You have the key and are supposed to use it as leverage. He may want to pester and plead, which you may or may not enjoy - you can always tell him not to plead or the adventure is over.

The trick is to put the key out of easy reach so you are never tempted to just free him.

For extended games, make him earn his release over days, not hours and decide ahead of time before freeing him. Consider using time lock encryption software - make him set this up so you can keep upping his sentence without being able to change your mind.

For just bedroom chastity, decide whether or not he's earned his release as a finale. If the answer is "no", then either make him jerk off in another room, or let him out in the morning. The threat of "no" has to be credible, so do this at least one in three times.

CHATHLETE (regards chastity as an endurance test)

He sets a target. Key goes in a sealed envelope where he can get at it.

Extended games are easy with this one. If he reaches his target, consider making a special evening of it.

Bedroom games are harder. The best option is just to agree that chastity will be overnight.

CHAYSTE (doesn't really want out of the belt once he's in)

Key goes out of reach, preferably using time lock encryption software or the postal service.

Handle extended and bedroom games exactly the same way. It's important to set a clear time limit, otherwise the end of the lockup becomes awkward and anticlimactic. There's no reward to treat at the end - release is just coming home after and adventure.

Do just this, and you'll be granting him a wild and special experience.

(For male-orientated advice like this, take a look at my Femdom manual.)

Making his chastity fantasy work for you - PART 2: The three flavours of male chastity

Everybody's different, there's not "one true way" in Femdom, chastity or any kind of relationship.

Unfortunately, the Internet tends to give the impression that there's only one kind of male chastity:

She has the keys and teases him mercilessly while using her power to get him to do the housework. If he's luck he might get to come once a month...

Nothing wrong with that, but people are more complex, and a male chastity device is a far more subtle toy or tool than people seem to think.

If you talk to people, read what they say online, then there are three broad flavours of chastity fantasy (apart from the first, the terms are my own)

The CHASTIZED wants out of the belt so he can orgasm ASAP. However, you have the keys and can use them as leverage to get almost anything you want - the kinkier the better, as far as he's concerned. He enjoys being on the wrong end of this kind of power.

The CHATHLETE wants out of the belt  but regards chastity as the equivalent of an athletics endurance test. He wants to struggle through to some goal of days or weeks. Your role is part coach and part opposition. Half the time you're encouraging him, the other half teasing him and making his life an erotic hell. It doesn't matter who has the keys.

The CHAYSTE male doesn't really want out of the belt once he's in. He enjoys the continuous arrousal and hightened awareness, and the sense of permission he gets from not having his penis in play. He'd also like to think that he's doing this as an act of deep submission. Keys? What keys.
(I suspect more chastity obsessed males are chayste than they let on, and that this flavour underlies the other two. However, it;s unfare to point this out to anybody.)

These three flavours of chastity all involve the same thing; some sort of chastity device. However, they work quite differently. For example, release is only an incentive for the Chastized. It would be a real let down for the Chathalete when he's two days short of his target, or the Chayste when he's wallowing in desire.

Even so, you can make each of these flavours of chastity fantasy work for you in ways that are emotional, practical and erotic.

• Emotional - There's nothing wrong with pleasing a partner you love. Making  a fantasy come true is a great gift which, if handled properly, need cost you very little effort.
• Practical - Handled correctly, all three males will performs services for you that are beyond the call of normal duty. I don't mean doing their share of the chores, I mean doing most of the chores. Better yet, they'll love you for it.
• Erotic - No possibility of male orgasm, and lots of desire. How's that going to work out? Read on and find out....

Next time, Lazy ways to make his chastity fantasy come true.

For more female-centric Femdom thinking like this, try my How to be a Roman Dominatrix.

Making his chastity fantasy work for you - PART 1: WTF?

OK, so he wants you to "force" (ha ha) him to wear a chastity device, and probably to tease and deny him.

WTF?

Male chastity fantasies and fetishes - sorry, they're just weird; and I should know, I have one. When in kink mode, I am happiest when locked into a chastity belt for the duration of the action, and overnight if possible.

If you're a natural "service top", one of those wonderful women who likes to facilitate her man's fantasies, then you probably don't need to read on. Just listen to him and work out how to make it true. There's also a lot of good femdom advice over on Mistress Ivey's blog.

However, most women - most people - are not service tops, or can't keep it up for more than an evening, and I bet he wants this for several evenings in a row, and possibly in between. It's starting to look less like a kinky game and more like a lot of hard work for you.

Before we go any further, remember, you have a right to say no, to tell him to put the stupid toy away except for the odd session when you are feeling generous.

However, if you are at least willing to consider the idea, because you love him, or because it might be an adventure, or because you're feeling generous, then this series of blog posts may help.

I'm not going to waste time on understanding his fantasy. It's enough to know that it probably...

• Pushes some well established buttons - thanks to frequent masturbation, men's fantasies wander around all over the shop, then lodge in odd places where they become more intense through repetition.
• Originally worked around some now defunct issues - perhaps he felt ambivalent about sex, once upon a time, or perhaps he used to have performance anxiety... he's over this now, but the fantasies he developed to get around these fears remain.
• Gives him amazing highs - men don't get much of a plateau phase before they tumkble off the orgasm and into ejaculation; chastity is all about plateau.
• Has an romantic component - he wants his chastity to be a gift (even if it's actually an anoyance)
• Isn't a physical rejection of you - it's more a desire to return to the adolescant experience of obsession and lust (delayed gratification does that to a man)

All very interesting, perhaps, but not very useful.

I'm also not going to words on trying to get you to be turned on by his fantasy. Sure there are erotic activities around his chastity that might push your buttons, but the device and the fantasy wrapped around it - they belong to him.

Moresover, Male Chastity is designed keep him sexually aroused an awful lot of the time. The idea is for him to wallow in a bath of eroticism... to return to the experience of teenage. Unless you are using some other device, you're just not going to feel that way all the time. But then men think about sex more than women anyway, so let's just not go there.

Instead, I'm going to work through the several kinds of male chastity and show you how to make them worth the trouble.

As always, the motto is:

Male chastity should offer you something you couldn't or shouldn't get through a normal relationship.