Friday, 18 January 2019

Were the Victorians Right About Masturbation? (I Haven't Wanked for For Six Months!)

I haven't masturbated since
last time we had sex - 6 months ago.
I haven't masturbated since last time we had sex - that was about 6 months ago. For those who've just tuned it, that's because I'm currently sealed in permanent chastity.

All this means that I find myself in the odd position of living the now-despised Victorian dream of abstinence from self pollution. 

Victorians had odd ideas about
If you read up on Victorian sexual attitudes you'll find they were clearly bonkers and often evil in their extreme attitude to masturbation, based as it was on pseudo science, with rubbish about "preserving the precious seed" and so on. 

And obviously, this was driven by dodgy entrepreneurs and sadists who wanted to sell you a "cure" or hack away at your privates or those of your offspring (in particular, some of the stories about cures for female masturbation are utterly horrifying).

And, if you pay attention to modern research, you'll see that porn in itself isn't actually a problem. Rational experts will tell you it can actually make you a better more pleasure seeking lover. If vanilla porn fosters unrealistic expectations, then that's more an issue with early sex education, not the material itself. 

Modern research shows porn
in itself isn't actually a problem. 
Even so, I'm feeling benefits in not being able to wank.

Some of them clearly derive from living the life I've fantasised about for so long, and would be the same if instead I'd suddenly come out as gay, or written that literary best seller and winning the Booker Prize. Living a fantasy double life is a waste of resources.

However, I'm starting to suspect that me just not being able to masturbate is a good thing.

Maybe the perhaps instinctive ambivalence about masturbation is grounded in the reality that it's a substitute activity. If it's your only adult source of sexual gratification, then you're not engaging with the real world, not the erotic possibilities, not the people, and perhaps even non-sexual activities that would better your lot. 

As it is, I now spend much less time online gathering images for my masturbation slideshows, and no longer waste hours tinkering with unfinishable erotica projects. I'm also fully engaged with the here and now with my wife. I work harder to keep the spark in our relationship, rather than letting things slide, and get more of an erotic kick out of our every intimacy.

(CS Lewis was kinky, btw)
I'm also aware that - ironically - if I hadn't had masturbation as an outlet, I would have lived out my fetish dreams far earlier!  

If your response to feeling horny is always to jerk off, rather than to seek or improve your sex life, then your life isn't going to improve. That's doubly true for fetishists, for whom the barrier to "doing it for real" is far higher than for more vanilla folk. 

So, though I think masturbation is itself a good thing, I think a lifestyle based around getting a private fetish fix off the internet is a bad thing. 

Or put it another way: imagine if the White Witch cursed as so that all malesubs wake up in inescapable chastity on their 21st birthday? The munches and clubs would be full...

So in a weird way, the more kinky you are, the more right the Victorians were about masturbation (while still being mostly wrong).

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