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My once-vanilla wife now loves keeping me as her chaste slave. Learn how to get some Femdom in your life too!

Friday, 19 May 2017

Crap People Say About Dominants #1

Frankly, it's stupid and unhelpful to make
dominance look any more complicated
than it actually is. 
Sometimes I see something on the Internet and feel a little despair for the younger generation of kinksters, and for those older ones just finding themselves.

This particularly pernicious meme is a good example.

It implies that a "true dominant" take on some sort of paternalistic leadership role in the relationship. Not all dominants or subs actually want this!

It also doesn't really make sense. Dominant is a sexual orientation (or near as damn it). Substitute in "Gay Man" for dominant, and the meme is revealed as... special.

"Would you still be a Gay Man even if it meant that there would be absolutely no sex involved?"

I mean, really?

And what parts of the lifestyle are non-sexual? Speaking as a sub, power exchange itself is sexy, and any resulting punishments, commands, standing orders and protocol turn me on.

Frankly, it's stupid and unhelpful to make dominance look any more complicated than it actually is.

Especially if you are a sub, think twice before you pass on stuff like this.

Ask yourself whether this would encourage or discourage a young dominant from exploring his or her sexuality! 

Beyond that, I suppose its heart might be in the right place. 

There are reputed to be a lot of (mostly) men who use dominance as "just" a way to get the sex they like, and lots of it.

To me that is actual dominance: using BDSM to get what you normally couldn't or shouldn't have. For a certain kind of sub, that kind of dominant would be fantastic. The only challenge would be not giving it away for free: insisting that they use the tools of BDSM to get what they want.
"Dominants: If you don't like service
topping, please don't pretend that you do." 

However, this type of dominant is dishonest because they misrepresent themselves as more mainstream kinksters, interested in negotiation and fulfilling their partners' needs... essentially dominants who service top.

But then if your submission is all about your needs, then don't you really need a "top"? Aren't you really mostly a bottom misrepresenting yourself as a sub?

If I was less charitable, I would find this situation amusing: Fake sub encounters fake top... hilarity ensues...

A better meme might be: "Dominants: If you don't like service topping, please don't pretend that you do."

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Monday, 15 May 2017

24/7 Chastity: Getting my lockup right for my wife

Sometimes you don't see what's in front of your eyes. Xena, my wife of two decades, has been my mistress for about three years of Female Led Relationship. I'm still responsible for suggesting things that might please her. Even so, up until this point I've got the male chastity track a little wrong.

The Penalty Days system works great. I can only come during the week. My orgasm day is supposed to be every Monday. However, Penalty Days shift that day back - see the side bar for the end result.

The neat twist is Xena's orgasms earn me penalty days: I watch while she masturbates under the covers, 1; I get a good view while she masturbates, 2; I get to help,  3; I get to use the strapon on her, 4; and, for each set of sexy clothing she wears, 1.

That works. She loves the idea of her pleasure scaring me, and also denying mine.

However, we never quite got the actual lockup right.

We tried me being locked up as much as possible and reporting back, but she never punished me for my decisions.

We tried me asking each evening about lockup the next day, but she always erred on the side of being too reasonable.

Then we got my lovely new horribly practical custom chastity device. I'd been using cable ties up until this point. Now, however, there were keys!

We tried her having my keys, and me having to ask to unlock. This irritated her - me having to fish in her handbag and so on - but also, again, she always granted my requests.

We had one of our rare long chats about it. She said my lock up didn't mean much to her, what did it mean to me. I rambled on a bit, then conversation over.

I was perplexed, because I'd noticed that when I did the two weeks trial of the new device, she'd been particularly dominant. She'd also seemed very laid back about the possibility of me testing a permanent system. It might not mean much to her, but she seemed to enjoy the effects.

It took me two days to realise what she really needed to know was that her controlling my lockup made me more instinctively submissive to her. That didn't solve the problem of how to manage the lockup.

These days, Xena erotically, Xena is pretty much a Diva when energised, and a Hermit when tired:

Xena's Intimacy Mode Chart

I explained this system in my Vanilla Dominatrix book, but in a nutshell, my wife is not really very erotically interactive. She blows hot or cold, but never stops to play or bask in my admiration. Instead, she either rampages around unfettered in Diva Mode, being magnificently sexy and cruel, or else shuts down and just gets her way in Hermit Mode.

What she doesn't want is input from me! For example, when she whips me, she wants me to be stoical and make as little noise as possible. When she masturbates while I look on from the corner, I must kneel quietly... no groaning or squirming.

This explains why in the last couple of years she's never been that interested in whatever chastity milestone I've attained - that's all about me and the drama of my suffering. She has, however, always taken a satisfaction in my current inability to cum and my future chastity.

Most of all, she wants the certainty of things she's decided to stay decided so she doesn't have to make more decisions. Thus, for Xena, any chastity lockup system requiring constant consultation is bound to be a fail.

I had sort of  (in the way we masochists think) hoped that she might go all Diva on me: "YOU WILL STAY LOCKED HAHAHAH!" But instead, each discussion triggered her sense of responsibility, forcing her to at least consider input from me, including how long I'd already been locked etc etc.

Which is why I bought a Kitchen Safe time lock safe. We could have one brief discussion for each period and then - subject to emergencies when the safety key could come out - I'd remain locked.

I presented the box to her on Saturday night.

She considered the dial and tutted. "I'm never sure about sports. What about if you got injured running?" she said, "or at football?"

"Running's fine and I take the emergency key to football. It's in my coat with my wallet and so on, so if I ended up in an ambulance with a broken ankle I'd have it."

"But what about the paramedics?"

I shrugged. "They're used to fishing things out of people's backsides. It would be slightly embarrassing but not life changing."

"OK," she said and I got to watch as her elegant finger turned the dial. She paused to do a calculation then clicked the button. "I've given you six days and eight hours," she said, handing me the safe.

The feeling was indescribable. A kind of erotic panic, the kink equivalent of walking over one of those glass bottomed canyon bridges.

She didn't tell me her feelings.

However, she did masturbate while I watched, kneeling in the corner, thus costing me another penalty day.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Sunday, 14 May 2017

The (highly pervertable but not designed for self-bondage) Kitchen Safe time lock safe

A time lock safe!
The Kitchen Safe is a relatively inexpensive mass market time lock safe.

That is to say, it has a lock controlled by a countdown timer.

Make no mistake. The Kitchen Safe is not designed as a self-bondage key safe.
Frequently Bought Together!

The website, which I won't link to for fear of embarrassing the no-doubt very vanilla company, makes a big thing about how the safe helps with impulse control and mental addiction.

The FAQs are full of questions about whether it will take a game controller and so on. I am certain most of their sales are for people who want to, say, lock up the chocolate cookies until 5pm the next day.
Even so, when Amazon - where I bought mine - shows us frequently bought together, guess what we see?

Because though it has many worthy, normal, vanilla uses, the Kitchen Safe is also the Holy Grail of self bondage and male chastity...

(And if you ended up on my blog because you are worried about your chocolate addiction, and don't feel comfortable with BDSM, then now really is a good time to go elsewhere!)

Monday, 8 May 2017

Unlocking a snug custom male chastity device after 2 weeks - lessons for long-term 24/7 wear

Computer simulation of the snug tube.
Mine is actually black!
 A few weeks ago, I unpacked my new Custom Chastity device, put it through the dishwasher then locked it on and handed the key to my wife (more about the device including pictures of me wearing, here).

Just over 14 days later, I removed the device. It's been more on than off ever since, so I've been able to observe the effects of different decisions.

First, a caveat: This is a custom device. It literally fits just right. It's snug but just loose enough not to cause weird skin bulges. The design makes it easy to pee, and doesn't cause abrasions. So what follows applies when all other things about the chastity device are right.

Monday, 1 May 2017

The Necessity of the Abyss Under Our Feet: The Joy of the Possibility of Taking a Kink Further Than You Want

Between Hard Limits and 
the edge of the Kinky 
Comfort Zone lies the Abyss.
Between Hard Limits and the edge of the Kinky Comfort Zone lies the Abyss.

The Abyss is the place where you really don't want to go, but can do so without any long term emotional, relationship or physical ill effects.

For me, it's a place that needs to exist in order to make the other stuff scary. For example...

The chastity device I'm wearing is good for at least two weeks and  probably practical for two months, two years and beyond.

That would be way too extreme for me, and yet I get a delicious thrill of fear from the mere technical possibility of really long term chastity.

Another example...

When I set things up so Xena can chain me in an improvised cell, much like the hero of my Bi Femdom Wife series, I always have food and water for 24 hours.

I don't want her to leave me locked overnight.

I don't want her to leave 
me locked overnight.
I really don't want her to leave me overnight then go off to work, abandoning me to eight hours, being chained in a small room with nothing to do.

However, the fact that it's means I never know for sure whether I'm spending 2 hours or 24 hours in my cell.

And it's the same for Penalty Days and Demerits.

Usually my orgasm gets delayed for a mere couple of days. However, sometimes things go wrong - like now - and I end up having to wait weeks or months.

Sometimes Xena goes beyond the accrued punishment and I endure an unexpected painful experience. And sometimes the punishment has mounted up, and I can see that experience coming and do nothing about it.

None of these are things
I would volunteer for. 
Extended chastity, days of confinement, open ended chastity and denial, intense beatings... none of these are things I would volunteer for.

I wouldn't even consent to them if we were just topping and bottoming:

"Hey Giles! Suppose I beat you until you weep, lock you in your cell for 24 hours then keep you locked and chaste for a month?"

Um.... NO!

These are not really experiences I particularly enjoy. However, the fact that they are possible and happen from time to time turns me on horribly. The genuine fear makes my life an adventure.

And that's why I like having the Abyss there, lurking beyond my Comfort Zone.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)