Tuesday, 24 August 2021

The Giles English Scale of Mainstream Chastity!

Can I suggest the Giles English Scale of Mainstream Chastity?
  1.     "Obscure": nobody has heard of it - where we were in 1970.
  2.     "Boutique": Specialist makers will sell you a device - where we were in 1990.
  3.     "Dungeon": A known option in the BDSM Scene.
  4.     "Niche": Mainstream online sex toy retailers stock them.
  5.     "Discoverable": Appears in mainstream media as item or interest, or fictional device. Stocked by in-store by sex toy chains.
  6.     "Genital Piercings" (as unremarkable as).
  7.     "Furry Handcuffs" (as unremarkable as).
  8.     "Vibrator" (as unremarkable as).
  9.     "Queer" (as unremarkable as being)
  10.     "Integrated": Totally normalised. Some people are chaste, and that's just a dating option. Likely to only happen in the context of other social change.
I think we're in Early "Discoverable". Once we get to "Genital Piercings", further progress is likely to be tied to society becoming more open in general.

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Monday, 21 June 2021

"The device is permanent, so there is no end point."

"You're permanently locked. No ifs or buts."

"Am I a good slave?" I ask.

I'm rubbing Xena's legs, kneading her luscious calves, and it's a genuine question. It's late Sunday evening, we're both feeling chilled and tired with a working week ahead, and Scandi Folk on Spotify.

"Yes," she says, "you are a good slave. I coudn't do what I do without you." Xena has quite a senior role in her organisation, and I support her the way a 50s housewife would support her executive husband, so that's really good to know.

There's a long pause. Then she asks, "Am I a good mistress?"

"Yes, you're the best possible mistress," I say. "I mean I'd like more attention, but you're genuinely wise and smart and I'd be sensible to do what you told me even if I weren't submissive."

"Good," she says. "Do the instep now."

I roll my thumbs over the instep of her right foot, then after about five minutes shift to her left. "Are we taking it in turns with questions?"

"Yes, go on," she says.


I know what I want to ask, but I'm afraid. I think most malesubs suffer from the insecurity; Does she really like this? What about this particular kink? Is she just going through the motions for my sake?

But I want to know. 

"Permanently locked"

"The other day," I say,  "you said that you thought my device was 'simpler'. Does that mean it's grown on you?"

"Yes," she says, sleepily.

"I think it's supposed to be more than a one-word answer," I say.

"It's better," she says. "You're permanently locked. No ifs or buts."

The word 'permanent' has my cock go off like an airbag in its... permanent cage. I actually feel a kind of moist queasiness that's hard to describe. "You turn," I manage.

"No," she says. "I have nothing to ask. Ask another one if you like."

Xena's not normally this verbal about our relationship, so I press on. "Why you prefer me this way?"

"It's just better," she says. "It's good for you. Keeps you in your place."

"Like you have the penis?" I prompt - a theory of mine.

"No, not that," she says.

"In charge, then?" I ask. "Like I'm locked so you're in charge."

"Yes," she says. "It means I'm in charge... You're locked so I'm in charge." She yawns. "Ask another."

I move back to rubbing her calves. My penis is like a knot of lust in its cage. I sneak a quick probe and find the head is bathed in semen.

There's another question I'm scared of, this time because though I crave the most exciting answer, I'm also aware that I have control over it: just how big is this rollercoaster I'm committed to riding?

"Um," I say. "I'm scared to ask this... but what's the end point of this adventure?"

No answer.

I shift to long rolling strokes from crook of knee, over calf, to feet, scooping into the instep. A little later I say, "You've gone to sleep, mistress. I'll ask some other time."

She lifts her head a little. "No. I want to answer. Remind me of the question."

"What's the end point of this adventure? What triggers my release?"

"The device is permanent, so there is no end point."

 "Oh," says Xena, with a sleepy honesty and no sense of hamming it up for effect. "The device is permanent, so there is no end point."

I shudder. "Until something changes."

"Yes, that," says Xena, with less conviction.

"Yes, mistress," I say.

Then she goes to sleep.

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Thursday, 17 June 2021

Femdom and Personality Types

When I started looking at personality type systems, it was always easy to imagine, and often point to, D and S Types that fit each category, even the Red/Yellow/Blue/Green system derived from Professor "Femdom Menage" Marston, who explicitly has a slider for Dominance.

It's even true of the OCEAN system, which is supposed to be the one with the scientific basis. I recently interacted with a domme who was clearly low on Conscientiousness, but since she was online talking about it, I can guess she might score high on Extroversion. My really very dominant wife is average on Extroversion, and high on Conscientiousness, so presumably a quite different kind of domme.

At least one of the online OCEAN tests breaks down each trait into sub traits, and Assertiveness is hidden under Extroversion: my wife scores high on that, me low, despite the fact that our scores for the main trait are the other way around. So perhaps dominance and its reverse are just human sliders - traits in their own right.

However, I notice that I am high Openness, high Neuroticism, and I do therefore experience a weird push pull in most of my life - drawn to adventures while simultaneously flinching from them. Submitting deeply lets me escape that, and day to day my dominant partner eases the torment by acting as a tiebreaker.

So I wonder whether 

  • D/s preferences is just a trait, 
  • However, being strongly drawn to power relationships and kink results from having a structural conflict, which can be different for different people....

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Wednesday, 2 June 2021

5 Months in the Custom Chastity Saint Permanent Chastity Device

Permanent Chastity: "It's so much simpler."

After much rummaging, Xena emerges from the en suite, "I found my moisturiser."

"Ah," I say, "but did you find my key?"

 "Oddly, no," says Xena.

"I think the point is I have no key," I say, angling for some affirmation.

"I know," says Xena. "I think I'll keep you this way forever. It's so much simpler."

My penis inflates like an airbag, but the ever-present nylon bars of my chastity cage stop it rearing to attention. I can only lie there and squirm as Xena gets into bed next to me and starts to read.

Custom Chastity Saint, Permanent Edition.

 And that basically sums up the experience so far.

Every 3-4 weeks, I've been lucky enough to kneel in the corner while she masturbates. Otherwise, lockdown hasn't been good for our sex life. Xena is running her department from the guest room, and the stress isn't exactly an aphrodisiac.

That hasn't stopped me getting horribly turned on each evening when I massage her feet and legs. Long term chastity has put me back into a teenager mindset; just touching a woman's body is an amazing and holy thing.

Meanwhile, the Saint just sits there like an evil symbiote. It doesn't get in the way, doesn't chafe. I can even dry off after a shower using just a towel. Apart from not being able to have an erection or orgasm, I can lead a totally normal life... well almost totally normal; I have to be careful using the public urinals, I probably want to avoid people bumping my groin, and I think the device will have to come off for air travel, just because of modern body scanners. There is still, therefore, no practical reason why I should have to remove the device in the foreseeable future.

Permanent chastity - which this is in several senses of the word - turns out to be surprisingly relaxing. I never have to decide whether or not to ask to unlock for various social situations, because I can't. 

There's also something deeper and darker: I'm freed from the uncomfortable meta zone where I might find myself pleading, genuinely, for Xena to release, while at the same time being afraid she will. There's something liberating about a deep acceptance of my situation.

Acceptance is easier because, now I'm a few months in, it doesn't get any worse. I mean, next month won't be any harder than last month. There is no sense of a natural end point ever arising.

"More casually dominant."

 The effect on Xena has been interesting.

At the start, she was adamant that it made no difference, that it was no different from her having a key. After all, I could in theory pull out the back and get off anyway, so what was the difference?

However, over the last five months, she's become much more casually dominant. 

I think on some level, Xena equates my chastity with her empowerment; as if, in caging my penis, she symbolically gains her own. So, for as long as my chastity was provisional, her power felt provisional. Now I've made a big symbolic commitment and it's "permanent" at least on a gut level, her power feels correspondingly permanent and she acts accordingly.

Which brings me back to her remark the other day: "It's simpler this way."

She generally dislikes any fuss associated with her dominance. Restraints have to go on easily with minimum input from her, protocol has to be simple and practical, she never really dresses up - except in stockings as a rare treat for me - and she has no interest in aftercare.

Holding my key, or setting a time on the lockbox, entailed some background emotional labour and decision-making, perhaps involving second guessing me, and then some fuss, all focussed explicitly on me being able to have an orgasm.

Which brings me to something I've suspected for a while. Xena has developed an aversion to my genitals, and especially to the idea of me ejaculating. It's been there for a while, but in giving her permission to be ruthless, the permanent chastity has revealed how strong an aversion this has become.

How is the conversation going to play out?

"Hello, it's been over year. Can I have permission and time and space to carry out a messy operation involving power tools near my genitals so I can remove the device that makes you feel empowered and then masturbate to a very sticky orgasm?" 

The worst of it is, that I'm not sure that I'll want to ask anyway.

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Wednesday, 24 February 2021

Coming up to the 8th anniversary of our Female Led Relationship and Xena doesn't care (and why that's hot)

It's odd. We're coming up to the 8th anniversary of our FLR and I don't think Xena has any desire to make an occasion of it.

It's the same with my (mechanically) permanent chastity device: she just treats it as if I had had the coil fitted - a good and necessary thing, but not particularly worthy of discussion.

In general, she isn't interested in kink.


"I can't imagine going back..."

That used to make me feel insecure until she made it very clear that not only does she like kink, but that it's mandatory; it's her preferred mode of intimacy and domesticity: "I can't imagine going back." And later, "You don't have any choice."

My wife clearly likes being in control, likes having service on demand, likes punishing me, and has a well-developed sadistic streak that turns her on.

Xena is also the one who pushed the envelope. 

Given a little control, she took complete control. Offered me in chastity as an option, she turned it into a default. She's the one who, early on, said "I prefer you this way..." and later "Would you consider always doing it like this?"

Which is why the disinterest is hot.

Though she is my loving wife, best friend, and preferred companion, she is also my mistress. Parts of our relationship play out as if she simply owned me.

"They do a sealed version. Make an appointment."

With the permanent chastity device, it's as if she looked up from her newspaper and casually remarked, "Oh look, they do a sealed version now. I think we'll get you fitted for one. Ring the shop tomorrow and make an appointment for yourself."

And I could only say, "Yes, mistress."

Then perhaps months later, she'd notice the same advert and say, "Oh, did you get that device installed?"

And I'd say, "Yes, mistress."

And she'd go back to reading her paper.

The entire FLR is like that. 

On a gut level, Xena just assumes that's the natural order. She's in charge and I'm not. Big chunks of our relationship centre on her, not me. 

I don't have any choice, so why would the anniversary of my submission matter? Anyway, I don't belong in the centre, that spot belongs to her.

That's hot.

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Monday, 15 February 2021

"And now I'm going to masturbate": How permanent chastity has changed our FLR

"And now I'm going to masturbate."

"There's no key," says Xena, "you don't get any choice. And now I'm going to masturbate. Go kneel in the corner."

I do as I'm told and kneel there, hard inside my permanent Custom Saint.

Moments earlier, I'd said,"You know how you never quite know what to say to get the effect you want. I've finally nailed it."

I was rubbing her feet at the time and she was in a particularly good mood. "Go on," she said.

"Chastity is like a rubber wristband. When you twist it a little to tighten it, it's comforting.  So don't talk about releasing me - that makes me feel insecure - talk about how it means you own me, how I have no choice in the matter."


"And when you ping it, it suddenly becomes scary and exciting. Tell me how long you'll keep me locked, mock me about not being able to orgasm."

"So twisting the band..." said Xena. "You're my slave, you're sealed in. There's no key. I prefer you this way and you don't have any choice in the matter."

My penis hardened in its permanent chastity device. At the same time, I felt pleasantly owned.

"And tweaking the band..." said Xena. "You don't get to orgasm for at least a year. I might not ever let you out."

My my poor penis was trying to erect itself, straining and straining against the surgical nylon.

"How was that?" said Xena, sweetly.

I made a hopeless whimpering sound.

And now I'm kneeling in the corner while she plays with herself. I'm well into middle age, but there's something... sacred about being in the room with a masturbating woman.

"How do you feel... slave?" asks Xena.

"Turned on... scared."


"I can't masturbate. Everything you do is going to rattle around inside my brain for weeks."

"Really?" she says, eyes twinkling. "Put your head under the covers and watch."

So I scramble over and duck my head under the duvet.

There it is, between soft thighs: her pussy, lips bulging and quivering in time to her blurring finger.

"How do you feel now slave?"

"How do you feel now, slave?" she asks.


"You may put a finger inside... carefully."

So I stretch up between her thighs and hook a finger inside her slippery tunnel. The muscles immediately clamp and writhe around me, setting off sympathetic spasms in my caged cock.

Two weeks earlier, I was also rubbing her feet...

I'd just checked the parcel website. "Looks like the new device will arrive soon. Do you want to make a ceremony of sealing it?"

"No," she said, quite genuinely, without  a hint of tease. "Why should I?"

"Why should I?"


"But it's a big change," I said.

"But I already keep you locked. I don't see the difference."

"Well, it's a big difference for me. I can't even ask to be released." I sigh. "I mean, for you it's at least less emotional labour."

"OK," she said. "It's a slight difference for me."

Now I felt weird. I don't like the meta thing of begging to be treated badly. "But you do want me to install it, don't you? I'm not doing this to myself!"

"Yes," she said. "When it arrives I want you to put it on as soon as possible. I just don't want to be involved."

I puzzled over this as she flipped over so I could rub her calves. "Oh," I say. I'm the word person in the relationship. It's my job to articulate things. "It's like I'm having the coil fitted. It matters to you that I'm sealed, but the process isn't interesting. If I could go off to a centre and have a laser piercing and come back with a permanent cage fitted, that would be cool too."

Like having a coil fitted.

"Exactly," said Xena.

A few days later, the device did arrive. I cleaned it, dyed it, cleaned it again. Finally I snapped in the seal and just lay on the floor, not remotely turned on, but very, very comfortable. I felt... completed.

And here I am ten days later, head under the covers watching Xena masturbate while her glorious vagina ripples around my finger.

Being sealed does make a difference. I don't even have the theoretical option to just take the thing off. I don't have to balance the urge to plead for release with the deeper fear of Xena casually caving; she can't just remove the thing either, and the prospect of fuss and inconvenience, not to mention the limited supply of expensive seals, would shift her into the kind of headspace where she would say no.

End result, hopeless lust is inescapable and my only source of sexual pleasure. That thought itself is a turn on, so I spend the next quarter of an hour forlornly wavering so near but so far from ejaculating while Xena enjoys her own orgasm at my expense.

"Enough," she says. Her face is flushed all the way down to her cleavage. "Kneel on the floor."

And I do.

The same thing happens the next night. 

And the weekend after that. We were having a bit of a dry patch thanks to lockdown and middle age stuff... this isn't a dry patch any more.

There's definitely an aphrodisiac effect.

Xena is more casually dominant than ever before.

The relationship and mental effect is harder to pin down, since we were already almost 8 years into an FLR.

I swear Xena is more casually dominant than before. She just assumes she's in charge. If I argue with her, she's surprised then irritated. There's no sense of trading chores for kink; I get a genuine telling off when I don't deliver.

Meanwhile, I feel different. I was always intensely submissive, but now I just am submissive, if that makes any sense? How I see myself in the spectrum of masculinity has also changed, but I can't quit pin that down.

Some of this is amplified by the shear wearability of the device. For example, I can sleep on my side with my legs closed around my genitals just as if I wasn't locked. That creates a sense of normality about having a cage locked around my genitals, yes, similar to a woman having a coil installed except that the coil prevents conception, and the chastity cage prevents erection and ejaculation.

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Wednesday, 10 February 2021

Disentangling Malesubs: Specific Fetish, Submission Fetish, and Submission Trait

Malesubs are confusing

Malesubs are confusing! We're confusing to ourselves, and we're confusing to other people.

What I'll call "Deep Malesubs" like me are confusing because... why? But we're easy to deal with because our primary aim is to embrace a sexualised submission. We have  some hard limits, yes, and some fetishes you can use on us, but we're mostly unfussy.

However, the more typical malesub doesn't know whether he's coming or going. He overcommits, under delivers. He tops from the bottom, or has such narrow limits, it's the same thing. And he's often uncomfortable and ultimately unreliable in a D/s relationship.

Partly, this is just patriarchy at work. It's a hell of a journey from culturally mandated manly masculinity, to meek malesub.

However, it's also because humans are both complicated and malleable.

Recently, people are mooting the term "submission fetishist" to describe the man who wants something specific and only wants that.

I think that only goes some of the way.