Saturday, 25 May 2019

Would I go to Chastity Planet? Would you?

Chastity Planet
I wonder how they're doing?

Does she like her new place?

Is he settling into his new life?

It's odd.

I completed Chastity Planet: Chaste Spring Break more than two weeks ago, but I can't get the hero and his... um... new partner... out of my head. (Sorry, I'm trying not to spoiler the story.)

He's not an authorial projection - honest! he's not me! - but he feels like a real person, and I feel as if I have experienced his adventures on Artemisia (my Femdom future pleasure planet).

And, to be honest, I envy him. He's having the youth I wish I could have had.

On Chastity Planet, the power exchange is real and unquestioned. Better yet, it's teeming with normal young women just there to have a good time, or to enjoy the serenity of a world in which males are second class citizens or slaves.

Would I go there now, for real? With Xena?

Get your ticket to Chastity Planet!
I'd love to be able to be out about our dynamic, would love to see her thrive in an all-female professional environment. I've also noticed that the more established her power over me, the more ruthless she becomes. Yes please!

Would I have gone back when I was young and single? To have no agency, no choice over who owned or used me?

Writing erotica has taught me that "straight malesub" is my orientation, perhaps even my gender.

I would have content spending a few years having no choice over who I served and serviced. I can think of no better memory to carry away than of long hours kneeling in the licking booths, or long months keeping house for my mistress, whoever she was.

I am phenomenally lucky to be married to Xena. However, I wish I'd been to Chastity Planet.

How about you? Would you do it for real?


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Tuesday, 21 May 2019

9 months of "permanent chastity" turns out to be FLR magic

"Go to your cell."
"Go to your cell, slave," says Xena, my wife of nearly a quarter of a century.

"Yes, mistress," I say, and scurry off into the dressing room. It's small and full of shoes and coats - smells of leather and woman - but there's room for a sleeping mat. What started off as a backstop for when I snored has ended up as an option whenever Xena wants the bed to herself - like this weekday night. I turn off the light and lie down.
 Service from an undemanding
chattel slave suits her.

I don't complain. I have my leather collar on, which means full stoic slave mode, no personality, no conversation. That also started as an occasional option. However, at the moment it's standard for the evenings - Xena has a big work project on, and doesn't have much social energy at the end of the day. Service from an undemanding chattel slave suits her.

Also, the fact she can do this to me turns me on horribly. I'm uncomfortably hard inside my Custom Chastity Saint, and have to arrange myself on my back.

Xena's light doesn't go off. There's a rummaging in drawers, then the buzz of a vibrator. Sated, she - apparently - falls asleep with the light on. I fall asleep eventually, and dream of Chastity Planet.

That was midweek.
(chaste dick pick behind the cut)

Monday, 20 May 2019

Confabulation and Crap Male Subs!

....all about receiving a service that
can be rated and
judged on excellence.
Confabulation is the concept I was looking for! The internal narrator constructs a story to make actions and feelings consistent with self image.

Confabulation explains much of where Femdom gets in a knot.

Crap male subs confabulate both ways. They reshape their self image to fit their masochism, telling themselves they must be the lowest of the low. Or else they reframe their masochism to match their self image as a strong empowered adult male and make Femdom all about all about receiving a service that can be rated and judged on excellence.

Dommes often seem to do similar. They can interpret their urges as meaning they must be a bad person. However, given a gazillion years of patriarchy telling them to be nice, it's more common that they take "good person" as a fixed point, and reframe domination as providing a service.

The reality is - probably - that Femdom is an orientation that exists independent of the morality and culture through which we express it. If the context were different, it would be the natural way of things, just as Maledom was once pretty much how sex was supposed to be.


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Wednesday, 10 April 2019

8 months into "permanent" chastity and everything looks different (or at least the past does)

"How long do you think I've been locked?" I ask.

"Oh," says Xena, yawning, "is it a year now."

My penis goes off like an airbag, filling its cage. "No... it's just been seven months." (This is about 3 weeks ago, as of the time of writing.)

"That's nice," says Xena. "Rub my feet."

And I do...

What gets me, what turns me on horribly and deliciously scares me, is that she's so blasé about it.

My wife is not remotely keeping count, nor is she particularly interested in milestones. The idea that it might be a year neither excites nor worries her. It didn't get her horny, nor did it she suddenly feel the need to check in with me.

The Custom Chastity devices were always darkly exciting because they made long term wear 24/7 plausible. The customised Saint was a step up because it removed all possible practical impediments. Putting it on was like getting a thrill by standing on the edge of a cliff looking down at a stormy ocean.  Xena, assured that I can swim in that ocean, has cheerfully pushed me in.

So now I'm nearly at the 8 month mark, and Xena is still treating my "permanent" chastity as if it were, well, permanent. A body modification. Or, perhaps, a move to a different city. Sure, we'll probably move again, but there's no hurry...

She has the same attitude to our FLR. We passed the five year mark last month. I got a "Well done. This still suits me too." and the conversation moved on. Clearly chaste, obedient Giles is just the natural and proper state of things for her.

However, despite her casualness about them, the milestones do seem to have one effect on her: she's become secure in her dominance. She just assumes I'll do as I'm told, gets irritated when I don't, and is totally ready to ply the cane on my rear on a nightly basis if required.

Where does this leave me? Happy with my sex life, for a start. For the first time ever, I don't have an alternative fantasy Giles running in the background. Repression takes energy.

Totally owning my submission, or being totally owned by it, has, however, forced me into an internal journey reassessing my past relationships and upbringing.

I keep coming back to a point made by Jillian Keenan (successful serious journalist and self-outed spanking fetishist) in Sex with Shakespeare:  Being spanked as a child was traumatic for her because she was already wired (by circulation and nerve endings) to be a spanking fetishist. Whereas other people might experience a spanking as violence, she experienced it as a sexual violation. She's not alone in this, so her message is "Don't spank children - it's a sex act."

So... I wasn't spanked. However, I did experience my family as "controlling" and tended to have (again) controlling girlfriends. I also grew up feeling that other people were judgemental and excluding. Going to school was about being bullied.

This picture quickly breaks down when you look closely at it.

My elder brother didn't give a shit and did his own thing, with no consequences. If he could, then why couldn't I? My controlling girlfriends... well I picked them. Some of them were really hot. Almost all of them pushed my buttons. There's a social rough and tumble to any community of young people - the crap flies around almost randomly. It only sticks if it you let it.

I was bullied at school, but I've heard far worse stories from people who seem far less damaged by it.

How about this narrative instead?

I was always submissive, which in turn made me both easy to dominate, and at the same time made being dominated a double violation - not in a sexual way, but rather because it made me experience powerless in the face of my own nature.

My family weren't controlling, I was easily controlled and resented that. My girlfriends tended to be dominant, but I liked them that way (though wouldn't admit it). Socially, my nature made me sensitive to being judged by other people, and unable to shrug off the usual young person stuff.

Bullying? Yes, that was real. Not just physical, but swatting and shunning and the whole works. However, what made it particularly damaging is that it made me experience powerlessness - something intimate and vulnerable for me - at the hands of horrid people.

Just like Jillian Keenan and her experience with spanking, it wasn't being controlled that made me a submissive, it was being submissive made me easy to control - and that experience of unjust powerlessness was damaging.

This insight makes me feel better about my past and the people in it. It also reassures me that my submission and masochism are not not just a way of erotcising past traumas, or evidence that I am stuck in them.

I wish this had happened to me ten years ago.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

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Monday, 25 March 2019

A Hard Chastity Manifesto?

The problem with permanent chastity is that though we are justified it to mean "sealed in long term chastity" it sounds more like a claim to perpetual chastity, which is both unrealistic, and not usually what people intend.

I think "Hard Chastity" is a better term.

"Hard" has meanings like firm, unyielding, unsentimental, unsympathetic/lacking compassion, harsh/rigid, and  we use the terms like "hard vacuum", "hard agreement" and "hard time".

So I propose that we use "Hard Chastity" to describe the starkest device-based chastity practices, with the scope limited to the genitals - no pedantic nitpicking around "it's not hard chastity unless you sleep in separate rooms and only think pure thoughts:

  • Chastity Device is sealed such that release requires a positive decision. This means that a combination of time, expense and care deter casual release or escape.  A cable-tie or a cheap padlock don't count. Nor does the device come off for cleaning, teasing or whatever.
  • The Chastity Device is a done deal or body modification. The Dominant (if they exist) is not a "keyholder".  There's no dialogue around locking and unlocking, nor is hard chastity used as leverage or currency. The dominant can - and probably will - order release at some point, but this will not be a casual decision. In general, in Hard Chastity, no aspect of the relationship is about your genitals.
  • No orgasms other than wet dreams and spontaneous ejaculations. It's not hard chastity if you or your partner are getting you off with pegging or milking. 
  • Expected to last at least 3 months, open ended at least to 9 months. In hard chastity, you accept to your state rather than endure until release. Three months is the average time to adjust to a new condition. Nine months is the same time again twice, to ensure that time adjusted is more significant than time adjusting. (This point implies that the device has to be fit for long term wear.)

So, "sealed", "done deal", "no orgasms" and "open ended".

The last point is the one I'm not quite sure about. When Xena had me seal myself in, I expected to be stuck for a month or so, not seven months and counting. What's should the time stipulation be?


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Friday, 22 March 2019

What counts as permanent chastity?

Nothing lasts forever! Permanent chastity can't, logically, be perpetual because something is bound to crop up between now and the end of life requiring removal. So what do we really mean? What should we really mean?

First, we shouldn't lose sight of the technical definition of a permanent joint:
A permanent joint usually cannot be disassembled without destroying the parts or damaging their surfaces. The. main types of permanent joints are riveted, welded, soldered, pressed, cemented, rolled, and combined (such as cemented and welded).
So, if your device is sealed such that you can't escape without tools, then on that count you are plausibly in permanent chastity. Not, however, if you are merely locked (since locks can be picked).

Even so, permanent has a sense of the open-ended.  Take a look at the definition of permanent employment:
Permanent employees.... do not have a predetermined end date to employment... Even when employment is "at will", permanent employees... are generally protected from abrupt job termination... [However] rarely does "permanent employment" mean employment of an individual that is guaranteed throughout the employee's working life. 
So, you might take a "permanent" job knowing you will be moving country in two years, for example. And you can be unexpectedly fired from a permanent job. So, if your chastity is supposed to be open-ended but not necessarily indefinite, and if the promise of release isn't an incentive, then it still counts as permanent.

However, there's one more definition, regarding time:
lasting for a long time or for ever
That acts as a baseline for everything else. If you quit a "permanent" job after three days, you wouldn't normally think of it as permanent! So what counts as "a significant time period for chastity"?

I think, at least long enough for it to become business as usual.

That means at least 1 month, because it takes 2-4 weeks for peak horniness to fade into a kind of background itch. So I think if your adventure was terminated for you at that point, it wasn't permanent.

If you google, the period of adjustment for forming new habits is about 3 months, which is also roughly  a season. So if you pass three months before things go wrong - or your partner orders your release - you experienced permanent chastity.

However, I think for any of this to count, you have to enter the adventure with the realistic expectation to go longer than that such that the period after adjustment will be much more significant than the period before: another 6 months, taking the minimum expected period to 9 months.

So, for me, it's permanent chastity if the device is sealed and expected to stay on for at least 9 months.


Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

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Friday, 15 March 2019

A Therapist On How To Love An Angry Woman (And Why Not To)

A therapists talks about loving angry women, and why it's a bad idea. Go read!

He doesn't really touch on why:
My conscious mind said, “Get away from this woman. She’s dangerous.” My subconscious mind, the mind that was attracted to danger and excitement said, “Hmm. This could be interesting.”
We dated for a few months and the time together left me exhilarated and exhausted. I wanted to leave, but I also wanted more. Anyone who has been in a relationship like this knows the addictive draw that some of us have to danger and excitement.
We got married despite most of my friend’s warnings. I thought they just couldn’t see her wonderful side. And there was a wonderful side. She was intelligent, adventurous, inventive, and very, very sexy. I had my own anger issues and there was a quality of a moth attracted to the flame. Many of us who grew up in dysfunctional families confuse love with addiction and excitement with risk-taking.
Yeah, right. Thing is, I recognise this. My first relationship (mid teens) was abusive.

Looking back, I can see I was in the grip of my underlying submissive/masochistic "orientation". If I'd known that was a thing, I would have avoided a lot of toxic relationships.

I also have this sense that some angry women would be less angry and maybe happy if it was OK to be dominant (not necessarily erotically). Normative roles are constricting.


Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)