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My once-vanilla wife now loves keeping me as her chaste slave. Learn how to get some Femdom in your life too!

Tuesday, 14 August 2018

The World Needs More Female Focused Femdom

The World Needs More Female
Focused Femdom
When people post one of those "Survey Shows Straight Men Crap In Bed" articles on twitter, I often respond with  "The World Needs More #FemaleFocusedFemdom" as cure for things like men coming to bed unwashed, skimping on oral, skipping other stuff...

Let's be clear, "more" is not the same as "everybody". However, an Irish sex survey has 20% of modern couples doing some BDSM. There's probably more couples who would if either partner introduced it, or if they had the confidence. A Quebec survey has roughly half people with dominant fantasies and half with submissive ones, though it's not clear how these overlap.
So there's potential for, say, 30-40% of couples to enjoy some bedroom Femdom. As long as it's female focused - she's really in charge - they can learn her needs and how to satisfy them. However...

The cultural expectation of Femdom makes
Female Focused Femdom difficult. 
The cultural expectation of Femdom makes this difficult.

The dominatrix - whether pro and/or enthusiastic kink fairy, statistically rare - is the gold standard.

So Femdom is performed around his fantasies, tailoring his experience. All work and no play for her.

That same gold standard probably makes malesubs amongst the worst lovers, and bad at submitting. They're not interested in vanilla sex, so don't put the effort in. Since no woman can live up to the fantasy, they obsess with simulating Femdom rather than doing what she wants.

I think malesubs are also often scared of the submissive undertow, and cling to unattainable fantasies in order to keep their heads above water. Their orientation threatens not just their masculinity, but their autonomy. So they go into denial and play Alpha (badly).

Female-focused Femdom is the fix for all this. It's still kinky, but hands her license to be selfish. The sub trades fantasy for the thrill of raw submission. Both partners find satisfaction.

Not for everybody, but the world would be better if there was more of this.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Monday, 13 August 2018

You can dye Custom Chastity devices!

Lady Fox sent me a customised version of the Saint to review: elongated head section to prevent turtling, big vent on the underside (pictures of it worn below the cut).

But it was pink.

It was a really impressive pink - as vividly pink as a sissy's wildest dreams. Even so, not really our style, though it did make Xena laugh.

Skin Tone!
My erotic persona is more understated, possibly even more dignified (if you can be dignified when locked into a chastity device and made to kneel in the corner).

No worries, said Lady Fox. You can dye it a different colour. And she sent me a link to the DyeMore Synthetic range.

I should have realised! The Custom Chastity devices are all surgical nylon, so a commercial dye should do the job. (I'll bet the same dye will be able to handle a lot of other non-metallic devices, but don't take my word for it.)

I've always wanted a flesh-toned chastity cage. It's hard to explain why. I think it's because it just feels more sinister - the more natural it looks, the more it seems to be a permanent fixture.

There's a practical side too. In the event of some mishap, something that matches my skin is less likely to catch the eye - less likely than a pink chastity cage! - and easier to pass off as a medical device.

There was no skin tone, but there was a "Sandstone". So I got that from Amazon and followed the instructions: put the device plus water in a small saucepan and heated until simmering, added about a third of the bottle of dye, simmered for 30 minutes. Then I put it through the dishwasher.

Here's the result (it's me wearing the device, so behind the cut - Xena has locked me up for several days, and I didn't get a chance to take a snap of my handiwork first.)

Thursday, 9 August 2018

Update: Two days in with the Custom Chastity Saint

I've been locked since Tuesday night. No problems. Drying is really easy - that big vent on the underside is great! Some sticking during the day, but not at night or during erotic activity. No turtling.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Friday, 3 August 2018

Customised Custom Chastity Saint Chastity Device: A Cure for Turtling and Catching

Pink! OMG!
(This is a rather technical article about male chastity device design and measurements. If you are looking for more on our Female Led Relationship click here.)

So Lady Fox of Custom Chastity sent me a modified version of the Saint to try out. It's lurid pink - her idea of a joke, I guess (it certainly made Xena laugh). It incorporates three changes to deal with "catching" and "turtling", and it works.

I think catching and turtling are the bane of close fitting male chastity.

In "catching" the penis shrinks a little, becomes unseated, then when it expands gets stuck with its nose rammed into the roof of the tube. In "turtling" the penis shrinks dramatically - usually in self defence - then gets jammed in position.

My Ghost
These cause problems when peeing - you need to go fishing for your dick with your finger - but also spoil the chastity experience. You rarely ever find your penis neatly seated in its prison. And, without manual intervention, an erection is likely to get stuck in the barrel - that's a real issue if you're tied up!

One solution is to have a relatively loose tube/cage section. My Custom Chastity Ghost fits this bill: the whole tube is width/diameter of the crown of my penis when hard. Occasionally if out and about on a cold day, peeing meant going fishing with my finger, but otherwise catching and turtling weren't a problem.

My Saint
However, we all want close fitting devices that make us feel constrained, and hides well under clothing. This leads us to the Saint which I've been wearing almost continuously since last Autumn.
As I put it in my review:
I find I'm mostly lined up to pee when I down-zip, but if I'm not, then it's easy to align properly. Similarly, if I'm stuck in the barrel due to night turtling, it's a simple matter to poke a finger in and retrieve the errant member. Oh, and of course, there's nowhere for pee to collect.
So the fix is essentially to accept catching and turtling as a fact of life, but have easy access to fix it. Until...

One day, using the sock trick to get into the device I pulled too much in and squished my head a little. The some of the shaft came into the head section. I left it like that to see what happened. Imagine my surprise when everything remained seated even during exercise, and no need to go fishing with my finger when I woke up! It wasn't perfect because I had to squash the head and it sometimes ended up caught unevenly. However, shifting the C ring back would resolve that.

Here's the sketch I sent Lady Fox:

I think it works because (a) the penis rears before it turtles, and that's the sweet spot to stop it, and (b) the new position for the C ring rests firmly on "corpus" rather than on its edge.

So, always keen to use me as a guinea pig,  Lady Fox shifted the C-ring back, and stretched the paperclip a little. She also - you can't see this - made the top of the cage section flush with the inside of the C-ring so there was nothing to catch on:

C-ring moved further back.
Finally, she removed the central ventral spar creating one big vent:

One big vent
This is intended to solve the occasional chafing problem caused by heat and sweat. However I suspect it also removes a trigger for turtling, and takes the rug out of jamming - there's nothing to jam against.

And it works.

For the last two days, I'v woken with morning wood perfectly seated in the device. And every time I've gone to pee, I've downzipped to find myself already lined up. At the most I've had to push the device against my body in order to dock the head with the slit.

Last night I took about fifty lashes while tied up. My erection came and went, but every time I was hard I was perfectly seated.

So basically, change just one measurement, and the turtling goes away. If only I'd known.

As for wearing this Custom Chastity device long term - watch this space...

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Sunday, 22 July 2018

Coming out as a submissive?

From the outside, our FLR/malesub identities look like 
(a) doting husband (already public) plus 
(b) kinky goings on (private).
The weird thing about being a submissive of my generation is that we've worked so hard to be invisible, but wish we weren't.

I don't mean visible in the "my mistress leads me on a leash to the shopping mall to buy her boots" way. 

I just mean ,"not invisible."

A (RL) friend of mine who's also in a female led relationship - sort of my fault, I think - put it this way: "Somebody other than just your partner has to know who you really are."
We both have fellow malesubs to talk to, but after the initial heart to heart, there's not much to really discuss. By the time you get this far into middle age, you know what you like and how to do it, and you're OK with wanting those things. Once in a while it's useful to compare technical notes, but that's that.

However, for both of us - him and I - it goes beyond sharing the secret with a handful of confidants. We'd like a space where we don't have to hide our identities.
But what would that safe space look like?

Both of us are in monogamous relationships, so it's not the same as being young and coming out so as to date kinkily. In fact, it's not clear what difference being more out would make. From the outside, our FLR/malesub identities look like (a) doting husband (already public) plus (b) kinky goings on (private).

So, most of our - Xena and my - friends already know that I revolve around her, keeping house, supporting her career and that I defer to her on most decisions. One or two find it sweetly amusing. If I told them that it's in my nature to do what Xena wants, they'd tell me that they already knew that and "So what?" If I told them about the discipline and the chastity, they'd tell me "Ewww" and "Too Much Information" or else "So what?" Or perhaps, "Good for you."
That last is what happened when my friend did out himself to some of his more broadminded friends: They basically said some supportive things, said they were happy for him and the conversation moved on.

I'm not sure I can see the benefit of doing the same. I'd still be doing Xena's bidding, and we wouldn't be talking about our sex lives. Day-to-day, everything would look the same.

What if another couple turned out to actually be like us? Still no real change because the dynamic stuff is all private, even if it isn't secret. 

(OK, I admit it, I like the idea of Xena having another dominant friend and them egging each other on. But really, nothing would have changed.)

That leaves the BDSM community, which just isn't our scene. Our kind of kink doesn't belong in club, and Xena isn't interested in learning "better domming skills". I'm also not comfortable with the idea of identifying as a submissive in the company of dominant men. A munch isn't an attractive prospect for similar reasons plus, again, there really isn't anything to talk about.

So though it would be nice to be out to more people, I'm not really sure what that would look like...

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Thursday, 5 July 2018

Ask Giles: Is a Female Led Relationship is the submissive truly serving, or is it a trade?

In Ancient Rome, she'd still have to manage
her slave: give him orders, discipline him,
keep him in his place.
On Chastity Mansion, somebody asked: "Is it serving or is it a trade?"

I think it's quite common for dominant women to hide behind the idea of a trade for a long time before taking ownership of the FLR. However, it's only a trade in that all relationships are an implicit trade.

Our desire to serve comes from our submissive orientation. It's not some higher calling. So what we really want is particular role in a relationship.

The baseline proposition is then: "Let me be your slave and you can enjoy things unavailable in a normal relationship."

Ah, but kinky "slaves" require particular treatment! Isn't that a trade?

No because, if this were some dystopia - or Ancient Rome! - where a woman could simply purchase a personal slave, she'd still have to manage him: give him orders, discipline him, keep him in his place. There'd also be protocol so his presence didn't feel intrusive.

As long as the particular treatment  makes sense - has no over the top extras - then it's no more a trade than, say, adopting a dog and then having to feed, house and train it.

You could argue that, since he can get bored and pull the plug at any time, she will always feel as if it's a trade. However, from the start, he usually has more to lose than her. He's literally trapped by his own orientation. Over time, the roles just start to feel real and normal.

So though the mistress/slave relationship implies mutual obligations, I don't think it's an actual trade by any common meaning of the word. It certainly doesn't feel like one!

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Wednesday, 4 July 2018

What will Future Femdom be like?

I stand by my statement that "Femdom has no history".

The dominatrix has a history. She goes back to Summerian times at least. However, she was nicely shrink-wrapped and fire-walled in her temple precinct.

So if you insist, then, yes, Female Domination has a history, a tradition, but not the Female Dominant style of relationships. And since we can use "Femdom" to mean "a female dominant", I take that to be the core meaning:

Femdom: A relationship and/or erotic style in which the woman, her desires and needs, dominates.

What about Femdom's future history?