Tuesday, 19 May 2020

Locked and Collared for Lockdown - 100+ Days of 24/7 Chastity

"The beatings are fierce enough that I am afraid of them."
There's a brutal logic. 

I don't get to orgasm while Xena is in the house, and Xena is working from home, therefore I've been locked since last time she took the keys, and I know not to pester.

Also, we're living on top of each other, and Xena being an aloof introvert needs her space, so every evening has seen me collared and more or less mute. I've also found myself overnight in my cell more than once.

She's too stressed out by running an organisation over Zoom for there to be much actual sexy time, but the discipline is harsh.

So lockdown has turned out to be an adventure for me, a trip into the heart of my own darkness. It's genuinely a little scary. I'm very at home in the shadow of my slavery and can't always see the way out. The beatings are fierce enough that I am afraid of them. My cell is a bleak place compared to my own bed. 

However, I've also never felt more fulfilled in my entire life.  

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
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Sunday, 3 May 2020

How to kneel - a short guide for fellow kinky slaves - Part 1

Priest kneeling  Period:     New Kingdom, Ramesside Dynasty:     Dynasty 19–20 Date:     ca. 1250–1070 B.C. Geography:     Country of Origin Egypt
Blame the ancient Egyptians.
My phone alarm goes off. I jerk awake and a chain jerks me back: I'm sleeping in my cell - Xena's dressing room - on a bedding roll, a short chain leash running from an attachment point in the wall to my new steel collar.

Hurriedly I unclip, slip out of my cell, and kneel at the foot of the bed waiting for my wife and mistress to wake...

Kneeling is odd because it seems such a natural slave posture, and yet it's impossible to keep up for any length of time.

Black Gate » Articles » Art of the Genre: The Art of Gor
"Slaves kneel"
I've always thought of kneeling as a slave thing; the ultimate being present but not present, of making myself small. I probably picked it up from all those erotically charged kids books on the Ancient Egyptians.

Later, there was 1970s Fantasy art in crinkled second hand art books. Then, it was kneeling slave girls, but I got the idea.

Slaves kneel.

The joke is, historically, no they don't.

Or, they do sometimes, but mostly in cultures, like Ancient Egypt, where everybody kneels. I couldn't find a single contemporary illustration of a kneeling slave - not Roman, not Greek, not Egyptian.

That's because, kneeling is really impractical. Your legs inevitably go to sleep. Perhaps that's why kneeling is a gesture of submission - it's hard to leap up and defend yourself if your legs aren't working.

"Seiza"
For practical reasons, a real slave would wait like an 1800s servant, standing unobtrusively out of sight, or at least out of line of sight, ready to serve.

Even so, we modern kinksters really like the idea, and I'm certainly... stuck with it. How then do we go about it?

It turns out there's a whole modern culture that spend a lot of time kneeling: the Japanese and they call it "seiza".

Wikipedia tells us:


Non-Japanese who have not grown up sitting in this posture may, however, have difficulty assuming it at all. Those unfamiliar with seiza will likely find that maintaining it for more than a minute or two tends to lead to paresthesia, whereby the compression of the nerves causes a loss of their blood flow, with the accompanying "pins and needles" feeling, followed by painful burning sensations, and then eventually complete numbness in the legs. However, the physical discomfort lessens with experience as the circulation of the blood improves. Experienced seiza practitioners can maintain the posture for forty minutes or more with minimal discomfort.

Reread that last paragraph: a mere 40 minutes is an achievement.

Kneeling is also the yoga pose, "Vajrasana". Typical recommendation is to aim for 2 minutes at the start, and work your way up to 5-10 minutes... this makes me feel good about my meagre 20 after 6 years practice.

However, I've recently improved. The last 5 minutes of that 20 came recently, and very quickly, and that's what this blog post is about.

CAVEATS: I'm not any sort of yoga instructor. What follows is just the result of googling and experimenting. If you have any sort of joint problems, kneeling is probably a bad idea and you should do further research. You can also "cheat" and simply order up a meditation cushion, or experiment with folded blankets behind the knees.

So, if you are male slave, submissive, here's how to get into a sustainable kneeling pose:

  1. Half kneel with your feet flat, your toes crossed and your knees a hands-breath apart so you aren't crushing your balls.
  2. If you're not naked, draw your clothing away from the crooks of your knees so it doesn't get trapped - this is really important!
  3. Lower your buttocks so they rest on your heels.
  4. Tilt your pelvis - make a pelvic thrust - so that your buttocks really do rest on your heels.
  5. Relax your spine and sit naturally.
  6. Whenever the discomfort starts to becomes intense, shift your weight of your legs by leaning forward slightly. It's a good idea to do this whenever your dominant leaves the room or is looking the other way - it's all about projecting stillness and self-abnegation.
  7. Once you've gone on as long as you can, shift to cross legged. Mentally note the time, and perhaps agree this as a the current limit.
And that's it.

There are, however, things you can do to improve your kneeling endurance. I'll get to that next time.

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
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Tuesday, 21 April 2020

Ask Giles: What do you mean by the Service Model of Femdom? Why do you dislike it so much?

The Service Model of Femdom
Femdom as depicted on the internet and elsewhere is based on what Pro Dommes do, which is mostly doing things to the malesub. It's all about her achieving an effect on him. The domme, as depicted, may or may not be getting paid, and either way there's a happy assumption is that she enjoys wielding the power of pleasure and pain over her sub. That makes Femdom the rough (and more time consuming) equivalent of the vanilla blow job, and like it, it looks awfully like a service.

This is true even when the Femdom "play" is around him performing service: either the service is clearly not an actual service - boot licking, fellating a dildo, lubing up for pegging - or all about her battling to force him to serve and/or the way he dresses etc to do so... in other words, still about him, and still really looking awfully like a service provided by her to him.

There's nothing wrong with any of that. Some women really enjoy wielding power that way, or like being the magic kink fairies, or just enjoy pleasing their partners. (Much like some women really like giving blow jobs, and it's not always a submissive act.)

However, the Service Model has two potential issues. First, it tends to position the domme as a roleplaying the idea of dominant woman rather than just being one off the leash. That kind of improvisation is actually surprisingly hard to do and it's the opposite of empowering. Second, it's often not sustainable long term except as an occasional treat because it requires so much mental and physical effort.

These issues often combine to discourage dominant women from pursuing actual Femdom, which seems a pity for them and the world in general.

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
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Sunday, 9 February 2020

Thought Experiment: What would it take for Chaste to be treated as a gender?

Our fetish looks awfully
like an expression of gender.
When you look at it carefully, the male chastity "fetish" looks awfully like an expression of gender, so much so that it looks more like a movement than a kink.

Even if we ignore the crossover into feminising and sometimes trans, there are enough solo practitioners egging each other on, enough straight couples with penetration off the menu, to indicate that male chastity is at root, not about "leverage through keyholding", but about his penis being "disarmed": he can get orgasms, perhaps, but never an erection, and she - if there's a she about - often prefers him that way.

This shouldn't be a surprise! Eunuchs were always objects of desire for both sexes, and there is still a sub culture around castration. We can see male chastity as "neutering lite".

What if we run with that and imagine how "Chaste" might be treated as a gender in the way that, for example, non-binary is? (And yes, I'm talking about male chastity here. I've "seen" female permanent chastity on the Internet, but I'm not sure whether the roots are the same or not.)

For a start, what would that mean?

I think Chastes are defined by being...
Masculine and subject to desire, but artificially impotent, and thus necessarily tending toward sensuality and erotic service. 
Our paradoxical niche would be somewhere around concepts like:
  • Non-binary
  • Gender-flipped shemale ("hefermale"?)
  • Gay Best Friend Who's Straight 
  • Male Lesbian 
  • Safe Flirtation "Victim" 
  • Admirer You Can Safely Take Advantage Of. (The controversial "Friend Zone" would become the uncontroversial "Chaste Zone".)
...being a Chaste would give us access
to spaces and intimacies forbidden
to our unchaste
fellow men.
In this imaginary perfect world, being a Chaste would give us access to spaces and intimacies forbidden to our unchaste fellow men. We'd fit in with the LGTB+ scene (just to be clear: this is not going to happen!), we'd be sought after by women who liked men but were unkeen on penetration, we'd be regarded as ardent lovers offering the safest possible sex, but also the safest possible male companionship, sometimes to be taken advantage of. Perhaps we might become trophy partners to be flaunted as proof of sexual magnetism.

For all that to come to pass, we'd need three things: security, verification, and visibility.

Any mainstreaming of Chaste men relies on security. Without real security, our chastity is only ever provisional. We still have penises that could come out at the wrong moment, in non-consensual or merely unlooked for ways. We can still potentially pull out to commit infidelity - the only barrier is embarrassment.

Perhaps as damaging to potential Chaste identity, it makes our our chastity seem like an ongoing conversation rather than a done deal. From the outside, we become about "will he?/won't he?", and our identity could be read as a challenge to turn us back.

Ball-gripper devices aren't enough, it has to be a piercing (unless the something like my Happy Happy Chaste Boi Purity Device comes along). This is a serious issue, because PA piercings are not easily reversible.

Security also means you don't have the , which leads us to verification.

There has to be some way for the rest of the world to know for sure that the device is on, that the key is elsewhere. That means having a trusted keyholder to vouch for you. However, having some kind of certification isn't enough; we're only a gender if we are visible.

Visibility means having some kind of hard-to-appropriate visual marker of Chaste.

I suppose we could wear kilts and be prepared to flash, but it would be too easy for frauds to wear a kilt. So that leaves a collar that's hard to get hold of, that only gets removed by the keyholder (otherwise, being cowards all, we'd only be visible when dating).

So we have piercings, keyholders, and collars. How would this work?

Realistically, there could be a peer-to-peer community, based around an app... a kind of Uber Eats for people who like chaste men - it would probably start in the more adventurous gay community. Verification would involve some sort of peer network, or perhaps piercing parlours could act as keyholders and collar custodians. The system wouldn't be perfect, and would rely on reviews. (This is where one of my erotica series will go, by the way.)

However, there's nothing about that system that would necessitate the wearing of a collar, and it would remain under the radar socially.

More effective, but less realistically, would be... imagine an official government programme. Here's how it would go:

On reaching 18, the Chaste goes for mandatory counselling. He has to wear a device without a piercing for 6 months. There's nothing stopping him from getting off during this time, but typically, he'll take a gap year before hitting college.

After 6 months, he visits a hospital Chastising Unit. He has his PA piercing done by Carbon Dioxide Laser, which is painful but makes for rapid healing. He is immediately fitted with a surgical chastity device and his first collar.

For security, the collars and chastity devices are made of a glass composite. There's no lock on either, but you need a special licensed machine to safely bend them open. They have barcodes and prominent numbers embossed on them, and hard-to-fake holographic inserts.

So here's the rub.

There's still nothing stopping him from having an orgasm, either by rubbing the head of his dick or using a vibrator. It follows that there's no reason for him to remove the device while he's part of the program.

Every year or so, much like random drugs testing for athletes, there's an inspection. The collar and device remain government property, so there are heavy fines for anybody who "vandalises" them.

It also makes sense for him to make monthly visits to a licensed verifier - probably a piercing parlour, but could be a Post Office(!) - to have his device checked and his barcode scanned. This updates an official database accessible via an app, itself feeding into dating sites.

If he wants a break, he can go back to the Unit and get everything removed. He can do this no more than once a year.

After one year of continuous wear, he's eligible for three upgrades.
  • He can go "spiked". A "spike", a device like an IUD, is inserted in his urethra. It sits against his prostate, rendering orgasm impossible. His collar acquires gold flecks. The spike can normally be removed at 6 months notice, depending on waiting times.
  • He can go "permanent". He gets a new black tinted collar, but the device stays on. It can be removed at a year's notice, but he can only make that appointment once, and whether or not he actually attends.
  • The ultimate upgrade is to be both "immaculate" and "permanent", meaning you get to sport a black tinted collar with gold flecks. 
No, none of that is going to happen.

However, what would you do if it did?

I'd take the basic collar at the drop of a hat, and I think I might end up spiked as well. However, I would not have the courage to go permanent, though I would be sorely tempted.


CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Thursday, 6 February 2020

Growing Up Kinky: Straight Malesub as a Sexual Minority

Dommes have a much longer
road to travel thanks
Recently I was taken to task for commenting:
...I was thinking, "What would it be like if mainstream (liberal) culture was as affirming of young malesubs as it is of the rest of LGBTQ+?"
And the answer was, "Not much better" because dommes have a much longer road to travel thanks to gender roles and the way femdom is portrayed.
Roughly: Malesubs aren't actively persecuted, we can pass as normal, can safely hold the hands of our partners in public, and how dare I even think about calling for the same amount of support? (Which I wasn't; you'll see why in a moment.)

As mysticlez218 puts it, "Every minority faces their own struggles which are unique to them with no one being worse or better. They all suck in different ways."

I want to talk about the experience of being a straight malesubs and how we are a sexual minority, and in some specific contexts, a disadvantaged one.

This matters because, though we are low priority in the grand scheme of things, we still have to live our lives.

Monday, 30 September 2019

Female Led Relationship when her attachment style is Avoidant and his is Anxious

"It hurt"
 My attachment style is Anxious, my wife's is Avoidant. It's the perfect storm of kink...

Last night I knelt naked on the floor while Xena sat on the bed, looking very retro an elegant hand knit cardigan, and went over our finances then the state of the house. The money is going OK (please buy my books!), but I have been an inadequate house slave.

So she had me chain myself up, then she beat me.

"My wife's attachment style is Avoidant."
It hurt, made me squirm.

My wife has the knack of not hitting the sweet spots of shoulders and across the buttocks. Instead the blows rained on my flanks or individual buttocks. By the time she paused, I was whimpering and scared.

She hesitated, then touched my buttock with the whip and I yelped, squirmed. That made her giggle.

She did her face and teeth in the en suite then resumed the beating.

Five minutes later I was huddled up on the floor close to sobbing - but also hard as a rock in my chastity cage.

"Unchain yourself. Rub my feet."

I put away the chains, eased pyjamas over my smarting skin. Then I knelt and rubbed her feet while she read. I had my collar on, which means mute mode, but I wouldn't have dared talk  anyway.

When she'd had enough, I knelt in the corner. She sent me on an errand to the kitchen then let me come to bed. No kiss good night, but it was nice to lie beside her.

About 430AM, something woke me. She was stirring. I asked her if she was OK and she merely sent me to my cell - her dressing room where I keep a camping mat.

At 630 my phone alarm went off. I woke in my collar and chastity cage, camping out in my cell, and all because my mistress wanted it. It's hard to describe how satisfying that was!

I slipped into the bedroom and knelt. She was actually awake, reading, but ignored me for twenty minutes until she wanted breakfast.

A bit later on there was a cuddle and a chat, but there have been times when she's barked orders then strode off to work leaving me in my collar with a long task list.



"We look like a perfect
middle aged couple"
So...

That probably all sounds as bleak as hell. And if you're into BDSM culture, you're probably wondering where all the check-ins were, the affirmative consent, the aftercare...

Totally absent.

There is a Safe Word, but it's for actual safety only.

And though I consent to all this, I'm aware it would be very hard to withdraw my consent. The Femdom might go away and with that the thing that makes our relationship work.

We've only understood this recently.

I'm an extrovert, but I get overloaded (I'm probably an "ambivert" or Highly Sensitive Person, or whatever). My attachment style is "Anxious", making me needy.

Xena is an introvert. Her attachment style is (probably) "Avoidant", making her aloof.

Needy and Aloof.

We were initially a good vanilla match.

She needed my extrovertism to help her reach beyond herself, I needed her introvertism to create a quiet space to retreat to. We could party together, but also sit quietly in the same room and read.

The attachment styles also worked.

She was attracted to my unconditional warmth, and I to her tranquillity and strength,

This is important. Couples complete each-other, help each other grow. There are positive sides to our attachment styles.

And the first few years of our relationship were about that. I'm no doormat.  I prodded and nudged her into discovering her warmer and more nurturing side, she set boundaries and taught me not to be too clingy.

And yes, perhaps I learned to settle for less. However, she learned to send out smoke signals to tell me how she felt: a well-thought gesture here, a perfect gift there.

Remember, whatever my reasons - the above could all be after-the-fact confabulation! - I wanted to be with her the way she was, and she likewise wanted to be with me. We only had to adapt a little to make it work. If she'd totally opened up, or if I'd totally shut down, it would have been a disaster.

"My wife liked hurting me."
We were also, of course, kinky from the start. However, the kink was sporadic. She was the world's worst service top, and never really into becoming the full-on  teasing, trash talking, fantasy facilitating dominatrix. She was also way too serious and literal to engage in any kind of fantasy roleplaying.

What she did like was (a) being served, and (b) hurting me.

Essentially, kink worked as long as we were doing power exchange "for real", rather than acting out negotiated scenes. When I finally came to embrace that, I had to let go of the prospect of lots of fun activities. The upside was that I got to experience my fantasies for real, and the fantasies quickly revealed themselves to be an orientation.

But before that slow illumination happened, time had to pass.

Life happened. Stress and fatigue stripped away some of what we'd learned, and we fell into the old dance: she'd be distant, I'd feel insecure and crowd her, she'd push me away, making me feel more insecure, making me crowd her...
"All her bugs became features"

Our Female Led Relationship fixed all this.

First, all Xena's bugs became features.

I suspect, on some level, her lack of easy warmth had always made her feel a little inadequate, and insecure, and thus irritated, and the irritation made her withdraw more, if only to get her retaliation in first.

Suddenly, all that cold disengagement is a good thing.

Not only does it make her unbelievably scarily hot when in full mistress mode, it also generates more authentic Femdom than you can shake a stick at.

She has permission to be ruthless, so she's ruthless.

She likes getting her way, likes being served, enjoys peace and quiet, sometimes likes the bed to herself.

She sets me chores and targets, beats me if I fail. She's off penetration or off my pensis, or doesn't think I deserve one - it's not clear - so mostly keeps me locked in chastity - I recently spent 11 months locked 24/7.

Every evening, I'm her mute slave, attending to her every need, sometimes sleeping in my cell.

That's been the tone of my life for the last five years. I am in sub heaven.

But there are also vanilla benefits. FLR let us square the circle, have our cake and eat it.

I'm insecure - right? -  and she has difficulty giving affirmations. But as I type this, I'm sealed into a chastity device and I spent last night sleeping in a collar. I feel owned, which is pretty much as secure as a man like me can get.

I need intimacy, she needs space. But last night, I knelt quietly, in her intimate space but not intruding on it.

"Our vanilla relationship
is warmer and fluffier than ever"
I need to be truly seen and known and valued, she dislikes fusses and introspections. But kneeling there in my collar and chastity device, taking her real world orders, I have all the acknowledgement I need, and all the validation I can take.

And Xena, who loves me and wants me to love her but can't reliably reach out to me in vanilla ways, and thus sometimes probably feels irritatingly insecure?

She knows she owns me, that I could never have something so darkly intense with anybody else. And perhaps the chastity device helps as well - who knows?

Small surprise then, now there are no hidden tensions to blight it, our vanilla relationship is warmer and fluffier than ever. We make time to go out and have coffee together at the weekends. Sometimes I walk her to work. We cuddle up in front of the TV, we cook together, we go on country walks and kick through the autumn leaves holding hands.

To an observer, we are probably the perfect middle aged couple, still in love after all these year.

How sweet.

But the observer wouldn't see my sealed on chastity device, nor my welts, nor the collar in the bedside drawer, the one I wore last night as I slept in my cell...


CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(Also 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Friday, 27 September 2019

Are You Ready for Permanent Chastity (or at least Long Term Open Ended Chastity)?

Are you braced for uncomfortable truths?
I spent nearly a year sealed into my Custom Chastity Saint.

(It clearly wasn't "permanent as in perpetual". However, it was "permanent chastity" in the sense of "persistent", or in the way that a window can be "permanently" nailed shut; release entailed a positive decision, privacy and tools. And "permanent" is the term the community uses, so so shall I.)

There are lots of reasons why people do "permanent chastity". It's a very different experience from keyholder-style chastity and creates a very different dynamic.

But, are you ready for it?