Friday, 25 March 2022

The scary escalatory power of "meh, no"

"Unlock you? Meh..."
I'm 15 months into "permanent chastity", courtesy of Custom Chastity's Saint, permanent edition, and somehow passing milestones for a second time makes it real... my second Christmas, my second New Year, coming up to the second Easter.

And I'm thinking about the power of "no".

The irony about marrying a very dominant woman, is that you quickly get used to hearing "meh, no", especially around sex. It's not just that she's assertive, it's also that she doesn't get swept along in other people's visions.

So a lot of my early attempts at expanding the kink in our relationship foundered in "meh, no."

"Meh, no, I won't edge you."

"Meh, no, I won't dress up tonight."

"Meh, no..."

...it's too much trouble, not what floats my boat, requires too much emotional energy.

Some things got a yes - "Yes, I will beat you... Yes, you can serve me..." - and so that's what we did.

But there was always the odd ambivalent response, "Meh, OK I suppose" which - in hindsight - generally ended up with Xena getting the things she wanted, and me getting lack lustre service topping at the end - a passive no, that adds up over time.

It was like that with the chastity.

Xena always liked having me in chastity, but was always meh about having anything to do with me unlocking; no ritual, no end of lock-up play...

At the time, it felt like imperfect kink: Why can't you do it right?

When I started pushing too hard, I got a "Meh" reaction and the kink went away for a while.

But really, now I see that having me locked felt natural to her, but once I was in, there was never any natural moment when she wanted me unlocked.

It turned out that where kink was divisible, given a chance, Xena would cheerfully discard the parts she didn't like, especially if she could do that by just saying "no" to something,

That explains why kink can suddenly escalate. It's not about pushing limits, it's about removing barriers so the kink can reach its natural limit.

Once she didn't need to worry about hurting me too much, she suddenly became scarier and nastier with the whip. She could just say "no" to second guessing me.

Once she knew I could sleep in my "cell" (OK, her walk-in closet) overnight, she sent me there whenever she felt like having the bed to herself. She could just say "no" to caring about my feelings.

That's why my first period of denial stretched to 150 days or so. Xena knew I wanted some kind of wild finale, so avoided it by not letting me have an orgasm.

And when I first sealed my device, I expected to be stuck for 2-3 months and it stretched on to 10 months. Xena even forgot how long I'd been locked up.

Then along came the nasty Custom Chastity Saint with its carefully constructed slippery slope of a limited number of seals. I handed Xena the seals and she tossed them in her bedside drawer with the same "meh..." that I used to get when I pestered her to tie me up.

Only this time, the "meh, no" is about releasing me, ever.

I thought I'd been offering her kinks so we could evolve our dynamic together.

Really, I've been letting her select the jigsaw pieces to build up a picture that was inevitable right from the start.

If I'd had this device five years ago, I think I'd now be in my fifth year of wearing it.


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Thursday, 27 January 2022

My first(!?!) year in permanent chastity

"Expect to be locked for at least another year."

"I like things this way," says my wife. "Expect to be locked for at least another year."

"Yes, mistress."  I say, scared and relieved. 

"Relieved" because we've been approaching the one year mark, and I've been feeling unsettled and insecure. 

Masochism is weird. I don't want this adventure to end, but I need her to not want it to end, because at the same time I could really do with an orgasm... and all this churn makes me leave my comfortable submissive headspace and enter the Hell that is meta.

Also, lockdown has been bad for our sex life, and now things are starting to pick up again I want to see how intense things can get.

But no, the adventure is going to continue, and I'm going to stay locked.

Sealed.

"a diabolical permanent chastity device"

If you've just tuned in, there is no key. I'm the test pilot of a diabolical permanent chastity device from Lady Fox at Custom Chastity

---there is a locked cock picture at the bottom of this post---

Tuesday, 24 August 2021

The Giles English Scale of Mainstream Chastity!

Can I suggest the Giles English Scale of Mainstream Chastity?
  1.     "Obscure": nobody has heard of it - where we were in 1970.
  2.     "Boutique": Specialist makers will sell you a device - where we were in 1990.
  3.     "Dungeon": A known option in the BDSM Scene.
  4.     "Niche": Mainstream online sex toy retailers stock them.
  5.     "Discoverable": Appears in mainstream media as item or interest, or fictional device. Stocked by in-store by sex toy chains.
  6.     "Genital Piercings" (as unremarkable as).
  7.     "Furry Handcuffs" (as unremarkable as).
  8.     "Vibrator" (as unremarkable as).
  9.     "Queer" (as unremarkable as being)
  10.     "Integrated": Totally normalised. Some people are chaste, and that's just a dating option. Likely to only happen in the context of other social change.
I think we're in Early "Discoverable". Once we get to "Genital Piercings", further progress is likely to be tied to society becoming more open in general.

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Monday, 21 June 2021

"The device is permanent, so there is no end point."

"You're permanently locked. No ifs or buts."

"Am I a good slave?" I ask.

I'm rubbing Xena's legs, kneading her luscious calves, and it's a genuine question. It's late Sunday evening, we're both feeling chilled and tired with a working week ahead, and Scandi Folk on Spotify.

"Yes," she says, "you are a good slave. I coudn't do what I do without you." Xena has quite a senior role in her organisation, and I support her the way a 50s housewife would support her executive husband, so that's really good to know.

There's a long pause. Then she asks, "Am I a good mistress?"

"Yes, you're the best possible mistress," I say. "I mean I'd like more attention, but you're genuinely wise and smart and I'd be sensible to do what you told me even if I weren't submissive."

"Good," she says. "Do the instep now."

I roll my thumbs over the instep of her right foot, then after about five minutes shift to her left. "Are we taking it in turns with questions?"

"Yes, go on," she says.

"OK..." 

I know what I want to ask, but I'm afraid. I think most malesubs suffer from the insecurity; Does she really like this? What about this particular kink? Is she just going through the motions for my sake?

But I want to know. 

"Permanently locked"

"The other day," I say,  "you said that you thought my device was 'simpler'. Does that mean it's grown on you?"

"Yes," she says, sleepily.

"I think it's supposed to be more than a one-word answer," I say.

"It's better," she says. "You're permanently locked. No ifs or buts."

The word 'permanent' has my cock go off like an airbag in its... permanent cage. I actually feel a kind of moist queasiness that's hard to describe. "You turn," I manage.

"No," she says. "I have nothing to ask. Ask another one if you like."

Xena's not normally this verbal about our relationship, so I press on. "Why you prefer me this way?"

"It's just better," she says. "It's good for you. Keeps you in your place."

"Like you have the penis?" I prompt - a theory of mine.

"No, not that," she says.

"In charge, then?" I ask. "Like I'm locked so you're in charge."

"Yes," she says. "It means I'm in charge... You're locked so I'm in charge." She yawns. "Ask another."

I move back to rubbing her calves. My penis is like a knot of lust in its cage. I sneak a quick probe and find the head is bathed in semen.

There's another question I'm scared of, this time because though I crave the most exciting answer, I'm also aware that I have control over it: just how big is this rollercoaster I'm committed to riding?

"Um," I say. "I'm scared to ask this... but what's the end point of this adventure?"

No answer.

I shift to long rolling strokes from crook of knee, over calf, to feet, scooping into the instep. A little later I say, "You've gone to sleep, mistress. I'll ask some other time."

She lifts her head a little. "No. I want to answer. Remind me of the question."

"What's the end point of this adventure? What triggers my release?"

"The device is permanent, so there is no end point."

 "Oh," says Xena, with a sleepy honesty and no sense of hamming it up for effect. "The device is permanent, so there is no end point."

I shudder. "Until something changes."

"Yes, that," says Xena, with less conviction.

"Yes, mistress," I say.

Then she goes to sleep.


Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

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Thursday, 17 June 2021

Femdom and Personality Types

When I started looking at personality type systems, it was always easy to imagine, and often point to, D and S Types that fit each category, even the Red/Yellow/Blue/Green system derived from Professor "Femdom Menage" Marston, who explicitly has a slider for Dominance.

It's even true of the OCEAN system, which is supposed to be the one with the scientific basis. I recently interacted with a domme who was clearly low on Conscientiousness, but since she was online talking about it, I can guess she might score high on Extroversion. My really very dominant wife is average on Extroversion, and high on Conscientiousness, so presumably a quite different kind of domme.

At least one of the online OCEAN tests breaks down each trait into sub traits, and Assertiveness is hidden under Extroversion: my wife scores high on that, me low, despite the fact that our scores for the main trait are the other way around. So perhaps dominance and its reverse are just human sliders - traits in their own right.

However, I notice that I am high Openness, high Neuroticism, and I do therefore experience a weird push pull in most of my life - drawn to adventures while simultaneously flinching from them. Submitting deeply lets me escape that, and day to day my dominant partner eases the torment by acting as a tiebreaker.

So I wonder whether 

  • D/s preferences is just a trait, 
  • However, being strongly drawn to power relationships and kink results from having a structural conflict, which can be different for different people....

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Wednesday, 2 June 2021

5 Months in the Custom Chastity Saint Permanent Chastity Device

Permanent Chastity: "It's so much simpler."

After much rummaging, Xena emerges from the en suite, "I found my moisturiser."

"Ah," I say, "but did you find my key?"

 "Oddly, no," says Xena.

"I think the point is I have no key," I say, angling for some affirmation.

"I know," says Xena. "I think I'll keep you this way forever. It's so much simpler."

My penis inflates like an airbag, but the ever-present nylon bars of my chastity cage stop it rearing to attention. I can only lie there and squirm as Xena gets into bed next to me and starts to read.

Custom Chastity Saint, Permanent Edition.

 And that basically sums up the experience so far.

Every 3-4 weeks, I've been lucky enough to kneel in the corner while she masturbates. Otherwise, lockdown hasn't been good for our sex life. Xena is running her department from the guest room, and the stress isn't exactly an aphrodisiac.

That hasn't stopped me getting horribly turned on each evening when I massage her feet and legs. Long term chastity has put me back into a teenager mindset; just touching a woman's body is an amazing and holy thing.

Meanwhile, the Saint just sits there like an evil symbiote. It doesn't get in the way, doesn't chafe. I can even dry off after a shower using just a towel. Apart from not being able to have an erection or orgasm, I can lead a totally normal life... well almost totally normal; I have to be careful using the public urinals, I probably want to avoid people bumping my groin, and I think the device will have to come off for air travel, just because of modern body scanners. There is still, therefore, no practical reason why I should have to remove the device in the foreseeable future.

Permanent chastity - which this is in several senses of the word - turns out to be surprisingly relaxing. I never have to decide whether or not to ask to unlock for various social situations, because I can't. 

There's also something deeper and darker: I'm freed from the uncomfortable meta zone where I might find myself pleading, genuinely, for Xena to release, while at the same time being afraid she will. There's something liberating about a deep acceptance of my situation.

Acceptance is easier because, now I'm a few months in, it doesn't get any worse. I mean, next month won't be any harder than last month. There is no sense of a natural end point ever arising.

"More casually dominant."

 The effect on Xena has been interesting.

At the start, she was adamant that it made no difference, that it was no different from her having a key. After all, I could in theory pull out the back and get off anyway, so what was the difference?

However, over the last five months, she's become much more casually dominant. 

I think on some level, Xena equates my chastity with her empowerment; as if, in caging my penis, she symbolically gains her own. So, for as long as my chastity was provisional, her power felt provisional. Now I've made a big symbolic commitment and it's "permanent" at least on a gut level, her power feels correspondingly permanent and she acts accordingly.

Which brings me back to her remark the other day: "It's simpler this way."

She generally dislikes any fuss associated with her dominance. Restraints have to go on easily with minimum input from her, protocol has to be simple and practical, she never really dresses up - except in stockings as a rare treat for me - and she has no interest in aftercare.

Holding my key, or setting a time on the lockbox, entailed some background emotional labour and decision-making, perhaps involving second guessing me, and then some fuss, all focussed explicitly on me being able to have an orgasm.

Which brings me to something I've suspected for a while. Xena has developed an aversion to my genitals, and especially to the idea of me ejaculating. It's been there for a while, but in giving her permission to be ruthless, the permanent chastity has revealed how strong an aversion this has become.

How is the conversation going to play out?

"Hello, it's been over year. Can I have permission and time and space to carry out a messy operation involving power tools near my genitals so I can remove the device that makes you feel empowered and then masturbate to a very sticky orgasm?" 

The worst of it is, that I'm not sure that I'll want to ask anyway.


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Wednesday, 24 February 2021

Coming up to the 8th anniversary of our Female Led Relationship and Xena doesn't care (and why that's hot)

It's odd. We're coming up to the 8th anniversary of our FLR and I don't think Xena has any desire to make an occasion of it.

It's the same with my (mechanically) permanent chastity device: she just treats it as if I had had the coil fitted - a good and necessary thing, but not particularly worthy of discussion.

In general, she isn't interested in kink.

 

"I can't imagine going back..."

That used to make me feel insecure until she made it very clear that not only does she like kink, but that it's mandatory; it's her preferred mode of intimacy and domesticity: "I can't imagine going back." And later, "You don't have any choice."

My wife clearly likes being in control, likes having service on demand, likes punishing me, and has a well-developed sadistic streak that turns her on.

Xena is also the one who pushed the envelope. 

Given a little control, she took complete control. Offered me in chastity as an option, she turned it into a default. She's the one who, early on, said "I prefer you this way..." and later "Would you consider always doing it like this?"

Which is why the disinterest is hot.

Though she is my loving wife, best friend, and preferred companion, she is also my mistress. Parts of our relationship play out as if she simply owned me.

"They do a sealed version. Make an appointment."

With the permanent chastity device, it's as if she looked up from her newspaper and casually remarked, "Oh look, they do a sealed version now. I think we'll get you fitted for one. Ring the shop tomorrow and make an appointment for yourself."

And I could only say, "Yes, mistress."

Then perhaps months later, she'd notice the same advert and say, "Oh, did you get that device installed?"

And I'd say, "Yes, mistress."

And she'd go back to reading her paper.

The entire FLR is like that. 

On a gut level, Xena just assumes that's the natural order. She's in charge and I'm not. Big chunks of our relationship centre on her, not me. 

I don't have any choice, so why would the anniversary of my submission matter? Anyway, I don't belong in the centre, that spot belongs to her.

That's hot.


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