Friday, 28 April 2017

Designing (and Wearing) the Perfect Snug Male Chastity Device: the Details

The first attempt at a truly snug device didn't work out. However, the second one has worked out so well that I can't show you a picture of it on its own - I haven't removed it since it arrived ten days ago!

Here's a capture from the animation Lady Fox sends these to custom device clients):

You'll notice it's a really simple shape. There's also a simple hoop-shaped base ring and no rear hood. There are reasons for this...

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Day 9 of 24/7 Lockup in my new custom Custom Chastity device...

Last night I'm kneeling in my corner and making my usual report to Xena.

"You'll see my emergency seal is unbroken," I say. "That's me more than through a full cycle of all my weekly activities..."

"Yes. Well done," she says, sounding as if she means it.

That surprises me a little. I know she likes me locked, but Xena doesn't articulate about kink much, mostly because it comes from her more playful side, but partly - I think - because she doesn't like owning her darker side.

However, I'm not sure I do deserve a well done, though, since wearing this thing requires no effort whatsoever.

Penises are like breasts; the owners generally avoid bumping them against other people! So not much change of behaviour is required to avoid discovery. I also don't want her to think this is any kind of endurance test.

"The device continues to be totally practical and discrete, mistress," I say. "I can - in theory - wear this indefinitely."

"Good," she says, and there's a smug satisfaction in her tone that makes me go hard.

"I don't get anything out of the risk of discovery," I add, because I want to reassure her. "But I like not having to take it off. And I think it reminds me to be a good submissive and focus on my tasks."

"So I noticed," she says and then we move onto but me reporting on chores and professional targets.

We've been doing this for a couple of years, but in the last week she's gained a comfortable ruthlessness in her dominance. Even so, I don't earn any demerits or penalty days. She even summons me to bed before she goes to sleep. (Not like the night before when she left me in the corner and I had to wait out my default 15 minutes in the corner.)

As I lie next to her, I realise that we didn't even discuss when I might remove the device.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Monday, 24 April 2017

Day 7 of 24/7 lockup in my new Custom Chastity device (quick update)

It's Monday, day seven of my 24/7 lockup.

I've jogged almost every day with no problem. I've reverted to more natural sleeping positions thanks to the lower profile. 99% of the time, when I go to pee, the slit and slot are already aligned. If not, a quick prod with fingers does the job.

Meanwhile, Xena having my key seems to have boosted her dominance. (But of that more later.)

Overall, this feels like a device I don't want to ever remove, and need not have a practical reason to during normal life.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Saturday, 22 April 2017

Can a male chastity device change a relationship? How my wife accepted the key to keeping me in 24/7 chastity

"Just shut up and rub my feet."
(Find out how to get to this point...)
Can a chastity device change a relationship?

"I'd like a foot rub," says my wife.

It's Tuesday night and I'm kneeling in the corner in my new Custom Chastity magic locker device.

"As you wish, mistress." I say. "This new chastity device is so practical I can wear it by default. Can I talk you through the way the keys could work?"


My timing is bad, she's had a long day at work. However, I push on. "You still have the old Holy Trainer key on your key ring. We can swap them over..."

Xena cuts me off. "I've got too many bloody keys on my ring anyway. I don't need extra."


"Just shut up and rub my feet."

"Yes mistress," I say.

I really don't want to shut up. I do want to argue with her. It annoys me when I end up carrying the BDSM side of our Female Led Relationship, given that she enjoys it so much when she's in the mood.

When we first started with FLR and chastity using the Holy Trainer 2, I would report on my wearing and Xena would decide whether and when I could unlock the next day.

It didn't really work.

On me, the Holy Trainer was in the almost practical category. The locking superstructure subtly affected my movement, the bulge affected my choice of clothing and made it just a little harder, e.g., to slip between tables in a pub or cafe. Also, though I had managed to shower and dry in it, it was better to remove it for exercise and certainly bathing.

So there were no obvious thresholds and a lot of balancing of risk and comfort against her (real but rarely stated) desire to keep me locked.

All this was more nuanced and implied too much responsibility than she could cope with at the end of a long day when the focus was supposed to be on her. We'd have cringy "No, what do you think?" conversations, and she'd always let me unlock if I asked.

24/7 chastity is the premise of all
my Femdom erotica... 
After a while, we shifted to me being locked by default, but again, she'd always let me unlock if I asked.

The end result was a vague rule that I would be mostly locked, but with me in control of it and starting to feel like a sad perv being indulged by his long suffering wife.... even though I know from her various unguarded remarks that she likes me locked.

The Custom Chastity device I received 18 months ago changed the practicality equation. There was no need to remove it for showering or for most activities. I managed to wear it for over a month! However, though it was much more practical than the Holy Trainer, there was still a sliding scale and I didn't feel like going back to those awkward conversations. Instead, I concentrated on proving I could do marathons so that Xena would feel more comfortable with the responsibility.

This new Custom Chastity device seems to be a game changer. It conforms almost exactly to my man parts, so has minimal bulge, and it doesn't have a superstructure to jab into my pubis. (Click through for pics.)

There's also an actual physical key. Previously, I stuck with the cable ties so as to minimise the profile and cut down on the weight - a padlock would have reduced some of the practicality.

So now I have this plan to give Xena to make 24/7 chastity work for us... something she seems to want, and something that's the premise of all my Femdom erotica.

And she won't discuss it right now, even though I am desperate to.

However, we are in an FLR and so I obey her.

That night she leaves me kneeling in the corner for 15 mins after light out.

Thursday night and she's got work to do.

"Give me your keys," I say, "And I'll get rid of the extras."

Actually, there aren't any extras. There used to be a couple of spare fetter keys, but they're long gone. I remove the Holy Trainer 2 key and replace her key ring on the hook.

When I return to the bedroom, she's writing a report for the next day. I spend an hour and a half kneeling in the corner. When I curl up on my side, she looks up and says, "No, you have to kneel." I spend the next half an hour very turned on indeed as I do whenever she states a kinky preference that's clearly for her.
"No, you have to kneel."

When it's time to report, I remind her about my transgression.

"I won't demerit you this time," she says, "because we only just discovered the rule."

This, by the way, is why she doesn't generally talk about kink. Her kinky Femdom comes from her whimsical playful side that isn't really amenable to reflection or introspection. Instead, it pops out ideas and rules that she subsequently embraces.

At last, she lets me come to bed. As we lie in the dark, I blurt, "I wish you'd take my key!"

"What?" she says, "I thought that's what you were doing earlier."

I give a mental sigh. Talk about communication by smoke signals. "So you want my key?" I ask.

"Yes, now shut up and go to sleep."

And I do.

It's generally easier to talk about
objects than erotic activities
In the morning, while her coffee is brewing, I add my key to her ring. When I serve the coffee, I present her with my emergency key: a second key that's security sealed into bit of tubing. "You need to initial this."

She cheerfully initials the seal then heads off to work.

That night - last night - when it's report time, I present her with both clickers - silver for demerits, red for penalty days - plus the emergency key. "You'll notice the seal's unbroken, mistress," I say.

"So I see," she says.

And this is why the new system is going to work.

Featuring the inescapable Happy
Happy Chaste Boi Purity Device(tm)
Outside an erotic headspace, it's generally easier to talk about objects than erotic activities. Now I can in effect say, "Still locked up" and she can acknowledge it and take - or at least share -  responsibility, all without actually speaking about it directly.

Better still, she has to take an actual action - give me her keys, or at least tell me where they are - in order to permit me to unlock.  It's enough of a fuss to tip the balance in favour of saying no.

And the new device is about as good a male chastity cage as is possible (though not as good as the inescapable Happy Happy Chaste Boi Purity Device(tm) that features in most of my erotica.)

Finally, the emergency key salves her conscience and soothes her legitimate worries: I can always unlock if I really need to. The thing is to get her to take responsibility for making that a very undesirably course of action.


"Mistress," I say, "I think the rule is that I can break the seal for genuine emergencies only. Otherwise there needs to be a penalty so draconian it's almost unthinkable. And if I do need to unlock, but should have forseen it, then that's too bad."

"OK," she says, smirking. "Five days and five lashes."

"That's a bit pathetic." I grimace. "That doesn't really cut it."

She laughs. "How about twenty days and five lashes?"

"What? I meant that it didn't sound like enough lashes. It's the wrong way around."

"Oh," she says. "Twenty five days and twenty five lashes."

"That's not what I meant..." I trail off, feeling my cock pulse wetly in its cage. "Yes mistress," I say.

"Come to bed," she says, "I want to sit and read together.
She looks at me quizzically. "Are you going to wear it all the time now?"

"That's up to you. What are you worried about?"

"I don't want you to get caught."

"Don't worry, it's really unlikely in this device."

"Come to bed," she says, "I want to sit and read together."

And we do.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Friday, 21 April 2017

Vanilla Dominatrix now in paperback!

Somebody emailed me asking for the Vanilla Dominatrix in paperback!

And here it is!

Click To Buy Now!
It took a while - formatting for print publication is a real pain in the ass. However, it was a labour of love. Hopefully the new format will bring female-focused Femdom to even more bedrooms across the world...

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

A first look at the new Magic Lock Custom Chastity device! (including pics of me wearing it)

Today, for the first time ever, my wife went to work with the key to my chastity device, leaving me locked in with the emergency key sealed away for real emergencies. She could do this because there is no routine practical reason for taking off the device.

Yes, Custom Chastity have produced a "magic lock" male chastity device. They sent it to me to review and I'm wearing it right now!

I can't show you a picture of it without me wearing it because when it arrived I hurriedly put it through the dishwasher then locked myself into it. That was Tuesday - today's Friday - and I haven't taken it off since.

Look, here I am!

Yes, really. I'm wearing it under tight stretchy trousers. Look again...

Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Ask Giles: How do I spot a sexually dominant woman in real life? (Rather than in clubs or munches.)

This one came up on Reddit but given how heated people get, I'm answering here.

Short answer: "You can't!"

Long answer: "You can!"

The short answer - the one people yell - is, "you can't". This is because:

  • Outside certain counter-cultures, sexually dominant women don't generally broadcast their preferences (because it can be inconvenient and because sex is private anyway).
  • There's no certain link between kink and personality.
  • Not all women who would enjoy Femdom have tried it or are even aware that the option might work for them.

People then go on to urge the poster to come to munches etc. Alas, not everybody wants to, or can, get involved in the Fetish scene.

However, the long answer is more positive but requires more work.

There is no guaranteed equivalent of gaydar (dommedar?). Even so, you can spot the women who, in the right circumstances, might potentially routinely enjoy dominating you.

If you are a sub, generally these are the women you are already going out with!

Seriously! Back in pre-scene, pre-Internet days, I had something like a 60% success rate at getting girlfriends to dominate me.

This works for two reasons:

First, as long as you are not dating in reaction to your kinks - e.g. picking out sweet submissive girls in order to reassure yourself of your masculinity - then there's a good chance that your instinctive choice is the right one. The links between kink and personality may be obscure, but they must exist on some level.

Second, most people enjoy being in charge and getting their way from time to time!

Rather than asking who to ask, you should be considering when and how to ask, and what for. The short answers are, "early", "honestly without making a fuss", and "extensions of vanilla activities she already enjoys".

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Monday, 10 April 2017

So what would BDSM liberation look like?

In my ideal personal environment...
I just asked on Reddit, because frankly I don't know the answer.

In my ideal personal environment, after mandatory counselling, we would be able to register our FLR. Xena would be legally protected from assault charges and have certain boilerplate rights over me, some coercive and perhaps enforced by 3rd parties, e.g. creating the legally inescapable chastity device.

Certainly, we would be able to be open about our relationship. I would wear a permanent collar, and I would be able to use the urinals in public toilets without anybody remarking on my chastity device.

However, I don't really see how this could be generalised. There are some irresolvable issues:

Protection from abuse versus the right to consent to BDSM, since outsiders can't tell the difference and - to be honest - even kinky folk wander into grey areas.

Legal recognition of power exchange contracts versus not wanting to legalise slavery, since the former is effectively the latter.

Self expression versus the consent of bystanders, since some sexual self expression potentially exploits bystanders, and some aspects of BDSM are very visceral and unfair to impose on outsiders.

Let's see if my Reddit posting generates some solutions...

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Thursday, 6 April 2017

Being kinky doesn't make us queer, but kinksters are still oppressed

The illusion of choice.
(We don't have a choice,either.)
There's a nice article by Carolyn Yates in AutoStraddle : Being Kinky Doesn’t Make You Queer.

She makes a valid point: queer and kinky have resonances, but are distinct and we shouldn't blur the terminology.

However, much of the article seems taken up with making a distinction between (a) transgressing normative gender and gender preferences, which is queer and OK to do in public, and (b) transgressing normative power relations, which is kink and not OK to do in public.

The implication is that queer is real and nice but kink is just a game and nasty.

In particular I disagree with this:
But you can hide your kinks. And, in public spaces, with non-participants present, you should. Kink involves consent.
So, being out in public is automatically a consent violation? 

I find that preposterous.
Sure, it's a consent violation if you force your intimacy on other people or use them as an audience. But that's also true for vanilla couples of all orientations as well: e.g. fucking on a park bench on a Sunday afternoon while people were out with their families is wrong whatever your preferences.

However, things like wearing a collar or using verbal protocol - if that's what you do at home - are no more a consent violation than two men holding hands. (That doesn't make these wise activities.)

The illusion perpetrated by the article is that kinksters have a choice, that we can opt in or out of our orientation. 

She conflates the persecution suffered by queer people with the opt-in, opt-out activities with which we kinksters express out dynamics:
As a kinky person, you can opt in, you can opt out, you can play, you can exchange, you can give, you can take, you can end it at any time. Power is everywhere, whether or not you’re practicing power play. It is yours to leave or to take. But as a queer person, you can’t opt into or out of those systems of power. You can’t end them at any time. There’s no safeword for your parents kicking you out before you’ve finished high school. For your new grandma-in-law getting homophobic and transphobic at your wedding reception.
Yes, it's easier to be kinky than queer since it's easier and way less inconvenient to hide. 
Repressing our sexuality
also has consequences

Yes, queer rights are a much, much, more pressing issue than kink rights. I'm happy to be at the back of the queue.

However, we don't actually have a choice about being kinky, and repressing our sexuality has consequences similar to those suffered by all those closeted  queer folk of yesteryear: wasted lives, collateral damage to straight spouses, stress, illness, dysfunctional relationships, compartmentalisation...

Ours is still a love that dare not speak its name. 
In an ideal world, people would wear their collars, call their partner "Sir/Madam" and nobody would bat an eyelid. 

In a slightly less ideal, but still better, world, being outed as a kinkster would have no professional or personal consequences.

We don't live in either of those worlds now. I doubt we ever will. 

Ours is still a love that dare not speak its name. The ease of concealment does not detract from the fact there are still consequences if that concealment fails.

So, we kinksters will always be an oppressed sexual minority. At the very least, this should make us sensitive to LGBTQ rights. It would also be nice if some of that sensitivity would flow both ways. 

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)