Our final (?) Female Led Relationship Contract

Xena started off vanilla!

Well, 6 months is up! Despite it being a busy time for Xena, we managed to talk over how things have been going. I wrote up the changes, she approved them, and here it is!

You'll notice it's designed to be future proof. We'll review it in a year, but there are mechanisms in it to enable it to evolve as required, plus ways for it to lapse. You'll also notice additions to the discipline system. I'll try to blog about these later.

Giles and Xena Female Relationship Contract September 2015

This contract describes our existing Female Led Relationship (FLR). These rules reflect Xena's wishes, but Giles is mostly responsible for keeping track of them.

This contract remains in effect between milestones. The next milestones is Sept 2016, unless Xena judges that circumstances have changed. On reaching a milestone, Xena and Giles(?) will decide together whether and how to continue.

We will treat the FLR as real. Except in exceptional circumstances, we will solve any issues within the framework of the FLR. Punishment will always be real but never "meta". Xena won't reference that Giles volunteered for this. He in turn will never seek to generate kink through bad behavior.

Xena may unilaterally modify the contract (a) temporarily for practical reasons, (b) to make it harsher or stricter, or (c) to remove any modifications. i.e. revert to this document. Xena may also call for a renegotiation if the contract appears not to be working.

From time to time, Giles may suggest improvements to better reflect current practice, or to help Xena get what she wants. If he does this too often, Xena may punish him.

The FLR is a secret. Giles may only discuss it with those friends who already know about his blog, unless otherwise instructed by Xena. However, Giles may admit to enjoying Femdom to other kinky friends as socially appropriate, though the presumption is against. Xena may discuss Femdom as she sees fit, but will avoid revealing the FLR to other non-submissive men, directly or indirectly.

Core Female Led Relationship

...we are both happy that Xena is the
naturally dominant partner
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Xena will bring certainty and adventure to Giles's life. He in turn will bring control and service to hers.

We are a loving relationship founded on mutual respect. However, we are both happy that Xena is the naturally dominant partner and that our sexual relationship is entirely Femdom. We feel no need to disentangle all this.

Our relationship style will range from "comfortable married couple where she gets the last word", through to "cold mistress and semi-mute slave". Giles will take his cue from Xena, but she will also make her wishes clear if he gets it wrong.

Xena has authority whenever she wants it, but Giles is still an adult. Xena is routinely in charge of domestic and intimate life. She has arbitrary powers of punishment and reward including Giles's orgasm.

Xena can use her powers to get what she wants, no matter how unreasonable. She may also do things for Giles's own good, or because they amuse her. Giles will obey honestly and to the best of his ability.

When appropriate in private, Xena will express happiness with the arrangement, praise Giles for his efforts, but avoid saying thankyou. Giles is best motivated by acknowledgment of his submissive role.

All this suits Xena, who prefers things this way, and Giles, who is enjoying embracing his submissive nature, and also sees this as a way of making an adventure out of necessity.

Authority and Discipline

Xena sets priorities and gives orders as she sees fit. She may also set longer term Tasks. Giles will serve and obey honestly. He will report any measurable professional or personal targets Xena might want to manage.

Xena will hand out Demerits for quality issues and also: whenever she raises her voice or is angry with Giles; whenever Giles raises his voice to her or is grumpy with her. 

Each demerit translates into at 

least one stroke of a whip or equivalent. 

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Each demerit translates into at least one stroke of a whip or equivalent. She will normally administer the demerits at least once a month. Giles will normally be restrained for this. Irrespective of Slave Points (see below), Giles may petition for Xena to wear something nice for major beatings. However, this is at his own risk.

Xena will give Penalty Days for failure to perform a task. These put back Giles's Orgasm Day (see below) by one or more of Xena's working days.

A Serious Punishment comprises at least: 50 Demerits and 5 weeks of Penalty Days (i.e.2 5 Days) . This is the equivalent of the world falling in on Gile's head, and is intended to make particular transgressions simply unthinkable.

Automatic Serious Punishments are earned for:

• If Giles applies emotional pressure in response to Xena's orgasm choices. This does not preclude him whimpering briefly as an erotic response, for which she can apply demerits.
• If Giles masturbates to ejaculation without permission.
• If Xena sees Giles's unchaste erect penis. 

In general, Xena will use the discipline system to make herself feel better when Giles annoys her, and as a tool to get what she wants. She will therefore be strict and merciless -- sometimes whimsical -- ignoring any excuses.

Sometimes, however, Xena will hand out Slave Points, which Giles may spend by negotiation, e.g. to get her to wear something sexy while punishing him. Slave Points do not offset Demerits.

We will track Demerits, Penalty days and Slave Points using clicker counters. Giles will normally store and operate these. Xena can zero existing Slave Points by committing to take control of the counters for one day per point.

Chastity

Giles will remain in chastity whenever practical, particularly at night. He may remove the device for socializing. 

Giles may only masturbate during his Orgasm Day. These fall only during Xena's working week when the house is empty and not during holidays. By default, Orgasm Day is the first day of Xena's working week. With Xena's permission, untaken days shift to the next available day, with any Penalty Days applying to that instead.

Bedtime Ritual

At bedtime, Giles will be clean, clean-shaven, chaste, and ready for bed. From this point onward, he will address her as "mistress".

At bedtime, Giles will be clean, 

clean-shaven, chaste...

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He will present the demerit counter and ask Xena what she did not like today. If he has to remind her to demerit an incident, he earns a Slave Point. (If she suspects he's attention seeking, she can apply far worse punishments.)

Giles will otherwise kneel patiently in the corner pending orders from Xena , returning there between tasks. Xena will often leave Giles there to indicate general displeasure, especially if he has earned demerits, or merely because she wants the bed to herself.

If Xena falls asleep while Giles is kneeling, he may come to bed after a decent interval, unless erotic activity or punishment has taken place, in which case - if practical - he may change position but must otherwise remain in the corner to sleep for at least the next hour.

Intimate Matters

He helps to bring her to orgasm – 3 days (penalty)
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Giles and Xena do not at present have penis-in-vagina sex. Giles is happy with this because he has had lots of vanilla sex in the past, and not nearly enough Femdom.

Giles may not initiate erotic intimacy, but may remind Xena to set aside intimate time. Xena has control over Giles’s orgasms but will not normally be present when they happen.

Each of Xena’s orgasms costs Giles one or more Penalty Days (figures in bracket for working days):

• She masturbates with him out of the room – 0.5 day (1 day).
• She masturbates while he kneels or otherwise in the room – 1 day (2 days)
• She masturbates while he watches with a clear view – 2 days (4 days)
• He helps to bring her to orgasm – 3 days (6 days)
• He brings her to orgasm using a strap-on dildo – 4 days (8 days).
• He brings her to orgasm through PIV - 5 days (10 days).

Other specific  erotic circumstances in which penalties can be earned:

• On Xena's whim.
• As the price of being involved in some erotic act including PIV ejaculation. 

During erotic time, Giles's orgasms typically do not happen.  He remains chaste except for the unlikely event of PIV sex. Xena may grant Giles a chaste orgasm as long as she is supervising, i.e. at minimum holding his leash chain. She can curtail his efforts on whim:

• Solo by self-penetration (if he can do it), no penalty. 
• Solo by vibrator, 5 days. 
• Spontaneous ejaculation, at least 5 days 10 demerits. 

If it amuses her, Xena may set up beatings using butt plugs and other devices to encourage an unlicensed ejaculation. Giles will advise honestly on this.

Sex and Bondage Toy Maintenance

Giles is responsible for the maintenance, cleaning and stowage of the bondage toy collection.
If his chastity device breaks, he must wear the backup as continuously as possible to avoid breaking that until a replacement is available.

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Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her.