Become Her Slave!

My once-vanilla wife loves keeping me as her chaste slave. Find out how we ended up in a Female Led Relationship!

You can enjoy the Femdom lifestyle too, if you dare. Let me show you how to sell yourself to your vanilla wife or girlfriend as a part-time slave!

Friday, 2 October 2015

Our final (?) Female Led Relationship Contract

Xena started off vanilla!
Well, 6 months is up! Despite it being a busy time for Xena, we managed to talk over how things have been going. I wrote up the changes, she approved them, and here it is!

You'll notice it's designed to be future proof. We'll review it in a year, but there are mechanisms in it to enable it to evolve as required, plus ways for it to lapse. You'll also notice additions to the discipline system. I'll try to blog about these later.

Giles and Xena Female Relationship Contract September 2015

This contract describes our existing Female Led Relationship (FLR). These rules reflect Xena's wishes, but Giles is mostly responsible for keeping track of them.

This contract remains in effect between milestones. The next milestones is Sept 2016, unless Xena judges that circumstances have changed. On reaching a milestone, Xena and Giles(?) will decide together whether and how to continue.

We will treat the FLR as real. Except in exceptional circumstances, we will solve any issues within the framework of the FLR. Punishment will always be real but never "meta". Xena won't reference that Giles volunteered for this. He in turn will never seek to generate kink through bad behavior.

Xena may unilaterally modify the contract (a) temporarily for practical reasons, (b) to make it harsher or stricter, or (c) to remove any modifications. i.e. revert to this document. Xena may also call for a renegotiation if the contract appears not to be working.

From time to time, Giles may suggest improvements to better reflect current practice, or to help Xena get what she wants. If he does this too often, Xena may punish him.

The FLR is a secret. Giles may only discuss it with those friends who already know about his blog, unless otherwise instructed by Xena. However, Giles may admit to enjoying Femdom to other kinky friends as socially appropriate, though the presumption is against. Xena may discuss Femdom as she sees fit, but will avoid revealing the FLR to other non-submissive men, directly or indirectly.

Core Female Led Relationship

...we are both happy that Xena is the
naturally dominant partner
Find out how to add Femdom to your life!
Xena will bring certainty and adventure to Giles's life. He in turn will bring control and service to hers.

We are a loving relationship founded on mutual respect. However, we are both happy that Xena is the naturally dominant partner and that our sexual relationship is entirely Femdom. We feel no need to disentangle all this.

Our relationship style will range from "comfortable married couple where she gets the last word", through to "cold mistress and semi-mute slave". Giles will take his cue from Xena, but she will also make her wishes clear if he gets it wrong.

Xena has authority whenever she wants it, but Giles is still an adult. Xena is routinely in charge of domestic and intimate life. She has arbitrary powers of punishment and reward including Giles's orgasm.

Xena can use her powers to get what she wants, no matter how unreasonable. She may also do things for Giles's own good, or because they amuse her. Giles will obey honestly and to the best of his ability.

When appropriate in private, Xena will express happiness with the arrangement, praise Giles for his efforts, but avoid saying thankyou. Giles is best motivated by acknowledgment of his submissive role.

All this suits Xena, who prefers things this way, and Giles, who is enjoying embracing his submissive nature, and also sees this as a way of making an adventure out of necessity.

Authority and Discipline

Xena sets priorities and gives orders as she sees fit. She may also set longer term Tasks. Giles will serve and obey honestly. He will report any measurable professional or personal targets Xena might want to manage.

Xena will hand out Demerits for quality issues and also: whenever she raises her voice or is angry with Giles; whenever Giles raises his voice to her or is grumpy with her. 

Each demerit translates into at 
least one stroke of a whip or equivalent. 
Find out how to add Femdom to your life!
Each demerit translates into at least one stroke of a whip or equivalent. She will normally administer the demerits at least once a month. Giles will normally be restrained for this. Irrespective of Slave Points (see below), Giles may petition for Xena to wear something nice for major beatings. However, this is at his own risk.

Xena will give Penalty Days for failure to perform a task. These put back Giles's Orgasm Day (see below) by one or more of Xena's working days.

A Serious Punishment comprises at least: 50 Demerits and 5 weeks of Penalty Days (i.e.2 5 Days) . This is the equivalent of the world falling in on Gile's head, and is intended to make particular transgressions simply unthinkable.

Automatic Serious Punishments are earned for:
  • If Giles applies emotional pressure in response to Xena's orgasm choices. This does not preclude him whimpering briefly as an erotic response, for which she can apply demerits.
  • If Giles masturbates to ejaculation without permission.
  • If Xena sees Giles's unchaste erect penis. 
In general, Xena will use the discipline system to make herself feel better when Giles annoys her, and as a tool to get what she wants. She will therefore be strict and merciless -- sometimes whimsical -- ignoring any excuses.

Sometimes, however, Xena will hand out Slave Points, which Giles may spend by negotiation, e.g. to get her to wear something sexy while punishing him. Slave Points do not offset Demerits.

We will track Demerits, Penalty days and Slave Points using clicker counters. Giles will normally store and operate these. Xena can zero existing Slave Points by committing to take control of the counters for one day per point.


Giles will remain in chastity whenever practical, particularly at night. He may remove the device for socializing. 

Giles may only masturbate during his Orgasm Day. These fall only during Xena's working week when the house is empty and not during holidays. By default, Orgasm Day is the first day of Xena's working week. With Xena's permission, untaken days shift to the next available day, with any Penalty Days applying to that instead.

Bedtime Ritual

At bedtime, Giles will be clean, clean-shaven, chaste, and ready for bed. From this point onward, he will address her as "mistress".

At bedtime, Giles will be clean, 
clean-shaven, chaste...
He will present the demerit counter and ask Xena what she did not like today. If he has to remind her to demerit an incident, he earns a Slave Point. (If she suspects he's attention seeking, she can apply far worse punishments.)

Giles will otherwise kneel patiently in the corner pending orders from Xena , returning there between tasks. Xena will often leave Giles there to indicate general displeasure, especially if he has earned demerits, or merely because she wants the bed to herself.

If Xena falls asleep while Giles is kneeling, he may come to bed after a decent interval, unless erotic activity or punishment has taken place, in which case - if practical - he may change position but must otherwise remain in the corner to sleep for at least the next hour.

Intimate Matters

He helps to bring her to orgasm – 3 days (penalty)
This could be you! Find out how !
Giles and Xena do not at present have penis-in-vagina sex. Giles is happy with this because he has had lots of vanilla sex in the past, and not nearly enough Femdom.

Giles may not initiate erotic intimacy, but may remind Xena to set aside intimate time. Xena has control over Giles’s orgasms but will not normally be present when they happen.

Each of Xena’s orgasms costs Giles one or more Penalty Days (figures in bracket for working days):
  • She masturbates with him out of the room – 0.5 day (1 day).
  • She masturbates while he kneels or otherwise in the room – 1 day (2 days)
  • She masturbates while he watches with a clear view – 2 days (4 days)
  • He helps to bring her to orgasm – 3 days (6 days)
  • He brings her to orgasm using a strap-on dildo – 4 days (8 days).
  • He brings her to orgasm through PIV - 5 days (10 days).
Other specific  erotic circumstances in which penalties can be earned:
  • On Xena's whim.
  • As the price of being involved in some erotic act including PIV ejaculation. 
During erotic time, Giles's orgasms typically do not happen.  He remains chaste except for the unlikely event of PIV sex. Xena may grant Giles a chaste orgasm as long as she is supervising, i.e. at minimum holding his leash chain. She can curtail his efforts on whim:
  • Solo by self-penetration (if he can do it), no penalty. 
  • Solo by vibrator, 5 days. 
  • Spontaneous ejaculation, at last 5 days 10 demerits. 
If it amuses her, Xena may set up beatings using butt plugs and other devices to encourage an unlicensed ejaculation. Giles will advise honestly on this.

Sex and Bondage Toy Maintenance

Giles is responsible for the maintenance, cleaning and stowage of the bondage toy collection.
If his chastity device breaks, he must wear the backup as continuously as possible to avoid breaking that until a replacement is available.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Saturday, 19 September 2015

Enslaved by Posh Totty 1 is FREE this weekend...

Yes I know it's a cross-post.

However, if you'd like to try my erotica, then now is a good time!

Enslaved by Posh Totty 1: A Chaste Toga Party is free this weekend.

I wrote it while locked in chastity. Can you read it to the end without removing your chastity device...?

Thursday, 3 September 2015

Ask Giles: Do you have any advice for a Domme coming into her own?

What started me - and so, us - on this road was a
particular Ancient Roman fresco from Pompeii
Somebody PM'd me:
I was looking into some of your other blog posts and found them very interesting. It seemed like a long process to get where you are in your relationship.
I have always been an intimidating lady. I like to be the Head Bitch in Charge in all aspects of my life. However I struggle with wanting to make sure my partners needs are fulfilled as well. In the past this turns me into a more timid person, which leads to problems in the relationship, which leads to loss of interest and eventual break up.
As I have been discovering BDSM, kink, and female lead relationships I have realized that this is what I want from a partner and life.
As a sub in your situation(you mentioned in your blog being a "couple first") who had to help his Mistress take a leading role, do you have any advice or tips for a Domme coming into her own?
We're talking relationships here, rather than how to find your place in the BDSM Scene (which is not our thing).

Well obviously, I have my book How to be a Roman Dominatrix which assumes a vanilla female reader. If you are kinky, the transition should be easier but the some of the underlying challenges remain the same.

You do things entirely for your own benefit. Your sub 
agrees to take the rough with the smooth.
What started me - and so, us - on this road was a particular Ancient Roman fresco from Pompeii (see above).

Since he's dressed and she is not, it's reasonable to interpret this as a male slave servicing his owner.

What's interesting about this is that she is just getting what she wants with no sense of fetish or BDSM, and yet if a modern male submissive with a time machine parachuted into the slave's role, it would tick a whole load of kink boxes: objectification, tease and denial, CMNF, service...

So the lesson is that an awful lot of male submissive satisfaction can be generated as a by-product of a super-empowered woman just getting vanilla things she wants.

If she also wants her own kinks, that's a bonus. However what matters, what lends spice to the submissive's experience, is that she has real authority in the relationship. When she's doing kink, he knows that's what she wants and that knowledge itself is a turn on. When he's bored, frustrated or uncomfortable, then he knows that it's because she's in charge, which is also an intense turn on.

Of course this only works if he 
really is a sub..
My advice, then, is pretty much what's in my books. Agree to a set period - a month, initially, is good - in which...

  • You do things entirely for your own benefit.
  • Your sub agrees to take the rough with the smooth (unless you hit a hard limit).

This will get you both into the habit of female authority as the default (rather than dominance, which requires effort). It will also establish whether this is something you both enjoy, and give you confidence that your sub really is enjoying himself.

It's important for it to be for a set period because otherwise both of you will keep revisiting the decision as to whether to carry on another day or evening when instead you should be reaching an accommodation with your roles.

If you intend to take this out of the bedroom, then I think task lists and some kind of discipline system is a good idea. Not only does this establish female authority, but it is also one of the major benefits of FLR for a man; we know where we stand, we don't get nagged, we do get to atone for our failings.

However, the other advice for doing FLR outside the bedroom is to avoid lots of protocol and to mostly be a couple first where however it's OK for her to get her way and state her preferences.

I think of this as the reverse of an old fashioned marriage. We can argue. We can discuss things. However, Xena has the underlying authority.

Of course this only works if he really is a sub, rather than a bottom who uses submissive fantasies to give some context to his kinks. There's nothing wrong with just being a bottom, but it's important not to confuse the two.

I hope that helps!

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Wednesday, 26 August 2015

Punishment - don't create a moral hazard!

"I like to wait until at least 60
before I whip you. That
way's more fun."
"Hmm," I say. "That's 30 demerits. They're rather mounting up." I'm writing lots of Femdom porn at the moment, and desperate for a dose of the real thing. (It doesn't help that I'm still stuck with my chastity regime, and unable to masturbate after writing even the hottest scenes.)

"That's OK," says Xena brightly. "I like to wait until at least 60 before I whip you. That way's more fun."

The way she says it, not hamming it up, not being all porno-domme, makes me hard inside my Holy Trainer 2 chastity device.

I'm still hard as I kneel in the corner waiting for lights out, and later, lying next to her.

But in the morning I don't quite feel the visceral fear of the lash.

You see, on the one hand, I do flinch from the prospect of being hit. A few demerits genuinely makes me squirm.

On the other hand, I live for those moments where Xena really does step into her mistress role.

So now, being slapdash, leaving tasks undone... that's a way of bringing on another Femdom session. Worse, the question is now not How many lashes? but merely When?

That night I explain this to her as I rub her feet, not in terms of her spoiling my Femdom experience, but just how it undermines the system.

"I know. It's just this once," she says and goes back to her book.

I'm sure it wasn't just this once, but I don't argue. I don't need to be right, just enslaved...

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Friday, 21 August 2015

Ask Giles: Why male chastity?

Why male chastity?
A friend asked:
What is the attraction for males to be chaste? I understand edging, not being allowed to come. I also understand having someone control when. But are you ever allowed to come? Or is the holding off the most exciting part? More than the release?
I've already written about the vanilla benefits of male chastity. In a nutshell:
  • It gives us an extended plateau phase. Let's face, it a few seconds of squirting is a bit anticlimactic after all that build up, so this seems a fair trade - orgasm for sensuality.
  • A lot of us feel a bit ambivalent over penetrative sex. This is partly cultural baggage, but also perhaps inherent in heterosexuality since 75% of women can't reach orgasm by penis alone; for most of us, penis in vagina comes as a reward, a gift or an afterthought. This can make us feel exposed and guilty. 
  • Finally, female sexuality can be scary. The chastity device is a shark cage.

Now let's talk about submission, masochism and orientation.

...female sexuality can be scary.
 The chastity device is a shark cage.
Submission: Wearing a chastity device, surrendering control of your orgasm is about as submissive as you can get. The more submissive we are, the more we enjoy this surrender. It's an existential thing more than a sexual thing. I just feel right chaste.

Masochism: Masochism makes no sense until you realize that different modules in the brain work independently. I can be turned on by something I don't like, desire what I don't want and so on. Chastity where I don't get to come during erotic sessions is a pretty masochistic experience!  I'm trading orgasm for mind-blowing levels of turn on. The knowledge that I'm in extended chastity gives me a masochistic buzz every time I think about it.

Orientation: The brain is notoriously flexible and it seems that the male brain gets rewired by chastity until it becomes a sexual orientation. I feel sexiest in my device. All my fantasies revolve around being chaste, including my masturbation ones. When I feel horny, I just want to pleasure Xena. Of course the knowledge that my brain has been rewired, that I have been perverted, itself gives me a masochistic thrill...

So, am I allowed to come?Is the holding off the most exciting part? More than the release?

I generally come weekly. Our contract is set up so that Xena's orgasms delay mine. The more intense our erotic relationship, the less I get to masturbate. I would be very happy if Xena had several orgasm a week leaving me effectively permanently chaste. However, since we live in the real world with work and stress and so on, this doesn't happen very often.

I should add that different men like different aspects of chastity. For some it's extended foreplay and it usually, or always, comes off for sex.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Thursday, 20 August 2015

Lady Fox of Custom Chastity gives me a nice review

Her shop is pretty much
what I predicted about
the future of male
chastity devices.
Lady Fox of the new 3D printed Custom Chastity shop dropped by the Guest Book to leave a lovely review:

I have just down loaded your Getting Her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix.
LOVE LOVE LOVE - now all I have to do is point all the men that ask me how am I going to get my wife/partner into being a keyholder.
Will be adding a link on our site.
Lady Fox

Her shop is pretty much what I predicted about the future of male chastity devices, except they offer a range of material including steel and silver(!). I shall watch them with interest -- much as I love the HT2, the tube format is limiting in terms of endurance.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Saturday, 1 August 2015

110 hours, 3 jogs, 3 showers and no problems in the Holy Trainer 2

...wrote and published a crazy
amount of chastity erotica
OK perhaps I was premature in posting about how to really get dry after a shower in a Holy Trainer 2.

However, it worked!

Four days later I've just unlocked.

No marks on the shaft.

No skin problems.

No chafing.

In fact, sinisterly, the skin around my balls has never been healthier. I suppose the base ring keeps the scrotum from pressing into the thigh so the air circulates at night.

That was four days in which I jogged and showered three times (not counting right now), plus wrote and published a crazy amount of chastity erotica.

I'm left with the thought that, if it weren't for sports and relatives with children (who tend to climb on you) I could probably safely wear the device 24/7/365.

Something to "look forward to" when I'm older...

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her