Become Her Slave!

My once-vanilla wife loves keeping me as her chaste slave. Find out how we ended up in a Female Led Relationship!

You can enjoy the Femdom lifestyle too, if you dare. Let me show you how to sell yourself to your vanilla wife or girlfriend as a part-time slave!

Monday, 13 April 2015

Sunday Night Whipping: #1 Xena in retro stockings gives me a painful whipping and more...

...suddenly she's this alien creature, this
ghost from the flapper erotica I love.

Learn how to get your wife involved 
in your wildest dreams! 
Why do I do it? Let Xena control my orgasm? Follow her orders 24/7?

Sunday night and I'm kneeling in chains waiting for Xena. I'm naked except for my Holy Trainer 2 chastity device and a sturdy iron collar that tethers me to the radiator.

I have on-site contract work this week, so the weekend was all about spring cleaning.

No sport or socializing, so I wore my Holy Trainer except to shower -- which was pleasant, actually.

Xena took control of the demerit counter and but the demerits mounted up, not just for undusted surfaces, but for things that would once have broken her mood and ejected us from Femdom world: I broke a precious champagne glass, 3 demerits. I got grumpy over her standards, 2 demerits.

This was Xena in charge.
Learn how to take charge of 
your husband! 
This was Xena in charge.

Now, at the end of 24 hours toil, with 30 demerits outstanding, I wait for my wife to come to the bedroom. I don't expect much, frankly. We've had a dry spell this year, so the best I'm hoping for is that she'll wear something sexy while she beat me.

At last I hear her tread on the stairs. She wanders into the bedroom, potters arranging ornaments, fiddles with her mobile phone, searches out some receipts...

All the while I'm kneeling in the corner, feeling time pass, powerless, and starting to hate her. What's next? A bored flogging and sleep?

...the weekend was all
about spring cleaning.

This could be you! Learn how!
Finally she sits on the bed opposite me, peers at the demerit counter. "Well now Giles. Thirty demerits." There's a glint in her eye. "How many slave points have you got?"

I lick my lips. "About half a dozen."

She smiles. "What would you like me to wear?"

"Stockings," I managed. "And that nice dress with the animal print."

She strides over to the wardrobe and strips down to her underwear.

I feast my eyes on her honeyed skin. The gulf between us -- her an elegant woman in her bedroom, me a chaste slave in an iron collar... it's like watching a stranger. My cock rears up against its prison.

She turns and throws me my key. "You might as well help...!"

I fumble with the key, get the padlock unlocked. "Shall I lose the collar, mistress?"

"No," she says casually. "Leave it on. Now hurry up."

I scurry around the bed and there she is all bare flesh and undies.

She hands me a stocking and stretches a long muscular leg. "Put it on."

These are warm woolen stockings, soft and cozy, not like my hard iron dungeon collar. I roll on the first, then the second, smoothing the wool over her curves, and suddenly she's this alien creature, this ghost from the flapper erotica I love.

She pulls on the dress then smiles down on me. "What do you think?"

I whimper, but I have slave points to spend. "I don't think panties are part of the costume."

Xena giggles -- so much like a flapper my cock twitches in its prison -- "They might come off later. Now help me on with my shoes." High-heeled brogues, more period style. At last she snatches up the riding whip and becomes... commanding.  "Now secure yourself."

I don't enjoy the whipping.
What a shame!
Learn how to make this happen
in your marriage.
It takes me just a couple of minutes. Velcro cuffs on wrist and ankle. Then clip chains to attachment points on the bed frame. In no time, I'm chained across the foot of the bed.


I squeal and buck against my restraints.

"One..." counts Xena.

I don't enjoy the whipping.

In erotica, whippings often look sexy, sensual, as if those welts were drawn on with red lipstick. And you'd expect the pain to blur into a sexy haze.

But, even with my cock hard in its device, each blow hurts, there's no blurring, just squirming and yelping.

No I don't enjoy this, but I could no more tell her to stop or twist free of the cuffs than I could -- say -- stand up at a business meeting and explain that my wife keeps me in chastity. It's just not in the lexicon.

But this helplessness, that is a turn on just to contemplate now as I type this. I like living in fear of the lash, love the way this helplessness makes my slavery real.

And the beating is cathartic for both of us. Xena works off all the niggles, irritations, dissatisfaction and I take my punishment gladly; being whipped is better than being nagged or moaned at, and I genuinely do better as a husband and housekeeper with this threat over my head.

And Xena reaches ten.

She is my perfect flapper.
Learn how to ask for kink!
She yawns and rolls onto the bed, still wearing her shoes -- they're new, so this is OK. She rests her heels on my smarting back and starts to read.

I twist to look over my shoulder. She has her knees bent. Her leopard pattern dress furls around her thighs, revealing her stocking tops above woolen clad curves. She is my perfect flapper.

Now the pain does blur with the lust. I squirm futilely. Even if my hands were free, there is a tube locked around my hard cock. This is an itch I cannot scratch.

"Help me out of my shoes," says Xena. She stretches a long leg so I can reach her laces and free her feet of first one then the next shoes. The brogues fall to the floor where I can stare at them, enjoying the way the tight feminine curve of the instep contrasts with the blocky heels.

Something prickles my spine. I flinch.

Xena giggles. "What's that?"

"Um." I genuinely don't know. Has she bought some new punishment instrument? A pinwheel perhaps.

Buy the how-to book right now!
She giggles again. "A vibrator, silly." She rolls back, puts her wool-clad heels on my back and I hear the device buzz.

I do a mental calculation. I'm in an office Tuesday to next Monday. Tomorrow is my only window to masturbate for a week! 

The vibrator buzzes and slurps. My groin ripples in sympathy. I might just come spontaneously, and THAT would be a disaster. Otherwise, if I don't watch and she comes, my own orgasm still defers to a week Tuesday! If I do watch...

"Oh God," I blurt. "If I look then I have to wait a week and a half to come."

Xena emits a sensual sigh. "Don't look then."

I strain against my bonds and look over my shoulder...

Keep an eye out for the next installment. I make no promises. Typing this out while hopelessly chaste is exquisite torment! In the mean time, you might like this episode that happened to us last year.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Saturday, 4 April 2015

Our Female Led Relationship Contract line by line

Find out how to ask for this!
As promised, here's a line by line explanation of our Female Led Relationship contract. I read it out to Xena as she did her yoga. She was a bit "Oh god do we have to do it right now" at first, but as I read got into it.

The comments are going to make the format ugly, so I'll put in a read more break.

Thursday, 2 April 2015

Our updated Female Led Relationship Contract

I'll post this here for reference, then go through it with comments in another entry.
This contract reflects our evolving dynamic. The rules create effects that please Xena, but Giles is responsible for keeping track of them.

Our Female Led Relationship (FLR) remains in effect between milestones.
The next milestones are September 2015 and September 2016, unless Xena judges that financial or work circumstances have changed.

Except in exceptional circumstances, we will solve any issues within the framework of the FLR. However, Xena may suspend elements for practical reasons.

On reaching a milestone, Xena and Giles will decide together whether and how to continue.

Core Female Led Relationship

Xena is the naturally dominant partner.
We are both happy with this.

 Discover the techniques that got us to this point!
Xena is the naturally dominant partner. We are both happy with this.

We will treat the FLR as real, indivisible, and routine, accepting any inconveniences as inevitable. Giles accepts that he will suffer mental and physical distress. In return, Xena will not reference that this is what he signed up for.

Xena controls all matters domestic and intimate with powers of discipline and reward. She can extend this as she sees fit. However, Giles will share the responsibilities of adult life.

Giles will serve honestly. Xena acknowledges that this high level of personal service is only available to her through the FLR and will try to praise, rather than thank. (Positive statements about having a slave are particularly effective.)

The FLR is a secret. Giles may only discuss it with those friends who already know about his blog, unless otherwise instructed by Xena. Giles will avoid over-sharing with Xena, but may blog about his adventures.


Slave Mode... a semi-mute slave,
attending on her until dismissed.
Dare to try being a part-time slave!
Giles will range from normal but compliant husband through to semi-mute slave when he will call Xena "Mistress”. He will try to anticipate Xena’s mood, however she will also tell him what she wants.

Xena can also trigger two modes:
  • Slave Mode (triggered by any command to silence), when Giles acts as a semi-mute slave, attending on her until dismissed. This mode normally continues until Xena orders him back to normal, or until she falls asleep. However, she can specify a duration of hours or days.
  • Sabbatical Mode, when Giles is subject to more intense management, e.g. during spring cleaning. This typically lasts several days. During this time, Giles's social activities are suspended and Orgasm Days deferred, but penalties still accrue (see below)

Power and Responsibility

Xena will suit herself, with
no obligation to be fair or realistic.
Discover the core of Femdom in your relationship!
Xena will suit herself, with no obligation to be fair or realistic. Sometimes she will do things for Giles's own good. Giles will obey to the best of his ability, using his initiative to provide help and advice as appropriate. In return, Xena will take ownership of the FLR, give clear instruction and administer discipline regularly.

Giles will continue to honestly stick to the chastity rules. Xena will periodically question him about his compliance, typically before punishment.

When he has measurable professional (e.g. word count) or personal objectives (e.g. weight loss), Giles will report these to negotiate targets and penalties.

Xena may set long-term targets or tasks.

In addition to the demerit system, near the start of each month, Xena will hold a brief review, dealing with any issues in Giles's performance, checking up on his chastity, tasks and targets, and rewarding and/or punishing him accordingly. Giles will remind her.

Bedtime Ritual

He will kneel patiently
in the corner..
This could be you!
At bedtime, Giles will be clean, clean-shaven, chaste, and ready for bed. He will kneel patiently in the corner until Xena orders him otherwise, returning there between tasks.

If Xena falls asleep while Giles is kneeling, he may come to bed after a decent interval, unless erotic activity or punishment has taken place, in which case he may change position but must otherwise remain in the corner to sleep, unless it is too cold.

Domestic Matters

Giles will do the... housekeeping.
Find out how to do this for real.
Giles will do the bulk of the housekeeping to as high a standard as possible, consistent with professional commitments.

In particular, Giles will finish those jobs he starts, maintain the bathrooms to a visitor-ready standard and keep the refrigerator etc stocked.

Giles is responsible for maintenance of all sex toys.

Discipline, Punishment and Rewards

Xena may discipline Giles
as she
sees fit.
Wouldn't you like a slice of this?
Xena may discipline Giles as she sees fit, consistent with the spirit of the mistress-slave relationship.

Xena may assign demerits for any reason and later apply one stroke per demerit. The whipping will be merciless; it will hurt and be a genuine deterrent. Giles will usually be restrained for this. There is no safeword. However, Xena will take seriously any safety feedback.

We will both treat the discipline system as real. Xena will administer whippings as regularly as practical. Giles may remind her.

Xena may also grant Slave Points. These do not cancel out demerits. However, Giles may petition to trade these for perks, for example Xena wearing stockings during punishment.

Xena may also:
  • Defer Orgasm Days pending completion of a specific project to her satisfaction. Penalties still accrue during this time. 
  • Institute "lockdown" where Giles maximizes time spent chaste and does not remove the device for his Orgasm Days.

Intimate Matters and Orgasm Control

Giles must wear a chastity device.
Find out how to share my fate!
Giles may not initiate erotic intimacy, but may remind Xena to set aside intimate time.

Xena has control over Giles’s orgasms but will not normally be present when they happen.

Giles must wear a chastity device when on his own and at night. If the chastity device breaks, he will wear the backup in lockdown (see above) to avoid wearing it out, until a replacement is arranged.

Unfortunately, things that sexually excite Giles defer his orgasm by days or weeks (see below). This ensures that the chastity is in sync with the intensity of the erotic relationship. Xena likes this system, but Giles is responsible for managing it.

Giles's Orgasm Days

By default, Giles has an Orgasm Day on Xena's) first working day of the week. This is usually the only time he may masturbate and he is permitted to remove his device for this.

Working days do not include weekends or holidays. With Xena's permission, unused Orgasm Days shift to the next available working day.

Orgasm Days and Penalties

Each of Xena’s orgasms sets back the next Orgasm Day.
Each of Xena’s orgasms sets back Giles's next Orgasm Day. The penalties are in working days per orgasm Mon-Fri penalty in brackets) :
  • She masturbates with him out of the room – 0.5 day (1 day).
  • She masturbates while he kneels or otherwise in the room – 1 day (2 days)
  • She masturbates while he watches with a clear view – 2 days (4 days)
  • He helps to bring her to orgasm – 3 days (6 days)
  • He brings her to orgasm using a strap-on dildo – 4 days (8 days).
  • He brings her to orgasm through PIV - 5 days (10 days).
Other circumstances in which penalties can be earned:
  • If Giles applies emotional pressure in response to Xena's orgasm choices, - 5 days (10 days) plus 40 demerits. This does not preclude him whimpering briefly as an erotic response, for which she can apply demerits.
  • On Xena's whim.
  • As the price of being involved in some erotic act. 

Orgasms with Xena

During erotic time, Giles remains chaste except for the unlikely event of PIV sex. Xena may grant Giles a chaste orgasm as long as she is supervising, i.e. at minimum holding his leash chain. She can curtail his efforts on whim.

The penalties go up in weeks (i.e. 5 days) and are as follows:
  • Solo by self-penetration (if he can do it), no penalty. 
  • Solo by vibrator, 1 week. 
  • Orgasm administered or devised by Xena, 1 - 5 weeks (Giles may hold back). 
  • Spontaneous or unlicensed ejaculation, 5 weeks plus 40 demerits. 
If it amuses her, Xena may set up beatings using butt plugs and other devices to encourage an unlicensed ejaculation. Giles will advise honestly on this.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Wednesday, 1 April 2015

My year of chastity and orgasm control

Mostly, that means the Holy Trainer 2...
It's easier than you think to ask for chastity.
I've now worn a chastity device regularly for over a year! Mostly, that means the Holy Trainer 2 and wearing every night and most days. At present, Xena permits me a weekly orgasm, though her orgasms defer mine. However, it all started with a marathon 152 days of no orgasm! (Here's my report after 113 days of chastity).

Physically, the main effect is that my balls ache when I'm not wearing my chastity device.

I'm told this is quite common. It can't be to do with unspent semen, because this happens even after I've had an orgasm. And it can't be to do with bruising, because it goes away as soon as the device goes on.

The chastity marathon was surprisingly easy after the first few weeks.
Find out how your life could be like this!
My best guess is that the base ring slightly restricts the blood flow to the testes. Your body either gets used to it, or compensates by increasing the pressure. Without the base ring you then get more pressure than you are used to, and it feels like bruising.

The easiest response is to remove the device less often, meaning that male chastity devices are physically addictive -- quite a turn on!

The chastity marathon was surprisingly easy after the first few weeks. The weekly orgasm routine, however, has me feeling horny and on edge on Sunday night. If my orgasm is deferred -- like this week -- then my body really feels the need.

 ...some of our adventures have been
 positively pornographic
Find out how to add some Femdom to your relationship!
Mentally... well I've gotten used to this thing as a fixture.

I don't have much desire to unlock, and pullout is just not in my lexicon of behavior. I rather like the waves of pent up lust, and -- since my satisfaction is out of the picture -- any sensual interaction with Xena is an immense turn on. Just massaging her feet and legs every night is compensation for not being able to masturbate or have sex.

Sex is still off the cards. However, we were pretty much in a dead bedroom, with penis in vagina action being more of a gift from her than anything else, leaving me feeling slightly disappointed each time. I don't miss that disappointment, and missing the feel of my wife's vagina is -- in a masochistic way -- a turn on. Meanwhile, some of our adventures have been positively pornographic -- a fair trade, I think.

Emotionally, I am happier. I'm sure this is partly because orgasm rationing does odd things to the hormones and brain chemistry! Wearing the device also makes me feel like myself, but I want to talk about a year of being in a Female Led Relationship in another blog entry.

Relationship-wise, as I said, the device underpins our FLR. However there's an interesting vanilla effect. I used to use my intense BDSM masturbation fantasies to escape the issues in my life, and in imagining other relationships and other lives, I was perhaps slowly disengaging emotionally both from Xena and the real world. The odd healing thing, then, about wearing a chastity device is that it's shifted my focus back to my marriage. This is one of those experiences which makes me suspect that male chastity will go mainstream one day.

Would I recommend this to somebody else? I don't know. It's something you have to not just want, fantasize over, but need. It has to feel right, more right than the alternative.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Monday, 30 March 2015

Updating our Female Led Relationship Contract

"Well. I can't imagine living any other way." 
This could be you!
It's past the anniversary of our Female Led Relationship.

We reached our New Year milestone without a whimper. It was Xena's decision and she simply announced we'd keep going until this milestone, when it would be up to me to decide.

So now I was determined that we were going to have a conversation about it. Xena's been busy and tired of late, and I was starting to feel as if I was merely a dutiful house husband whose busy wife indulged his private fetish so long as it had no impact on her.

And that's how we ended up, me kneeling at the foot of the bed rubbing her feet.



Awkward pause.

"It's your decision," says Xena.

I think for a minute. "I want to hear what you think about it first. You're really rubbish at owning stuff like this." 

"What do you mean?"

I try to keep my tone light. "You like stuff, then forget you like it. You agree to stuff then act as if it's all my fault for making a fuss."

She laughs. "Well. I can't imagine living any other way."

My erection goes off like an airbag, one constrained by my ever present Holy Trainer 2 chastity device. "Oh."

"How do you feel?"  asks my wife.

"Horribly turned on by what you said," I admit. I try to rally my thoughts. Kneeling at her feet, locked into a chastity belt, seven days since my last orgasm -- it's not a good negotiating position.  

I rehearse the old story, why we're like this. Xena has a high powered job, needs my support. I manage dribs and drabs of contract work. 

"It's not to do with fair division of labour," I say. "It's just impossible to separate out me doing my share and the more personal stuff, plus you have your own domestic standards. And you like to switch off in the evening." I don't normally chat to her during foot-rubs. At night I am very much a personal slave until it's time to get into bed next to her. "So even without this arrangement, I'd still end up doing everything and taking orders. This seems more straight forward."
"As you say, this does suit me..."This could be you!

She agrees with me. However, I'm not going to let her off the hook. I push on. "Also, being in charge suits you, regardless. You like being in charge. So if you're up for it, then I'm happy to keep going."

Really. She said that. My cock is so hard in its prison I'm ready to roll onto the floor and weep. I stick to my guns, though, and bring up the way I've felt neglected, and how the sex seems to have gone out of our relationship of late.

That brings up an old argument, one many couples have. Xena retreats into the, "Oh well I don't have much of a sex drive I can do without it" stance. However, it also comes out that she's been stressed at work and we've both been taking it in terms to have low grade viruses and 'flu. Now, whenever she tries to kick start her libido by masturbating with me out of the room, I've always acted sulky (because I've been feeling neglected), which has put her off the whole thing.

I suddenly realize that it's the things she does not the things she says that matter. I abjectly apologize for cramping her style, remind her that for things to work she has to use the demerits, and suggest we give things another go.

...she has me lie in the corner
where I can't see and she masturbates.

 Still better than a dead bedroom!
"OK," says my still vanilla-acting wife. "As you say, this does suit me. We'll review it after six months," she says, "then after a year, unless the financial situation changes."

I try not to whimper. Yes, chaste and serving, not a good negotiating position.

Then she has me lie in the corner where I can't see and she masturbates. I lie there for ever, my cock heaving with the ebb and flow of the buzzing vibrator, and then to bed.

Then last night she administered my demerits, 23 lashes, of which more another time.

So now, instead of getting off, I'm writing this. Thanks to Saturday's orgasm -- hers, I mean -- don't get mine until tomorrow. A trivial wait, but my body has grown used to the Monday ritual.

So now I'm working on an update to our Female Led Relationship contract. Watch this space!

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Thursday, 26 March 2015

A year of wearing the Holy Trainer 2 Male Chastity Device

I have... worn it almost
every night for a year.
Find out how to be chaste like me!
No, I haven't worn it for a year solid, though I think that would be possible. It's easy to shower in the device and a hairdryer on cool seems to dry the parts you can't reach with a towel.

I have, however, worn it almost every night for a year, most working days, and some weekend days, except for a short break to explore a 3D printed chastity device.

There were teething troubles.

I feel sexy in my Holy Trainer 2.
Xena likes the look.
Get your wife to be dominatrix like Xena!
The first few batches of the Holy Trainer 2 softened too easily when warm. I had two identical breaks, but they replaced them without question and my third device has lasted a good five months or so, so I suspect they have the problem nailed.

The replacement devices both had imperfect finishes. I had to spend quality time with "wet and dry" paper smoothing them off. This wasn't too bad a task, but not quite what you'd expect from a proper commercial organisation.

Overall, however, the device is amazing.

First and foremost, the Holy Trainer 2 is really comfortable and practical. Worn without lotion and with the underside of the ring not too flush with the body, it's even actually rather pleasant with "morning wood". It fits my body, I can jog in it, bend down to to my shoelaces, I can sit and type this... It's also easy to pee in. Showering isn't a problem. Drying seems to just require a hairdryer and perseverance.

The "magic locker" means
you have an integral lock.
This could be your caged genitals!
Honestly, if Xena wanted me permanently chaste, I'd simply replace the lock with plastic and apply glue with no anxieties other than the obvious ones.

Next, it's really unobtrusive. The "magic locker" means you have an integral lock. No noisy, irritating padlock to deal with. I often forget I'm wearing it and it's invisible under all but the tightest clothes. I have worn the chastity device 24/7 for 72 hours and had no problems.

Finally, it looks good. I feel sexy in it. Xena likes the look -- and she's usually not particularly impressed with the aesthetics of bondage toys.

So a year's regular wear and... no chafing, no odd callouses, no bruises on my pubis, no odd swellings on or around my genitals.

The Holy Trainer 2 is so comfortable and low impact that it is sinister!

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Reviews of Vanilla Dominatrix and Roman Dominatrix (via emails and comments)

I just had a series of emails from a reader (who wishes to remain anonymous). They pretty much made my day, so -- with his permission -- I'll replicate parts of them here:
" easy leap to realize
that femdom is a core kink,"
Don't just read this, read my
Femdom self help guides and live the life!
I just wanted to say thanks for writing the Vanilla Dominatrix. 
Been into crossdressing for a while — and when I realized I was really into femdom, I wasn't sure how to explain it to my fiancĂ©e. Your book gave me the confidence and language I needed to do it, and it couldn't have gone better...
Knowing how to pitch it to her has meant that she's gotten really into it as well, and has fully embraced it. While we're not totally sure exactly what we're into, but we're excited to try it together, and none of it would have been possible without your book!
Thank you — so much.
To which I asked...
So did you progress from cross dressing to Femdom with her, or discover what you actually liked was Femdom and therefore the cross dressing was less important?
And he responded...
Always knew I was into crossdressing, especially forced feminization. But lately it didn't have the same spark, and after some introspection I realized it was because while I deeply enjoy the act itself, what I really find arousing is femdom mixed with it. From there it was an easy leap to realize that femdom is a core kink, and that crossdressing can add some delightful spark to it.
That's what my Getting her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix is all about. Not how to do specific kinks, but how to think about them and then see their potential benefits from your partner's point of view. I'm so happy that these two lovebirds found my book useful!

Meanwhile in the comments to another article, an anonymous commentator said:
Terrific and enlightening book.... I bought both books. Getting Her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix was good, pointed out a lot of things I did wrong early in our relationship. However, The Roman Dominatrix is amazing. Creating that firewall and the psychological aspects of getting her to feel comfortable in the role were especially helpful.
I've had some odd, slightly suspect reviews over on Amazon. One reviewer accused me of disrespecting BDSM culture, which is odd because the books aren't about BDSM culture. So reviews like this make it all worthwhile. Thanks guys!

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her