Become Her Slave!

My once-vanilla wife loves keeping me as her chaste slave. Find out how we ended up in a Female Led Relationship!

You can enjoy the Femdom lifestyle too, if you dare. Let me show you how to sell yourself to your vanilla wife or girlfriend as a part-time slave!

Monday, 6 October 2014

Oh god I wish my budget stretched to this!

The ultimate hi-tech strap-on!




Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Growing up as a male sexual submissive

Why not skip to the bit where you are happy?
Find out how to get some of this in your life!
(A follow up to this entry on how Female Led Relationships might go mainstream.)

A youngster popped up on one of the BDSM sub reddits. He was a sub and wanted some advice. Our response was pretty much:
Play safe. Do some vanilla. Become an awesome high value person. Be cautious on the Internet. Now piss off back to lurking, this is 18+
I do wonder sometimes whether the Internet helps or hinders young kinksters.

One the one hand, it makes it much easier to get some context on your urges.

All I had back-when was a battered copy of Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex (but were afraid to ask) and the hairy-faced classic Joy of Sex.

The first book treated BDSM urges very much as a perversion; a fixed facet of your personality.

That was good and bad! Good in that it said,"This is who you are". Bad in that it dealt with it anthropologically, and didn't really say "Go play! Here's how."

when you do find a domme, the Femdom
is so utterly compelling that it's hard to
see beyond it

Find out how to get some of this in your life!
The second book -- Joy of Sex -- was very liberating in the sense that anything went between consenting adults as long as you both got off. However it didn't really touch on the way that submissiveness can be a core personality trait. Instead, it let me ignore my darker, deeper urges and think of myself as a merely a "bottom" from time-to-time.

Looking back, even as a teenager I was a sub, and my odd choice of semi-abusive girlfriends (for whom I was an enabler, I hasten to add) reflected this. It would have been really useful to have been able to point at BDSM and say -- at least to myself -- "I am a sexual submissive and that's OK."

On the other hand, the Internet encourages you to embrace the kink before you experience the vanilla. Would I have really been happier if I'd gone straight to a Female Led Relationship?

Until recently, I took the attitude that peer relationships and vanilla sex are so much more complicated and difficult than FLR and Femdom that it would be hard to go from Femdom to vanilla and that this is a bad thing. Now I'm starting to wonder whether I perceive this complexity because I am a sub.

Why not skip to the bit where you are happy?

That leaves two related problems: (1) when you do find a domme, the Femdom is so utterly compelling that it's hard to see beyond it; and (2), until kink is mainstream, the pool of young dommes will be limited, and not all of them will be compatible with you in other ways or have your best interests at heart.

I can think of at least one relationship that was longer and more intense than it should have been because there was some kink, and at least three (3!) dysfunctional relationships I had that would have been even more harmful had the girl in question been savvy enough to pick up the keys to my heart and make herself my domme. I simply could not have resisted. I also doubt whether my lovely Xena would - in her 20s - have embraced an FLR.
we need to be more honest about the
power and reality of the underlying
dynamics

Find out how to get some of this in your life!

This leads me to think that the problem is not the Internet and its Femdom forums.

The real problem is that not only does Femdom need to be more mainstream, we need to be more honest about the power and reality of the underlying dynamics.

The Fetish Club and Pro Dommes in their Studio public image of BDSM is a start. At least the wider worlds knows a bit about what D/s. However, treating Femdom as just a sex game, or an erotic LARP performed in a safe environment makes it too easy for young men who are truly submissive rather than just kinky to convince themselves they merely enjoy being a "bottom" from time to time and to fail to master the dangerous undercurrent in their lives.

Meanwhile, portraying Femdom as primarily either a branch of sex work, or a form of swinging and public sex isn't exactly calculated to entice a wide range of young women into exploring their dominant urges.

Sometimes I'm very glad to be middle aged and married!


Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Wednesday, 1 October 2014

The renewal clause in our Female Led Relationship contract

"Will you look at the contract?" I say.
"Will you look at the contract?" I say.

"Oh God do I have to?" says Xena. "I'm not in the mood."

"You agreed it was a good idea," I say. "And we need things spelled out because you keep forgetting stuff."

The whole Xena forgetting I was supposed to be chaste during the day business made me feel a complete idiot. That's the one thing I can't stand; looking like a middle aged man being humored by his wife. A few days later I'd said how about a contract? and Xena surprised me by agreeing. (A bit like wanting me to call her "mistress".)

Now, having written the thing I'm feeling even more of an idiot. "Never mind," I say. "Obviously the wrong time..." I start to shut the laptop, but Xena's already reading it.

"Yes. OK. OK... Looks fine," she says.

I'm not surprised. The FLR contract merely reflects what we're already doing. There are a few clauses reminding me to shut up, and some in there to remind Xena that this is her idea too.

The her orgasms put back my orgasm day system is a nice self correcting system so when our relationship is at its least sexiest I don't feel entirely trapped and miserable. It's also a way to nudge her into more erotic activity with the added spice that it will be at my expense.

I also made sure it was clear that I was allowed to remind Xena when she was behind with administering my demerits -- otherwise the whole thing crumbles -- and that I could also remind her to make time for intimacy.

Again, all these things reflect our existing Female Led Relationship.

"There's one point," I say. "How we renew." I point at where I've set out two options for how we renew our FLR:
On reaching a milestone...
...Xena and Giles will decide together whether the FLR will continue
...Xena will alone decide whether the FLR will continue, though Giles may make his views known.
"You shouldn't have put that option in if you didn't want it."
"Which is it?" I ask, knowing she'll go for the nice safe mutual option. Xena, after all, is usually utterly useless at owning her part of the female led relationship. I'm not trying to force her hand. I'm just trying to establish what she actually thinks.

"Oh the second one," says Xena casually.

I blink at it, "...Xena will alone decide whether the FLR will continue... You mean it's just up to you."

"Well of course," says Xena, amused now. "You shouldn't have put that option in if you didn't want it."

As I bed down next to her to sleep, I realize that the contract really does reflect our existing Female Led Relationship. Thanks mostly to the economy, Xena really is the dominant partner in our relationship anyway.

My penis hardens forlornly inside its Holy Trainer.

Of course, actually I quite like things this way.


Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

My wife's weekday masturbation while I kneel in chastity

"I was going to send you out of the room for
a while."... 
her code for having a quiet
masturbation session.

Find out how to get some of this in your life!
As I emerge from the shower, I hear Xena enter the bedroom. I wrap the towel decently around my un-caged loins and stick my head out of the en suite doorway. "Hi."

My wife smiles at me. "Hello honey."

"Our FLR contract got something like 4,000 hits," I say. "Looks like it generated some sales."

"That's good", says Xena pulling on her pajamas. "As long as it helps to buy me the clothes I want."

"I do my best," I say. (Yes -- for those who've just tuned in -- as with most author's websites, the book sales subsidize the blogging. Mostly this just pays for sex toys like the nice vibrators I bought. Sometimes it's just enough to keep us out of the red.)

"So," I say. "Technical question about our contract."

Xena's face clouds. She doesn't usually enjoy discussions like this unless she's in the mood. At the moment we're in something of a dry spell, so that mood is not often.

"I missed my orgasm today," I say. I was just too busy running errands. "Does it carry over to tomorrow?"
she selects the small multi-speed
vibrator...
Find out how to get some of this in your life!

"Oh." Xena thinks for a moment. "Since you were doing jobs, yes."

"Thanks," I say.

"Which reminds me," says Xena. "I was going to send you out of the room for a while."

My penis starts to harden. This is her code for having a quiet masturbation session. "Let me kneel in the corner," I plead. "Go on. It'll cost me two days."

"Go on then," says Xena.

"Let me get into my device..." I'm already half erect. However, as the Holy Trainer base ring goes on, my well-trained cock admits defeat and I install the tube.

Minutes later I'm kneeling in the corner, hard inside my chastity device. I'm already so turned on that all I can think about is masturbating. However -- deliciously -- what Xena's about to do make it longer until I can do that.

As always for her weekday quickies, there's nothing to see, just Xena clicking at her kindle, one hand beneath the covers.

Then she sighs. "Oh, bring me the vibrators."

...thanks to a previous adventure -- it's very easy to
visualize what's happening.

Find out how to get some of this in your life!
She selects the small multi-speed vibrator and I have to kneel in the corner listening to its buzzing. And -- thanks to a previous adventure -- it's very easy to visualize what's happening.

The worst of it is that I've been using this one to get off without removing my Holy Trainer, first as an experiment, then because I was semi-permanently trapped in a glued-up chastity device. Now, as the thing buzzes and whines, my cock quivers hopefully as if hoping for an orgasm too.

Xena produces the vibrator from under the covers. "Clean this."

My cock lurches and squirms, but now of course -- thanks to our FLR contract -- my orgasm has is now been put back by two days... and that's assuming Xena doesn't develop a midweek masturbation habit.

A few minutes later I'm lying next to her in the dark, hopelessly hard and -- in the way of we submissives -- both wonderfully content and desperately frustrated.


Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Monday, 29 September 2014

Our Female Led Relationship Contract

I didn't honestly expect Xena to want one of these. However when I suggested it, she told me to go ahead and write one. I stuck to describing what we already had. She read it last night and approved it - of that, more later - so here it is...

Giles and Xena's Female Led Relationship Contract

This document sets out the terms of our Female Led Relationship (FLR).

This comprises:

  • The Core FLR which is indivisible and all or nothing when in effect.
  • Standing Orders, which Xena may change on whim, as long as they don’t affect the core FLR.

The Female Led Relationship remains in effect between pre-specified milestones. (The next milestone as of September 2014 is New Year’s Day 2015.) Except in exceptional circumstances, neither of us will revisit the decision between milestones. However, we may suspend elements of the arrangement for practical and privacy reasons, such as visits with friends or relatives.

On reaching a milestone, Xena will alone decide whether the FLR will continue, though Giles may make his views known.

The FLR is a secret. Giles may only discus it with those friends who already know about his blog, unless otherwise instructed by Xena.

Core Female Led Relationship

This describes the core FLR which is indivisible and all or nothing when in effect.
We both recognize that Xena is at present the
dominant partner in the relationship and that
both of us are happy with this arrangement.

Find out how to get some of this in your life!

We both recognize that Xena is at present the dominant partner in the relationship and that both of us are happy with this arrangement. Xena has formal control over all matters domestic and intimate with powers of discipline and reward. In addition, when he has measurable professional (e.g. word count) or personal objectives (weight loss), Giles will report these and negotiate targets and penalties.

We will both treat the core FLR as real and normal, accepting any inconveniences as inevitable.

Power and Responsibility

Xena has specific permission to arrange things to suit herself, with no obligation to be fair or realistic. Giles will obey to the best of his ability. In return, Xena will take ownership of the FLR and avoid any implication that she is humoring him.

Giles will use his initiative and provide help and advice as appropriate. Xena will make her wishes known clearly and explicitly. Giles will avoid over-sharing with Xena, but may blog about his adventures.

Domestic Matters

Giles will housekeep to as high a standard as possible, consistent with professional commitments. In particular, he will finish those jobs he starts, maintain the bathrooms to a visitor-ready standard and keep the refrigerator etc stocked.

Intimate Matters

The chastity device never comes off during erotic and
sensual couple activity.

Find out how to get some of this in your life!
Giles may not initiate erotic intimacy neither directly or by implication but may remind Xena to set aside intimate time.

Xena has control over Giles’s orgasms but will not normally be present when they happen. He must wear a chastity device when on his own and at night. The chastity device never comes off during erotic and sensual couple activity.

By default, Giles may masturbate every Monday on his own, during the day. However, each of Xena’s weekend orgasms puts back his next orgasm day as follows:


  • She masturbates while he kneels in the corner – 1 day
  • She masturbates while he watches with a clear view – 2 days
  • He helps to bring her to orgasm – 3 days
  • He brings her to orgasm using a strap-on dildo – 4 days.


Xena’s orgasms Monday through Friday cost double. Giles may not masturbate during the weekend. Should Xena wish, she may offer Giles an orgasm in whatever manner and with whatever tariff she chooses. Should Giles ejaculate spontaneously, the tariff is at least 7 days and 20 demerits.

Giles is responsible for maintenance of all sex toys. If the chastity device breaks, he must wear the backup one continuously where practical, minimizing removals so as to avoid wearing it out.

Discipline, Punishment and Rewards

Xena may discipline Giles as she sees fit
as long as punishment is in the spirit of
the mistress-slave relationship.

Find out how to get some of this in your life!
Xena may discipline Giles as she sees fit as long as punishment is in the spirit of the mistress-slave relationship.

Xena may assign one or more demerits for any reason. At her convenience, she will punish Giles with at least one stroke of a whip per demerit. The whipping will hurt and be a genuine deterrent. Giles will usually be restrained for this.

We will both treat the discipline system as real. Xena will administer whippings as regularly as practical. Giles may remind her.

Xena may also grant Slave Points. These do not cancel out demerits. However, Giles may petition to trade these for perks, for example Xena wearing stockings during punishment.

Demeanour and Bedtime Ritual

Giles accepts that he will often be
bored and frustrated. 

Find out how to get some of this in your life!
Xena may behave as she likes. However, she will normally give explicit instructions and hand out demerits whenever Giles irritates her or makes her cross.

Giles will range from normal but compliant husband through to semi-mute slave. In slave mode, Giles will refer to Xena as “mistress”.

He will try to anticipate Xena’s mood, however she will also tell him what she wants. Giles will not make his stupid-lust-struck look.

At bedtime, Giles will be clean, clean-shaven and ready for bed. He will kneel patiently in the corner until Xena orders him otherwise, returning there between tasks. If Xena falls asleep while Giles is kneeling, he may change position but must otherwise remain in the corner.

Attitude and Expectation

Giles accepts that he will often be bored and frustrated. In return, Xena agrees to not reference that this is what he signed up for, and to avoid making him feel foolish or dirty except for erotic effect.

Giles notes that Xena is not selfish by nature. She in turn notes that to submit this fully requires strength of character.
Giles notes that Xena is not selfish by nature. She in turn notes
that to submit this fully requires strength of character.

Find out how to get some of this in your life!

Appendix: Current Standing Orders

This sets out standing orders, which Xena may change on whim, as long as they don’t affect the core FLR. The following are in effect:

  • Giles must close cupboard doors.
  • Giles must weigh himself every weekday morning and record the result.
  • When drafting erotica, Giles must manage four thousand words a day.
  • Giles must not be bad tempered. 


Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Thursday, 25 September 2014

Wearing a chastity device 24/7 (and Xena talks about how she likes to whip me)

...a rare sleepy intimate chat about Femdom.
Find out how to get some of this in your life!
The other night I we have a rare sleepy intimate chat about Femdom. I remind Xena of this conversation:
"I feel I have to ask your permission not to belt up."
It is not always easy to settle down to sleep in a chastity device
when you're sharing the bed with a beautiful woman you love.
"Too right," says Xena.
"So," I continue, risking pushing a little. "I've been wearing the Holy Trainer most nights, but what are the rules?"
"Where it whenever it's needed," says my wife.
I chuckle. "You need to be more specific than that."
"At night," says Xena. "Otherwise you might masturbate - which is how this all started."
"What? Oh." This is news to me. "And during the day when on my own?"
"Yes," says Xena.
"OK," I say, 
"See," I say into her back.  "You do forget things."

Her laughter comes through the dark of our bedroom. "Well sometimes I get ideas on the spur of the moment and don't always remember later."

"That's fine," I say. "But that's how I've been living since then, and when you said you didn't care about the day, you made me feel like a middle-aged pervert."

She likes beating me, but only when it
makes some kind of sense.

Find out how to get some of this in your life!
Amusement bubbles through her voice. "But you are a middle-aged pervert. But OK. Sorry. That is what I wanted."

"Are we still talking sexy things?" I ask.

"Go on..."

"Well I wondered..."

Xena finds this funny. I'm much less forthright these days, I guess. "Go on, spit it out!"

"Well, you know how you like beating me...?"

"Yes...?"

I squirm. Her casual admission turns me on horribly.

"Would you ever like to just beat me? I mean no demerits. Just..."

"No. That would be weird. Though sometimes if I feel like it I do add extra."

We chat around it. She likes beating me, but only when it makes some kind of sense. It has to be punishment, not just for the hell of it -- confirmation that the demerit counter was a very good idea.
It's odd wearing a chastity device
24/7 through all the ins
 and outs of normal life.

Find out how to get some of this in your life!

Moments later, she's asleep and I'm lying there in the dark, hard inside my chastity device.

It's odd wearing a chastity device 24/7 through all the ins and outs of normal life.

It's certainly not erotic. I mean most of the time I don't notice the Holy Trainer 2 is there. When I do notice it, it's frankly comforting. So much so that when I had to escape to for my midweek swim I actually felt a mounting sense of panic.

Slave Giles only existed in the
bedroom...

Find out how to get some of this in your life!
Possibly I was nervous of breaking the £100 sex toy -- remember I have to warm the ring to bend it back, and that's only going to work a few times. However that sense of nervousness has blended with the psychological barrier against pull-out. Some of this is bound up in Xena clearly wanting me chaste, even though she doesn't always "own" that thought. The longer I spend locked up, the harder it is to contemplate removing the chastity device.

What it is most certainly is a blurring of identities.

Once upon a time, there was a Slave Giles and a Regular Giles.

Slave Giles only existed in the bedroom, then around the house for sexy weekends, then in the house all the time and if we went off together. Slave Giles listened to different kinds of music, didn't read the kind of manly thrillers Regular Giles like, didn't do man stuff in general except home improvement...

Now it turns out that they are the same person. I'm typing this listening to Guns 'n Roses. In a little while I'll go shopping. I might meet a friend for coffee... and I'm still the same person. Some processing to do, I think.


Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

FAQ: What's my perfect chastity scenario?

When I'm locked in, I don't have much desire to get out.
I also really enjoy the plateau phase created by hopeless lust.

Find out how to get some of this in your life!
An anonymous poster wanted to know:

Can I ask out of interest, what the perfect or near perfect scenario would be for you re chastity? Still to be a 24/7 wearer, taken out, teased, denied and placed back on? obviously with Xena taking control of when you take it off? I have little knowledge of men +/- chastity within a F/m relationship. Basically intrigued.

What you describe would be bang on for a good proportion of men who are into chastity.

I'm a bit different. When I'm locked in, I don't have much desire to get out. I also really enjoy the plateau phase created by hopeless lust. So for me, being locked up is almost an orientation.

I read somewhere somebody calling their husband a "male lesbian", however given the orgasmic power women can unleash, I don't think that term applies to me!

So -- disregarding the pull of the normal and practicalities -- the perfect scenario is me indefinitely locked up, servicing Xena erotically and sometimes being the target of wicked teasing and denial. My fantasies certainly all revolve around permanent chastity.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her