Become Her Slave!

My once-vanilla wife loves keeping me as her chaste slave. Find out how we ended up in a Female Led Relationship!

You can enjoy the Femdom lifestyle too, if you dare. Let me show you how to sell yourself to your vanilla wife or girlfriend as a part-time slave!

Thursday, 30 July 2015

How to shower in a Holy Trainer 2 then really get dry

It's a tube.
Chastity's a weird fetish (or perhaps an actual orientation). I do love my Holy Trainer 2 even though it stops me getting off, because it stops me getting off.

My first reaction when it arrived was, "OMG I never want to take this off." I even used a broken Holy Trainer 2 to make a sort of permanent chastity device.

Alas, part of what makes the device so very sexy is what means you generally do have to take it off; It's a tube.

Well duh, I hear you say. Yes of course it's a tube.

However that's important. Cages are far less comfortable, and give rise to all that unsightly bulging. They also expose the member in all its moods. Tubes, however, unless transparent, take male arousal off the agenda. Xena can't tell whether I'm turned on and we both like it that way.

The snag is that tubes create a hygiene problem.

A tube, it traps moisture and grease, so you need to wash the whole package - genitals and device - more often than for a cage. Worse, the tube makes it hard to get the water in where it's needed, and much harder to dry.

Last time I wore for 48 hours and two showers, I ended up with a rash on dorsal my penis. This time is different - I'm 65 hours in one shower in, with no problem. So, further experimentation is required, but I feel confident enough to share this.

Here we go.

Part of the knack is in the wearing.

Use the stocking trick to install the device. Don't use lotion, which traps the ick, and do position the lower part of the base ring 3 fingers from your body and the top flush with your pubis.

Do also aim carefully when peeing. Use a Q-tip to position the slit. Try not to kink your dick when you aim.

Just shower!

However, have handy some kind of container that lets you tip water directly into your tube. I use a cut off shampoo bottle that actually fits snugly over the end, letting me squirt the water in and suck it back. You could also experiment with filling a small jug and dunking your package in it.

Here's how I go about it:

  1. Clean the inside of the bulb end. This is where all the pee and jism collects and crusts.You can do this by aiming the shower head into it, though if the water drills into your tender penis tip, it can lead to sharp sensations.
  2. Get mildly soapy water everywhere inside. Hence the container. You can even tip your package upright and fill the tube with water so it drains out the back.
  3. Rinse (Most important). Seriously. The skin hates being in contact with soap for extended periods. Do what you did when soaping, but with lukewarm fresh water and at least twice as much effort.

    Right, now you are clean and with irritants removed. Final step in the shower:
  4. Rinse your package in cold water. Really rinse. Get your penis especially cold enough to shrink it down to normal for a winter day. This kills off any flex the heat may have caused in HT2. However the main benefit is experienced in the next stage... 
OK here's the secret. 

OK you can use it to dry the hair on your actual head. However, don't let it anywhere near your genitals. Here's why:

First, the tube concentrates the hot air and may cause local scorching. Ouch! Second, though they seem to have changed the formula, the Holy Trainer 2's bio-resin doesn't like getting hot. Third, though, is the important one...

The hairdryer warms up your dick, making it bigger, making the airflow hard to achieve, so trapping moisture. 

Instead, do this:
  1. In a room at normal temperature - this is not a fireside task! -  towel yourself down vigorously. Also towel those part of your scrotum you can reach. While doing this, tip and shake your package to get any large accumulations of water to tip out. 
  2. Carefully insert a Q-tip into the front slot of the device, at an angle - Jesus! Don't get in in your urethra! - then roll the Q-tip around between the tube and your shaft. Reverse the Q-tip and repeat. Then do it with another one.
    (This does mop up some of the water. However, the main aim is to unstick the skin from the wet sides, thus promoting airflow.)
  3. (Optional) Insert another Q-Tip and position it along the dorsal of your dick so the air can flow. Leave it in position.
  4. Grab a dressing gown only (we don't want to get too warm down there) and go do something else, preferably not sexy. The aim is to be moving around, letting the air flow.
  5. After half an hour, repeat step #2. If the Q-tip comes away mostly dry, you're done. Towel your genitals if they need it.
  6. Sleep with your lower half nude, except for the device of course.  
So in a nutshell: 
No hairdryer. Keep your genitals cool. Use Q-tips to break the seal between skin and tube and to mop Lots of ventilation. No lotion. Airflow and body heat does the rest.
Disclaimer: This is working for me for my dick, this week. Give it a try. However, do then briefly remove your device to see if it's worked for you

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Writing chastity erotica while in chastity...

I'd like to imagine at least some
of my readers are female...
OMG! This is insane.

With no chance of an orgasm, no social or sporting commitments, all I'm doing is working on churning out chastity erotica - mostly finishing old pieces and polishing them up, but also writing new scenes.

I'm just one walking, well sitting, horn. Except not a proper horn since I'm locked into my Holy Trainer 2 chastity device. I haven;'t even seen my dick since a brief shower break on Monday!

Meanwhile, I can still see the steady, um, trickle of pages read on the kindle owners lending library.

Somebody stopped at six pages last night! Was six pages all it took to get them off? I'd like to imagine at least some of my readers are female... though, given the genre it's unlikely!

Are any of my readers locked in chastity like me? How wonderfully meta that would be.

I've also revived my erotica blog, which now looks very nice, complete with a sexy Pinterest feed. Go take a look.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

New erotica series!

Xena... forbade me to have an orgasm
until I got some more books out there!
To be honest, actually being in a Female Led Relationship, and in ongoing chastity, has made it hard to write erotica.

In the past, my erotica always had an element of manifesto or wish fulfillment. Part of me wanted desperately to swap places with the main character. I'd still take a sabbatical in my alternate Femdom flapper world if I could, but really I'm now living the Femdom life.

My erotica was also built of masturbation fantasies. Nowadays, I don't get to masturbate very often, and when I do, I'm fantasizing about the cool things Xena and I have done for real.

So I don't need erotica the way I used to and my various grand plans sort of went by the by.

A few weeks ago, Xena noticed this and simply forbade me to have an orgasm until I got some more books out there! It's been something like thirty days now!

However, I have a series drafted, and I've put the first one out.
What would happen if you took part in a Charity Roman Slave Auction while secretly wearing a male chastity device?Brett is “bought” by the bossy Pippa, a posh young lady of statuesque proportions who wants a male slave to add zest to her woman-only toga party. She also secretly plans to have her first time with him and has no idea that he is locked up for the night...Can he cope with an evening of pent-up lust and humiliation? What will she make of his chastity device? And, when his fantasy collides with reality, will Brett enjoy being beaten and used?Will he willingly be enslaved by Posh Totty? Read episode one and find out!Short Story. About 5,000 words.
Writing chastity erotica while chaste... it's quite an experience!

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Monday, 27 July 2015

Sunday Night Whipping: #3 Xena tries on a Feeldoe, then drives me wild entirely differently

So, I've been beaten, Xena's masturbated while resting her feet on me. Now she's interested in the Feeldoe. (See Part 2)

"Which end goes in me?"
I bring the Feeldoe over to the bed.

"I don't understand," says Xena. "Which end goes in me?"

I explain and, in her matter-of-fact way, she inserts it and turns on the vibrator. Amusement bubbles through her voice. "What do you think Giles?"

I sink to my knees at the foot of the bed. She's still wearing the retro stockings, still all Feminine curves, but now she has this bright blue penis.

She's still wearing the retro stockings, 
still all Feminine curves...
And she's jerking off with it. Well, pulling at it so that the vibrator stimulates her clit.

I watch wrapped, my whole chastity device rippling. You'd expect to be aware of the tube of the Holy Trainer 2, of the way it wraps the shaft and constrains the end. Instead it's as if my genitals have turned into this blur of plastic and flesh.

Xena sighs happily. "Well I came. How about you?"

I whimper. I was going to get my orgasm on Tuesday. "Thursday. Not until Thursday." I brighten. She still has the prosthetic inserted. "Of course," I say, "you could try penetrating me."

"OK," she says. As simple as that. My biggest fantasy.

I'll spare you our fumblings. It was the wrong circumstances to try -- late at night, both tired. I end up on the floor instead, trying to peg myself while she holds the chain to my dungeon iron collar.

That's a bit of a fail too. It always is. By the time she permits such things, I'm always tired, my captive erection is flagging, and something about putting a dildo in my ass makes my cock shrink.

However it does amuse her when I admit defeat.

She orders clean up and I stash all the bondage gear and the whips. Soon we're a normal middle aged couple tucked up in bed in our pajamas - except I still have a Holy Trainer 2 locked around my genitals, and I still haven't come.
This is what I've wanted all evening. What I've wanted 
for weeks. What I always want.

I can't help it, I squirm.

"What's the matter?" she asks. Even in the dark I can picture her smile.

"Thursday," I mutter, embarrassed to have disturbed her. "I can't even touch my cock."

"Oh dear," says Xena. "But I can touch myself." There's that distinctive moist scratching.

"Oh god no," I blurt, even as my chastity device tightens.

"I have a better idea," says Xena, "You can go down on me instead."

I burrow under the covers. She already has her pajama trousers off. I push up between her smooth thighs and at last find her pussy.

This is what I've wanted all evening. What I've wanted for weeks. What I always want. And yet as I lap away at her musky pussy, I'm horribly aware that under our contract, this is going to push back my orgasm another three days.

Worse, that doesn't include the weekend.

"Mmmm," says my wife. "That was nice."

And now I have to wait until the Monday after next before I have an orgasm.

I blunder out to the bathroom to wash my face. I'm still hard when I climb back under the covers, but my wife is already asleep, sated.

It seems I am stuck in one corner of my fantasies. What a shame...

(For more of my fantasies, see my erotica blog...)

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

How do I tell whether I am a real sub?

A submissive... craves power exchange.
This comes up from time to time: Am I a a sub, or just a bottom with submissive fantasies, or possibly a switch...

The distinction between sub and bottom is important because each wants a different kind of relationship. Getting them muddled can lead to uncomfortable situations, or simply an inability to ask for what you really want.

A submissive, broadly speaking, craves power exchange. They usually have fantasies about specific kinds of BDSM, but will happily give them up as long as they can enjoy their preferred dynamic. They value authenticity and spontaneity, and though they have limits, don't emphasize scripted scenes...

A bottom... wants specific BDSM action
A bottom, again broadly speaking, takes a submissive stance erotically, but wants specific BDSM action. Their tastes may grow and expand, but it's about the action, not the dynamic. They often fantasize about the action taking place within a dynamic, but quite rightly, tend to shy from actual D/s relationships, or else hem them in with rules, boundaries and traffic signal safe words.

The submissive may seem the more authentic of the two, but the bottom is the most in control. The sub is a slave looking for a master. The bottom is an adventurer exploring the dark side. This probably explains why some obvious subs claim to be bottoms. However, there is also a tendency for bottoms to embrace identity politics and loudly proclaim themselves to be a "sub". People like this are so specific in their actual needs that they often get called "do me subs".

The switch makes things more complicated because they cheerfully go between dom and sub and/or top and bottom  - people use the term interchangeably!  It's perfectly possible for a sub to enjoy switching, but if so they will be "service topping", really just enjoying facilitating the experience of the partner in the submissive stance, who is usually a bottom.

So are you a real sub? I think you are if the majority of the following are true:

  • I still feel submissive after I come.
  • My submissive fantasies focus on feelings rather than action.
  • I feel the urge to submit in non sexual situations, even when they don't turn me on.
  • When submitting sexually, I am happy to go with the flow as long as my partner acts with authority.
  • I am happy to enjoy a BDSM experience that does not lead to my orgasm. 

How submissive you are - that depends how often the above is true.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Monday, 29 June 2015

Is Femdom a Neanderthal trait? Look at your toes.

If this is true, then I would expect, long term,
Femdom to turn out to be mostly a European thing,
People, especially poly folk, like to claim that Bonobos, being our cousins, are a better guide to ancestral human behavior than more violent patriarchal primates. Bonobos are basically furry-faced Femdom hippies:
Bonobo communities are peace-loving and egalitarian. Bonobos are considered to have a matriarchal society, meaning that females have a higher social status than males and social interactions are female-centered and female-dominated. Females have strong social bonds amongst themselves, but they do not exclude males.
One in the eye for evo-psych-touting red pill guys! It also provides a nice explanation for Femdom.

Only, alas, for most of history, most humans have not been like Bonobos. Men have mostly been nasty, war-mongering, status-obsessed, woman-beating, gay-bashing patriarchal pigs, and the woman have survived and accommodated that.

This leads to a knotty problem: Femdom seems bizarrely unlikely, because a million years of patriarchy. However, Femdom seems pretty well hardwired for some people, with practitioners often reporting an interest in D/s dynamics from an early age.

It's easy to imagine Femdom pairings happening on the quiet, despite the backdrop, but much much harder to imagine a Femdom track spontaneously evolving in humans.

And yet, it really does feel hardwired.

Where might a Femdom "gene" have come from? Not from the Bonobos! However, it turns out, humans interbred with two other species; Neanderthals and a Mystery Species tagged "Denisovans".

We already know that Neanderthal genes can affect not just our physical health, but also our propensity for nicotine addiction. Why not also our sexual orientation?

There's an old theory that Neanderthals were among other things matriarchal and that their culture has left an echo in our folklore.

So a really neat explanation - for which there is not as yet any actual evidence! - is that Femdom is a Neanderthal trait, or at least the product of a Neanderthal trait for Female dominance colliding with the Homo Sapiens trait for muddling sex and violence.

If this is true, then I would expect, long term, Femdom to turn out to be mostly a European thing, basically following a distribution like this:

A genetic explanation might explain how vanilla couples sometimes simply fall through a Femdom hole. Perhaps we Neanderthals are good at picking each other out based on scent or other clues.

Speaking of which, do you have Neanderthal genes? Allegedly, you can find out by looking at your feet. Is your second toe the same size or larger than your big toe?

Or, a better definition:
If the space between your first and second toe appears to be deeper, not wider, but deeper than the space between your second and third toes
Mine is...

If Femdom is your destiny, use my manuals to help you walk that path! There's one for him, and one for her

Sunday, 14 June 2015

Where does Femdom come from? My personal theory

Why Femdom?
Every so often, we ask ourselves, why Femdom?

Why us?

Anecdotal evidence on forums certainly supports D/S as an innate orientation. Most kinksters - like most gays and lesbians - seem to report an interest in their preferred dynamic from a pre- sexual age (see links here).

Where do female dommes come from?

...a scold looks pretty much like
an oppressed domme to me.
It does seem odd that after millennia of patriarchal gender roles - whether through nature or nurture - the human race produces a significant minority of female dommes.

When you look closely at history, this oddness is however an illusion.

Certainly in historically recorded Western culture, there has always been a sense of a battle of the sexes - e.g. you see it in legal cases in Ancient Athens, and in the punishment of "scolds" in early modern Europe, and in humorous illustrations and stories, e.g. Chaucer.

Put it this way.

You don't for instance, need a scold's bridle unless you first have a scold, and a scold looks pretty much like an oppressed domme to me.

Courtly Love
Men controlled the law and the government, had a virtual monopoly on domestic violence, and still there was a battle of the sexes.

I think this means that not only have women have been resisting oppression for a long long time, but also that sexual dominance is innate and particularly strong in some individuals regardless of the cultural context.

When the culture allows it, the Femdom comes out of the woodwork.

Examples include Roman women keeping male slaves for pleasure and more, and the Medieval ideal of Courtly Love and its Arabic equivalent - though to what extent ladies made real knights jump through hoops, serve and suffer is not clear.

Modern Femdom simply allows dommes (and subs) to be themselves, much as liberal legislation does for gays and lesbians who however have always been there.

Modern Femdom allows dommes
 to come out of the woodwork 
and be themselves
Now, if Nurture - culture and upbringing etc - doesn't explain female dommes, then we are left with Nature.

Going down the selfish-gene root, being a dominant female has obvious reproductive advantages in terms of access to protection and resources with the possibility of maintaining sexual autonomy.

We can imagine the extreme example of a pre-human female in primal times who keeps a male around to protect and help feed her and her offspring, but who tends to breed exclusively with the alpha males.

It also makes sense to regard female sexual dominance as something that can often be switched on by particular permissive circumstances, which perhaps suggests the runaway success some subs experience with formerly vanilla partners.

The real mystery, then, is where do the male subs come from?

Where do male subs come from?

...editing himself out of
the gene pool. What is
going on?
Male submissives often experience their orientation as innate. However, clearly, male submission in its most extreme form confers no direct reproductive advantage; the chaste cuckold who waves his wife off to be impregnated by her "bull" might feel totally fulfilled, but is pretty much editing himself out of the gene pool.

What is going on?

One way of looking at this is to borrow from genetic explanations for male homosexuality; the reproductive benefit applies to the gene, not the individual.  

So, scientists have observed that gay men often have very fertile sisters. The implication is that the hypothetical gay gene passes so effectively from mother to many daughters that it doesn't matter that the sons don't breed.

Similarly, there is a theory that being a little bit gay makes you very attractive to women and thus more likely to breed; in a nutshell, gay men have brothers with large families.

Perhaps being a little bit submissive 
makes you better at courtship
So, imagine there is a "male sub gene".

Perhaps male subs have hot sisters. Perhaps being a little bit submissive makes you better at courtship. It doesn't matter if one son ends up as a happy cuckold, because the daughters or other sons, depending on the theory, reproduce successfully to offset this

The link could also be totally obscure, and apply only to a lost corner of our primal history. Perhaps male subs are better at smelling the approach of sabertooth tigers?

Another - and not mutually exclusive - approach is to consider specific fetishes - cuckolding, boots, chastity, cross-dressing etc - as merely culturally-determined expressions of the desired underlying dynamic.

Perhaps, before the advent of modern contraception and chastity devices, male submission was actually an effective breeding strategy? (NB not a conscious strategy, rather something that results from instincts and urges. Anytime we talk about evolutionary psychology, we have to be careful to distinguish between personal subjective motivation and why nature "favors" a behavior.)

...when a modern young man puts
himself in the "friend zone" 
Male submission could be a good way of adding a extra reproductive years to a primal male's short life. Girls mature a few years ahead of boys. Teenage boys are fertile, but usually too weedy to stand up to the adult males or - in primal times - to win an adult female's attention through dominance display.

Perhaps submission once translated as being very agreeable and compliant in the "hope" of mating a couple of times. The years would be a reproductive write-off anyway, so there would be no real cost to hanging around laying siege to a potential mate.

young male subs are often
drawn to angry young
That would explain why some men adopt vanilla submissive stances as teenagers, the classic being when a modern young man puts himself in the "friend zone" (a status almost always self inflicted by the man, by the way).

It would also explain how men acquire submissive fetishes - it's easy to imagine eroticising the experience of girls being justifiably mean to you (I certainly did), and that then becoming a fetish.

However, it does not explain how submission could be a life-long orientation identifiable in pre-sexual stages. Not all kids play at tying up!

Nor does it explain why young male subs are often drawn to angry young women.

Ultimately, what's left is that male submission is really good for pairing off with a female dominant!

Femdom roles seem innate in
some people.
If that's true, then primal proto-Femdom couples must have been at least as good as breeding as their vanilla peers.

Final thoughts

In the end, all this speculation is no more useful than any other parlor game.

It doesn't tell us how to do Femdom better, and all that's required for us to feel better about our orientations is the thought at the start of this blog entry: Femdom roles are probably innate in some people. 

Just because something is natural, doesn't mean it's good or compulsory. However, it does mean that it is a fact of life.

Since Femdom does no harm, it follows that we might as well relax and focus on how to enjoy it, rather than where it comes from.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her