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Thursday, 27 October 2016

Does being a submissive make you vulnerable to abuse?

My first girlfriend used to punch me.

We were young - I won't say how young because google - and this wasn't youthful BDSM experimentation. She would fly into rages and punch me because she was angry and it hurt and I would cry.

The worst of it was it would feel right. I think it even turned me on.

Because back then I had the idea that I was different and that perhaps this kind of fucked up situation was my destiny.

Let's not blame her. She had her own issues with anger and sex. She was definitely a victim of at least emotional abuse and I doubt I helped. However, the result was that our relationship was abusive.

She was also wilfully unattractive, the more so as our relationship progressed. Her personal hygiene sucked. Her underwear... ugh. There was even an element of violation in our sexual fumblings.

So, this was as low as I have ever been, and I don't mean in a dark and kinky way. Thank God we never discovered kink together. She would have used against me.

I didn't learn either.

After that, I routinely sought out fucked up domineering rather than dominant partners.

I can also think of several real life friends - male and female - I know to be submissive, Most have similar "romantic" histories of putting themselves in the position of being treated like dirt... up until the point where they embraced their kink and worked out how to enjoy it.

The problem is that though consensual BDSM is very different from abuse, it still satisfies dark urges. Many BDSM dynamics are really nerfed, sexed up and firewalled versions of abusive vanilla relationships.

It follows that if you have a submissive orientation, it's very easy to "accidentally" drift into relationships with an abusive potential, because those are the ones that feel right - the spark is there.

If we introduce kink to the relationship, this can even make things worse because it will erode our negotiating position and, in the hands of somebody ruthless, make us feel even more insecure.

So yes, we submissives are particularly vulnerable to abuse because we have a tendency to put ourselves in harm's way.

(NB This does not justify the treatment: an unlocked door is not an invitation to burglary. Also, the moral equation changes as we get older. An adult submissive who continually seeks out and feeds dysfunctional relationships is an enabler...)

However, if we know we are submissive, if we embrace it, then we can manage it.

We can date dominant, broad minded people, bring up kink early and with pride, or get involved with the BDSM scene.

We don't need to be vulnerable. There has never ever been a better time to be a sexual submissive.

Monday, 17 October 2016

So submissive you give up your submission? Why meta submission is horseshit

Does the fantasy
of submitting to a
life of only
vanilla sex get you
hard and/or drippy?
Call it "meta submission".

It's a glib little meme, but all the more toxic for it. Subrugbylad articulates it beautifully:
...they said, “it could be the ultimate submission, giving up your kinky side to please your partner”.
The kink world variant is:
If they are truly submissive, then they will obey when you order them to dominate you.
There's a hole in this logic - a category mistake, I think.

However the real problem is that it comes from too much clever reasoning and not enough reality, so let's start with the reality instead:

Would you actually masturbate 
over submissive fantasies of submissively 
giving up your submission? 

Do you jerk (or jill) off over 
binning your chastity device, burning your 
whips, recycling your chains? 

Does the fantasy of submitting 
to a life of only vanilla sex get 
you hard and/or drippy?


Then, no matter how clever the spin, meta submission isn't going to make you feel very fulfilled as a person, so probably don't want to do it.

If that's not convinced you that meta submission his horseshit, then read on...

Thursday, 13 October 2016

23 days locked in a custom Custom Chastity "Ghost"

Day 23 of 24/7 locked chastity!
Day 23 of 24/7 locked chastity!

That's 23 days with no apparent problems... though I've yet to be allowed to unlock and inspect. (If you want to see what it looks installed on, click here.)

And yes, I really mean 24/7. No breaks for showering or exercise. I've been wearing it so long that that it's hard to remember being without it.

And the Custom Chastity "Ghost" still feels like a miracle.

When I - we - first got into chastity, a couple of days in a Chinese device was an achievement. I remember, more bloody minded than erotic, coaxing the package - steel and flesh - through a whole week with the help of anti-chafing cream and spray on skin, God help me.

The Holy Trainer 2 was a heck of an improvement. However, being a closed tube design it wasn't really any good for more than 48 hours. Sure there were ways of showering and drying, but usually when I unlocked there was bad chafing or a suspicious rash.

The Ghost, in contrast, is so practical that I once wore it for a week straight without really realising.

I've already talked about the upsides: It's surgical nylon, weighs nothing much, is almost indestructible,  fine for showering and drying in, and invisible under clothes. It stays put - I can do naked star jumps in mine, and the lack of a rear projection means it doesn't lever itself off when I change from, say, kneeling to standing. I've worn it comfortably and invisibly for sport and socialising, even to the pub.

The downsides are mostly just things you have to bear in mind.

For a start, you have to keep an eye on your skin health - this is probably true of all devices. You have to keep your caged parts clean and dry, shower nightly, use a hairdryer to dry, and above all avoid the build up of sweat and dead skin. (Though don't use lots of lotion either.)

"Careful what you wish for!"
If you do chafe, you can treat it with Sudocrem, and the problem generally goes away - unless you've cocked up on the measurement, that is.

Because, the material and the design are very unforgiving.

If you get the wrong gap, you will chafe.

If you get the wrong length, it will be hard to pee without making a mess, and the result will irritate your skin.

And if you get the fit wrong, then the extra movement will make the gripping eggshell texture feel more like sandpaper. (Some people hate the texture too, so if you are uber sensitive this may not be for you).

That means you have to measure carefully before buying one of their off-the-shelf devices. It's also an argument for going for true custom, like the one I cheekily secured as a review copy.

The snag with the custom devices is that they are underpriced and there's only one Lady Fox!

She's just not Amazon! (Though
you can imagine her 
as an Amazon if you want...)
As I understand it, she contracts out the manufacturer to a specialist in medical appliances, but does all the design and admin herself and the whole business presumably grinds to a halt if she catches flu, or gets caught by a life event. No surprise then that there are complaints on the various forums about slow or poor communication.

She's just not Amazon! (Though you can imagine her as an Amazon if you want...)

Personally, I don't think she's worse than any of the other small manufacturers. Holy Trainer, for example, take a while to answer emails, and even longer to sort out issues.

My prediction is that she'll bump up the prices until the workload is manageable.

So if you are considering ordering a Custom Chastity device, you'll need to balance budget against your desire for responsive customer service. If you wait until everybody's singing her praises, you may not be able to afford one of her devices.

In the meantime, I'm very happy with mine. We've become almost inseparable. Xena - my wife, not the TV Amazon - is also happy. She just likes having me locked. However, that's another blog entry.

Careful what you wish for...

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

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Monday, 3 October 2016

Is Domination and Submission like sugar (but better for you)?

The urges to dominate and to submit -
those have to be natural. They're part
of our inner monkey. 
Humans are born addicted to sugar:
Many scientists suggest that we are primed to desire sugar at an instinctive level as it plays such a vital role in our survival.... The problem now is that refined sugar is too readily available (BBC)
So the urge to eat sugar is natural, but its ready availability is not. The end result, some people just can't stop eating sweet things because, thanks to modern civilisation, the sweet things don't just run out.

Now think about D/s.

The urges to dominate and to submit - those have to be natural. They're part of our inner monkey. 

Our brain pumps out happy chemicals to reward us for being dominant, but also for being submissive - we can't reproduce if we're killed in a pointless fight, or if our band of proto-humans is so busy with in-fighting that a sabre tooth tiger eats everybody! 

Somehow domination and submission are also sexy. Perhaps they once equipped our ancestors to breed with both high and low status partners? 

Whatever the cause, domination, submission, and eroticism are hopelessly tangled, so much so that vanilla power dynamics have featured in romantic fiction as far back as the old King Arthur stories, and still feature in human courtship and relationships.

In primal times, just like sugary foods, domination and submission must have been self limiting. 

Yes you could dominate another human, but they didn't stay dominated. You could wrestle them to prove your dominance, but sooner or later you have to let them stand up. You could cow them into taking a submissive posture while you mate with them, but sooner or later you'll all have to go and look for food. 

If you both like that kind of thing, you can
string out the experience for hours or even days.
And, sure, in your routine interactions, everybody will remember who's alpha monkey, but if you push things too far, the others will gang up on you or just wander off.

Modern human civilisation is still a bit like that. You can be alpha in bed or in the night club, but moments of intense dynamic fade into a blander routine. 

Even if the structure of their life reflects a practical power differential, nobody vanilla is dominant or submissive when they are asleep. 

Vanilla D/s doesn't really stick (unless bad things are happening).

Kink changes all that. It makes power exchange sticky.

If you are dominant, you can, for example, tie somebody up. You don't have to keep them in a wrestling hold - or continuously fuck them in a dominant way - to keep the dynamic going. Instead, you can apply bondage gear, or put them in a cage, and fix them in their moment of submission. Safety permitting, you can even wander off to find some food, come back and they'll still be there. If you both like that kind of thing, you can string out the experience for hours or even days. can be dominant or
submissive even
while you sleep.
If you are submissive, for example, you don't have to ever stop being submissive, even when you aren't thinking about it. You can wear a collar or a chastity device, or a piercing, day-to-day. You can agree protocol and power exchange in your relationship.

So I think these are still the same primal urges at work but, thanks to modern kink, there are no longer natural limits on how far or how long we can go.

Depending on who's wearing a collar and what it's attached to, you can be dominant or submissive even while you sleep.

Great, isn't it?

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

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Sunday, 2 October 2016

If the kink is for real, so are the ethical problems of submission: The Multiple Orgasmic Virgin

A British Catholic girl - still a very particular sexual type -
she had a simmering intensity that
promised fire behind the icy exterior.
A well-groomed British Catholic girl - still a very particular sexual type - she had a simmering intensity that promised fire behind the icy exterior of her conservative blouse and skirt.

She even wore a little silver crucifix.

Think Vanessa from Penny Dreadful, but a virginal Vanessa brimming with a rage directed against the patriarchy of the sub culture to which she belonged but could not bring herself to reject.

The promise of erotic fire coiled with anger! She only had to sweep into the room to ping all my 20-something Femdom fantasies.

For just the same reason, she seemed so utterly out my league that I relaxed around her enough to make a connection. It turned out we had lots of shared interests and passions.

And so we fell into a relationship and thus in love.

There really was fire behind the ice.

There really was fire behind the ice. 
Behind the layers, she was wildly sensual, multiple orgasmic, and addicted to my tongue. The only snag - from the point of view of trying-to-be-normal-young-Giles - was that penetrative sex did nothing for her other than scare her and threaten her identity.

She came to me a virgin - "deflowering" is overrated as a sexual experience - and always felt that on some level she was letting the side down to "surrender" not just to a non-Catholic, but to a man. She was also - I think - terrified of getting pregnant, and thus penetrative sex made her tense. There could be no relaxing with experience, no slow seduction into the pleasures of the penis.

And, there was so much wrong with the relationship!

She was naturally dominant, but I was cast in the roll of bedroom educator, and also felt the need to push back. I introduced her to BDSM - naturally - but to the wrong BDSM: bondage with me tied up when she was never going to be much of a service top! I got her off so easily with my tongue, but was obsessed with doing it "properly" with my dick (and of course most women can't come by vaginal stimulation alone).

And so it was messy and stormy, and we were young and I was crap, and we broke up. I imagine - hope - she has forgotten me, or has vague memories of the intense but immature young man who was her first lover.  

Looking back up at what I've written I feel like an idiot and a pig. But this was a long long time ago.

So ethics.

...her fantasies of being served orally
by a young man trained for
just that purpose
What would have happened if (a) I had truly listened to her, and (b) male chastity devices had been readily available?

Had I listened properly, I would have taken note when she shared her fantasies of being served orally by a young man trained for just that purpose. I would also have understood that my penis wasn't going to get her off any time soon, and that the more she loved me the more I irritated her.

At first, at least, she was happy to experiment with Femdom.

I could have put on a collar and served her as a slave, told her I was fine with jerking off as a finale and that was how I wanted it. I could even have invited her to discipline me for the real things I did that annoyed her - which would have made much more sense than the fantasy context I wrapped around it.

I wouldn't actually have needed a device, but suppose I'd had one? Something practical like the one I'm wearing right now.

....a really unambiguous way of
taking the penis out of play. 
Male chastity devices are a really unambiguous way of taking the penis out of play.

"Just ignore my dick," is all very well, but it's still there, standing to attention, both mutely demanding sex and acting as visible a performance indicator. A chastity device hides the intrusive member and demonstrates seriousness about penis-free sex. And, if you leave the key elsewhere, then the penis really is out of play, at least when hard....

So, I think she would have loved that: Me acting mostly normal, an ardent lover, but no penis, just a tongue. From time to time, I would have gone into deeper submission so she could be pampered and vent her anger on me.

She would have been magnificent.

Now the ethics.

Attracted to men, but angry with them.

In need of a relationship, but defensive of her autonomy.

Would my submission have offered her
the only possible true homecoming? 
Sensual, but nervous of sex.

She dated before me, and after me. I think she was on a heroic journey to shed her baggage and be herself; to lose her hostility to men, to trade autonomy for intimacy, to unravel her inhibitions and learn to like sexual intercourse.

And there I would have been saying, "Don't bother with all that personal growth. Your baggage turns me on."

Her issues were real issues, and my flavour of Femdom would have let her really square the circle without resolving them: she was free to vent her hostility with a whip; she could be in charge of the relationship and therefor autonomous; she didn't need to have actual sex, ever, but could have as much oral as she could take.

What if that had worked and we'd settled down into a stable Female Led Relationship involving a lot of male chastity? Would it have been a good thing?

Would my submission have offered her the only possible true homecoming? Or would it have derailed her journey, stopped her from reaching her full potential?

How much should a sub consider the effect of offering their submission?

Learn how to how to walk the Femdom path with your partner! 

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Friday, 30 September 2016

Why it would be nice if D/s was more mainstream...

"Oh, you do realise I'm very
dominant, right?"
Two high schoolers on their first date:

Her: "Oh, you do realise I'm very dominant, right?"
Him: "Yes. I'm cool with that."

And according to the user who posted this on Reddit, this was several years ago and they've been together ever since.

Reddit, however, is also full of sad stories where a long-term partner gives a decisive "no" to BDSM.

Wouldn't it have been better for both parties if, back when they started dating they could have casually had a conversation like this:

Her: "Oh, you do realise I'm very dominant, right?"
Him: "Oh? I'm not sure this will work out, then."

People would understand that they
can be D- or S-types and not be fetishy
all the time

Him: "You do realise I'm very submissive?"
Her: "Oh? I'm not sure this will work out, then."

Those rejections are also wins, since they save everybody precious time and avoid the later sadness of a long marriage (or equiv) coming to an abrupt end due to sexual incompatibility.

Alas, growing up with a D/s orientation is still a bit like being gay or bi in - say - 1930. You may have no idea about your orientation, or you may suspect it but be put off by the popular image and therefore be in some kind of exaggerated denial.

There are also more potential compatible partners around than you realise because you not only can't you see them, but also they may not be aware of their own D/s potential.

If D/s were just a little bit more mainstream, then people would be aware of and comfortable with stating their preferences. There would be more happy D/s pairings and fewer relationships broken or marred by kinky incompatibility.

"I'm looking for somebody who likes to be the alpha in the relationship/bedroom."
"I like to be the alpha in the relationship/bedroom."

Yes, it would still take years to find the right partner, but the process would be less awkward and more fun.

That wouldn't affect me, but it would make the world a better and happier place.

Which would be nice.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)

Thursday, 29 September 2016

It's OK if the Kink is For Real: The Exchange Student with Vaginismus

Greta: lots of black hair, round
face and rosy cheeks.
I think it was vaginismus. It might have been one of the other several causes of painful intercourse in women. But let me back up a bit.

Once, when I was at college, I got talking to this exchange student.... let's just say she was from one of those European countries where chastity devices are now manufactured and we'll call her Greta: big, buxom, lots of black hair, round face and rosy cheeks.

Greta was wearing a beret - honest! - and reading a student poetry magazine - as student intellectuals did back then - and we got talking about life views.

"I believe in transcendence," said Greta, all very European and sophisticated. "I want to transcend the physical world to attain perfection."

At the time I was full of 60s ideas... Hedonism as spirituality mingled with secondhand Existentialism plus a bit of Venus in Furs, and -

- and so very much loud certainty.

"No," I said, getting animated as I spoke. "We transcend in the physical world! We ride the storm. This is all there is, so we must grasp it with both hands and wring every last drop of experience from life!"

"Oh," said Greta.

Looking back, neither of us was being honest with ourselves or each other. An honest conversation would have been this:

Greta: I find sexual intercourse painful, so have embraced philosophies 
which enable me to feel fulfilled without the need to have sex.

Giles: I am a sexual submissive, so have cobbled together a whole philosophy
 to make me feel OK about it (and to seduce women into domming me).

I don't know about Greta, but my line of patter certainly worked for me. It was spectacularly easy to get girlfriends to tie me up, but much harder to make the kink sustainable because (a) I wouldn't shut up, and (b) I had sub panic.

However, right then I quickly established she had a boyfriend back in Europe and didn't make any advances.

A few days later, we're walking back from a class and she says, "You have caused me a problem with my boyfriend." Her accent was thicker than normal and her big round face was flushed deep red.

"Oh," I said.

As she talked, I realised that my half-baked hedonistic existentialism had punctured her transcendental philosophy.

"Now you have to show me," she said walking close enough that her big soft breast bumped my elbow. "I need to know."

"Show you?" I said, suddenly getting hard. "Let's go back to my flat."

And so we ended up in my room one sunny afternoon with the light streaming through the net curtains.

We started with kissing. She had a big squishy tongue that filled my mouth. Her blouse and skirt just kind of fell away, as did my jeans and T-shirt. I fondled her breasts, stroked her legs, worked my way to her thighs.

"Not in there," she said when my fingers probed between her panties. "It hurts to have sex."

"Oh," I said.

After a moment, I said, "Fine. We don't have to have sex." Then I thought, what the Hell, nothing to lose, "How about I be your slave and do everything you want?"

It was a risk, more than now days.

This was before the internet, before 50 Shades of Grey. This wasn't me suggesting she experiment with an edgy sub culture. This was me inviting her to be a pervert. These are very different things.

(My collar wasn't as nice
as this one)
Oh and we both still had on our underwear!

She looked amused. "Oh, OK. Let's try that."

So I dug out a collar, a leash and a riding whip.

She had me strip off fully, inspected me, then had me kiss her belly, the exposed flesh of her breasts, take off her bra and lick her nipples, then gnaw them with surprising strength.

Finally, with a look of determination, she stood up and slid her panties over her wide hips. This was the first time I'd gone into a first sexual encounter as a slave and as close to being a fantasy sex slave as I could imagine. I was horribly horribly turned on.

I'd expected wild black curls to match her hair. Instead she had a shaved pussy - my first and last encounter with such. "Go on," she said with a broad cat-smile, "Lick me."

So I did. She was a bit stubbly, to be honest, but I didn't care. I was her slave and I licked.

Dear reader, it was a long time ago!

However, I think she had more than one orgasm.

Afterwards Greta stood by the bed, still naked and magnificently statuesque. She flourished the whip - which she hadn't really used except to direct the action - and said with a her wide grin, "I was made for this!"

I was made for this.

I was young and didn't really appreciate the significance of what she said.

Looking back, I realise that she probably wasn't just saying she was made for adventurous sex because she was busty and horny; rather she was made to be dominant in bed.

I think she tied me up and got me off - apparently she had nothing against penises, she just didn't like being penetrated.

Then we talked about her problem with penetration.

Yes, Greta had sex with her boyfriend because it seemed wrong not to. Yes, we could have sex if I really wanted and if I could come quickly. However, it was always uncomfortable and sometimes painful.

Looking back, I think she was risk taking too.

I decided, but privately, that not being able to have sex would be a show stopper for the long term. However, we had only a few weeks.  "We'll just have lots of kinky fun instead," I said.

"Sounds good," said Geta.

After that, we had - I think - two more encounters. 

On the second we switched - because she was adventurous and I was insistent on being kinky rather than merely submissive. I remember having her on a leash and discovering her big mouth was ideal for delivering a very nice blow job.

On the third, which we both knew was our last, we did Femdom again. I think she beat me a little. Mostly, however, she got sensual service and oral sex.

And I can't remember how I got off - this was before chastity devices, so I'm sure I did. It doesn't seem important now, and probably didn't then.

An hour or so later, we lay around naked enjoying the afterglow. I started to feel horny again. With a resigned amusement, she let me examine her vagina with my fingers. I suppose I thought that all those orgasms might have loosened her up - I was young, remember?

It didn't feel right. The roof felt distended and wrong. And I could tell it was tender even without her reaction, so withdrew apologetically.

We talked. She was never going to enjoy penetrative sex. She hadn't, she said, been to the doctor about it. It was just who she was.

So no, even now with the help of the Internet, I've no idea what the issue was.

We talked some more, and she asked whether - hypothetically - that would bother me in the long term.

Being young and thoughtless I said, yes of course it would. I liked kink, but I needed regular sex just like any other red-blooded man.

And so she went back to Europe and her boyfriend.

We exchanged a few letters. A year later, she returned to tour England with her boyfriend. The three of us met up for coffee - I don't know what she'd told him - and she took the opportunity to bump my elbow with her boob.

And a couple of years later I met Xena and here I am, two decades later, typing this while locked into a chastity device.

So who was exploiting who?

Back to the pre-Internet 1980s and Greta and me experimenting with Femdom one sunny afternoon:

  • Greta didn't like sexual intercourse. I was... ambivalent about it?
  • Greta enjoyed being selfish without feeling guilty. I was a service submissive.
  • Greta liked being assertive in bed without feeling unfeminine (culture was a little different back then). I was a submissive who loved to be dominated.

If she hadn't dropped her "I was made for this!" bombshell, you could say that one of us was exploiting the other.

Arguably, Greta was exploiting a naive young pervert in order to get her rocks off. She wasn't turned on by dominance, or by topping me. She was merely using the power exchange to get an orgasm while "dodging" sex.

And arguably, 20-something Giles was exploiting a young woman with a sexual dysfunction in order to get his drooling kinky kicks.

You can also portray our encounters as an honest but coldly calculated trade: kink for orgasms.

And you'd be right, and you'd also be dead wrong.

Sometimes BDSM culture seems puritanical in its search for the perfect ethical bubble in which to enjoy "play".

Apparently, it's OK to give a whipping while pretending to be angry, but not to actually be angry. It's OK to pretend disgust, but there should be reassurance in the afterglow. It's OK to pretend to be selfish when being dominant, or to be weak and biddable when submissive, but only after extensive negotiations and talk, and more talk.

It seems, everything (between sane consenting adults) goes in BDSM as long as it's play.

However, we weren't playing.

Greta discovered she needed real things granted by power exchange: namely control without guilt, and thus "permission" to skip intercourse and security that she could, and permission to seek her own pleasure.

Put those together and you have a dominatrix. (There are other flavours as well, of course.)

So yes, she was exploiting me, but I wanted to be exploited and she knew it. That's what gave her permission.

And, though I thought I was merely role playing a fantasy, I was also doing real things: I was serving erotically for real without immediate orgasmic reward (though it did arrive). If I was exploiting, I was also genuinely serving. Certainly, the orgasms Greta had were real (well she did come back for more...).

I don't think of her very often, but I do wonder whether she has discovered male chastity and whether she has found somebody who appreciates her aversion to sexual intercourse as much as her sensual hunger.

What am I saying? Why am I telling you this?

 It's OK if the kink is for real.
Greta had some intractable underlying physical or psychological problem that gave her an aversion to sexual intercourse. We can speculate that that aversion generally made her feel unsafe in bed because there was an implicit cultural and emotional pressure to have sex.

Then I introduced her to Femdom. This gave her "permission" to not be penetrated and also the assurance of control over the action. The perfect storm. "I was made for this".

Greta is an extreme example and I'm not for one moment saying that Femdom would help all women with penetration problems, nor that their partners would all consent to power exchange or male chastity or whatever

However, Greta demonstrates that power exchange need not be an end in itself. It can also be a happy means to an end.

And looking back, I wasn't playing either. I was in the grip of the urge to serve, and the darker but no less real urge to suffer while doing so.

So, as long as things are safe sane and consensual, I think it's OK if the kink is for real.

Postscript: Suppose that we had been a long term couple and her problem had emerged - or been admitted to - ten years into the marriage? Perhaps when we had a shared life, children, a house...

Femdom with male chastity would have at least given us a safe holding pattern. I think it would also have made it easier to follow the typical therapist's advice to explore sensuality without penetration for a while.  

Greta was one of those woman who felt an obligation to have sex. Also, most people care about their partner's needs, even if they misunderstand them. Just as it did in my college room all those years ago, Femdom would probably have freed her from any sense of pressure and given her the space to explore her sensuality with no sense of guilt. 

You might think it in bad taste, but it would have made a kinky virtue out of her unfortunate necessity, so why not?

So I think that, though - of course - kink isn't for everybody, where it's present and people are comfortable and consenting, there's no reason why it can't be used for real, grown up purposes like working around or through a sexual dysfunction.

Learn how to how to walk the same Femdom path with your partner! 

CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
(For ebook format, 
Lulu or iTunes.)