Become Her Slave!

My once-vanilla wife loves keeping me as her chaste slave. Find out how we ended up in a Female Led Relationship!

You can enjoy the Femdom lifestyle too, if you dare. Let me show you how to sell yourself to your vanilla wife or girlfriend as a part-time slave!

Sunday, 25 January 2015

How Female Led Relationships could go mainstream: #2 Asymmetrically Amorous - "Asym" for short.

(Part #1 here)
We'd know the "rules" for Female
 Led dating and courtship. 
It would be good if Female Led Relationships were mainstream.

Being able to be open would make it easier to be in one -- no need to hide it, and less complicated in dealing with others. It would also be easier to find one since you could just make it clear that's what you were looking for.

The openness would also help a shared FLR culture of etiquette and wisdom evolve.

We'd know the "rules" for Female Led dating and courtship. We'd know the different flavors of FLR. And best of all there'd be  a body of wisdom, including self help books by real psychologists, to help us.

How could we get there?

Well my generation won't. We have too much to lose. We're too embedded in our established social identities.

The younger people, though might drag FLR into the mainstream. They're already doing it with polyamory, which they call "poly".

Polyamory is consensual non-monogamy. Rather than hide affairs from each other, or pretend not to notice each other's adventures, poly couples happily form part of web of sexual relationships. There's a well developed set of terms to describe each, a supportive community,  there are serious organizations promoting it, and the media is starting to notice. It even got a positive article in the Scientific American.

Polyamory is a lot like FLR in that people have done it forever anyway. Only two things have really changed: poly people have banded together to establish ways of managing their relationships; and poly people are demanding across-the-board equality with monogamous people.

It's something that seems to come out of younger counter-cultural and intellectual circles who enjoy experimenting with relationship styles.  Since these sub cultures feed into the middle classes we're quickly moving to the point where it's not so shocking if somebody says, "Oh I'm poly."

How have they managed this? To take what looks a lot like "swinging" or open relationships" and turn them into something socially acceptable?

  • They've emphasized the relationship side of things and de-emphasized the sex. Poly isn't an opportunity to sleep with lots of people, it's an opportunity to have relationships with them. This is similar to the Gay Movement who presumably thought that mainstream society would be more supportive of love between same sex partners than they would of the mechanics of gay sex.
  • They're honest and unpretentious in their terminology. They use terms like "primary" and "secondary" and so far have resisted the urge to dress up their arrangements in, say, neo-paganism and  sound like bad Ren Fair performers. They've also called themselves something neutral and descriptive, unlike, say, "Naturists" which at once sounds like an evasion and  an attempt to impose values--if I call you a Naturist, then it sounds like I'm accepting that what you do is natural and hence good.
  • They've aligned themselves firmly with other social movements, especially LGBT Rights and Pride, and Feminism, incorporating their values and methods.
So if younger people started on the same experiment with FLR, how would it work?

The precondition is already there. Female Led Relationships have been around forever -- implicit FLR is nothing new. A lot of young people must be doing it and not realizing, and others are doing it but -- like those swingers of yesteryear who were really poly -- think they are doing it as BDSM.

So here's what needs to happen:
  • We need to be about the relationship, not the sexuality. FLR often implies Femdom, but it's not mandatory and there's no need to make ordinary people think about it.
  • We need terminology that's matter of fact (and also de-emphasizes the kink). Female Led Relationship is a great start, but we also need to not use Femdom terms like "Mistress" and "Slave", or infantalizing ones like "Mommy" and "Boy". Perhaps "husband" and "wife"/"boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is enough, since "I'll check with my wife" will one day be all you need to say to imply an FLR. (It would be nice, though, if we could use some mainstream term like "boss". Perhaps "lady" and "man"?)
  • We need to embrace the other social movements. FLR is what I -- and you, perhaps -- do. However that implies either a Lesbian or Heterosexual pairing. 
This suggests to me that FLR needs to be part of a broader movement, the more general the better since this will also distance the relationship concept from the underlying sexuality.

That movement, of course, would be "asymmetrical-amoury", or "asym" for short. It would embrace all relationships governed by a consensual power relationship, including complex polyamorous arrangements. And of course, since asym takes in all genders and orientations, saying, "Oh, we're asym" would not immediately conjure up specific pornographic images.

Will it happen? I think, as with poly, if somebody somewhere starts the ball rolling, it will snowball.

Perhaps one day our our friend will lean across the table and say, "You're asym like us, aren't you?"

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Tuesday, 23 December 2014

First impression of the Key Holder Dream X3 "espresso" 3D printed chastity device

(Sorry, no cock shot)
Well it arrived! The KHD X3 "espresso" male chastity device, freshly 3D printed in Europe.

Thirteen days from order to delivery -- not instant, but not bad.

It's got that same eggshell finish as before; slightly shocking on first touch -- OMG I am about to encase my genitals in breeze block! -- but actually comfortable once on. Best of all, getting it on doesn't require any lotion. The textured surface prevents any stickiness. (I expect it to also cope well with morning wood, but we'll see.)

"No seams, no rough patches."
Click to add some Femdom to your vanilla relationship! 
As before, the finishing itself is perfect.

No seams, no rough patches. Learning from the beta, Pedro has also rounded off all the corners and sharp bits. It's much more comfortable to wrestle into than the Holy Trailer 2.

Getting into it, however, is slightly harder than the HT2, but not in a way that matters.

You have to push your balls into the ring on at a time, then pull them all the way through. The tube bends down more harshly than the HT2, so without lotion, you need to fiddle with a Q-tip to dislodge the head. I suspect this will quickly become routine for me. (It helps to get the ring the right way around!)

The reason I'm doing this without lotion is that it seems unhealthy to keep my man parts permanently steeped in moisturiser. Being damp all the time can't be good for the skin health, and there's also the fear that it will weaken the skin and promote stretching. I don't want my balls down to my ankles!
I look forward to testing it in
extreme circumstances...

This could be you! Find out more... 


Well it's much more intrusive than the HT2, but just as comfortable. The thicker ring turns your balls into a kind of fixed T-shape, so affects how you sit or lie. However it's smooth and light and doesn't seem to shift randomly, so overall it's still very comfortable.

Now I have the right size, peeing is no problem. The perforations bode well for showering, though I shall approach this with caution. I'm still skeptical about the security cord concept, but will give this a go when I am less busy.

Security system! Haven't tried this yet.
Overall, the most striking thing is the way it really locks down an erection. With the HT2 and before that my Chinese device, there was a sense of my cock lurching up a little, of forming a tense, vulnerable, bow hinging at the base. The espresso feels much safer and at the same time much more oppressive in the right way. Thanks to the way the device grips the scrotum, the tension seems spread evenly, some of it taken by the base-ring against the pubis, and there's no sensation of being stretched.

I look forward to testing it in extreme circumstances...

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Monday, 22 December 2014

Would you be a Roman sex slave for real? Are you THAT person?

A month as her real slave?
From time to time I like to ask people:
If Dr Who appeared and offered to set you up for a month of erotic slavery in the Ancient Roman Empire, safety assured, hard limits respected by your owner's tastes, some of your kinks happen,  would you do it?
The point being that your mistress (or master, but I'll stick to Femdom here) would actually own you, think that was morally OK, and would have no idea that something kinky was going on. For example, you might stand around waiting on her while she chatted to a friend. You'd experience objectification, she'd just find it handy to have her wine pourer standing by. If she had you go down on her then sent you off without a word, you'd experience teasing and denial, she'd have just had a nice slave-assisted wank.

The responses I get range from the "OMG NO!" to the "Can I go right now and can it be for two months instead?"

I think several things are going on here.

Obviously, people have different levels of need for kink. I'd be happy slaving for a month, perhaps you prefer an evening once a month. There's also the question of how real to you like your dynamic. I'm happy to be a slave. You may like the dynamic to be a shared illusion, or prefer not to reference it at all.

I think, though, that the main issue is how subs square their self image with the business of submitting. That's what I want to talk about here.

On the face of it, it's odd that subs bother with kink at all. There are so many vanilla ways to submit!

If you're male you can experience the dynamic by just dating a woman with... ahem... boundary issues. If you're female you can even get the sex as well, and become "a mere fuck toy" .

Why don't we?

Well, take the case of a feminist lady sub who was the sex slave of a "red pill" man. She knew he knew that she knew that he was just using her submission to get lots of sex. Even though this got her off, she didn't feel good about it.

Though people talk about respect, I don't think it's directly to do with that (except when we mean "respect for safety and limits", a given for this kind of activity). A lot of subs want to be disrespected during play, and a lot of  BDSM is cheerfully anonymous... people playing at clubs or during hookups.. meaning that respect for the sub outside their role can often be only theoretical; The woman I'm flogging has a life outside this.

Instead I think it's to do with not wanting to be that person. As long as you're only playing at submission, it's not real. However, if you're being genuinely used and exploited, if your partner feels only an amused contempt for your submission, then you really are a slave, and worse, a voluntary one. You've become that person.

The problem with not wanting to be that person is that you already are that person.

No matter how much we wrap it in communication and consent, the primal part of our brains really can't tell the difference between pretending to submit and submitting for real. Yes, we need a particular context -- to feel safe on lots of levels -- before we can let go, but it is a letting go and not a stepping into that happens when we submit.

I think this uncomfortable knowledge us the reason why subs spend a lot of energy resisting being who we are anyway.

I am happy to be that person if that's not all I am.
I prefer a different approach. I am happy to embrace being a submissive as long as I can also be other people as well; a practitioner of my profession, a sportsman, a good friend, and a loving husband and so on.

This has the advantage that my submission becomes a kind of armor. I can wallow through uncomfortable, painful and humiliating experiences and come out grinning and dripping semen.

So (ignoring the fidelity issues) I would cheerfully do that tour as a Roman slave. I am happy to be that person if that's not all I am.

And that lady slaving to the Red Pill Master? I think she should enjoy it for what it is. The main issue is not that she's having sex with somebody who doesn't respect her, but that she can't build a long lasting  relationship with the man.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Saturday, 6 December 2014

Testing a 3D printed chastity device for hygiene

While I'm waiting to get my new Espresso chastity device - I thought I'd do some tests on the old "beta" one.

I don't mean comfort tests - I've already done that! I mean that I want to know more about the material - white nylon - which is not rated positively as "food safe" and in theory may be porous.

I did two tests - and I should state now that I'm not any kind of scientist.

First, I weighed the device, soaked it overnight, shook off the loose water and weighed it again. End result, same weight before and after. I conclude that the nylon material did not soak up any water. It follows that it's actually solid behind the eggshell-like surface. No wicking takes place.

Next, I wanted to check the surface. The texture is great for comfort, but is it a bacteria trap?

I figured the real question is; Can I get it clean?

I got some thick food coloring, smeared some on the tube, then soaked the tube in a solution of it:
I laid it to dry on a radiator for a few hours:
You can see that the inside is also stained: 
Then I tried to clean it. 

Cold and warm water had not much effect, nor did hot soapy water and a scrubbing brush. So I put the device in the dishwasher at 65 degrees:

 Yes, it came out 100% clean with no trace of the stain inside or out.

This suggests that putting it through the dishwasher will clean even heavy soiling. I suspect that the gloopy food coloring was especially difficult to remove, so when I get the next version I'll stick to hot water and soap and keep an eye - nose! - on the smell and perhaps put it through the dishwasher every week.

I'm also wondering whether the new version will turn out to be more hygienic than my Holy Trainer 2.  The eggshell surface let me slide my balls into the base ring with no lubrication. I'm hoping that it'll be similarly easy to get into a properly sized production version of the Espresso. Since lotion is a potential bacteria trap, this will be a major hygiene improvement. Add to that the perforations to make it breathable, and the device seems promising...

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Monday, 1 December 2014

Cheap 3D printed chastity device now in production

Pedro can't depict the device
correctly assembled on the 3D
print site!
Last month, I was lucky enough to beta test Pedro's 3D printed chastity device.

It was pretty amazing.

It has an "eggshell finish".

You'd think the roughness would be an issue. However what it really meant was that the skin was happy to slide over the surface without creating air pockets - there wasn't much need for lubricant to get into the thing - and at the same time, once installed, it gripped the scrotum as firmly as if glued, meaning morning wood was a non-issue.

...but here's what it looks like!
There's also some chatter that the material isn't certified "food safe". However, though the surface is not smooth, it seems to be non-porous. I soaked it overnight, shook it off and weighed it. No change. No absorption. (It's certainly body safe, judging from the jewelry and toys people make using the same service.)

Well now, Pedro has rolled out the production models of the Key Holder Dream X3 "espresso" and it's available for a price that compares well with nasty chrome-plated knockoffs from the Far East. It's also looking like a good replacement for the Holy Trainer 2.

He's made a couple of changes based on feedback from testers like me:

  • No rear flange on the ring.
  • Base ring perforated for better air circulation and longer wear.
  • Variety of pegs to fit the locking mechanism, including a sheath that fits the Holy Trainer 2 magic locker. (You can also order a trailer hitch lock for a "magic locker" from Amazon easily.)

I'm hoping I can get a review copy of this device sometime soon. Otherwise it's on my wish list.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Thursday, 6 November 2014

Keyholder Dream X3 Espresso Short: Testing a prototype 3D Printed Male Chastity Device

I was thrilled when my friend Pedro offered me a prototype of his new 3D printed chastity device -- the last time anybody sent me a kinky gift, was when Fred Norman gave me one of his famous floggers.

The device uses a trailer hitch lock for a "magic locker" so I ordered one up ahead of time. It also has an interesting anti-pullout detector requiring neoprene cord, so I got some of that as well. Then I waited...

The device arrived three days early! The packaging was discrete -- it came from Shapeways in the Netherlands so there was no problem with customs duties etc.

I took out the pamphlets, and there it was all sealed up looking like something out of Star Wars!

The device arrives in a sealed bag:

It arrived assembled, so it was clear the parts fitted together. Here it is with the locker I bought separately:

The locker slid in easily,  though the angle threw me at first:  

Here it is with my other devices. Note that the Espresso has a much bigger bulb than the HT2:

And finally, nestling up to my Holy Trainer 2 and its magic locker (perspective makes the Espresso look larger, but they are a similar size):

So I washed it with soap and water then dunked it in sterilizing solution, rinsed it then tried it on!

First Impressions: Keyholder Dream X2 Espresso Short

  • Though this is a prototype, it still looked very hi-tech and cool. The parts fit together perfectly, though the locker gives the tube a couple of millimeters forward/back play.
  • Being 3D printed, there are no blemishes, no seams, no sense that the thing might split. All the edges are smooth.
  • The design is very solid. You can tell it's the work of an engineer. The slider is deep so there's no chance of the tube levering out and then breaking part of the locking mechanism.
  • The eggshell finish -- a result of the 3D printing -- is truly wonderful. It's not abrasive. However, being not smooth, it lets the skin slide across it fine -- no need for lubrication on the bass ring! In a minor miracle, the same texture grips very firmly indeed when there is pressure.

Installing the Espresso device

It took a couple of tries to work out how to get into the device. The challenge is getting all the way into the tube. Here's what worked for me: 
  1. Without lotion, install the base ring as snugly against the body as possible. Make sure it's aligned right, it's almost impossible to twist the thing once it's on.
  2. Apply lotion to the penis and the upper inside surface of the tube. 
  3. Install the tube. The penis should slide right to the end.
  4. Lock the device. :)

Thanks to the espresso perforations, the lotion quickly disperses, leaving your penis dry.

Wearing the Espresso device

I've worn this device for an afternoon and overnight, and I'm wearing it as I type. 

I couldn't get the pullout detector working properly so I won't discuss this in detail, except to say that the concept is a good one and that it just needs a different position.

I'm not used to having such a wide base ring, so a couple of times I bumped my balls when sitting down. It's certainly a far more intrusive device than the Holy Trainer 2, though I may well get used to it. As long as the ring is snug against the groin, it's OK under close-fitting jeans. Kneeling and bending is no problem. If it's not snug, it pinches and scrunches!

Once on, it's almost impossible to adjust and this makes it feel very secure ideed. With the Holy Trainer 2, you can pull your scrotum this way and that, position the device just right. Try that with the Espresso and it just hurts (which is why it's important to install it correctly in the first place.) This tightness and the wide bass ring means you can't wear it 24/7. There's simply no way of adequately cleaning all your parts - though perforating the bass ring might fix this. However, it also means that it would hurt to pull out of.

If installed properly, the Espresso is generally comfortable to wear, perhaps slightly less than the HT2 (though, as I said, I may grow used to it). The big head bulb seems to make it harder to align slit to slot for peeing compared to the HT2, but the design is very forgiving; the pee never pools or spatters. At worst, you get two streams, both headed outwards. You can certainly sit and pee with confidence. (It's possible I need a device that's 1 cm shorter, or that there's some trick I need to learn.)

It's actually really comfortable to sleep in. I didn't remotely expect that. It's light, so it doesn't weigh down on your genitals and the wider base ring seems to stop it becoming misaligned.  This morning's "morning wood"was no problem. I may have simply slept through it, however I suspect that the grip is so firm that the device catches and restrains the usually unstoppable erection. There was no sense that  it pushed the device away from my body thus stretching my balls, an experience that even happens with the Holy Trainer 2.

Finally, being turned on while wearing the Espresso is a pretty wonderful sensation. Not only does it trap your penis as required, it also stays close to the body. There's no comedy half-stiffy with the device clutching the end of your dick like an overambitious snake trying to consume another snake.

Conclusions: Writing on the wall for established CB makers (and for China)

Pedro's chastity device isn't perfect -- it's a prototype. However, it's nearly perfect and already much better than the cheap Chinese device I have. A few tweaks and we'll have a cheap robust male chastity device with a magic locker and a pull-out detector, available in a huge range of styles and sizes, 3D-printed on demand. 

Pedro must be one of the first to nail this, but he can't be the only one and he certainly won't be the last.

This has implications: 

Hobbyists will push down the price of chastity devices. Pedro's betas come in at between EUR80 and EUR100 plus postage, but I doubt he could push the price any higher even if he wanted because some other hobbyist would undercut him. And 3D printing is only going to get cheaper.

The quality of male chastity devices will improve. 3D printing lets amateurs and moonlighting engineers like Pedro tinker with designs and then update their product almost immediately. Contrast that with how long it's taking Holy Trainer to fix their design and material issues thanks to having to change their manufacturing process, deal with contractors etc etc. The market will soon no longer support chastity devices that pinch, crack or snap.

People will soon prefer to buy 3D printed chastity devices. Not only will they be cheap and made to measure, they'll also have the major advantage of being manufactured locally, getting around the whole import duty hazard.

So I think that unless they drop their prices and improve their quality, or shift to 3D printing, we'll soon be saying goodbye to the CB range and to Holy Trainer, with only the silicon devices as holdouts. 

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her

Saturday, 25 October 2014

So, do subs have particular emotional or relationship issues? (A personal view)

...subs -- who would have
guessed? -- get cross if
you imply that we are in any
way inferior or broken
A while back I started a thread of this name on the Reddit SubSanctuary. I had thought it being a sanctuary for subs it would be a safe space for this kind of discussion. However, it I accidentally pushed some buttons; subs -- who would have guessed? -- get cross if you imply that we are in any way inferior or broken!

The dismissive responses and my considered responses made in the... sanctuary of my own blog were pretty much along the lines of:
  • "We're just the same as everybody else, just with a different way of doing sexuality!" - But the difference must logically mean we have specific issues. Not more or less, just specific to us.
  • "A study proves we're really emotionally healthy!" - I'm sure we are. I'm just interested in the landscape we have to negotiate.
  • "How dare you imply we're different!" - LOL. I'm typing this response while wearing a chastity device my wife "makes" me wear. You're probably sporting whip marks and pierced privates. of course we're the same as everybody else. Really.
The more engaging but contrary responses (again, with my considered responses), were:
  • "Purely erotic submissives - bedroom subs and bottoms - don't seem to have any specific problems." - Presumably because the kink is compartmentalized. 
  • "You can be submissive and still not have a bad-boy/bitch fixation, meanwhile vanilla folks can suffer from this." - I wonder how vanilla the dynamic of the bad-boy/bitch fixation really is.
Two subs, however, both said something that indicated:
  • "Some subs derive self-worth from service". 
So an interesting thread, but ultimately not one that reflects what I actually see on the Sub Sanctuary and elsewhere on BDSM Reddit.

My take on the main emotional or relationship issues for subs

Sexual submission, however,
look weak.
Here's what I think the main emotional or relationship issues are for subs:

Our submissive kink is almost by definition humiliating and can make us look weak (and for female subs,  anti-feminist etc) 

If somebody discovers you are a sexual dominant, they may decide that you are wicked or evil, but they won't think you're weak or pathetic. Sexual submission, however, does look weak.

I think this leads to issues like shame, secretiveness and defensiveness. It can take us forever to bring up our needs with a partner, and we can often do it in such a tentative way that we irritate rather than entice them.

I certainly wasted years trying to spin my submissive nature as merely being sexually adventurous.

Since submission can be a gift, we sometimes mistake all our kinks for gifts

If I clean Xena's shoes then
that's a gift. If I lick them
clean, then that's just me
being a fetishist 
Doing things for another person, building them up, treating them like a god... that can be a gift, especially if that person identifies as a dominant.

However, many of our submissive kinks and fantasies don't offer much benefit to the dominant.

For example, if I clean Xena's shoes then that's a gift. If I lick them clean, then that's just me being a fetishist unless she specifically likes the idea. This is very true of kinks that require any kind of effort from the dominant.

I see lots of posts where people complain that their significant other isn't dominant enough, doesn't put effort into protocol, punishment, edging, forcing them to dress funny etc. These all stem from this issue.

Supply and demand makes some of us emotionally vulnerable

Some of us don't just want a
dominant to dominate us,
we want a dominant to be
part of our lives.

As a young man, I spent years yearning for a dominant, not know where I could find one, or fixating on any girl who would tie me up once.

Some of us don't just want a dominant to dominate us, we want a dominant to be part of our lives. It's an emotional need as well as a sexual one. It's quite different to a specific sexual fetish and similar to being gay in that it pervades our existence and requires another person to form the other half of a relationship.

This need makes us vulnerable because, unless we are young and attractive and move in particular circles, there are not  a lot of visible dominants to go around! We're often pathetically grateful and compliant when we do find somebody to dominate us.

This explains threads about subs being utterly heartbroken by purely online relationships, or acting like doormats in relationships, or letting a dom push their boundaries past what's sensible.

It's simply hard to discern where
being giving and supportive leaves
off and being submissive to the
demanding or needy begins.
Because giving is one of our traits, we may drift into non-sexual submissive behavior during "normal" life

I've done this and I've seen at least one post describing the experience. No matter how assertive and take-charge we are usually, sometimes we encounter a situation or person that makes us neglect our boundaries or run around after them.

It's simply hard to discern where being giving and supportive leaves off and being submissive to the demanding or needy begins.

Is there truly a difference?

We can be drawn to eroticizing and enabling domineering partners

This describes my early sex life.

Domineering is what happens when you not only let somebody push you around, you subtly encourage it. If you're young and haven't embraced your submissive sexuality, then it's very very easy to drift into this. If you're experienced, it's also sometimes hard to distinguish between "good domination" and domination which is really abuse.

Why I think we subs are not broken people but face challenges

No wonder, then, that subs have a
harder time than their vanilla friends
As people pointed out on that thread, we really have the same problems as vanilla people, just different variables. I once craved a dominant so badly it hurt. A vanilla friend meanwhile craved a girlfriend so badly it hurt. Ultimately, we were both lonely and looking for The One. 

You can take each of the above issues and find a vanilla equivalent. We subs really aren't broken people!

However, I think these issues are more pressing for subs because we lack role models and established norms, especially when we're young.

 It's true the online and offline kink community offers these. However, online, there's a lot of "noise" from one-handed typists, and hooking up with the offline kink community is often not practical or emotionally viable. 

Meanwhile, society prepares us for vanilla dating from an early age and as early teenagers we rehearse for the real thing via books and soap operas. 

No wonder, then, that subs have a harder time than their vanilla friends.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her