Waking in chastity

There is something wonderfully sensual and satisfying about waking in chastity.

The problem with Vanilla Subs

A dominant mate of mine was told by his vanilla ex - "Thank god I don't have to do any of that nasty stuff again."

Privately, he reckoned this was rubbish. “Orgasms don’t lie,” he said.

As a sub myself, I think it’s more complicated.

Even though it’s consensual, D&S simulates evil and feels real to the primitive parts of the brain. (Yes, I know there’s also fluffy stuff in there about trust and intimacy.)

This simulated evil is at least half the fun. However, it creates problems with vanilla people who haven’t had the years to work it through.

Bad for a vanilla dom to whom it simply *feels* morally wrong. Worse for the vanilla sub.

The vanilla sub experiences the simulated evil direct and unmediated… the violation of will and body, the humbling and humiliation, the forced intimacy…

…and they get off on it.

This is a supremely dark place to be and one that challenges a person’s very identity, especially if they’ve had to fight for self determination in this big mean world of ours.

I think the best approach is to be very careful how you “frame” the D/S part of your relationship.

Are you all D/S is darkly romantic, authentic, significant?

Perhaps it would be better to cushion your sub by treating it as just a bit of fun: no big thing, just make believe or an erotic sport. Joke that you do most of the actual work and she gets most of the orgasms.

Most of all, in the immediate aftermath of your sessions, get back to normal as quick as possible!

Vanilla Dominatrix 2nd Ed on the way

Leaner, easier, reformatted for Kindle etc. Send me your old edition and I'll send you the new one. :)

Got a 5-star Review on Amazon

Awesome! "How to be a Roman Dominatrix" got a 5-star review on Amazon!

I have just finished reading Giles English's latest book, The Roman Dominatrix. It was wonderful. A lot of our discussions in the femdom blog world have been about women who are having a hard time reconciling being dominant with being a nice girl.

They feel pressured by their partners as well as the BDSM community to be more kinky, to be more into BDSM, when they are really just basically vanilla. That scares a lot of women off.

The book, The Roman Dominatrix gives me a different point of view, and a workable method for being a vanilla domme, and yet keep a happy sub. The AVE method is spelled out, easy to follow and fun for both partners. I recommend this book very highly for new and questioning dominants. 

I'm more relieved than pleased - I've had quite a few sales, but such is the nature of erotic publishing that people don't usually check back to write a review. I want this book out there putting right the relationship damage that mostly male subs inflict.