Updating our Female Led Relationship Contract

"Well. I can't imagine living any other way." 
This could be you!

It's past the anniversary of our Female Led Relationship.

We reached our New Year milestone without a whimper. It was Xena's decision and she simply announced we'd keep going until this milestone, when it would be up to me to decide.

So now I was determined that we were going to have a conversation about it. Xena's been busy and tired of late, and I was starting to feel as if I was merely a dutiful house husband whose busy wife indulged his private fetish so long as it had no impact on her.

And that's how we ended up, me kneeling at the foot of the bed rubbing her feet.

"So..."

"So..."

Awkward pause.

"It's your decision," says Xena.

I think for a minute. "I want to hear what you think about it first. You're really rubbish at owning stuff like this." 

"What do you mean?"

I try to keep my tone light. "You like stuff, then forget you like it. You agree to stuff then act as if it's all my fault for making a fuss."

She laughs. "Well. I can't imagine living any other way."

My erection goes off like an airbag, one constrained by my ever present Holy Trainer 2 chastity device. "Oh."

"How do you feel?"  asks my wife.

"Horribly turned on by what you said," I admit. I try to rally my thoughts. Kneeling at her feet, locked into a chastity belt, seven days since my last orgasm -- it's not a good negotiating position.  

I rehearse the old story, why we're like this. Xena has a high powered job, needs my support. I manage dribs and drabs of contract work. 

"It's not to do with fair division of labour," I say. "It's just impossible to separate out me doing my share and the more personal stuff, plus you have your own domestic standards. And you like to switch off in the evening." I don't normally chat to her during foot-rubs. At night I am very much a personal slave until it's time to get into bed next to her. "So even without this arrangement, I'd still end up doing everything and taking orders. This seems more straight forward."

"As you say, this does suit me..."This could be you!

She agrees with me. However, I'm not going to let her off the hook. I push on. "Also, being in charge suits you, regardless. You like being in charge. So if you're up for it, then I'm happy to keep going."

Really. She said that. My cock is so hard in its prison I'm ready to roll onto the floor and weep. I stick to my guns, though, and bring up the way I've felt neglected, and how the sex seems to have gone out of our relationship of late.

That brings up an old argument, one many couples have. Xena retreats into the, "Oh well I don't have much of a sex drive I can do without it" stance. However, it also comes out that she's been stressed at work and we've both been taking it in terms to have low grade viruses and 'flu. Now, whenever she tries to kick start her libido by masturbating with me out of the room, I've always acted sulky (because I've been feeling neglected), which has put her off the whole thing.

I suddenly realize that it's the things she does not the things she says that matter. I abjectly apologize for cramping her style, remind her that for things to work she has to use the demerits, and suggest we give things another go.

...she has me lie in the corner
where I can't see and she masturbates.
 Still better than a dead bedroom!

"OK," says my still vanilla-acting wife. "As you say, this does suit me. We'll review it after six months," she says, "then after a year, unless the financial situation changes."

I try not to whimper. Yes, chaste and serving, not a good negotiating position.

Then she has me lie in the corner where I can't see and she masturbates. I lie there for ever, my cock heaving with the ebb and flow of the buzzing vibrator, and then to bed.

Then last night she administered my demerits, 23 lashes, of which more another time.

So now, instead of getting off, I'm writing this. Thanks to Saturday's orgasm -- hers, I mean -- don't get mine until tomorrow. A trivial wait, but my body has grown used to the Monday ritual.

So now I'm working on an update to our Female Led Relationship contract. Watch this space!

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Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her. 

A year of wearing the Holy Trainer 2 Male Chastity Device

I have... worn it almost
every night for a year.
Find out how to be chaste like me!

No, I haven't worn it for a year solid, though I think that would be possible. It's easy to shower in the device and a hairdryer on cool seems to dry the parts you can't reach with a towel.

I have, however, worn it almost every night for a year, most working days, and some weekend days, except for a short break to explore a 3D printed chastity device.

There were teething troubles.

I feel sexy in my Holy Trainer 2.
Xena likes the look.
Get your wife to be dominatrix like Xena!

The first few batches of the Holy Trainer 2 softened too easily when warm. I had two identical breaks, but they replaced them without question and my third device has lasted a good five months or so, so I suspect they have the problem nailed.

The replacement devices both had imperfect finishes. I had to spend quality time with "wet and dry" paper smoothing them off. This wasn't too bad a task, but not quite what you'd expect from a proper commercial organisation.

Overall, however, the device is amazing.

First and foremost, the Holy Trainer 2 is really comfortable and practical. Worn without lotion and with the underside of the ring not too flush with the body, it's even actually rather pleasant with "morning wood". It fits my body, I can jog in it, bend down to to my shoelaces, I can sit and type this... It's also easy to pee in. Showering isn't a problem. Drying seems to just require a hairdryer and perseverance.

The "magic locker" means
you have an integral lock.This could be your caged genitals!

Honestly, if Xena wanted me permanently chaste, I'd simply replace the lock with plastic and apply glue with no anxieties other than the obvious ones.

Next, it's really unobtrusive. The "magic locker" means you have an integral lock. No noisy, irritating padlock to deal with. I often forget I'm wearing it and it's invisible under all but the tightest clothes. I have worn the chastity device 24/7 for 72 hours and had no problems.

Finally, it looks good. I feel sexy in it. Xena likes the look -- and she's usually not particularly impressed with the aesthetics of bondage toys.

So a year's regular wear and... no chafing, no odd callouses, no bruises on my pubis, no odd swellings on or around my genitals.

The Holy Trainer 2 is so comfortable and low impact that it is sinister!

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Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her. 

Reviews of Vanilla Dominatrix and Roman Dominatrix (via emails and comments)

I just had a series of emails from a reader (who wishes to remain anonymous). They pretty much made my day, so -- with his permission -- I'll replicate parts of them here:

"...an easy leap to realize
that femdom is a core kink,"Don't just read this, read my
Femdom self help guides and live the life! 

I just wanted to say thanks for writing the Vanilla Dominatrix. 

Been into crossdressing for a while — and when I realized I was really into femdom, I wasn't sure how to explain it to my fiancée. Your book gave me the confidence and language I needed to do it, and it couldn't have gone better...

Knowing how to pitch it to her has meant that she's gotten really into it as well, and has fully embraced it. While we're not totally sure exactly what we're into, but we're excited to try it together, and none of it would have been possible without your book!
Thank you — so much.

To which I asked...

So did you progress from cross dressing to Femdom with her, or discover what you actually liked was Femdom and therefore the cross dressing was less important?

And he responded...

Always knew I was into crossdressing, especially forced feminization. But lately it didn't have the same spark, and after some introspection I realized it was because while I deeply enjoy the act itself, what I really find arousing is femdom mixed with it. From there it was an easy leap to realize that femdom is a core kink, and that crossdressing can add some delightful spark to it.

That's what my Getting her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix is all about. Not how to do specific kinks, but how to think about them and then see their potential benefits from your partner's point of view. I'm so happy that these two lovebirds found my book useful!

Meanwhile in the comments to another article, an anonymous commentator said:

Terrific and enlightening book.... I bought both books. Getting Her to be a Vanilla Dominatrix was good, pointed out a lot of things I did wrong early in our relationship. However, The Roman Dominatrix is amazing. Creating that firewall and the psychological aspects of getting her to feel comfortable in the role were especially helpful.

I've had some odd, slightly suspect reviews over on Amazon. One reviewer accused me of disrespecting BDSM culture, which is odd because the books aren't about BDSM culture. So reviews like this make it all worthwhile. Thanks guys!

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Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her.