Become Her Slave!

My once-vanilla wife now loves keeping me as her chaste slave. Learn how to get some Femdom in your life too!

Monday, 30 April 2012

Why she won't admit to enjoying Femdom even if she does

Can she face herself?
So, you've introduced Femdom to your relationship. It's probably not as theatrical as you'd like, but your wife or girlfriend seems to go along with it quite happily. Perhaps she teases and torments you with gusto, or has no qualms lying back and being served and serviced. She's certainly getting her rocks off.

But you still feel tense about the whole thing, as if one wrong word and the Femdom will go away.

If only she'd admit to enjoying Femdom! Or better yet ask for it! Then you could relax.

There's a good chance she won't anytime soon.

The position of a Vanilla Dominatrix is far more complicated than that of a subbish partner.


Morally, domming feels wrong. Nice people don't exploit, tease, humiliate or hurt their lovers, or anybody else. It takes a while to come to terms with being a little bit evil, and then to feel safe in admitting that to a partner. Perhaps she feels guilty because your kink doesn't turn her on, but all the things it provides does.


She may also want to control the descent into kink. Becoming openly enthusiastic might trigger more demands from you that she'll enjoy less. What else do you have lurking in the toy box?


Finally... well... there's the possibility that she enjoys you in a chastity belt more than without, and doesn't want to tell you this in case it hurts your feelings.

I know that BDSM culture has a strong emphasis on communication. However, that's between players who are already  comfortable with their roles. In this case, wait and see.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

For more advice on getting your wife or girlfriend to dominate you, take a look at my Femdom guide, now available for Nook.

5 comments:

  1. That idea of getting used to being a little but evil was certainly something my wife struggled with…

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  2. I definitely feel like my Domme feels guilty about enjoying sex. After ~20 years together, she still doesn't like talking about sex with me. Catholic guilt, I guess. I don't think she feels as guilty denying me orgasm anymore, but I do think she struggled with that at first. I don't think she "gets" how much I crave to be spanked, and she gets mad at me for "topping from the bottom" when I ask, saying she knows what I want. But she still doesn't spank me much at all.

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  3. You can achieve a lot by shifting the kink into the default. For example, active denial might be hard for her. However, if you are locked into your cb and the key is elsewhere, then denial happens anyway and it's not her fault (tee hee).

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  4. I appreciate you putting this out there for the men to read. It is something I struggle with..Nice people don't hurt, embarrass, humiliate, or be mean to the people they love. This is my constant struggle: I like the idea of spanking you..but what if I hurt you? Are you OK down there? Am I being too harsh? Will you still think of me as a nice girl?...all those thoughts constantly run through my head. We have also been taught not to become violent under any circumstances. So, is spanking violent? Is bondage violent? Is using mean language violent? I am a peace-loving person, and violence is abhorrent to me...yet....I would love to spank you.

    Being dominant is no picnic.

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  5. I think it's important to see sadism in context of rough sports and martial arts, e.g. how is spanking a person worse than shouldering them on the football field?

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Tell me what you think!