The lure of the Dark Lady

 The downside of being a sub is the lure of the Dark Lady.

She's the super bitch who will take your submission as a victory in the battle of the sexes, use and abuse you, then - when there's no fight left in you - leave you in a bleak darkness.

You know the relationship is doomed, you know that she will break your heart--

--and that's why you stay. Not because every moment is precious, but because every moment is an adventure. You don't know when you will be slapped or slapped down, when she'll make you weep, or when you'll make love to her as you weep.

She'll never make you happy, never mistreat you in the way you want to be mistreated, but she pushes all your buttons, and so you stay as long as she does.

Later, will you look back with nostalgia?

Vintage picture captures the Vanilla Dominatrix dynamic

This picture from 1897 perfectly captures the Vanilla Dominatrix dynamic.

Of course it's supposed to be a satire, or a dire warning; the couple have exchanged traditional roles.

However, it's easy to imagine that he's her slave, perhaps with a chastity belt under his trousers. Right now he's doing the chores and she's interrupting him to get her shoe polished.

After that, she'll haul down her britches and demand oral sex. He'll meekly obey. Then she'll go off to enjoy her bicycle ride, and he'll get back to work, frustrated and turned on.

From her point of view, everything is comfortable and satisfying in a vanilla way - who doesn't like the housework done and an orgasm on demand?

From his point of view... :)

"How to be a vanilla dominatrix" - what line to take?

(SEE UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE ENTRY!)
 
I’ve been quite surprised by the number of vanilla women requesting copies of my “Vanilla Dominatrix” book! I also see similar women popping up on Fetlife looking for advice on dominating their partner.

For this  reason, I think it might be useful to do a female follow up, “How to be a Vanilla Dominatrix” – if gay men can write sex tips of straight women, then a sub can help a wannabe domme. 

What I’m hoping you fine folk can help me with is; what approach to take.

For those who haven’t read it, “The Vanilla Dominatrix” pushes the idea of doing Femdom for “real” on a part-time basis – no scripts or scenes, not much negotiation, and no need for the domme to posture or put on an act.

The objective is to create a space where the rules are different and she really is in charge. You get there – or not – by suggesting carefully selected Femdom activities that extend who she already is… if she likes flirting, suggest teasing games, if she enjoys being pampered, serve her, and so on. With luck, she starts enjoying being the vanilla dominatrix of the title.

Now, if I write a female oriented book, it would have a similar objective – there are other writers with more experience of 24/7, fetish clubs and scenes etc.

The snag is, there are two different possible approaches, and they don’t sit well together:

Option 1 Callous

Basically, forget his fantasies, what would *you* use a slave for? This is not entirely bleak for him; couples tend to have complementary dark sides – for example, if she likes mute service, he probably enjoys being used like a robot.

A proportion of the book would present BDSM as a toolset for getting what she wants.

I think this is the most empowering option, but some readers might find it too cold or cynical. There’s also the risk that it’s a bit much to expect her to take responsibility for the kink.

Option 2 Cooperative

Really, a reworking of the original book from the female perspective. Investigate his fantasies and work out which ones fit you, and how.

There would have to a listing of common sub fantasies, what’s in them for her, and how some of them can be fulfilled without going to great effort.

I think this is the most loving option, but risks shifting the focus on his pleasure and not hers.

So, what do you guys think?

UPDATE

Wrote it!

I ended up doing a bit of both, and writing an entirely fresh book called "How to be a Roman Dominatrix". So far I've had very positive feedback about it.
 

The Vanilla Femdom dynamic explained