Why Roman Femdom and not BDSM culture?

Roman slave

A while back I got wonderfully flamed in an Amazon review:

Sounds like this guy has no understanding and as a result no respect for the BDSM community in general.

Did I deserve it? Not sure.

I do, I think, have an understanding of the BDSM community, albeit second hand through hanging around online for a decade or so. I also have a massive respect for it (hello guys!) - what you guys have done and continue to do is amazing.

I so, still, find it startling how many people are prepared to actually meet up in actual clubs in actual real life, let alone support each other in munches and workshops.

However, anybody who wants that kind of life shouldn't have too much trouble finding it; and of course there are some very good books by insiders.

"looks like a lot of work"

Thus, my two Femdom self help books are specifically aimed at relationships where the female partner is vanilla.

I mean really vanilla, not just "vanilla to date but gosh wow can I wear this latex suit and when do we get to go to the Japanese rope workshop together vanilla".

Women in this category aren't as a rule interested in learning about BDSM Culture and are not going to make it part of their identity.

Why should they?

It's like you want to get your girlfriend to come on a bicycle tour so to  get her started you ask her to start reading Cycling Weekly magazine. At this point, she doesn't really care for reading reviews of bikes she won't ride, or following debates about cycling and transport policy. Not happening, which is a pity because she might actually enjoy a bicycle tour if only you would shut up about it.

It also looks like a lot of effort, oddly centered on the submissive.

Hence my one Big Idea:

What if we started with the idea that Femdom is about unquestioned female power and went from there?

After all, you don't need her to go to a munch or start hanging out with other "mistresses". You just need her to treat you like a slave.

Which takes me to Rome AD100, rather than, say, San Francisco AD1990.

Compare and contrast the two pictures:

"...there may be erotic action
approximating to modern Femdom,
but on her terms. "

The French mistress looks awesome and I love the shackles. However, I wonder how long it took her to get into that gear, how much it cost, and what purpose the bound slave is serving. Really, the scene is about him - great if you can get it, but a hard sell for a Friday evening with an unenthusiastic partner.

The Roman slave, however, plods along carrying a hefty load. He's genuinely, practically, useful to his owner; no shackles to impede his utility, nor is he licking her sandals clean.

Later, in private, he may be useful in other ways, and if she's feeling playful... well, there may be erotic action approximating to modern Femdom, but on her terms.

If you can get past the taboo on being selfish, this is a pretty good deal for many woman... for an evening, or a day, or a weekend, or perhaps even a lifetime.

For more on Femdom for vanilla wives and girlfriends, (without much reference to the modern BDSM community or culture) see my Femdom self-help guides....