Lifestyle Relationships: How to turn funishment into real punishment

 Over on Locked Men, a friend messaged me:

So you are in FLR, me too. But my problem is that my gf only spanks me for sexual pleasure and I want her to punish me too when I have been bad or done something stupid. Just a hard spanking so I can´t sit down for a few days and remember not to be bad again.... I want it to be punishment only, nothing I will like or want again. How to do?

His lady, it seems is quite happy to be in charge -- in another pm he told me that she already liked Femdom and FLR when they met -- but that spankings are only ever erotic, and he wants to live under discipline.

Our demerit counter!

The simplest answer is to just ask. 

However, he may get an immediate "No!", not because she is averse to punishing him, but because maintaining this kind of discipline is a nuisance.

Either she has to drop what she's doing and punish him -- annoying or impractical if she was busy doing something else and not in a Femdom headspace -- or else she has to remember that he did something wrong, which will just add to her irritation.

So rather than just ask for discipline, my friend would be better to suggest a specific discipline scheme. 

The one that works for us is to have a demerit counter; a clicker counter easily purchased off Amazon. Whenever I annoy Xena, she gives me a demerit. It's usually my responsibility to add it to the counter. The matter is then forgotten until it's punishment time. 

The demerits then have their own logic, and it's much easier for her to blame me for what she's doing to me. This is much better than her having to think back through one or more weeks and decide how good or bad I have been.

(Assuming he's not a physical masochist, he also needs to explain to her that although it excites him to live under the threat of a spanking, a serious spanking is something he's actually scared of, and that she won't be merely rewarding him for bad behavior. He should also encourage her to hit him hard enough to make him flinch. Possibly she needs to use an implement in order to save her hand.

Why punishment that we find sexy works to modify our behavior is another story.)

EDIT: Oh interesting. I got downvoted on Reddit AGAIN. If you do like this little article, please express your approval accordingly.

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Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her.