Thursday, 21 May 2015

Lifestyle Relationships: How to turn funishment into real punishment

 Over on Locked Men, a friend messaged me:
So you are in FLR, me too. But my problem is that my gf only spanks me for sexual pleasure and I want her to punish me too when I have been bad or done something stupid. Just a hard spanking so I can´t sit down for a few days and remember not to be bad again.... I want it to be punishment only, nothing I will like or want again. How to do?
His lady, it seems is quite happy to be in charge -- in another pm he told me that she already liked Femdom and FLR when they met -- but that spankings are only ever erotic, and he wants to live under discipline.
Our demerit counter!
The simplest answer is to just ask. 

However, he may get an immediate "No!", not because she is averse to punishing him, but because maintaining this kind of discipline is a nuisance.

Either she has to drop what she's doing and punish him -- annoying or impractical if she was busy doing something else and not in a Femdom headspace -- or else she has to remember that he did something wrong, which will just add to her irritation.

So rather than just ask for discipline, my friend would be better to suggest a specific discipline scheme. 

The one that works for us is to have a demerit counter; a clicker counter easily purchased off Amazon. Whenever I annoy Xena, she gives me a demerit. It's usually my responsibility to add it to the counter. The matter is then forgotten until it's punishment time

The demerits then have their own logic, and it's much easier for her to blame me for what she's doing to me. This is much better than her having to think back through one or more weeks and decide how good or bad I have been.

(Assuming he's not a physical masochist, he also needs to explain to her that although it excites him to live under the threat of a spanking, a serious spanking is something he's actually scared of, and that she won't be merely rewarding him for bad behavior. He should also encourage her to hit him hard enough to make him flinch. Possibly she needs to use an implement in order to save her hand.

Why punishment that we find sexy works to modify our behavior is another story.)

EDIT: Oh interesting. I got downvoted on Reddit AGAIN. If you do like this little article, please express your approval accordingly.

Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her


  1. Hi,

    It was me who pm about this and I thank you for your advice. We had a book before where she could write down my mistakes but it did´nt work so a clicker may be the perfect one. Should we set up a special time and day for it, or just do it when she wants or something els?

    I´m not a physical masochist at all, I want it to hurt so I don´t do it again and I want to be afraid for the punishment so I will know who is in charge and I can´t get away with it.

    1. With this system, she hands out demerits whenever you get things wrong. Punishment is at her convenience.

    2. I really thank you for your effort and I will buy a clicker and we will see. But, as I said before, this is not a spanking I want beacuse it is sexually arousing, I want and need it when I´m bad, just like a naughty child but much harder!

    3. And for your knowledge, I´m in chastity all time, a Queen´s Keep from Mature Metal, and don´t have any free masturbation days or so. My wife decides when I get to cum and that´s not often. Have been locked now for nine weeks and no cum, just milked a few times. But I make her to come, a lot!

  2. > I want and need it when I´m bad, just like a naughty child but much harder!
    I want and need it when I´m bad, just like a naughty child but much harder!

    This tends to be the effect. The demerits mount up over a week or so. Faced by the count, she then follows through. Owch.

    1. Do you mean I am annoying or nags to much, here on you blog or to her, or just a simple explain of the situation?

    2. ?
      I mean that you will earn demerits for small things over time.

    3. Ok, then I understand, sorry if I seemed grumpy. Going out today to buy a clicker and then take a deep breath and ask my wife if we can sit down quitly and have a chat. Keep your fingers crossed please!

      And again, thank you for all of your help, will respond with results.

    4. Remember, you can be responsible for the clicker. She doesn't need to carry it around.


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