What will Future Femdom be like?

I stand by my statement that "Femdom has no history".

The dominatrix has a history. She goes back to Summerian times at least. However, she was nicely shrink-wrapped and fire-walled in her temple precinct.

So if you insist, then, yes, Female Domination has a history, a tradition, but not the Female Dominant style of relationships. And since we can use "Femdom" to mean "a female dominant", I take that to be the core meaning:

Femdom: A relationship and/or erotic style in which the woman, her desires and needs, dominates.

What about Femdom's future history?

Forces at work shaping Future Femdom

There are some odd forces at work creating new tensions:

• The mainstreaming of bedroom Femdom. Survey after survey shows us that modern couples are kinky. We can expect them to discover and settle into their preferences. As couples get older, and there's less time and energy, kink becomes a goto and the vanilla tends to wither. Femdom will emerge as a common bedroom style.

However...

• The dungeoning of Dominance.  We're seeing this with Maledom. It started as a kinkification of masculine dominance, now Maledom is 50-shades of acceptable in the bedroom but "toxic" in the boardroom, and god forbid a man "wear the trousers" around the house. Currently this is a Feminist issue, so alpha women get a bit of a free pass (though come up against entrenched misogyny). However, underlying this is a generic discomfort with hierarchies.

Even so...

• The appropriation race to FLR. Whenever a term comes up to describe Femdom, the less ethical - or perhaps less reflective - prodommes appropriate it. For example, some female dominants adopted the term "Lifestyle Domme" to differentiate from those who provide it in the context of a business. Sure enough, the Internet is now full of "I'm a lifestyle domme, give me some money".  The only secure term is FLR, "female led relationship", since that's a bit like "marriage". However, it implies more than just bedroom Femdom.

And...

• The gradual acceptance of asymmetry. It also turns out that in most relationships, there's really room for only one high-powered partner. The other needs to be in a flexible support role. As men are openly embracing support roles, women become less embarrassed to also do so.


• The rise of FLR. More and more submissive men feel comfortable accepting the leadership of their partners, especially if it is eroticised. Since this is a reversal of traditional patriarchal roles, it doesn't raise any immediate Feminist issues and some couples slip quite easily into domestic power exchange - often they've been doing it anyway.

Now some actual predictions!

In the short term (next few years)

Scene Femdoms will embrace the term FLR. Though people will tinker with ameliorating it with terms like "bedroom only", the cat will be out of the bag and both sides will have to come terms with the underlying stark power exchange. This will encourage people to "own" their desire for a Femdom lifestyle, and make it seem more realistic because Female Led Relationship implies that it won't all be dressing up in leather and bellowing orders.

Bedroom Femdom will be Female-focused by default. The only kink that's sustainable longterm is that which is enjoyed by both partners. Through repetition, couples will tend to evolve authentic power exchange in the bedroom. We know that about half women entertain dominant fantasies. These experiences will empower them to take these expectations into new relationships. Meanwhile the idea that Femdom is "for her" will spread through mainstream magazines and websites. ("Seven Sizzling Ways to Get What You Want Through Femdom.")

Within 5 years

FLR will be a well-known relationship style. Once FLR has a photogenic scene - i.e. sexy young (or at least well-dressed) people looking for it, not just middle aged couples -  the media take a prurient interest, much as it currently does with dominatrixes. As a side effect, Male Led Relationships will gain some legitimacy. Leading to...

Parts of the Feminist movement will backlash against all power exchange relationships. This will only serve to further popularise the style. (See what happened with 50SoG.)

Bedroom Femdom couples will tend to surrender to the undertow and embrace FLR, now they know it's an option. Again, women will take these expectations to new relationships. 

There will be dire warnings against bedroom Femdom as a gateway to FLR. We know how that goes...


Within 10 years

BDSM Toys will become greatly improved: We've seen this with vibrators. Once something is mainstream enough to be a cliche, then well-designed devices appear to support it. Add in technological advances and we'll have e.g.: inescapable chastity devices; perfect restraints; auto-edging devices; time padlocks; remote controls; truly foldaway horses and crosses. However...

Femdom will become simpler. In the old days, we couldn't imagine a woman simply being sexually dominant, so we fetishized clothing, paraphernalia and extreme rituals designed to pantomime dominance. Once women are getting what they want with a whip in hand, our fantasies will be more intimate, and our actual activities, simpler.

Service Femdom will wither. In mainstream couples, Service Femdom ostensibly arises due to erotic mismatch. With increased openness about kink, and improved focus, these mismatches will be increasingly rare. There will also be less need for Service Femdom as a defence mechanism: "I'm doing this for him"/"I'm really in control".

The prodomme field will contract. Malesubs will simply no longer need to pay for Femdom, and  what prodommes offer will look less and less like the real thing. However, there will still be a place for the skilled specialist dominatrix, who will still perform a useful service. Her visibility will depend on society's attitude to sex workers.

However, Femdom (like Maledom) will remain niche. I estimate about 20% of the population will identify with one or other style.

Long Term (within 20 years, but in progress much earlier)

Femdom and Maledom will reemerge as terms of choice now that the prodommes are less prominent. We'll finally have statements like "I am a Femdom looking for a casual Femdom relationship" with no need to clarify that this is not a pay-to-play gig.

FLRs will be as mainstream as gay relationships in Western Europe. Once the non-sexual aspects are clear, people will start to regard FLR (and MLR!) as just another lifestyle.

A segregated BDSM scene will thrive.  People will need places to meet potential mates, so clubs will thrive, but tend toward either Maledom or Femdom, or else some explicitly fluid alternatives. (Depends what happens with gender and orientation.) There will however be middle grounds where people just hang out without any expectation of picking up.

The BDSM community will shrink.  Being mainstream means less need for mutual support and less sense that shared orientation is the basis for a friendship. The basics of consent and "play" will be too well-known to require classes, nor will many people be interested in technical workshops. (Though these will exist, but in couple's retreats etc.)

Kink will be less rather than more important to kinky people because it is no longer difficult or private.  Though the old guard will complain, the new generations will ignore them.

Well,

I think that's 

where things are going. 

If you have other ideas, please 

let me know in the

comments...

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