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| "Our relationship has changed." |
"How?" she asks.
"You feel more in charge," I say. "For real. Like you just take it for granted."
"Yes I do... do the instep... is that good or bad?"
My penis heaves against its bars. It's been more than four months now. "Good," I say. "I can't imagine it not being good."
OK, realistically, the permanent chastity is just permanent as in "that window is permanently nailed shut". I can't possibly be trapped like this forever. However, my submission is now permanent. A couple of years ago, Xena said she could't imagine living any other way, nor could I. Now, any remaining doubt has gone. This is how we both work best as people and as a couple.
This is good not just as in, "Hurrah I'm a submissive and I get to submit!" It's also very suddenly freed up a lot of mental real estate.
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| At the end of my journey. |
A lot of the BDSM and chastity activities I used to obsess over, were only important because they pointed to to 24/7/???? submission and chastity.
Waking in chastity.
Spending a week locked.
Spending 24 hours as a slave.
Being disciplined.
Suddenly it's all technically possible, emotionally practical, relationship-friendly.
And here I am at the end of my journey.
I'm living my fantasy.
There's nothing left to think about. And no more stories I need to tell.
I've gone from "what if somebody got trapped in chaste submission" to "what if somebody ended up in my situation?" I don't need to explore my kink through fiction or blogging because I'm exploring all the doable stuff in real life.
That doesn't mean I'm giving up erotica, just that it's suddenly less important to me. There are still otherwise inaccessible places erotica can take me. However, I can now be fully Giles just by being alive. I don't need a fantasy life any more.
It doesn't even matter that porno tumblr has gone. My main activity there was to build a masturbation play list - actually, tumbview will still serve up a nice slideshow! - but masturbation is off the cards.
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| What can't escape is the memories I'm building. |
So, I'm in chains, but - thus - my mind is free.
What can't escape is the memories I'm building.
Like last night, when Xena had me put on nipple clips and kneel in the corner and while she used the vibrator. After a while she let me put my head under the covers to watch, then insert my fingers.
Her vagina rippled around my digits like a devouring monster. My poor lost cock hammered like a second heart while my nipples added two points of pain to make a triangle of exquisite sensation.
Then she had me put away the sex toys and come to bed.
I lay there in the dark with her asleep beside me. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the vibrator nuzzling her pussy.
And I can see it now.
It's going to be an interesting chaste year....
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