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| Permanent Chastity: "It's so much simpler." |
After much rummaging, Xena emerges from the en suite, "I found my moisturiser."
"Ah," I say, "but did you find my key?"
"Oddly, no," says Xena.
"I think the point is I have no key," I say, angling for some affirmation.
"I know," says Xena. "I think I'll keep you this way forever. It's so much simpler."
My penis inflates like an airbag, but the ever-present nylon bars of my chastity cage stop it rearing to attention. I can only lie there and squirm as Xena gets into bed next to me and starts to read.
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| Custom Chastity Saint, Permanent Edition. |
And that basically sums up the experience so far.
Every 3-4 weeks, I've been lucky enough to kneel in the corner while she masturbates. Otherwise, lockdown hasn't been good for our sex life. Xena is running her department from the guest room, and the stress isn't exactly an aphrodisiac.
That hasn't stopped me getting horribly turned on each evening when I massage her feet and legs. Long term chastity has put me back into a teenager mindset; just touching a woman's body is an amazing and holy thing.
Meanwhile, the Saint just sits there like an evil symbiote. It doesn't get in the way, doesn't chafe. I can even dry off after a shower using just a towel. Apart from not being able to have an erection or orgasm, I can lead a totally normal life... well almost totally normal; I have to be careful using the public urinals, I probably want to avoid people bumping my groin, and I think the device will have to come off for air travel, just because of modern body scanners. There is still, therefore, no practical reason why I should have to remove the device in the foreseeable future.
Permanent chastity - which this is in several senses of the word - turns out to be surprisingly relaxing. I never have to decide whether or not to ask to unlock for various social situations, because I can't.
There's also something deeper and darker: I'm freed from the uncomfortable meta zone where I might find myself pleading, genuinely, for Xena to release, while at the same time being afraid she will. There's something liberating about a deep acceptance of my situation.
Acceptance is easier because, now I'm a few months in, it doesn't get any worse. I mean, next month won't be any harder than last month. There is no sense of a natural end point ever arising.
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| "More casually dominant." |
The effect on Xena has been interesting.
At the start, she was adamant that it made no difference, that it was no different from her having a key. After all, I could in theory pull out the back and get off anyway, so what was the difference?
However, over the last five months, she's become much more casually dominant.
I think on some level, Xena equates my chastity with her empowerment; as if, in caging my penis, she symbolically gains her own. So, for as long as my chastity was provisional, her power felt provisional. Now I've made a big symbolic commitment and it's "permanent" at least on a gut level, her power feels correspondingly permanent and she acts accordingly.
Which brings me back to her remark the other day: "It's simpler this way."
She generally dislikes any fuss associated with her dominance. Restraints have to go on easily with minimum input from her, protocol has to be simple and practical, she never really dresses up - except in stockings as a rare treat for me - and she has no interest in aftercare.
Holding my key, or setting a time on the lockbox, entailed some background emotional labour and decision-making, perhaps involving second guessing me, and then some fuss, all focussed explicitly on me being able to have an orgasm.
Which brings me to something I've suspected for a while. Xena has developed an aversion to my genitals, and especially to the idea
of me ejaculating. It's been there for a while, but in giving her permission to be ruthless, the permanent chastity has revealed how strong an aversion this has become.
How is the conversation going to play out?
"Hello, it's been over year. Can I have permission and time and space to carry out a messy operation involving power tools near my genitals so I can remove the device that makes you feel empowered and then masturbate to a very sticky orgasm?"
The worst of it is, that I'm not sure that I'll want to ask anyway.
CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)
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