The scary escalatory power of "meh, no"

"Unlock you? Meh..."

I'm 15 months into "permanent chastity", courtesy of Custom Chastity's Saint, permanent edition, and somehow passing milestones for a second time makes it real... my second Christmas, my second New Year, coming up to the second Easter.

And I'm thinking about the power of "no".

The irony about marrying a very dominant woman, is that you quickly get used to hearing "meh, no", especially around sex. It's not just that she's assertive, it's also that she doesn't get swept along in other people's visions.

So a lot of my early attempts at expanding the kink in our relationship foundered in "meh, no."

"Meh, no, I won't edge you."

"Meh, no, I won't dress up tonight."

"Meh, no..."

...it's too much trouble, not what floats my boat, requires too much emotional energy.

Some things got a yes - "Yes, I will beat you... Yes, you can serve me..." - and so that's what we did.

But there was always the odd ambivalent response, "Meh, OK I suppose" which - in hindsight - generally ended up with Xena getting the things she wanted, and me getting lack lustre service topping at the end - a passive no, that adds up over time.

It was like that with the chastity.

Xena always liked having me in chastity, but was always meh about having anything to do with me unlocking; no ritual, no end of lock-up play...

At the time, it felt like imperfect kink: Why can't you do it right?

When I started pushing too hard, I got a "Meh" reaction and the kink went away for a while.

But really, now I see that having me locked felt natural to her, but once I was in, there was never any natural moment when she wanted me unlocked.

It turned out that where kink was divisible, given a chance, Xena would cheerfully discard the parts she didn't like, especially if she could do that by just saying "no" to something,

That explains why kink can suddenly escalate. It's not about pushing limits, it's about removing barriers so the kink can reach its natural limit.

Once she didn't need to worry about hurting me too much, she suddenly became scarier and nastier with the whip. She could just say "no" to second guessing me.

Once she knew I could sleep in my "cell" (OK, her walk-in closet) overnight, she sent me there whenever she felt like having the bed to herself. She could just say "no" to caring about my feelings.

That's why my first period of denial stretched to 150 days or so. Xena knew I wanted some kind of wild finale, so avoided it by not letting me have an orgasm.

And when I first sealed my device, I expected to be stuck for 2-3 months and it stretched on to 10 months. Xena even forgot how long I'd been locked up.

Then along came the nasty Custom Chastity Saint with its carefully constructed slippery slope of a limited number of seals. I handed Xena the seals and she tossed them in her bedside drawer with the same "meh..." that I used to get when I pestered her to tie me up.

Only this time, the "meh, no" is about releasing me, ever.

I thought I'd been offering her kinks so we could evolve our dynamic together.

Really, I've been letting her select the jigsaw pieces to build up a picture that was inevitable right from the start.

If I'd had this device five years ago, I think I'd now be in my fifth year of wearing it.

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