CB anti-pullout using pubic hair and surgical tape update...

I've done my first overnight test of the anti pullout system:

Go to updated version.

I substituted a small washer for the cable tie, and used surgical tape instead of glue. This had the advantage that I could extend the "dreadlock" and secure it to the washer such that the hair wasn't under tension.

The effect is interesting and discrete: you can't actually see the tether without looking very closely. The pubic hair simply vanishes into the base ring. The penis feels stuck - it just won't come out.

I installed this 9 pm last night, and wore it overnight. It survived some quite intense arousal. We've yet to see how it does in the shower...

For getting your vanilla partner happily involved in all this, try my Femdom how to guide... [iTunes][Epub][Kindle][UK Kindle][Nook].

Sabbatical in Slave Land - First Night Disaster - More Trust

So my wife falls asleep and I'm lying there in my chastity cage. I'm sensibly wearing supporting underwear, but  there are other problems:

I've drunk too much coffee that day and had curry for dinner - end result I keep having the urge to pee.

Then there's the issue of not being able to masturbate. It's been a long few weeks at work and - thanks also to the coffee - my brain keeps going round and round. I'm not pornographically turned on, but normally I'd calm myself by taking a mental trip to one of my  fantasy worlds, get off and go to sleep.

Now, instead I'm tossing - the wrong sort! - and turning and making toilet trips. Add to that the problem of not feeling like I would ever get to sleep, which is self-fulfilling!

Thus, neither of us had a good night's rest, and it was all my fault; I should have had alternative sleeping arrangements as a backup.

The next night, we're both exhausted and any sort of sexual activity is off the menu. I get a little passively pushy, she gets irritated and I start to panic that she'll pull the rug out. But - get this! - she gives me a demerit for disorganizing her wardrobe when putting clothes away (click!), one for the broken night (click!), and one for being pushy (click!). Each click of the counter reverberates in my cage.

Wife gets a foot and back rub - no extras! - and a cuddle,  then passes out.

I've got a sleeping bag in the lounge, but I don't need it. I'm out like a light. It's part that I know I can go to sleep - after all I dropped off on the previous night, but mostly that I trust her to stay in role. If I make her cross, there will be consequences, but they'll be Femdom ones.

It was a very secure "compliant husband" who fell asleep that night.

In the morning, she ate breakfast in bed and gave me my tasks as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

For spicing up your sex life with some time limited FLR, see my Femdom self-help guides....

Sabbatical in Slave Land - Trust

"What are you doing this evening?" asks my wife just before she goes out with the girls.

"Well," I say, "Since I'm being 'compliant husband', I thought I would work through those chores."

"Oh!" She laughs. "I hadn't realized."

I wave my hand at here. I'm wearing a discrete wrist band. "Remember? We talked about this."

Compliant Husband

"Ah. I was thinking that the wristband was supposed to mean something."

Now it's my turn to laugh. "I've been 'compliant husband' all day yesterday and today! Are you saying you couldn't tell the difference?"

"Well I was feeling well looked after..."

* * *

We're at the start of what in my How to be a Roman Dominatrix book I call a "sabbatical".

I'm on the beach  at home for a couple of weeks and she's working weekdays only and not on call. A while back she agreed I could be her "compliant husband" during this golden window.

Compliant Husband is our low key mode. I'm not much different from a submissive old fashioned housewife except for the chastity device, the demerit counter, and the possibility of darker slave/mistress sessions. I'm myself, but I don't argue with her and I do chores to her satisfaction. Pretty much time-limited FLR.

We also agreed in general I would flag my chaste compliant status with a wristband; this gives her a "take it or leave it" choice without having to actually say "no".

But she's forgotten everything!

* * *

I mentally squirm because this is not a moment for talking about erotic things. I'm scared of rejection, scared of losing the Femdom. But we're not talking about sex or fetish here, just service so I stick to my guns.

"So, what do you want me to do?" I ask - a nice neutral question that could let her terminate the experience if she wants.

"Oh well. Give the bedroom a proper clean - dust and vacuum. And there's a wash that needs to go on..."

She comes back later, tired and full of food;  she has work tomorrow and no kind of sex is on the menu tonight. I give her a foot rub which turns me on horribly, but just makes her ready to sleep.

I don't pester. The point of being a compliant husband is that I comply! So soon we're sitting up in bed reading.

"What are you going to do tomorrow?" she asks.

"I'm trying to decide..." I say, an open answer to an open question.

"Do the kitchen," she says, "I proper deep clean."

"OK," I say.

"And leave that thing of yours on."

"OK. That way you'll get better service in the morning."

"That's what I was thinking." She gives me a cat like expression. "And in the evening." She kisses me. "Good night."

My penis rears up inside its cage and I'm still hard when I come back from tossing the key in bushes outside our front door. She, however, is asleep.

* * *

People talk about "trust" in D&S. In our kind of relationship, the most important trust is the one she has in me: she trusts me not to presume or pester, to really be a compliant husband or slave. (The fabulous Ferns says something similar.)

There may, or may not, be wilder BDSM later this week. If it happens, it'll be all the more intense for several days of chastity on my part.

And the house will be clean and tidy.

For spicing up your sex life with some time limited FLR, see my Femdom self-help guides....

7 days of Femdom Fails

I have some questions for you subs...

1. Kink can make us feel isolated or inadequate. Has your kink ever got in the way of your love life? What did you do about this?
2. Sometimes we just fail to pluck up the courage to ask. Looking back, was there a relationship where Femdom might have worked if you had suggested it? Why didn't you ask? Was it a lucky escape?
3. When we do manage to ask for Femdom and get a "yes in principle" it seems hard to follow through by initiating a kink session. Have you ever done this? Are you still waiting? If you put it right, how?
4. A common mistake is to introduce Femdom to a relationship, but the wrong kind for our partner. In hindsight, is there a relationship where you did this? What happened? What could you have done differently?
5. Kinksters often joke "careful what you wish for". Did you ever end up out of your depth or doing something it turned out you disliked? Did you pull back or try to adapt? Did you manage to keep the kinky side of the relationship going?
6. "Topping from the bottom" is the proverbial worst sin a sub can commit. Have you topped from the bottom? How did your partner respond? Did you manage to fix things, and if so, how?
7. New doms can make uncomfortable discoveries about themselves and then run for the hills. Has this happened to you? Is there anything you could have done differently?

http://becomeherslave.blogspot.co.uk/

How to make your CB 100% secure without piercings or spikes!

Here's my cheap security fix for ball gripping male chastity belts:

Go to updated version.

It's really not that complicated! Surgical tape works well for short lock-ups because the base ring protects it from interference, but once the CB is removed, a good soak in the bath and a fingernails unwind it without losing pubic hair. Rubber solution glues like "Copydex" are more waterproof but check for skin sensitivity first.

I haven't yet endurance tested this see what happened when I did. The pubic hair shouldn't be taut, so is unlikely simply to come out over a day or so. The idea is that when the device is in place properly, there's no pressure on the tether.

Let me know if you try this too...

For spicing up your sex life with some male chastity, see my Femdom self-help guides....

Why ball gripping chastity devices are secure

So, after much dithering, I bought a Chinese chastity device! It's more convenient than my DIY webbing based device, and avoids putting pressure on my back.

I'm not going to review the device because, though mine is stainless steel and well crafted, it's quite possible I've just been lucky (see the Chinese chastity device review thread here). Here it is:

My chastity device (picture taken from random supplier)

So, it's a cage and ball gripper, and of course it's not secure...

...but it is also 100% secure.

Let me explain.

Penises are squishy and scrotums are stretchy. There's no way that a ball trapper can pull the scrotum tight enough to prevent you from working your penis out the back. (And, if the scrotum was tight enough, it would soon stretch.) All the extra knobs and spikes in the world aren't going to fix this.

However, no chastity device is 100% secure because they can all be cut, or the padlocks broken. In the same way, no modern slavery contract is enforceable. In both cases, what keeps you in bondage is a  psychological barrier that diverts you from transgression.

I wouldn't take my dick out in public - my brain just doesn't go there. In the same way, I wouldn't disobey my mistress while in slave mode, and I wouldn't take my cock out of the locked chastity device.

How is this different from self imposed device-free chastity? The device is pleasant to wear when not hard, but impossible to pull out of when you do have an erection. In other words, security increases as willpower decreases. It's also a reminder for those unconscious moments when your hand drifts to your dick; "No go, not yours, hands off!"

I certainly enjoy being locked more than I would enjoy device-free chastity. For me, part of the fun of Femdom is not exercising willpower.

To this end, I am tinkering with a simple security fix not involving spikes or piercings. Of this, more later.

For spicing up your sex life with some male chastity, see my Femdom self-help guides....

A dominatrix's vulnerability - don't do this at home!

Fern's has written a wonderful post on what it feels like to be the dominatrix in seemingly trivial domestic situations. Her sub has run out of toilet roll. She wants him to fetch some but...

“Really?” he asked, “But it’s *snowing*!” [Hmmm... okay is he really resisting, or just needing a push?]“Yes, really,” I said. [A little push.]“What?!! Come on!” [I try to read him. He is half kidding with this over-the-top response, I can feel it. I'm pretty sure he will do it, even if he is pushing back...]

Skip over and read the rest of Fern's post - it's awesome, as are the comments.

Now, consider the circumstances. Ferns is a self-identified dominatrix, so the power balance within the relationship is about 50/50. If she pushes him too hard, or in the wrong way, then she may lose the sub.

If you have persuaded your existing partner to turn vanilla dominatrix, then your situation is different.

 "...for all matters domestic you need to think like a s
tereotype pre-Feminist housewife..." (pic source)

Both my Femdom self help books focus on the idea of what's in it for her?

If she's not kinky, she can still enjoy owning a slave in the same way Roman ladies enjoyed owning male slaves; guilt free domestic service plus massages with happy endings can be a pretty strong proposition.

This falls down as soon as she has to second guess herself before sending you out to buy toilet roll!

Yes, if she wants some heavy BDSM action, or hits your triggers, you need negotiation and safe words. However, for all matters domestic you need to think like a stereotype pre-Feminist housewife.

The vanilla dominatrix project only works if you accept the risks of authentic slavery; in any given session, you may be bored, uncomfortable, sad, or frustrated.

In the long run it will be worth it...

For more on Femdom for vanilla wives and girlfriends,  see my Femdom self-help guides....