|Ultimately, nothing happens |
without the dominant
1. The submissive is really the one in controlThis is an old one.
It's guaranteed to be off-putting for young dominants - guess what, you're a service provider! - and a poor guide to behaviour for subs.
I'm guessing it has its origins in the early BDSM world of pro-dommes, where it still makes approximate sense. Otherwise, it feels like a wilfully... twee misreading of the situation, desperately trying to make sadomasochism into something nice and affirming.
Of course, the sub has - must have - the ability to pull the plug at any moment. However, a veto is not the same thing as control.
Ultimately, nothing happens without the dominant, and the minimum requirement for D/s is a pro-active dominant and a consenting sub.
2. A submissive is just a strong person looking for somebody stronger
|A strong submissive nurturing their |
more vulnerable dominant.
It paints the submissive as a tragic figure whose strength masks weakness: Look, I'm so strong that my strength is a burden.... I've gone on so long... To me that feels vaguely passive aggressive.
This is misinformation.
It discounts the possibility of a strong submissive championing and nurturing their more vulnerable dominant. Its implied advice for emotionally strong submissives is about as useful as telling a tall woman to look for an even taller man. It also obscures the risk of being drawn into vanilla submission to a weaker but emotionally person. Finally, it paints the D/s relationship as vaguely paternal/maternal (how patronising and unattractive for many dominants ) and implies that a proper dominant must be strong all the time.
The truth is, dominance and submission are relationship orientations or preferences. If there is a correlation with relative emotional strength, it is only a weak one.
3. It takes strength to submit
|It takes strength not to submit.|
OK, at first it takes strength to transgress gender roles and vanilla norms. And perhaps some submissive acts require emotional or physical bravery (though that line of argument seems disingenuous, since many of us enjoy being scared).
However, people with a strong submissive streak spend most of our lives submitting one way or another, while seeking out actual kinky dynamics.
We drift into orbiting other individuals, sometimes appropriately, often not. It's where devoted PAs and doormat spouses come from. It's what drives unrequited love and maintains the friend zone. Understanding and embracing erotic submission often comes as a relief since it actually provides a safer outlet for such urges.
Even so, it really doesn't require strength to submit.
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