Thoughts on Feminism and Femdom for International Women's Day

Vanilla culture treats dominant
women as alluring but daunting.

Dominant women are sexy in a primal way.

Vanilla culture treats dominant women as alluring but daunting, flames attracting orbiting moths.

Unfortunately, vanilla culture doesn't know what to do with dominant women.

...to be tamed, defeated, or shown
their place...

In movies, they still exist to be tamed, defeated, tragically slain, or shown their place... which is odd since the ending always destroys the very thing that the makes them sexy.

In Notting Hill, for example, Julie Roberts's movie star spends the story trying to submit to Hugh Grant's mild mannered bookseller. (Wouldn't it have been better if, at the end, she'd said: "You know the problem? I'm a Hollywood star. I really need a supportive wife." And he'd said, "OK. I can do that.")

...good for an onscreen tumble

These days, dominant women are good for an onscreen tumble, but - with honourable exceptions like Castle -  screenwriters have difficulty imagining what an actual (implicit) female led relationship would look like.

However, the nice thing about vanilla culture is that it treats a woman's dominance as an innate attribute, one that can be dialled up or down, but one that is still innate.

Ironically, BDSM culture, which does know what to do with dominant women, often seems to do everything it can to avoid admitting that the dominance is real.

No latex comfort blanket.

In much of BDSM culture (as it appears online), dominance is fetishwear mantle a woman can put on at the request of her lover. It's a performance that she can learn at workshops. Or it's the result of her ability to manipulate through sex.  Or it's a scripted simulation based on detailed negotiation.

That candle and moth scenario?

There's no flame. The moths are circling the sexy lampshade. Or, yes, they are circling a flame, but only because the moths are tied to a thread with just the right knots, or because the flame is flickering just right, or because it's in the script.

It's easy to see why. 

Femdom transgresses traditional gender roles. Put bluntly, she gets to be bad, he gets to be a wimp. It must often be psychologically - culturally! - easier on both parties to pretend the action is for his benefit, and that there is no real power exchange. 

It's a shame though. 

It would be nice if Femdom culture could lead the way: shed the latex comfort blanket and embrace the idea of a dominant woman being sexually dominant and still being herself, and that being OK. 

Fellow male subs. Let go! You have
nothing to lose but your
self entitlement...

Femdom isn't automatically feminist, or good for Feminism. However, as I've argued elsewhere, this kind of authentic or "hard" Femdom is empowering for the women involved - my wife would certainly tell you this if she weren't too busy being an executive - and also expands the range of culturally acceptable behaviour out in the vanilla world.

That doesn't mean that male hard submissives like me deserve a medal "for heroic self-sacrifice to the Feminist cause". Our reward is simply better, more intense, Femdom.

Fellow male subs. Let go! You have nothing to lose but your self entitlement...

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