Sometimes you don't see what's in front of your eyes. Xena, my wife of two decades, has been my mistress for about three years of Female Led Relationship. I'm still responsible for suggesting things that might please her. Even so, up until this point I've got the male chastity track a little wrong.
The Penalty Days system works great. I can only come during the week. My orgasm day is supposed to be every Monday. However, Penalty Days shift that day back - see the side bar for the end result.
The neat twist is Xena's orgasms earn me penalty days: I watch while she masturbates under the covers, 1; I get a good view while she masturbates, 2; I get to help, 3; I get to use the strapon on her, 4; and, for each set of sexy clothing she wears, 1.
That works. She loves the idea of her pleasure scaring me, and also denying mine.
However, we never quite got the actual lockup right.
We tried me being locked up as much as possible and reporting back, but she never punished me for my decisions.
We tried me asking each evening about lockup the next day, but she always erred on the side of being too reasonable.
Then we got my lovely new
horribly practical custom chastity device. I'd been using cable ties up until this point. Now, however, there were keys!
We tried her having my keys, and me having to ask to unlock. This irritated her - me having to fish in her handbag and so on - but also, again, she always granted my requests.
We had one of our rare long chats about it. She said my lock up didn't mean much to her, what did it mean to me. I rambled on a bit, then conversation over.
I was perplexed, because I'd noticed that when I did the two weeks trial of the new device, she'd been particularly dominant. She'd also seemed very laid back about the possibility of me testing a permanent system. It might not mean much to her, but she seemed to enjoy the effects.
It took me two days to realise what she
really needed to know was that her controlling my lockup made me more instinctively submissive to her. That didn't solve the problem of how to manage the lockup.
These days, Xena erotically, Xena is pretty much a Diva when energised, and a Hermit when tired:
Xena's Intimacy Mode Chart
I explained this system in my
Vanilla Dominatrix book, but in a nutshell, my wife is not really very erotically interactive. She blows hot or cold, but never stops to play or bask in my admiration. Instead, she either rampages around unfettered in Diva Mode, being magnificently sexy and cruel, or else shuts down and just gets her way in Hermit Mode.
What she doesn't want is input from me! For example, when she whips me, she wants me to be stoical and make as little noise as possible. When she masturbates while I look on from the corner, I must kneel quietly... no groaning or squirming.
This explains why in the last couple of years she's never been that interested in whatever chastity milestone I've attained - that's all about me and the drama of my suffering. She has, however, always taken a satisfaction in my current inability to cum and my
future chastity.
Most of all, she wants the certainty of things she's decided to stay decided so she doesn't have to make more decisions. Thus, for Xena, any chastity lockup system requiring constant consultation is bound to be a fail.
I had sort of (in the way we masochists think) hoped that she might go all Diva on me: "
YOU WILL STAY LOCKED HAHAHAH!" But instead, each discussion triggered her sense of responsibility, forcing her to at least consider input from me, including how long I'd already been locked etc etc.
Which is why I bought a
Kitchen Safe time lock safe. We could have one brief discussion for each period and then - subject to emergencies when the safety key could come out - I'd remain locked.
I presented the box to her on Saturday night.
She considered the dial and tutted. "I'm never sure about sports. What about if you got injured running?" she said, "or at football?"
"Running's fine and I take the emergency key to football. It's in my coat with my wallet and so on, so if I ended up in an ambulance with a broken ankle I'd have it."
"But what about the paramedics?"
I shrugged. "They're used to fishing things out of people's backsides. It would be slightly embarrassing but not life changing."
"OK," she said and I got to watch as her elegant finger turned the dial. She paused to do a calculation then clicked the button. "I've given you six days and eight hours," she said, handing me the safe.
The feeling was indescribable. A kind of erotic panic, the kink equivalent of walking over one of those glass bottomed canyon bridges.
She didn't tell me her feelings.
However, she
did masturbate while I watched, kneeling in the corner, thus costing me another penalty day.
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