10 weeks of permanent chastity (and counting) - What IS going on with my wife?

"The weekend came and went and
I didn't unlock you.
DEAL WITH IT!"

"I'm a bit surprised that I'm still chaste," I say, wryly.

We're back from a weekend with relatives and I'm rubbing Xena's feet. It's mid October, and I've been sealed up in my Custom Chastity Saint for more than two months.

My wife looks up from her mobile phone. "Oh?"

"When we started this new arrangement, I suppose I expected you'd unlock me for the visit - you usually do... and that that would provide a natural break?"

I actually flush. I suppose I was looking for a bit of attention - some acknowledgement of my chastity marathon. Instead I catch myself actually pleading.

"Well it didn't," says Xena, sounding grumpy.

"But if you keep me locked for family visits, then there's no natural break until..." I frown. There really isn't one.

"Enough, Giles!" snaps Xena. She puts down her phone. "The weekend came and went and I didn't unlock you. DEAL WITH IT!"

She really does sound angry.

I blush. "Yes, mistress,"

This isn't a kink argument, I realise, this is a relationship argument. And our relationship has changed.

The feeling... it's like, when you were young, did you ever go solo travelling and step off a plane into a foreign country where the air felt new, and everybody was a stranger, and the local laws and customs are different and dangerous?

I'm genuinely scared, but I'm also horribly, horribly turned on. So much some I feel that one word of sexy gloating from her would set me off and I would squirt everywhere...

But the word doesn't come.

My wife reaches for her kindle. "Now get back to rubbing my feet."

And I do.

I'm not sure what I expected from "permanent" chastity, other than a grand adventure. I was too realistic to expect it to turn our sex life into a wall-to-wall porno BDSM romp: Xena's busy at work, there's only so much time and energy. Outside the protocol, we've settled into a sexual pattern of about twice a month - better than some middle aged couples, one hell of a lot kinkier than most.

I suppose I did have the general idea that she would stop to gloat over my plight. And, from time to time, she does. However, she gloats over my plight Right Now, not the length of time locked up, not the possibility of release.

My wife likes to know I'm frustrated, but doesn't want to be reminded that my penis has ever been, or can ever be free.

Naturally, the permanent chastity started as my idea. She'd suggested a long lockup using the timer, I - nervously - asked to live out the fantasy. Supposedly, the main benefit for her was no more lock/unlock decisions: she was glad to escape the responsibility.

At the time I wondered:

Will Xena let me out in October?
One of the things she likes about Femdom and FLR is that she can have her relationship nailed down the way she likes it, and then not have to keep track. Also, she prefers not to make decisions, and she doesn't like a fuss.

Well, obviously, she didn't. 

Then on when I broke my 45-day record for actual lock up:

"Well done for breaking your record... I wonder how long you can go?"
"I thought you were uninterested in setting records."
"I'm not. But I might also become uninterested in letting you out."

Well that's certainly happened.

And also, I took the hint, and agreed to stop reporting time locked. Me being locked became the default state.

So what is going on with her?

First and foremost, this new chastity device has removed all practical limits. Xena just assumes that it's OK to keep me locked. There are no health risks, and no realistic chance of discovery. She's stopped second guessing. Xena says she doesn't introspect around sex, so in a way that's explanation enough: there are no longer any brakes on her whim.

However: what is behind the whim?

At first, it just looked like a delicious mixture of laziness and sadism. She wanted to park me sexually during a busy time at work, she couldn't be bothered with all those lock/unlock decisions anyway. And she likes me being frustrated and impotent to get off.

It's as if me being unlocked would
take something away from who she is.

However, I can't believe she didn't make a positive decision to keep me locked during our weekend with relatives. Up until this moment, she would have been deeply uncomfortable with crossing the streams and having me secretly chaste around her elderly aunts.

Then there's her angry reaction when I seemed to be tiptoeing around the idea that she might release me. "Deal with it!" she said, perfectly aware that there's an "it" to deal with, but also certain that it was a done deal.

And there's this other thing.

In the last few weeks, she's become more comfortably dominant. I don't mean that she's taken to strutting around in thigh highs; rather the total opposite. It's as if the power exchange has become invisible to her, and her being in charge is just natural. I realise now that before, there was always a sense of her switching into "in charge mode". Now she is just in charge.

You could in fact say that her behaviour in the relationship has become more traditionally masculine.

All this makes me think that there's something odd going on to do with gender: my practical lack of a penis seems to have become part of my wife's identity.

It's as if me being unlocked would take something away from who she is.

I'm really no longer sure where this is going. Presumably she can't keep me locked indefinitely...

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