Friday, 28 September 2018

Day 40 of permanent chastity (45 days locked)

 I might also become uninterested in letting you out.
So I hit day 40 sealed in, 45 locked.

There's not much to report. It feels same as it did in the first week and after the third week - no chafing, no impending issues.

The swept back head section has passed the test of time: it really does eliminate turtling. So I have reason to be proud of my little innovation! It makes the device just that bit more practical - no poking around when I need to pee - and aesthetically pleasing - it always looks like a second skin, not a shell in which the penis can hide.

This is a busy couple of months for Xena - one of the reasons for this adventure - so I have no Femdom pyrotechnics to report. Knowing how much locked as default pushes her buttons, I have high expectations for when there's time and energy.

The effect on our relationship has been subtle.

She's been a bit more casually dominant than usual and that's that. I was disappointed enough to ask: "Do you like the new arrangement?"

"It works fine... do the other calve," she said - we were chatting lazily while I was massaging her legs.

"I don't think you really get the difference."

"I do," she said. "If I want stuff to happen at the weekend, I tell you ahead of time, and you have to mess around for an hour."

"Yes, but that means locked is the default. I thought you'd like that. No decisions about lock up."

"Oh I like that," she said. "Now shut up and do my feet."

That's when the penny dropped for me.

My wife usually approaches lock/unlock decisions with a vaguely irritated indulgence. She likes me locked - I have checked in over this, this isn't just my fantasy - but making decisions about it jars.

Having me sealed in "permanent" chastity doesn't make things different for her, it just removes an aberration in the flow of her life. The same probably goes for housework - arguing over chores always irritated her. It's not that she likes me chaste and obedient. Rather it supports her authentic self.

So I stopped reporting milestones until the I hit day 40 of lockup - my previous record with another Custom Chastity device.  I made a very short status report: no issues had arisen, no problems were developing.

"Well done for breaking your record," she said, looking up from her laptop (she was working late). "I wonder how long you can go?"

"I thought you were uninterested in setting records." She really isn't, it used to madden me when I thought I was heroically soldiering on to demonstrate my submission, and she'd casually have me unlock for a day more or less on whim.

"I'm not," she said. "But I might also become uninterested in letting you out."

I thought for a moment, then decided to confirm my intuition: "You really like not having to make decisions."

"It's nice not to have the responsibility," she said.

"OK," I said. When we started on "permanent" there was a vague rule that I wasn't allowed to ask to be let out except for emergencies. I realised that wasn't enough. Just drawing attention to "time locked" was implicitly pressing a decision on her.

"Now I've hit my record, would you like a rule that I stop reporting milestones and we treat my chastity as a done deal until you remember to unlock me?"

"Perfect," she said. "Now go kneel in the corner while I finish work."

And just like that, I'd condemned myself to god knows how long without an orgasm.

The submissive in me is satisfied that I'm devising things for Xena that suit her.

The masochist in me... looking back over what I just wrote I've discovered something deliciously scary:
"If I want stuff to happen at the weekend, I tell you ahead of time, and you have to mess around for an hour."
"Want stuff to happen" can only mean actual sex - why else would I need to be unlocked? This has been back on the menu since summer holidays when we did it for the first time in something like five years. (It didn't affect our dynamic. If anything it confirmed it.)

In my wife's head, unlocking me will result in penetrative sex.

Unlocked for sex?
So, on the one hand, I tingle at the prospect of making love to my beautiful wife again. That makes chastity frustrating when I might otherwise have become used to it.

On the other hand, Xena can live without penetration for a long, long time. It'll only happen when she's feeling rested, chilled and affectionate. I'm not entirely convinced that she can predict that ahead of time, or that making that assessment won't kill her mood.

The promise of being unlocked for sex sounds great, until you realise the sex might not happen any time soon.

It's going to be a bit of an adventure...

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