Are You Ready for Permanent Chastity (or at least Long Term Open Ended Chastity)?

Are you braced for uncomfortable truths?

I spent nearly a year sealed into my Custom Chastity Saint.

(It clearly wasn't "permanent as in perpetual". However, it was "permanent chastity" in the sense of "persistent", or in the way that a window can be "permanently" nailed shut; release entailed a positive decision, privacy and tools. And "permanent" is the term the community uses, so so shall I.)

There are lots of reasons why people do "permanent chastity". It's a very different experience from keyholder-style chastity and creates a very different dynamic.

But, are you ready for it?



Have you tested your device to ensure it's perfect?

Read that again: Have you tested your device to ensure it's perfect? 

That's not fap fodder, or porno speak.

Permanent chastity is like a Mars mission. The slightest practical issue and you are screwed.

So, your device must be practical as in it can be worn 24/7 with no issues for your work and lifestyle. If you can't wear it to work, squick out at wearing it to family gatherings, can't exercise... well then you can't do permanent.

It also has to be practical in terms of hygiene, skin sensitivity and chafing. Material that starts to stink after three weeks will give you an infection in three months. Anything that gives you a mild rash now will destroy your skin health later.

And chafing.

If you read back through my blog, you'll find my cringeworthy attempts to finesse chafing. Most cheap devices I tried cause bad chafing after 2-3 days. Some of the early Custom Chastity experiments caused a kind of running chafe - a spot that was always a little pink and tender, but mostly healed faster than it abraded. That's fine for a few days, but no good for the long haul.

All that means that you have to test your device with increasingly long shakedown cruises before committing to months and years in it.

Do you have realistic relationship expectations?

If you are don't have a relationship, then, by greatly reducing the field, a permanent chastity device will make it harder to pair off or hook up, even if you belong to broad minded or kinky communities. You need to be good with that, or have a workaround.

If you do have a partner, and she (or he) likes the idea of permanent chastity, that's great. However, you have to accept that she won't be "always on" sexually.

When the chastity device is just a sex toy, it tends to trigger sexual activity. When it's a fixture, then it determines the kind of sexual activity, but not the frequency. You have become a different person, one without a penis. After a while things will continue as normal. There will be dry spells. Sometimes permanent chastity will feel like castration-lite.

Your permanent chastity is going to a bigger thing for you than for her. Chastity is already a fixture in the bedroom, and you've already done long periods of abstinence, so day to day, she won't experience much change.

Are you braced for uncomfortable truths?

Permanent chastity is about absences. Illusions and polite fiction fall away.

For your partner, permanent chastity means no more emotional labour from keyholding. It also means no more dick for the foreseeable future. She gets to have you effectively neutered, while still sexually available and emotionally engaged.

If chastity was a way of marking periods when she was in charge, you may find she drifts into just assuming she's in charge, and you won't have much inclination to resist. The real nature of your relationship will emerge.

For some women, all this pretty much squares a circle. If this is how she likes things, once that's out in the open, I'm not sure it's possible for her to go back from it.

Nor are you in a good position to make her retreat. For a start all these revelations are likely to make you feel too guilty to push back until it's too late and you've been swept up in a perfect storm.

You no longer have a place to hide.

You can no longer pretend that kink is an "outlet" or a "release", because when you're sitting at work you are now kinky, and you're still kinky when you are watching sport and having beers with your mates.

...she drifts into just
assuming she's in charge

You'll also find that a lot of old habits were a waste of time. That lovingly curated porn collection - links, downloads, a tumblr? When you can't masturbate, it suddenly looks like a lot of effort that could have been better spent.

And all those hours online obsessing over femdom and chastity? There's not so much to talk about right now - unless you are a compulsive communicator like me! - because you are actually living it. You can unfollow all those "mistresses" on twitter and stop retweeting female supremacy memes. Nor can you enjoy the online world of malesubs framing fantasies as real experiences, and fap fodder as advice.

Slowly the realisation sinks in that you may have spent a lot of your adult life as literally a wanker, disengaged from the here and now, impatient to run off into the Femdom world of your imagination.

Not that there's anything wrong with wallowing in fantasy, but it should be fuel for seeking out an authentically kinky life, and a chance to explore the boundaries of your darkest urges - which is why I still write erotica, even though I can't jerk off over it...

Summary
Don't embark on Permanent Chastity unless:

• You've tested your device to prove it's perfectly practical for the long haul - permanent chastity is like a Mars mission.
• You have realistic expectations of your relationship - pretty quickly, your locked cock is going to be business as usual.
• You are braced for uncomfortable truths about your relationship - once she's admitted she prefers you this way, she won't easily go back to keyholding and PIV, and once you've lived been sealed for a few months, you can no longer compartmentalise your kink and resist.

There's more to say about choice of device, and methods of sealing, but that's for another time.

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