Two Years in Permanent Chastity (with pictures)

"What anniversary?"

"Do you know what day this is?"

It's Thursday morning, the 29th of December and I'm bringing Xena her coffee in bed.

"No?" she says.

"It's my second anniversary," I say.

"What anniversary?"

 "My... my Neutering Day?"

"Oh," she says. "Not sure about Neutering."

I sigh. Xena just likes things her way, isn't interested in the skin we put on it. But sometimes I need a little certainty.  "What else am I supposed to call this?"

"But it sounds like you can't reverse it."

"Well, I can't can I?"

 "Not really." My wife sips her coffee. "So today I'm going to declutter my wardrobe and I want you to..."

That evening, as I rub Xena's feet, I say, "Can we finish this morning's conversation?"

Xena sighs. "You're being locked another year. We already know that."

"You normally say forever or 'until things change'."

"Yes, that," she says. "Are we done?"

"No," say. "I want to know your expectations."

"You do as I tell you."

"No, not that. I mean..." 

"Go on..."

Now I'm feeling flustered. Neither of us enjoy meta conversations. Quickly, I sum up what the ground rules seem to be: she doesn't want to know about my penis, when it's hard or dripping or whatever... she sometimes likes it when I suffer but doesn't want me to plead or yearn loudly for an orgasm because they are off the table... it's a done deal and I'm supposed to just deal with it... "So, I'm supposed to behave as if..."

"Yes," she says, firmly. "Neutered is the right term, though I probably won't use any term. Anything else?"

"You wondered what was special about two years? Two years is the honeymoon stage, and it doesn't look like we're reverting to 'normal'. Also, the longer something has lasted--"  

"--the longer it's likely to last. Good. Now shut up and put your collar on."

I massage her legs and feet for an hour. Around midnight, she has me kneel at the foot of the bed while she reads. 

Near one o'clock, when I'm just about ready to nod off, she orders me to face the wall. She spends an age using her vibrator while my arousal ebbs and flows in waves of exquisite frustration.

At last, she has me clean the sex toy and orders me to de-collar and come to bed.

As I lie beside her, turned on, wide awake while she breathes softly beside me, I realise I won't ever again make a fuss over how long I've been neutered. Xena's not interested in the passage of time, just the certainty of me remaining sealed in permanent chastity until "something changes".

Which it won't.

So, as promised here, behind the cut are some NSFW images of my chastity device, with evidence of date...

New Substack Article: 12 Rules for Malesub Life

Go take a look!

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CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)

(For ebook format, 

Lulu or iTunes.)

The scary escalatory power of "meh, no"

"Unlock you? Meh..."

I'm 15 months into "permanent chastity", courtesy of Custom Chastity's Saint, permanent edition, and somehow passing milestones for a second time makes it real... my second Christmas, my second New Year, coming up to the second Easter.

And I'm thinking about the power of "no".

The irony about marrying a very dominant woman, is that you quickly get used to hearing "meh, no", especially around sex. It's not just that she's assertive, it's also that she doesn't get swept along in other people's visions.

So a lot of my early attempts at expanding the kink in our relationship foundered in "meh, no."

"Meh, no, I won't edge you."

"Meh, no, I won't dress up tonight."

"Meh, no..."

...it's too much trouble, not what floats my boat, requires too much emotional energy.

Some things got a yes - "Yes, I will beat you... Yes, you can serve me..." - and so that's what we did.

But there was always the odd ambivalent response, "Meh, OK I suppose" which - in hindsight - generally ended up with Xena getting the things she wanted, and me getting lack lustre service topping at the end - a passive no, that adds up over time.

It was like that with the chastity.

Xena always liked having me in chastity, but was always meh about having anything to do with me unlocking; no ritual, no end of lock-up play...

At the time, it felt like imperfect kink: Why can't you do it right?

When I started pushing too hard, I got a "Meh" reaction and the kink went away for a while.

But really, now I see that having me locked felt natural to her, but once I was in, there was never any natural moment when she wanted me unlocked.

It turned out that where kink was divisible, given a chance, Xena would cheerfully discard the parts she didn't like, especially if she could do that by just saying "no" to something,

That explains why kink can suddenly escalate. It's not about pushing limits, it's about removing barriers so the kink can reach its natural limit.

Once she didn't need to worry about hurting me too much, she suddenly became scarier and nastier with the whip. She could just say "no" to second guessing me.

Once she knew I could sleep in my "cell" (OK, her walk-in closet) overnight, she sent me there whenever she felt like having the bed to herself. She could just say "no" to caring about my feelings.

That's why my first period of denial stretched to 150 days or so. Xena knew I wanted some kind of wild finale, so avoided it by not letting me have an orgasm.

And when I first sealed my device, I expected to be stuck for 2-3 months and it stretched on to 10 months. Xena even forgot how long I'd been locked up.

Then along came the nasty Custom Chastity Saint with its carefully constructed slippery slope of a limited number of seals. I handed Xena the seals and she tossed them in her bedside drawer with the same "meh..." that I used to get when I pestered her to tie me up.

Only this time, the "meh, no" is about releasing me, ever.

I thought I'd been offering her kinks so we could evolve our dynamic together.

Really, I've been letting her select the jigsaw pieces to build up a picture that was inevitable right from the start.

If I'd had this device five years ago, I think I'd now be in my fifth year of wearing it.

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CLICK HERE to download my Femdom Erotica (all written while chaste!)

(For ebook format, 

Lulu or iTunes.)

My first(!?!) year in permanent chastity

"Expect to be locked for at least another year."

"I like things this way," says my wife. "Expect to be locked for at least another year."

"Yes, mistress."  I say, scared and relieved. 

"Relieved" because we've been approaching the one year mark, and I've been feeling unsettled and insecure. 

Masochism is weird. I don't want this adventure to end, but I need her to not want it to end, because at the same time I could really do with an orgasm... and all this churn makes me leave my comfortable submissive headspace and enter the Hell that is meta.

Also, lockdown has been bad for our sex life, and now things are starting to pick up again I want to see how intense things can get.

But no, the adventure is going to continue, and I'm going to stay locked.

Sealed.

"a diabolical permanent chastity device"

If you've just tuned in, there is no key. I'm the test pilot of a diabolical permanent chastity device from Lady Fox at Custom Chastity. 

---there is a locked cock picture at the bottom of this post---