Now let's see if I can improve the descriptions!
Here's a redraft of the opening of that chapter...
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For our purposes, a woman fits one of four archetypes or stereotypes at any given time. Which depends on her energy levels and her mood.
COMPANION
A Companion shares her feelings and wants to hear about yours. It's all about give and take, interactivity.
At work, she thrives in brainstorming sessions or small creative teams where people bounce ideas and feed off each other. Socially, she's all about chatting and bantering. She's the same when it comes to courting, she's all about deep conversations or shared flirtatious banter.
In a relationship, she's all about shared decision making and consensus. She's not a good person to watch TV with unless you want to discuss the program.
In vanilla sex, everything's mutual. If the Companion is done to, she's also doing. If she's underneath, she's shifting and using her muscles. If you're having oral sex, it'll be in the 69 position.
In Femdom, the Companion gravitates to the most mutuality. This could mean turning service top, planning out scenes in detail. However, she's most comfortable going with the flow of your erotic encounter. If she's teasing you on the edge of orgasm, or inflicting pain, she's also getting loudly turned on herself. If she's making you suffer to prove your love, then she's also praising you for your bravery; "Come on honey, just another twenty lashes..."
Your orgasm is usually part of the fun for her, and the tenderness of aftercare sometimes the best bit.
GODDESS
A Goddess doesn't reveal her feelings but is interested in yours.
At work, she's the coolly efficient colleague nobody can do without, but nobody seems to get close to. Socially, she's charming but a better listener than talker. She may also be a quiet show off, enjoying looking good without making a fuss about it. In courtship she's the vamp; the men have to do all the running while she sits there looking good and perhaps a little amused.
In a relationship, she's can go two ways. Everything can be all about you proving your devotion to her. You spend your life fetching and carrying for her, rubbing her feet while she watches TV, and she has the final say on major decisions, all the while taking your compliance for granted. However, she can also surprise you with thoughtful gifts and treats, and go to great lengths to make you happy.
In vanilla sex she's either stunningly passive, or physically dominant. She's happy to lie back while you worship her, covering her in kisses, pouring on the praise. However, if she's feeling energetic, then she turns technician; lie back and have the ride of your life! She may also be an wonderful exhibitionist, but you never know whether it's for you or her.
In Femdom, the Goddess can behave much as she does in vanilla sex. For example, she'll lie back and be worshipped by a gushingly grateful slave, but she may turn his worship into some kind of ordeal test. Perhaps his chastity device stays on, or getting close enough to worship means getting close enough to be whipped.
When she's in the mood, she's also an awesome "service top", enjoying using kink to push your buttons while giving not much away herself. However, she's equally capable of turning cold sadist or calculating tease. She most certainly will not gag you. Whimper and squirm all you like, it will just feed her enjoyment. And of course, she enjoys ordinary service, as telepathic as possible.
Your orgasm is normally the ultimate tribute (though its denial may be even more interesting for her). Aftercare will amuse her.
DIVA
A Diva is one of life's steamrollers, a force of nature. You're there just to validate her self image, or as a blank canvas.
At work she's either an inspirational leader, or one of those pushy people who gets things done. She's happiest as a boss, or as the terrifying personal assistant of a boss. If she works alone or as a solo specialist, then she's probably some kind of designer or management consultant. She knows best and will impose her vision on the world. She may also be some kind of performer, a motormouth comedian or stunningly sensual singer.
Socially, she makes things happen but doesn't necessarily stick around to see the results. If you go drinking with her, expect to visit a dozen bars or clubs, have conversations with strangers, and to watch her dance but somehow fail to quite dance with her. In courtship, she's direct and challenging and impatient with social customs. Mostly, a lover's purpose is to prove how magnificent she is.
In a relationship, it's her way or the highway. Where the Goddess likes to get her way to prove how much she is loved, the Diva just likes to get her way. She's the kind of partner who gives you gifts designed to make you a better person (in her eyes), expect gym memberships, smart suits, improving books. Like the Goddess, she enjoys being pampered, but wants the pampering without the fuss.
In bed, the Diva knows what she likes, expects it and expects you to stick to it. If she says, "Kiss my left breast" she means "left breast", not "nipple", not "flanks", and keep your hands to yourself. Spontaneity on your part will not be rewarded.
She may be disconcertingly noisy, but she's not really interested in hearing your cries of pleasure. If she does things for you, don't bother giving her feedback, you'll just get a "Who's doing this? You or me?"
In Femdom, the Diva is slightly terrifying. Don't expect her to service top, and any negotiations will be about limits and safewords, not scripts. If she enjoys service, expect it to be backed up by ferocious discipline and expect to be micromanaged.
If she does things to you, then don't expect much tenderness. Where your pleasure is involved, she'll be drawn to toys with on/off buttons, or handling your genitals with rough efficiency. If she's into giving pain, expect pain. And she'll probably gag you. It's enough to know you're suffering, she doesn't need to hear you go on about it.
She may be interested in your orgasm, but don't expect much in the way of aftercare; you wanted this, so stop fussing and make me a cup of tea.
HERMIT
The Hermit just wants everybody to go away so she can be alone. She has no desire to share her feelings and no interest in yours.
At work, she's a technical specialist or total nerd, the kind you find still at work at 6am surrounded by stacks of pizzas. Give her some instructions and let her get on with it. Please don't invite her to any meetings. If she works alone, then she does something Internet-based that lets her stay in her home office.
Socially she's only a grudging presence and seldom sticks around after putting in an appearance. If she goes to the cinema, it's to see the film, and she's quite happy making solo visits to museums and galleries. In courtship she's usually illusive and impossible to pin down, but can suddenly open up physically, without however making any verbal commitment to anything.
In a relationship, the Hermit feels more like a roommate than a lover. She'll negotiate quite reasonably, but then regard things as settled once and for all. Her attitude is, "Of course I still love you, otherwise I would have left. Now, pass the TV remote control."
In bed, the Hermit is usually cold an uninvolving. Sex is just mutual masturbation, please don't make a fuss about it. Once she's done, she loses interest. Don't forget to grab your coat on the way out... and if you live with her, try not to snore.
In Femdom, the Hermit is not interested in making any effort whatsoever. Don't expect kinky clothing or cool sex toys. She probably won't even shave her legs. However, she will cheerfully use you as a real slave. Be seen and not heard, willing to fetch and carry or wait quietly for what will seem like hours and you may find yourself giving her a massage or serving her orally. Forget your orgasm, though, or any chance of after care.
* * *
Hopefully you'll recognize these people! However, you'll also have observed that very few normal people are the same person in all circumstances. For example, a woman who is a Diva at work may be a Hermit at home, and a Goddess when courting. Bed may be the only place where she feels free to be a Companion, or she may flip between Goddess and Diva depending on her mood.
You'll also notice that Goddess and Diva are two sides of the same coin. The Goddess is good at listening, the Diva at talking, but neither are any good at conversation. Some people are like this in bed, unable to handle the messiness of mutuality, but able to comfortably give (Goddess) and take (Diva).
The trick when introducing Femdom to a vanilla partner is to suggest activities to fit her available modes. For example, a Diva won't be much interested in tying you up and teasing you!
Which modes are available depends on five things (I'll introduce them here, and then go into them in detail in the rest of the chapter):
- What's her natural mode, the person she is most comfortable being? Femdom may fit most easily into that mode, or may come as a fantastic relief. A natural Diva, for example, may find vanilla sex awkward and unsustainable.
- What's her lazy mode, the person she is when she is mentally or physically tired? In along term relationship, what with work and modern living, this is the person you are most likely to see in bed on a Friday night. A natural Companion, might subside into a sleepy Goddess.
- What relevant erotic taboos does she have? Most people have sexual taboos, things they feel they are not supposed to do. We're interested in ones to do with mode. For example, a woman with romantic notions might feel that sex should never take place in Hermit mode.
- What relevant erotic prescriptions does she have? Most people prescriptions about how sex should be. Again, we're interested in the ones we can put on the mode chart. For example, a woman might feel that one should "never give in to men", meaning she can't have sex in Goddess mode.
- Finally, what erotic inhibitions does she have? These don't really show up on the chart, but matter for two reasons. First, they identify things we should not suggest. If she is inhibited about natural functions, then anal play is probably off the menu! Second, they suggest kinky workarounds. For example if she is inhibited about penis-in-vagina sex, you might want to wear a male chastity device.
Taken together, natural mode, lazy mode, taboos, prescriptions and inhibitions often conspire to get in the way of vanilla sex, especially as we get older and the hormonal drives fade.
Approached right, kink, especially Femdom, can be a fix for this in one of two ways:
- It can act as a workaround against taboos, inhibitions and prescriptions. We've already seen the chastity device against a penetration taboo. Suppose, for another example, she feels sex belongs in Companion mode (prescription) but her Lazy mode is Hermit, and she doesn't think people should use people (Taboo)? Fine. Seen from the right angle, "sexual roleplay" is companionable. Being her slave is pleasurable for you, so it must be OK to do that in Hermit mode.
- It can act as an extension of what she already likes. For example, suppose she already likes her sex in Goddess mode? Offering to be her chaste worshipper might just push her buttons.
The rest of this chapter will help you get to grips with this system by working through some examples...
[EDIT: Image updated. New edition is shaping up to be simpler and more streamlined even than this. If you buy the current edition, you can update to the new edition when it comes by re-downloading from your amazon library.]
[EDIT: Image updated. New edition is shaping up to be simpler and more streamlined even than this. If you buy the current edition, you can update to the new edition when it comes by re-downloading from your amazon library.]
