Would you be a Roman sex slave for real? Are you THAT person?

A month as her real slave?

From time to time I like to ask people:

If Dr Who appeared and offered to set you up for a month of erotic slavery in the Ancient Roman Empire, safety assured, hard limits respected by your owner's tastes, some of your kinks happen,  would you do it?

The point being that your mistress (or master, but I'll stick to Femdom here) would actually own you, think that was morally OK, and would have no idea that something kinky was going on. For example, you might stand around waiting on her while she chatted to a friend. You'd experience objectification, she'd just find it handy to have her wine pourer standing by. If she had you go down on her then sent you off without a word, you'd experience teasing and denial, she'd have just had a nice slave-assisted wank.

The responses I get range from the "OMG NO!" to the "Can I go right now and can it be for two months instead?"

 I'd be happy slaving for a month.. 

I think several things are going on here.

Obviously, people have different levels of need for kink. I'd be happy slaving for a month, perhaps you prefer an evening once a month. There's also the question of how real to you like your dynamic. I'm happy to be a slave. You may like the dynamic to be a shared illusion, or prefer not to reference it at all.

I think, though, that the main issue is how subs square their self image with the business of submitting. That's what I want to talk about here.

On the face of it, it's odd that subs bother with kink at all. There are so many vanilla ways to submit!

If you're male you can experience the dynamic by just dating a woman with... ahem... boundary issues. If you're female you can even get the sex as well, and become "a mere fuck toy" .

Why don't we?

Well, take the case of a feminist lady sub who was the sex slave of a "red pill" man. She knew he knew that she knew that he was just using her submission to get lots of sex. Even though this got her off, she didn't feel good about it.

Though people talk about respect, I don't think it's directly to do with that (except when we mean "respect for safety and limits", a given for this kind of activity). A lot of subs want to be disrespected during play, and a lot of  BDSM is cheerfully anonymous... people playing at clubs or during hookups.. meaning that respect for the sub outside their role can often be only theoretical; The woman I'm flogging has a life outside this.

Instead I think it's to do with not wanting to be that person. As long as you're only playing at submission, it's not real. However, if you're being genuinely used and exploited, if your partner feels only an amused contempt for your submission, then you really are a slave, and worse, a voluntary one. You've become that person.

The problem with not wanting to be that person is that you already are that person.

No matter how much we wrap it in communication and consent, the primal part of our brains really can't tell the difference between pretending to submit and submitting for real. Yes, we need a particular context -- to feel safe on lots of levels -- before we can let go, but it is a letting go and not a stepping into that happens when we submit.

I think this uncomfortable knowledge us the reason why subs spend a lot of energy resisting being who we are anyway.

I am happy to be that person if that's not all I am.

I prefer a different approach. I am happy to embrace being a submissive as long as I can also be other people as well; a practitioner of my profession, a sportsman, a good friend, and a loving husband and so on.

This has the advantage that my submission becomes a kind of armor. I can wallow through uncomfortable, painful and humiliating experiences and come out grinning and dripping semen.

So (ignoring the fidelity issues) I would cheerfully do that tour as a Roman slave. I am happy to be that person if that's not all I am.

And that lady slaving to the Red Pill Master? I think she should enjoy it for what it is. The main issue is not that she's having sex with somebody who doesn't respect her, but that she can't build a long lasting  relationship with the man.

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Don't resign yourself to just getting off on other people's adventures! When we started out, my wife was vanilla. Use my manuals to help you walk the same Femdom path! There's one for him, and one for her.