A long time ago - in pre-Internet days!- we bought a femdom manual written by an experienced dominatrix. (I won't name it, because I don't want to get into reviewing other people's books.) Most of it was for her to read, not me. At the time, we had boundless time and energy, so my lady went the extra mile and read the thing.Looking back, it wasn't a disaster. We certainly had fun.
But it was all about how to be a good dominatrix, and by the way this means you get to have a tidy apartment and happy husband. (Joy!)
It treated Femdom as a game, and No Big Thing , which was good. But it also treated it as a performance. In this book, the dominatrix was a facilitator in the way that Cynthia Payne was a facilitator. Any genuine benefit to her was a byproduct, almost an accident...which, from where I'm standing, is not so good.
This wasn't what I instinctively yearned for then, and certainly is not what I want now. I want my submission to be real, my service to be real, my consensual slavery to be a real gift from me to her. I don't want an act ("Have you been a naughty boy then?"). I don't want to pretend anything I don't have to.
So the book sent us off down the wrong path, or failed to help us onto the right one.
And it was all my fault.
I let a stranger write my love letter for me.
But I still don't get ths whole PIRI thing.......must re read arrrrrgggghhh
ReplyDeleteHave you got the latest edition of the book? The PIRI profile is really really useful. Can you explain where you are stuck?
ReplyDeleteHi Giles,
ReplyDeleteYes I have the latest edition.
I guess where I am stuck is the terms and how they are used are new so trying to evaluate ones partner so you can categories their behaviors into unfamiliar terminology is difficult. The interact and ignore are straight forward it's more the notions of project and resonate that are a bit harder to understand
Hi Anon
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting!
First,if you don't recognize the categories, the may not apply to your relationship anyway!
That said; think of Project and Resonate as two sides of the same coin.
Project is all about her. Did you ever watch Blackadder II? Queenie was all about project mode. She wants you to acknowledge how wonderful, scary or powerful she is, but no more than that. She'll micromanage, force feelings on you, but isn't interested in engaging with what you want, even to tease you. She is a force of nature.
Resonate is about you. Mrs Robinson in the Graduate, perhaps. She doesn't give anything away, she's clinical and cynical, but she uses that to intrude on you and to play you.
Contrasting examples;
Ms Project will beat you until she feels better.
Ms Resonate will beat you until you plead, and then enjoy making you plead some more.
Ms Ignore will beat you to turn you back into a good robot.
Ms Interact will beat you to make you plead, then tell you how pleased she is with you and persuade you to take yet more pain to prove your love.
Does that help?
Giles